Notes: This was a request from honestly years ago and I’m such an asshole for only just posting this - I’m so so sorry. I haven’t included the name or request as it was quite personal. You know who you are :) This is of course a soft, fluffy, loving Chuck from before The Twist in Supernatural.
Warm water cascaded over your hair and your shoulders, soaking you in a chaotic, relentless stream.
You had long finished your shower but still you stood unmoving in its grasp.
It was cold out there and dark. You held onto the reprieve a little longer.
‘I wish you would show your face,’ you said. ‘I wish... I need...’
you sighed again, shaking your head.
Standing up, you turned off the shower and stepped out.
You grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it round you, shivering.
Once in your pyjamas you sat heavily on your bed and towelled at your hair. You gave up quickly and curled up on your bed, letting the tears flow. All you could see behind tightly closed lids was his face. Those big blue eyes, both gentle and stern at the same time. Chuck- the god you never knew you needed.
What would he think of you now? You so desperately wanted to see him, but not like this. He would be so disappointed, you thought.
‘I wish I could be what you want me to be,’ you choked out.
You always intended to pray before bed; to check in, pay respects and show you were thankful. Like in the movies, knelt by your bed, peaceful and worthy.
But it never worked out like that. The more you thought about what you wanted to say, the more overwhelmed you became and realised he would never have the time to sit and listen to all of that.
You began to shiver, partly from your damp hair but mostly from the despair that was taking hold of you.
You felt the mattress dip and you gasped. Then you felt a warm hand on your back and his calm took over you.
You looked up into big blue eyes, full of concern.
‘Do you really believe that?’ Said Chuck softly. ‘That I don’t have time for you?’
‘It’s not... I mean... I’m just a giant waste of your time. I’m sorry,’ you cringed.
‘Please,’ He said. ‘Don’t ever apologise for existing.’ Chuck gave your arm a squeeze. ‘And no, you’re not.’
You wiped your eyes and sat up.
‘You have far more important things and I’ve dragged you here.’
‘With all due respect, y/n, you don’t get to tell me how to spend my time.’
You couldn’t look in his eyes long. They broke you. There was so much love that you just couldn’t handle.
Your shame made you wish you were alone again.
‘But you don’t really want me to leave, do you?’ He stated softly.
You continued looking down at the bed.
After an abnormally long silence you gave the smallest shake of your head and sighed.
‘Is there anything you want to talk about?’ He said, hand resting on your back just below your damp hair.
You shrugged and stuttered. ‘I ... there’s...’
So much, you thought. But I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around it.
You knew he could hear you.
You know what, sometimes I’m just so tired of trying to figure this all out or having to figure out what I mean or where I belong. Sometimes I need you to just tell me! Sometimes I need...
‘Sometimes words are hard. I understand.’
You held your forehead in your hands, as if in some desperate attempt to hide your face. The man was infuriating. You wanted to scream at him, but all you could do was huff out a breath. He could feel you shaking by now.
‘But you know sometimes the best way to figure things out and understand your needs is to talk. Even if it seems stupid or redundant to you in this moment.’
‘You’re God,’ you almost whispered. ‘You know everything. It is redundant.’
This is why you were better alone. You drew your knees up to your chest and buried your face in your arms.
‘Look you can just go,’ you mumbled. ‘I’m sorry.’
He obviously knew what you were going through but was choosing not to help and you felt embarrassed you had even thought about bringing him here.
After a long silence you realised his hand had not moved from your back.
‘I’m not going anywhere.’
You lifted your head and chanced a glance sideways at him. Your gaze was met by the brightest blue and a rush of warmth and love flooded you again. You looked away.
‘Ok, here’s a deal. You tell me about one thing that’s on your mind and then no more talking, I promise. Deal?’
You sighed heavily. You spoke as the words formed in your mind, slowly and broken up.
‘I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I feel like...’ you swallowed the lump In Your throat but it didn’t stop your voice from cracking.
‘I feel like I’m not ... not good enough at anything... like I just...’ your voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Take up space.’
Chuck rested his head against yours and pulled you into him closer with a sigh.
He kissed the top of your head and pulled back, brushing hair from your face. His eyes connected with yours and you felt a weight lift of your chest before he had even spoken.
‘Y/N, you matter so much to me. I created you and I have no regrets. I am proud of you every single day because of how strong you are.’
You looked away. ‘I’m not.’
‘Don’t argue with me,’ he said, his voice firm and authoritative now.
Your head whipped back up, surprised by his tone.
Piercing blue charged right through to your soul when he looked into your eyes now.
‘You are strong,’ he affirmed. ‘Strong doesn’t feel easy. You’re stronger than you know.’
Tears began to spill once more, but this time it felt like freedom. For that moment as he held you, you felt truly safe. Loved.
He continued. ‘It might not be clear now. You feel a little lost, I can see that. Trust me. I’ve got you, and you have so much purpose.’
Your shoulders shook as you cried, and he squeezed you once more. Without speaking, he helped you dry your hair, holding you when you shivered.
‘Can you make it warmer?’ you whispered, teeth chattering. He chuckled, pulling the bedcovers back and helping you into bed.
You lay down, curled up on your side and felt Chuck’s warmth move through you as he lay next to you.
You didn’t need to say anything else. You just lay there, allowing yourself to feel safe and relaxing fully for the first time in maybe years. Chuck stroked your hair and said softly, ‘You haven’t been sleeping too good.’
His hand rested on your forehead and you felt a peace radiate from his palm.
‘Goodnight,’ he whispered as you felt your eyelids close and the calm of sleep envelope you.
It was already light when you woke, which hadn’t happened for a very long time. Your cheeks flushed with warmth and you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. Your mind slowly uncoiled itself and you rolled onto your back to find the bedsheets beside you cold. He was gone. Of course he was gone.
Had he really meant all those things, or was he just trying to get some peace away from your spiralling thoughts?
You breathed in deeply, trying not to let your mind poison the calm you had felt with him and – was that cinnamon you smelled? You sat up. It was definitely cinnamon. Sweet cinnamon, and you could hear music. No, singing. You could hear singing.
Pulling a hoodie on, you stood up and made your way downstairs towards the sound.
And there in your kitchen, pulling something out of the oven and humming to himself, was Chuck.
He turned as you entered and beamed. ‘Right on time,’ he said.
‘Did you make cinnamon buns?’
‘I know how much you love them, but never have the energy to make them.’ He placed the tray down on the heat proof mat on the side. Mixing bowls lay strewn clumsily about the sink. Of all the thoughts you could have had in that moment, you honestly wondered if God was going to wash the dishes.
‘You’ve made a mess,’ you added, nodding in that direction.
Chuck raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest.
‘I mean… Thank you,’ you garbled. ‘I- thank you. I love them.’ You surveyed the kitchen once again.
‘But couldn’t you just, you know…’ you pointed your finger, indicating using his powers.
‘Ah, that’s no fun,’ he shrugged.
Chuck leaned across to the cafetiere you had forgotten you had and pushed the top down.
‘I thought you’d have gone. I was expecting you to be gone when I woke up.’
Chuck smiled again. ‘I’m never really gone, you know,’ he said. He poured coffee into a mug and handed it to you, the heat sharp against your palm. ‘I’m always here. Next time you taste coffee, remember this moment.’
You sipped the strong liquid and savoured the taste.
‘Next time you lie in bed feeling alone, remember me there next to you.’
‘Next time I wash the dishes, I’ll remember when you used my kitchen,’ you said with a smirk.
‘Next time you taste a cinnamon bun’- you cut him off.
‘I get the idea, Chuck. So are those ready to eat, or what?’
He chuckled as he divided them onto plates and guided you over to the kitchen table.
And for the first time in forever, the day ahead was filled with hope and the promise that you were not doing this alone.
(I hope I’ve got my list right, I may have missed a few changes people have requested - if I have I’m sorry. My list is a clusterfuck tbh.)
@yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend
@i-dont-understand-that-url
@a-banana-for-your-thoughts
@jelly-beans-and-gstrings
@gettingbywithalittlehelp96