Got7 Jaebeom- I hate u, I love u
Being a new trainee meant working ten times harder than any real idols. We’re constantly trying to outdo each other and prove our worth to the company in hopes that one day we could make it on stage. There were days where I was at the company building for more than fourteen hours, practicing choreo, training my singing voice and learning to rap faster than God. I was rushing down the company halls to get to my vocal coach when I suddenly bumped into someone. But before I could even apologize he shot me a cold glare “Watch where your going,” he snapped, I rolled my eyes “Assking,” I muttered under my breath fixing my duffle bag back onto my shoulder. I wasn’t proud of swearing at a complete stranger, much less a well known idol, but he started it. “Don’t you mean asshole?” he was looking amused. “No, I said louder this time “I mean the asking. The king of all the other assholes. The very top of the hierarchy of asses,” I said as though I was reading from the urban dictionary. He shrugged his shoulders “I guess you nailed me then,” he replied before walking into the same room I was headed for.
“Shit,” I mumbled under my breath before entering the room to see the CEO, one of the producers and Jaebeom all sitting there, staring at me. “Hello,” I greeted them before setting my bag down, I should’ve know that life would never be fair to me. “We’re here to check if your singing,” the CEO said, I nodded, nerves welling in my chest “Sure,” I replied before making my way into the recording booth. I lift the headphone with shaking hands and place them on my ears, I then clenched my hands at my sides in attempts to hide them. Not a moment later music played through the headphones and I started singing the song I had been working on with my vocal coach. Hours of training for a song that lasted a little less than four minutes, four minutes that could decide my fate. As the song came to an end, I looked through the window to see the three of them all talking with each other. I wrung my hands together nervously and when the producer waved for me to come out, I felt like I was going to puke. I made my way out of the booth and stood in front of the three powerful men with my hands laced in front of me.
“Your voice is unique,” Jaebeom was the first one to break the silence, “I’ve never heard anyone sing like that before,” he added a slight curiosity to his voice. “It’s too interesting, we don’t think it would sell,” the producer said, any and all hope I had was shattered, “I- I understand,” I whispered letting my gaze fall to the ground as I tried to blink the tears back. This is the part where they tell me my trainee days are over and my one shot at become an idol ended. “But you’re a talented dancer, and we’ve heard your rapping. If you’d consider becoming a rapper and practice that…. You have potential here,” the CEO said getting me to look up at him “Yes, of course, I- I will do anything,” I said, sounding as grateful as I felt. They dismissed me with nothing more than the way of a hand and I quickly rushed out of the room, finally sighing in relief.
I headed towards one of the other practice rooms in hopes I could get some practice in. If I was going to suddenly become a rapper instead of a singer, I was going to need to drop everything I learned and tried to figure out how to rap better. I heard the door open and turned around ready to thank them again for giving me a second chance only to realize it was Jaebeom. I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest, “Is that really how you’re going to greet the guy who just saved you from being kicked out of the company?” he questioned with a smirk on his lips. “You said my voice sounded unique and we all know that is code for bad,” I replied running my fingers through my hair, “That’s not what I meant,” he said walking over to me. He backed me to the wall, his hand on the side of my head against the wall, I couldn’t help but feel my words trapped in my throat from his close proximity.
“Everyone who trains here has the same voice, the same standardized voice they want all idols to have, but your voice- your voice was different, yet you sang like it with confidence I’ve never seen. It was beautiful,” he said looking over me, I cleared my throat “T-thank you,” I stuttered, and he pulled away with a satisfied smirk “off you go then,” he replied nodding down the hall. There he goes, thinking he can tell me what to do “I’m going to go because I need to practice, not because you told me I could go,” I told him and he chuckled in response nodding his head “Understood,” he said crossing his arms over his chest. “It was unpleasant meeting you. I thought idols had an etiquette to live up to,” I said before walking off towards one of the practice rooms. I spent the next few weeks dancing for a few hours and then the rest of my time was dedicated to rapping and learning how to speak faster and faster. Jaebeom liked to pop up from time to time, whether it was to watch me dance or to see how my rapping has improved. Other times he would stop me in the hallway and pin me against the wall just to see how flustered he could make me. I had no idea what Jaebeom wanted from me, I think he just liked to push my buttons because he was bored with his own life. He even started stealing me away to have me sing for him, songs that he was currently writing.
“Why do you insist on making me hate you?” I asked him through the microphone in front of me, my words caused him to break into a cheesy grin. He pressed the button before leaning into his own microphone “I’m not making you hate me Y/n. I’m making you love me,” he replied. I felt my entire body burst into flames, my heart stuttering a bit at his bold statement. Damn him for being right. “Just start the music over,” I replied before clearing my throat ready to go through the song once again. He pressed a few buttons and the music started coming through my headphones and I looked down at the lyrics JB had written and started singing just as he asked me to. There were a few parts we had to go over more than once, and by the time we were done it was pretty late in the night, most likely early morning. I walked out of the booth and picked up a water bottle trying to rid the soreness in my throat from having to sing for so long.
“I swear you’re a vampire,” I said between gulps, watching as his fingers danced over the keyboard, proving he was nowhere near to calling it a night. He spun around in his chair to face me “I could always bite you, just to test,” he said lacing his hands together in front of me. I rolled my eyes setting down my drink “I hate you too, by the way. Just so you know,” I said picking up my duffle bag. “Oh I do,” he said getting up so that he was now towering over me, my heart skipping a beat when I see the smirk on his lips “I would suggest make-up sex but…” “Too bad you have scruples,” I said cutting him off. He gave me a fake pout “Now you’re just being cruel,” he replied but I could see the amusement in his eyes. “I like pushing your buttons,” I told him shrugging my shoulders, “I’d enjoy it more if you undid them first,” he said. Save me. “I- I think I should go. I have dance practice in the morning,” I stuttered clearing my throat as I headed towards the door.
“That’s my girl.” He said as I pulled the door open, and I looked at him over my shoulder “I am not your girl,” I said, with more venom than I intended, but JB just smirked sitting back in his chair. “Right then,” he looked at me with a curious stare and raised an eyebrow “About that.” I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. “You like me,” he said finally, “You like, like me.” I could see him trying not to smile. “No, I hate you,” I said hoping that saying it would make it true, “And yet you always come to sing for me.” He was smug, completely undeterred by my declaration. “It’s really late, you should just stay here,” he told me, and I let out a fake laugh “And sleep at your feet like a dog or something?” I questioned, he shrugged his shoulders “That’s an option, or you could sleep in there,” he pointed towards another door in the studio. Curiosity go the best of me, and I walked over to the door, opening it to find a small bedroom with a huge bed and a TV, with a bathroom connected to it. “Do you live here or something?” I questioned looking over my shoulder at him, “No, but I spend a lot of late nights here,” he replied.
Just looking at the bed I felt exhausted, and I knew that the bed probably had silk sheets and memory foam for days, but I really should just go back to the dorms. “Baby, just get in the bed, stop eye fucking it,” he said and I rolled my eyes before walking into the bedroom. “There’s shirts in the bathroom and the green toothbrush is mine,” he called, I pulled open a drawer and found an assortment of white, grey and black shirts. I picked out the biggest black shirt before removing all my clothes, expect for my underwear and pulled on the shirt that smelled overwhelmingly like JB. I picked up his green toothbrush and rooted around the place to find toothpaste. I then started to brush my teeth, my eyes starting to feel heavy. Once I was done, I put the toothbrush back where I had found it and made my way into the bedroom. I climbed into the bed and imminently sunk right into the bed, the pillow as light as a feather, the blankets soft. And even though I was tired earlier, and this bed was by far the comfiest thing I ever felt, I was suddenly wide awake.
Perhaps, it was because I was still at the company building, in a new surroundings, or maybe it had to do with the fact that JB was just in the other room whizzing away on his computer, but I couldn’t force myself to fall asleep. Instead I opened my eyes and watched as JB worked on his computer. I tried to look over his shoulder to see what he was doing on his computer, but my eyes kept getting lost in his face, and the different expressions that crossed them. He’s easily the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. And I almost wished I didn’t see it. Because something in my heart is ripping apart and it feels like fear, it tastes like panic and anxiety and desperation and I don’t know how to understand the image in front of me. A part of me burned with fiery rage and the other was soothed. “Why are you staring?” he grumbled pulling me from my thoughts. “Why, what?” I replied acting as if he hadn’t caught me staring at him. What else could I say? Jaebeom, despite you being an asshole, or maybe because of it, I’d like to rip off your clothes and have your babies. No. Never.
I waited a few minutes before rolling back over to look at him. I don’t know how long I was watching him work but my eyes begun to feel heavy “I wish I was like you,” I mumbled half asleep getting him to turn around and look at me, somewhat surprised looking “Special,” I added getting him to snort out a laugh. “You have all this amazing talent, useful skills, and the entire world knows it. I want to be like that,” I mumbled rolling onto my back staring up at the dark ceiling. “You know, I don’t take offense well,” he replied after a while, and I looked at him with my eyebrows furrowed, wondering when I ever offended him. “You say you’re not special because the world doesn’t know about you, but that’s an insult to me. I know about you,” he replied.
“I just feel-“ tears welled in my eyes despite my protest, I quickly looked up at the ceiling “I feel like I’m running in place, and each time I get a little bit close to the end, there’s seven more hurdles added and the line has moved even further away from me.” I take a deep breath trying to collect myself “I just… don’t know how long I can keep running and getting nowhere,” I whispered reaching up to wipe the stray tear away. “You want me to hold you until you fall asleep?” he questioned, and my first instinct was to tell him no, or respond with some witty comment, but on the other hand it’s better to be held than holding on. At least, sometimes. When I didn’t answer I heard the padding of his feet against the floor and the next thing I knew he was sitting on the bed looking down at me. “You know… I should say no just to prove a point.” His eyebrows pulling together “But I would hate myself later if I said no and you never asked me again,” he said.
He gently lifted the covers and deposited himself next to me, moving an arm under my body pulling me into his side. I nestled my burning cheek against his chest, listening to the faint, slow beat of his heart as his fingers come to twirl themselves within my hair. “When our eyes meet and get closer,” he started singing softly, his chest vibrating beneath my cheek “I feel like I have the world. Please let time stop like this.” It was the same song he had recorded me singing but leaving his lips it sounded way better. “When I’m with you, I want more. I don’t want to be apart, not even for one second. Be by my side forever. I always want to be with you girl,” I relaxed into his embrace, my eye lids falling shut “I can show you my mind. I can give you everything I have. Because as long as I have you, I don’t need anything else.” I tried to stay awake to listen to his beautiful voice, but my attempt was futile.
I was waken up the next morning my someone pounding on the door, I opened my eyes and watched as JB swiftly opened the door “People are sleeping in here,” he hissed quietly getting his younger ones to look over his shoulder at me. I quickly closed my eyes in pretend sleep, hoping to avoid any awkward conversations. “Hyung, you never let anyone sleep here,” Yugyeom said almost sounding impressed, “I- I kept her up last night,” JB stuttered a vague answer “Oh, I’m sure you did.” I could almost see the smirk on BamBam’s lips and just faintly hear Yugyeom snickering. “Singing- I have her sing for me,” JB said firmly trying to regain some ground against the two younger ones, but he had already lost the second he mentioned someone else was sleeping in here. “Not that any of this is your business, what do you want?” he snapped at the two of them, annoyed by their uninvited presence, “Oh, well, dance practice start ten minutes ago… you didn’t show up so we assumed you fell asleep here again,” Yugyeom answered getting JB to curse under his breath.
“Alright then let’s go,” JB mumbled and I heard BamBam teasing him as the feet padded away, I then opened my eyes to see Yugyeom still standing in the doorway looking at me with curiosity. “H-hi,” I greeted quietly, pulling the covers higher to hide my blushing cheeks “Hyung must really like you,” he said giving me a slight smile “He doesn’t even let the members in this room much less sleep in it,” he added. “Yugyeom, you better not be waking her up!” I heard JB, his footsteps getting closer, to which I quickly pretended to be asleep once again, to save Yugyeom from any further wrath. “I’m not hyung, she’s just pretty,” Yugyeom said before skipping away, “I know,” JB mumbled before pulling the door to the room shut. Once the coast was clear I got out of the bed and quickly went into the bathroom to pull on my clothes and get ready for dance practice I was bound to have.
I quickly rushed out of the studio, trying to act as if I hadn’t spent the night there as I walked down the hallway towards my usual practice room. When I entered the room, I was surprised to see that along with the trainee’s, Got7 was also in there, sitting in chairs pressed against the mirrors. “Okay, it looks like all the trainees decided to roll in,” our choreographer said giving me a harsh glance as I set my thing down lining up with the rest of the trainees. I knew I was going to get an earful later, but in the moment, I didn’t care, because currently I was trying to ignore how JB was undressing me with his eyes, willing the blush that threatened my cheeks to go away. “So, pick whoever, dance with them, then try someone else,” the choreographer said and each of the members stood up walking towards someone. I couldn’t even avoid him if I wanted to, his eyes were set on me and the next thing I knew he was standing in front of me smirking.
“You’re like the plague,” I whispered getting him to chuckle softly, “A masterfully crafted, powerfully underrated, and epic parable of timeless moral resonance? Why thank you. That’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me,” he said taking my hand to spin me around, so we were in first position for the dance. I rolled my eyes at him through the mirror, “The disease, Jaebeom, not the book,” I replied getting him to smirk once again shrugging his shoulders “I’m ignoring that qualification,” he said, a moment later the music started and the two of us started dancing the routine I had been learning for the passed two weeks. Our dancing was swift like a coursing river, as forceful as a great typhoon, and as tranquil as a forest. The chemistry and heat between us was visible from space. Both our chests were heaving, our noses just inches apart, as we hit the last move.
“You two are the perfect match up. It was almost like the two of you were dancing as one person,” the choreographer said getting me to quickly pull away from Jaebeom “Thank you,” I replied bowing towards the instructor, who then went on to criticize the other groups. I then noticed JB had knelt by my foot “What are you doing?” I questioned, only to see he was tying my shoe “There,” he said looking up at me “Now you won’t fall,” he said. Too Late. I swallowed thickly as he stood up “Thank you,” I mumbled turning away from him, trying to hide the fact that my cheeks had turned as red as a tomato. We continued practicing the dance until our choreographer had decided that each member had found a suitable dance partner for the music video. Afterwards, a few of the other trainees who were chosen decided to go out for a few drinks to celebrate and who was I to refuse? We work so hard all the time, so I didn’t see anything wrong with having a little fun.
I had dressed up in one of my skimpier outfits and met the rest of the girls at the local club. We quickly ran to the bar and downed the first couple of shots before shaking our asses on the dance floor in a not so appropriate way. By the third song I really started to feel the drinks kick in getting me to giggle at anything anyone said to me. I even opted to take a drink from a stranger, which isn’t something I’d normally do. For good reason, because I had started to feel dizzy and my vision was slowly blacking out. I excused myself from the bar and started walking down the street towards the dorms, but I started to feel wobbly on my feet, so I decided to head towards the company building that was closer. Once I got into the building, I tripped over my own feet and fell to the floor, just barely able to catch myself. “Y/n,” I looked up to see an angry faced JB, “Jaebeom,” I slurred giving him a slight smile and a giggle, he knelt before me helping me sit up “You’re wasted,” he scolded softly.
“This nice guy got me a drink,” I mumbled swaying side to side, “You took a drink from a stranger?” he asked his eyes widen slightly “Do you know how dangerous that is?” he questioned, I shrugged my shoulders “I was trying to have a good time,” I mumbled. I then saw his lips moving but I could no longer hear the words leaving his mouth. I blinked trying to focus on what he was saying but each time my eyes closed my vision became darker and darker, until the next thing I knew I collapsed. When I came through my head was throbbing and my throat was dry. I opened my eyes to see I was in the bed that was connected to JB’s studio, “You’re alive,” I shifted on the bed to look at him, but what really caught my attention was the crunching sound that came from underneath me. I furrowed my eyebrows “What?” I asked slowly as I reached underneath me to feel animal crackers “the hell?” I mumbled looking at him for answers.
“Yeah, I don’t know. You were convinced they were your pets,” he said not even trying to suppress his laughter, “You wouldn’t let me touch them,” he added handing me a bottle of water. I sat up and gratefully took the water, chugging it down within a minute. “You really scared me,” he said getting me to look at him “All the sudden you passed out in my arms and I couldn’t get you to wake up. And when you did you were groggy and incoherent. I thought about bringing you to the hospital but the paparazzi and scandal…” I nodded in understanding but something in his face told me he was only getting started. “What the hell are you going out with those girls anyways, we both know they’re just a bunch of airheads,” he ran his fingers through his hair, “And then you’re that stupid to take a drink from a stranger? If you wanted to get drunk so bad you could’ve just come to me.” I rolled my eyes but he continued on “God you’re a fucking idiot.”
“What do you want to hear?” I found myself snapping at him as I instantly questioned what, I, myself, was doing. “Thanks for finding me in the hallway?” Nope, that’s definitely not it. “Sorry I got drunk off my ass like any other young adult?” Oh my God, just stop talking. His face hardened but I couldn’t stop digging myself a hole. “I didn’t ask you to do any of that.” My voice finally gave up. I flung the covers off my legs and stood up, dusting the animal crackers off my shirt. Stop pushing him away. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at his stupid face. Please don’t leave. “I never asked you for anything,” I replied before walking passed him out the door into his studio, “I would put pants on if I were you,” he called getting me to stop in my tracks. I looked down to see I was wearing nothing but my underwear and a T-shirt that went down just passed my thighs. I closed my eyes and huffed out my nose before spinning on my feet before walking back into the room, digging through the cupboards until I found a pair of my sweatpants.
Once I got them on I headed towards the door once again “You’re hair’s a mess, and I bet your breath reeks of alcohol,” he said getting me to groan and glare at him “Do you ever just fuck off for one second!” I questioned before going into the bathroom to fix my hair. “Well if you want to look like a fucking drunk then walk out of here like that,” he replied, I rolled my eyes before walking out of the bathroom ready to finally leave this room. “If you leave now everyone is going to see you and put things together,” he said getting me to stop and dramatically throw myself on the bed with a loud groan “I hate you,” I mumbled crossing my arms over my chest glaring at the ceiling. “Trust me the feeling is mutual,” he replied before leaving the room shutting the door causing the room to rattle. I felt my eye twitched as I waited there until it was quote unquote safe for me to leave without any suspicions. After what felt like forever, but really was an hour I got up and walked into the studio to see Jaebeom working at his desk. “Thanks… for helping me,” I said and he completely ignored my existence, causing me to roll my eyes “Fine be a dick,” I grumbled before heading towards the door.
I hadn’t even heard him get up, but suddenly he grabbed my wrist before spinning me around to face him, “Why do you insist on making me-“ He cupped my cheeks before pulling me towards him, his lips crashing against mine. My fingers tighten around his wrists before I give into him. I never knew the stars had a flavor until I kissed him. It turns out they taste like ambition and ancient fire, desperation and self-destruction, determination and dark matter and the mind-numbing fear of being left alone. He pulled back looking at me, “Hate you,” I finished my sentence before pulling away from him. Both of us stared at each other longingly, but I knew I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t give in and ruin our careers. I opened the door and left his studio and snuck down the hall until it was a safe enough distance away from his studio. From then on, I tried to avoid Jaebeom but as fate would have it, or more so he would have it, I was meeting him once again.
It was the day of the music video recording. I had on a black romper, over it a silk dress with a slit up the middle to the waist and a pair of black pumps to match. They had done my make up very dramatic and if looks could kill, I was lethal. I walked out into the area where we were shooting the video and as soon as his eyes landed on me I couldn’t tell if he wanted to scold me some more or rip the dress right off my body and have his way with me. I smirked walking over to my dance partner, adding an extra sway to my hips, his eyes burning a hole. “Like what you see?” I teased before spinning around in front of him, briefly brushing against him. The director called for position and he placed his hands on my hips before brushing his lips against my ear “I want nothing more than to lay you out in front of me and have my way with you,” he whispered in my ear sending a shiver down my spine. The called to start and just like that the two of us started the routine with even more passion and fire than we ever did in the practice room. We were breathing heavily when the shot ended, our noses brushing against one another “For the record,” I said between breaths “I’d have you begging,” I whispered as he helped me stand up, a smirk crossing his lips “I don’t beg,” he replied causing me to smirk “You’d beg twice.”
They did a few more runs to get pictures from different angles and then us girls were allowed back into the dressing rooms to get our make up taken off and dresses removed. I then walked out of the dressing room into the main area to see the boys in a circle talking with each other. I was meaning to just walk past, I really was, but when someone mentions your name you can’t help but slow down and listen. “Your chemistry is insane, is there maybe some hidden feelings there?” BamBam teased his hyung, “Yeah, you looked like you were about to throw her on the ground and have your way with her,” Yugyeom added getting Jaebeom to scoff “She’s not my type, in fact our chemistry is pretty much driven by hate,” he snapped getting me to stop cold staring at the ground. I may say I hate him but we both can tell I don’t mean it, but the way he said it, with so much bitterness and poison behind it. “Hyung… You don’t mean that… We’ve seen the way you looked at her,” Yugyeom tried, “she’s nothing to me.”
I felt tears well in my eyes before I rushed out of the area, promising myself that I was done with feelings. Any of them I had or thought I was having were going to be tossed out the window. I tried as long as I could to avoid Jaebeom. Focusing on rapping better, and dancing, in hopes that one day I wouldn’t be stuck in this stupid building every single day of my life. I wanted to debut and start preforming and traveling and get out of this place that littered with him everywhere. Stupid hallways were a memory, his face was plastered on walls, I wasn’t even safe from him in my own thoughts. And somehow, he managed to convince my vocal coach to have me work with him for the day, so I guess if I wanted to avoid him I should just quit.
“I’m tired of you using me for your sound checks. We both know there’s trainees with better voices,” I complained walking out of the recording booth. JB smirked getting up from his producing chair to stand in front of me. “I prefer,” he said trailing a finger down my arm, “To listen to you,” he told me with a coy smirk on his lips. “What do I sound like?” I asked, more breathily than I intended, God what did he do to me? He considered his answer for a moment, his fingers still trailing over my arm “Dissonant,” he said finally looking at me with dark eyes. I raised an eyebrow “Meaning?” I questioned causing him to pause for another second “Unstable,” he replied, I rolled my eyes pushing passed him heading towards the door annoyed. But his hand came down aorund my wrist stopping my dramatic exit, “Not in the way you’re thinking,” he added pulling me to face him once again, the shadow of a smile on his lips “In music, consonant chords are points of arrival. Rest. There’s no tension,” he tried to explain. “Most pop music hooks are consonant which is why most people like them. They’re catchy but interchangeable. Boring.”
“Dissonant intervals, however, are full of tension,” he said holding my gaze “You can’t predict which way they’re going to go. It makes limited people uncomfortable- frustrated, because they don’t understand the point, and people hate what they don’t understand,” his hand came up to graze my cheek, my entire body burning under his touch “But the ones who get it, find it fascinating. Beautiful.” He traced the shape of my mouth with his thumb, “Like you,” he whispered the last part. He leaned in pressing his plush lips against mine for what felt like half a second but lit me up like the fourth of July. My cheeks flush and I quickly look down at my fingers that was playing with a string on his shirt “You- said you hate me,” I whispered feeling my lips slip into a frown, “You know that’s not true,” he said getting me to sigh “Well I don’t get what you see in me,” I mumbled. “You’re the girl who called me an asshole the first time we met. The girl who told me I’d be begging for it… twice.” He took my chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting my head to look up at him.
“You’re the girl who risked everything to make it in the Korean music industry.” His hand cups my face, his thumb running over my cheek “The girl who makes my chest ache whether your wearing black silk or ripped jeans. You’re the girl I-“ he stopped thinking carefully what to say next “You’re my girl,” he said simply. He leaned in and his lips brushed against my skin and suddenly it was too much. I grabbed a fist full of his t-shirt and pulled him against me, as close as I could but it wasn’t enough. Our lips moving to the same tempo and breathing in the same rhythm and singing the same song. Kissing JB felt like dancing without having to move from one spot. My hands were trapped between the hard ridges of his stomach and my softness and I was almost breathless with wanting. Trembling with it. But then I remember who we were. We weren’t two normal people. I was a trainee and he was a rising idol, what we were doing could ruin his career.
“Jaebeom,” I breath pulling my lips away from his “This could ruin your career,” I whispered, “This could end it,” I added. His fingers run fondly over my skin “Then I’d end it happily,” he replied and I rolled my eyes “Not funny,” I mumbled, and he shook his head “Not joking.” I pulled completely away from him “I’d be happier without you,” I lied as convincingly as I could. “Too bad.” His lips curved into the half smirk, half smile that I loved and hated so much. My head felt foggy. “You’re supposed to say, all I want is your happiness. I’ll do whatever it takes, even if it means being without you,” I told him, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him “Sorry,” he said his fingers gently brushing hair out of my face “I’m just not that big a person,” his hands traveling up the side of my jeans, up to my waist. The pad of his fingertips grazed the skin just underneath the fabric of my shirt. I tried to steady my pulse and failed. “You want me,” he said simply, definitively, “Don’t lie to me.”
“Irrelevant,” I whispered staring into his dark, lust filled eyes, “No, it isn’t irrelevant. You want me as much as I want you. And all I want is you.” My tongue at war with my mind. “Maybe today,” I whispered. He leaned in towards my ear, his lips brushing against my cheek on his way “Today. Tonight. Tomorrow… Forever.” He pulled back his eyes holding mine. His stare was intense and infinite. “I believe we were meant to meet,” he whispered, “We were meant to fall in love,” he added quietly as his fingers slid my shirt up, his fingers hot on my bare skin, making me breathless. My hands wandered slowly to his waist as I pressed into him harder, my body bent, bowstring tight into his. Our mouths just millimeters from each other. “Fuck,” he murmured against my lips. The feel. The word sent a hot little shock through my spin. It skittered through my veins, danced through every nerve. And then I brushed his lips with mine.
I knew Jaebeom worshipped 2PM and that his toothbrush was green. That he couldn’t be bothered to make his bed but always made sure his cats had enough water. That when he slept he curled into himself and that his eyes were the color of dark expresso, and I knew he had no problem eating meat but would subtly leave the room if two animals started killing each other on discovery channel. I knew one hundred little things about Im Jaebeom but when he kissed me, I couldn’t remember my own name. I was starved for him, for this. I was a creature of need- soaked in feeling and breathless. There was a pull, furious and fierce, and part of me was frightened by it but another part, low and deep and dark, breathed yes. JB whispered my name like a prayer and I was lost.
I moved my hands up his firm torso, taking his shirt along with it. The low groan at the back of his throat, a small, pleading noise that set every inch of my skin on fire. I pull my lips from his and he allowed me to take off his shirt, both of our chests heaving as I moved my eyes across his glorious tan skin. When my eyes drifted up to his, it was over. His lips caught mine in a hard kiss, driving my own apart with the sheer force of it. There was nothing gentle about it. His hands come under my thighs and the door rattle against my back as he pressed me against it. Every thought in my head exploded to pure, pounding white, and I felt the dark curl of desire start to twist inside me, bending all my rules, snapping that last trembling bit of restraint. I tried one last time to pull away, “No,” he growled, bringing my lips back to his, I sighed running my hands over his bare shoulders, making their way to his hair holding on tightly.
He breaks from the kiss to litter my jaw and throat with kisses, I wanted more, I needed more. He slowly set me back down on the ground, giving me a slow desperate kiss, leaving me whimpering, begging for more. “Y-you should go before I lose all my restraint,” he stuttered, running his fingers through his hair, really showing all his restraint as he sits down in his chair turning towards the computer. The place where his hands once been were burned into my skin and I wanted nothing more than to have them back. I grabbed the bottom of my loose T-shirt and quietly tossed it off before removing my sweatpants, leaving me in nothing but my bra and panties. “Jaebeom,” I said getting him to clear his throat “Wha-” he started before turning around, all words he had once planned to say lost. His eyes slowly graze over every inch of my bare skin, “Y/n,” he said dangerously low, “take me,” I replied playing with the strap of my bra.
He stood up and walked slowly over to me, as if to see if I meant it or not, to test me. Once he was in front of me one of his hands come to my waist, the other cupping my jaw as he kisses me deeply. His fingers thread through my hair, pulling me closer, as his other hand traveled over every curve of my body. He then reaches behind my back unclasping my bra before slowly sliding the strap off my shoulder, his forehead pressed against mine breathing shakily as his hands moved to my ribcage. He pulled his lips from mine and looked down at my chest. “Perfect.” His lips came to my neck slowly kissing down to my collar bone, his hands coming to rest on my hips as his warm lips brushed over my sensitive nipple. As he took the sensitive bud between his lips, I let out a soft moan, allowing my head to hit the back of the door. He alternated between breasts, kissing and sucking, until I felt weak in my knees and dizzy with lust.
He pulled away and stood back up “Go in there, sit on the table, panties off,” he demanded nodding towards the recording booth. I couldn’t help but shudder at his request, in this moment he owned me. I walked into the booth, kicking off my panties as I sat completely bare on the table near the microphone. I watched as JB locked the door to the studio and pressed a few buttons outside the booth before making his way into the booth. His eyes looked hungry as he looked over me spread in front of him, he took the place between my thighs, pulling me to the edge of the table. I watched as he slowly got down, kneeling in front of my throbbing core, my breathing becoming irregular. He wrapped his hands around my thighs pulling them apart further, his lips pressing feather kisses to my inner thigh, just inches from where I wanted him most. I let my head fall back in frustration as he started sucking dark marks into my skin, continuing to tease me. Then without any warning his tongue was inside me, pulling a shattering moan from my lips.
He was good with his tongue, he knew how to use it, and he knew me. I couldn’t stop the noises of pleasure leaving my chest as he plundered me with his tongue. I grabbed his hair, yanking it slightly in attempts to pull him closer. He chuckled against my clit, smug, before thrusting one finger inside, crooking it and hitting the spot that turned my moans into one long, high pitched noise. “God Jaebeom.” I arched against him and he looked up at me from between my thighs, a slight that only turned me on even more. He slowly stood up, coaxing me to lay back against the table before kissing and sucking at my chest. Two fingers now worked inside me. His mouth lavishing my breasts with attention. His thumb rubbing around a sweet spot and my eyes rolled back into my head. So close. The strength of what was building was staggering. Mind-blowing. My body was going to be blown to dust, atoms when this hit.
If he stopped, I’d cry. Cry, and beg. And maybe even whimper. I came groaning, every muscle drawn tight. It was almost too much. I shuddered against him, my legs quaking, and when he finally pulled his fingers away to look up at me, he pressed his lips together as if he was trying not to laugh. “What?” I breathed and he smiled slightly “Your hair’s… it’s a mess,” he said getting me to roll my eyes and quickly pull my hair into a ponytail “Asshole,” I muttered under my breath. “Ouch, and to think I gave you an orgasm,” he teased getting my cheeks to blush red. I moved around him collecting my panties, pulling them on before leaving the booth to find the rest of my clothing to pull them on. JB walked over to the computer and pressed a few buttons and when I walked over there, I realized he had recorded the whole thing. I glared at him wide eyed, “Y-you recorded me?” I asked getting him to smirk “Why? I sounded like a mewling cow,” I complained with a pout, but he swung his head from side to side.
“It was music to my ears,” he said picking up a set of headphones and placing it on my ears, “I do not want to-“ but I stopped the moment I heard my own moaning in my ears. He stood behind me wrapping his arms around my torso, pressing soft kisses to my neck “You’re quite an instrument to play, so finely tuned…. If I touch you just right, you make the most glorious sounds,” he mumbled, his words partly drowned out by the noises in the headphones “Raw, intense, absolutely delicious noises of pleasure,” he hummed against my neck. I pushed the headphones off and turned my head to face him, our lips inches apart “No one can hear this,” I told him softly, and he smirked, giddy I wasn’t forcing him to delete it, “Boy-scouts honor,” he replied getting me to roll my eyes. “I should really go though,” I mumbled taking the headphones off, setting them down before trying to move. But his arms were locked tightly around me, as he nuzzled his nose into my shoulder “Stay,” he whispered, his voice vulnerable, so different from his usual attitude.
He won’t always be this vulnerable, this open. Right now, his trust is in the palm of my hand. His arms loosened as he awaited my answer, visibly deflating. I turn around to face him, wrapping my arms around his torso pulling his closer, so my face was buried in the crook of his neck. His hands slowly came to wrap around my body once more, a gentle thumb running over my back. “Jaebeom this could destroy-“ he growled against my neck “I don’t give a fuck about my career,” he said but I shook my head to look up at him “It could destroy me,” I said softly looking into his eyes. I swallowed hard “I will- I have fallen for you Jaebeom. Every time I say I hate you, I mean I love you, but if I replace hate with love right now I will totally be gone and then if you decide you rather save your career….” It was clear to me he was shocked how much I had thought about this, but when he’s on your mind as much as he’s on mine. “What if I never forget you? What if, all my life, when I meet someone new, I can never fall for them because they aren’t you?” I asked.
“And here I thought I was the one who wanted you so badly,” he teased giving me a soft grin, he cupped my cheeks brushing his thumbs along my cheek bones, “All this time you resisted me,” he added. I pouted “I’m being serious here,” I complained hitting him in the chest, and he nodded “I know and if it really comes down to it, I pick you,” he said, but I struggled to believe him, “How can you be so sure?” I asked. He pressed a kiss to my forehead “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my entire life,” he mumbled against my forehead before looking at me “Even if it ends your career?” I questioned him. He shrugged his shoulders “I much prefer writing and producing music anyways,” he replied letting go of my face “I like this little room,” he added looking around his studio, “And… I love you,” he said looking right at me, “So I’d be content if this was what the rest of my career looked like,” he said with a nod.
“Could you say it again… but like… not so casually,” I asked walking over towards him wrapping my arms around his neck and he smirked, his hands making their way to my waist, settling on my hips. “Y/n,” he said leaning in pressing a kiss to my lips “I love you,” he said, his nose brushing against mine, his eyes staring into mine. I smiled before leaning up on my toes to try and press my lips to his, but he pulled his head back a chuckle on his lips “What? You don’t want a kiss?” I asked falling flat on my feet with a slight pout on my lips. “I want to hear you say it to me and not in the midst of a mental break down rambling,” he said getting me to roll my eyes “I was not having a mental breakdown,” I said getting him to nod his head “Of course not,” he replied, “Do you ever fuck off for like a second?” I asked with a fake laugh and he shook his head no “I just want to hear my girl say it and I swear I’ll be quiet for five minutes,” he replied.
Sighing I leaned up pressing a kiss to his neck, then the underside of his jaw, the shell of his ear, “I..” my hands sliding over his chest “Hate you Jaebeom,” I whispered before quickly pulling away from him to see the look on his face, but he just chuckled “You are literally a pain in my ass,” he complained giving me a look, one that was unreadable. He took a step towards me, his hands traveling over my body pulling me against his chest and then he lifted me up causing me to wrap my legs around his waist. His lips worked over the skin of my neck getting me to whimper. He gently laid me against the bed, his lips working over my collar bone, fingers riding up my shirt, tracing patterns into my skin. I took his face in my hands and pulled him to look at me, both of us were breathing heavily as he stared at each other. “I do,” I whispered as he climbed cover me “Love you, Jaebeom,” I added getting him to smile genuinely before pecking my lips and flipping us over so now I was on top of him, “I love you too,” he replied like it was the easiest thing in the world.
