#frodo baggies

[boromithril]

We’re so Frodover

[mushroomates]

the fellowship and if i’d punch them in the face and likelihood of me doing so:

note: i have punched people in the face exactly two (2) times in my life. once when we were kids i decked my sister on the trampoline and most recently i hit a friend in my sleep when reaching for my alarm in a dazed state. the likelihood of me punching anyone in the face, intentionally and maliciously is very, very slim.

frodo: no. if i would not punch most people and frodo is a representation of “most people” i cannot see myself punching him. also i feel as if any disagreements would be felt verbally and swiftly, and an agreement would be met rather quickly. he seems like a reasonable guy. 3/10 i do not feel as though it would happen or that if given the chance i would proceed

sam: no. is a really good friend and person. least punchable out of the hobbits and i feel like if we’d got in a fight it would end up with dirt being flung at each other not punches. worse case scenario i feel like if we really got into it it would be passive aggressive or cast-iron based bludgeoning. 2/10 would not harm a hair on this man’s toes

merry: no. he has little cousin energy- i’d give him a noogie and pinch his cheeks but never sock him in the face. i could see us roughhousing and maybe even exchange blows but in the face? nah. just look at the little guy. i love his lopsided lil smirk. 4/10 limited fisticuffs, nothing serious

pippin: yes. he seems like he needs a good face full of knuckles and who am i to deny him. especially when he was younger. i like the dude but it just seems like something that would happen. im sure gandalf would slip me a pocket full of coins after. 8/10 would clobber this fellow

legolas: yes. almost certainly. would i get shot to shit by a million arrows? oh absolutely, but that would not stop me. i’m going at that man like a balrog out of moria. i don’t know why exactly i want to punch this pretty boy so bad but i know i do. 9.5/10 would punch again

gimli: no. one of least punchable of the fellowship in my eyes- one, because he would absolutely body me if i so much as raised a hand and two because i would never. he’d have to say some pretty insane shit to even get me to consider. 1/10 no jabs ever exchanged

gandalf: maybe. it can go either way. on the one hand, he is an immortal demi god who has been through hell and back so what’s one more fist to the face- on the other hand he takes the form of a grandpa which means i’d have a harder time mentally. however i’m naturally predisposed to punching wizards so given the right opportunity, yes. 5/10 chance of slugging

aragorn: no. he’d drop kick me to valinor before i could even raise my fist. also, he just seems like a chill guy. i feel like the only possible reason id ever even consider fighting this man is if i needed to die honorably very quickly and by a noble hand or if i had a chance at winning arwens hand, like a joust for the princess of sorts. i’d still lose, though. 2/10, id absolutely miss any hit thrown his way. complete biffage.

boromir: no. i’d let this man punch me and thank him for it. he is a fundamentally like able dude. how could i harm this beautiful man, a single father of two full grown adult hobbits. i just have so much love for him in my heart that i can’t even imagine raising a hand against him. 0/10 will not lay a finger on this lovely large lad.

gollum: yes. id punt this little bastard across mordor in my sleep. unprovoked. i hate his crust nails and his black hole of a loincloth. i feel bad for him, sure, but not bad enough to stop me from giving him a good ol fashioned wallop. 12/10 im gonna beat him up with my own two handsies, precious.

[dragonjadearts]

time for my annual obsession over lord of the rings

[mushroomates]

per request (asks got deleted) some of the weirdest thing the fellowship has eaten

i’ll do top three for each

speedrun!!! no explanations

frodo: wrapping paper, half of a tooth brush, most of a sock

sam: dog treats, 3/4th of a candle that looked like a cupcake, seven pond pebbles

merry: many, many artisanal soaps, swallowed a penny whole, an entire cigar

pippin: two cattails, his mothers wedding ring, many shards of glass from various windows

boromir: four live bees, all on separate occasions, a good chunk of an ant hive, horse dung

aragorn: chunk of leather belt, wine cork, decent amount of arwins hair

legolas: branch of thuranduils crown, a whole candle, an entire elk antler

gimli: half of a book, seven feathers, a bag of ball barrings

gandalf: pure iron, a bite of a wagon wheel, the little egg thing in saruman’s staff (had to be replaced)

gollum: seven troll teeth, entire hat, toe nails on a regular basis

[mushroomates]

the fellowship and housekeeping/home decor:

frodo: not his work but still a cozy place. well decorated and tasteful, if not a bit maximalist. bilbo did almost all of the leg work for bagend to look as great as it does and frodo barely keeps up with chores. sunday is laundry day and he washes dishes half well but that’s about it.

sam: what a pleasant place to be. always has a cup of tea ready and slippers by the door. well maintained household, has a self-prescribed chore chart and weekly deep cleaning tasks. always has the guest bedroom made up and loves changing sheets.

pippin: hell hole. adhd clutter. it’s a miracle he functions half as well as he does. hired help comes every other day but you wouldn’t know it by the way things are. has four separate mold colonies in various spots of his bedroom. somehow lost his bedframe and sleeps with his mattress on the floor.

merry: well thought out design to minimize chores. you don’t need to sweep the floors if the whole house is carpeted. doesn’t need to change his bedding if he sleeps on top of the sheets, avoids dusting top shelves by having low to ground storage, etc. tried throwing out all his silverware to avoid dishes. sam regifted him the same set he threw out for his birthday. weird house but very functional.

gandalf: he has no house to keep or decorate. he does, however, keep and decorate others houses. he is my wildest dream and worst nightmare, will not help with dishes but takes to dusting the stairs for whatever reason. no, it is not something anyone asked him to do nor was it needed. leaves little presents around the house for you to find. i did not want a thimble full of sand, but thank you anyways.

aragorn: house husband. will not let his wife do dishes, sweep, take out the trash, or any chores if he can help it. acts of service are this man’s MO and he loves taking care of his wife and even if it’s by wrestling a dirty plate out of her hands. (arwen provides aragorn with a to-do list as well as explicit instructions on how to do them. she also writes the grocery list). arwen also decorated the house and it’s very classy yet cozy. tasteful grandma vibes.

boromir: hand carved mahogany furniture. beautiful cross stitch of his family, small wooden statues and trinkets. very lovely and hand crafted home that he takes care of to the best of his ability. it’s a bit stuffy and smells like pine, but is generally well maintained. his workshop, though, is spotless.

legolas: there’s a small tree growing out of his toilet and plant clippings in the sink. the bath is filled with dirt and rocks and there’s a small wild garden filling out his bathroom. it’s like a self maintained ecosystem and is almost impressive. dishes are everywhere and clothes artfully draped across the floor and every surface.

gimli: don’t ask to see his rock collection. it takes up the whole living room and is alphabetized. it is the focal point and he will stand in front of the shelves until you mention it. will give you a guided tour of his rocks. maintains it actively as well as the rest of his household. very conscious of dust and dirt, sweeps regularly. he needs to.

gollum: burn it. cave creature gremlin who fears the sun does not keep a pleasant abode. my hackles are raised and my feet slimed; this place is unknown grease and fish bones incarnate. i do not enter this place willingly and leave a changed soul. dank, damp and distasteful. there’s a pile of something in the corner that he either sleeps in or hides fish guts for later in. maybe both.

[mushroomates]

fellowship resume skills, ranked:

-boromir, has had good job experience and is very organized. great manager and team leader, really wants to work up the corporate latter. 8/10

-gimli, a little blunt but well qualified. resume is dense but well written. fantastic interview skills. 8/10

-merry, surprisingly well thought out. aesthetically pleasing and practical. a bit of a trust fund kid but wants to work hard. great interviewer. 7/10

-sam, great worth ethic, a little all over the place. has a very short resume but fantastic references. will not lie on resume at all. 7/10

-frodo, eh. not the worst but doesn’t stand out. uses bad fonts. bilbo helped to write most of it, stretched the truth a lil. 6/10

aragorn: pretty awful. passable, not good. spacing is weird and printer was running out of ink. miraculously, gets the job. 4/10

legolas: nepo baby. his dad always brings him the job applications. does not apply. bad at communication and almost always ghosts the interviewers. 1/10.

galdalf: has always worked here. no one remembers him applying or when he started. for a while people thought he retired. he didn’t, just stopped coming to work. started again 3 months later, without saying a word to anyone. came back in all white with a bad sunburn. probably went to miami. 10/10

[opheliacrainbow]

When you're waiting for Sméagol to yeet Frodo off the ledge cause you've had enough of his shit lol That's why he bit your finger off lol