When Eskel returned from a foraging trip down the killer, he was greeted by the sound of fierce arguing coming from the dining hall. He heard hands being slammed on tables and cries of frustration as shouts were volleyed back and forth.
“What’s going on?” Eskel asked as he rounded the corner and came face to face with Lambert, who was sitting outside the door and listening with an amused expression.
“No idea. They’ve been going at it for 40 minutes.” He said with a laugh. “I genuinely think they might kill each other.”
Eskel frowned and pushed the door open to see Geralt and Jaskier pacing and gesticulating wildly around the room as they argued.
“It's bollocks, Geralt! It's your brand of bollocks from the first to last.” Jaskier waved both hands in the air as he rounded the table in the dining hall.
“No, you can't ever see the big picture. You can't see any picture!” Geralt ran a frustrated hand over his face and levelled an accusing finger at the bard from across the other side of the room.
“I am talking about something primal. Right? Savagery. Brutal animal instinct.” The bard punctuated every word with a slam of his fist in his hand to emphasise his point.
“And that wins out every time with you. You know, some races have evolved, Jaskier!” Geralt shot back, turning his back to the bard and trying to put some distance between them as he felt his heart rate rise.
The bard scoffed, “Oh, into a bunch of namby-pamby, self-analysing wankers who could never hope to overcome any pure aggressors.” Jaskier trailed behind him with sarcastic hands waving in the air.
Geralt whipped around and dug a finger into the man’s chest. “They’re faster. They’re smarter. Plus, there's a thing called teamwork, not to mention the superstitious terror of your pure aggressors!”
Jaskier threw his hands up in frustration. “You just want it to be the way you want it to be.”
“It's not about what I want!” Geralt yelled back, perilously close to Jaskier’s face.
Both men were breathing heavily and glaring at each other, refusing to back down from where their chests touched. Geralt was taller, though not by much, but he was significantly bigger than Jaskier, though the bard had been intimidated by scarier things than Geralt in his life and stood his ground.
Eskel cleared his throat to get their attention, and both heads snapped towards him, the two men rapidly separating. Jaskier sat on the top of the large dining table, whereas Geralt went to lean on the back of a chair several feet away.
“Sorry. Is this something we should all be discussing?” Eskel asked tentatively, his eyes flicking back and forth between the two men.
“No.” Geralt answered gruffly, not looking at him.
Eskel paused before speaking, “It just...sounds a little serious.”
“It was mostly...theoretical. We...” Geralt trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
Jaskier looked equally sheepish. “We were just working out a…Look, if werewolves and vampires got into a fight, who would win?” He crossed his arms and looked expectantly at Eskel. Geralt would not meet his eye.
“Ah. You've been yelling at each other for 40 minutes about this?” Eskel asked incredulously.
Both men pause before nodding slowly, clearly embarrassed. Eskel placed a hand on his chin and looked at them consideringly. “Do the vampires have weapons?” He asked.
“No.” Geralt and Jaskier answer simultaneously.
*******
More fics here!
Inspired by the funniest scene from Angel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq2V0_20Mv8&t=7s





