Hello, what about Severus if his partner was always tired and sleepy and it is because she feels depressed but chooses to bottle up her suffering and everybody thinks she’s just lazy but Sev knows better ?
I get the feeling that this one is personal, and that's okay because it's personal for me, too.
Sometimes it's very difficult to get the motivation to be and do better, especially on the days when others are nagging about what you have or haven't accomplished.
I struggle with it incessantly, which is why my posts went from 10 a day to 10 per season 😥.
Depression kills if you're not careful, but luckily, Severus is.
He, too, knows what it is to feel stuck in your own outwardly-perceived ineptitude. He knows what it's like to grow tired of fighting all of the bad voices in your head and the paranoia that grows with each side glance from a colleague until you eventually start to believe them. On the good days, you know which are which, but you don't want to be a burden to anyone by making things hard or relying on anyone too much, so instead of asking for help, you tend to sink into yourself and let important duties slide. Work goes unmarked, ink gets left out to dry, and your office gradually becomes disorganized. It was a pity. Most of your things were usually in exactly chosen spots, and they never left them but to be used, then put away accordingly. Now scrolls you used to keep others from touching for fear of messing them up were crumpled and bent, just as the quills you bought only a month prior were sullied from a lack of a good clean to keep the dust away.
He wanted you to get it together. To stop being so difficult and just do what needed to be done. But watching you, he recognized the struggle, and he very quickly remembered what it was like for him as a young man. Even when he was older, and knew how to take care of himself, oftentimes it did not matter to him whether his hair looked pristine or his clothes freshly pressed. He assumed this… drop in characterization.. was exactly that.
But you were grown. He wasn't your handler, and he wouldn't insult you with the notion that you couldn't take care of yourself just because you're in your own head. So for a while, he simply (mistakenly) urged you to keep up. An EOD work notice or an invitation to work through lunch - whatever kept you on a schedule without bringing light to your drastically waning habits.
But he knows you're no fool. Eventually you will catch on to how his strict teaching methods are being used on you of all people. And he will be frank with you.
“You are better than this charade you've fallen into putting yourself through.” He'd insist fervently, almost angrily, because he expects a lot from you, but doesn't quite grasp how to say that without giving it a tone of obligation. “Your mind, of all things, tricking you into thinking you are lesser than. We've been through this: you are smart enough to know when your mind is playing you for a fool.”
He makes himself out to be unattached, naturally, but on nights when you stay in his quarters he keeps an arm over you for his own peace of mind. Sensible or not, he won't claim to know your mindset, and the Faculty Tower has high windows. In the mornings, he gets one of his sides on your plate by insisting he has no taste for it (but you only ever see him leave the table after you've finished eating it).
You see, when Severus is lost in himself, he generally turns to work, but that applies to him. He is aware that most break after building up pressure for so long.
Eventually, he will sit you down to discuss your mindset. And he expects the truth. Your troubles, your stumbling blocks… his honest opinion about how to proceed will more than likely include a lecture on mental discipline.
He only hopes his methods prove successful.
