I Had You, I’ve Lost You.
//Jerome Valeska x reader.
A/n: Sorry this was kind of short.
Summary: While all the rest of the Maniax are down celebrating with Theo, Jerome goes up to the roof and thinks about his life.
Song: The Night We Met, Lord Huron.
Title: I Had You, I’ve Lost You. //
I am not the only traveler
Who has not repaid his debt
I've been searching for a trail to follow again
Take me back to the night we met
And then I can tell myself
Jerome swings his legs subconsciously as he stares out at the dark night sky, his hands gripping the edge of the roof. He can vaguely hear the cheering and laughing of everyone in the building underneath him, and he lets out a long sigh, tipping his head up, lifting his face to the sky. “How’ve you been?” He asks, closing his eyes as the wind picks up, the air suddenly chilling. His grip tightens, anger boiling through him. “I know it was my choice,” he whispers, his head hanging quickly as he stares down at the twinkling lights framing the mansion. “I know…” Jerome’s body convulses as he shudders, the hairs on his neck standing up. He pulls out his phone and unlocks it slowly, clicking into his contacts and staring down at her name. His thumb hovers over the call button. He hits the button and he shoves his phone back in his pocket.
“Jerome! No, come on. Don’t take a picture of me- Jerome! Please delete it Jerome, I look really bad- Jerome, come on.”
“Aw, sugar. You’re adorable. You’re the cutest little thing, look at you- hey! Don’t try and take my pho- ah! Nope, you’re not getting this.”
A smile slips onto his face at the memory of that. He loved it. He loved how she had tried to take the picture, how she’d jumped when he’d held it over his head. His hands dig into his pockets again as he pulls out the photo, the one thing he always carries with him. He holds the laminated paper in his hands, and he begins to shake slightly.
What the hell I'm supposed to do
And then I can tell myself
Not to ride along with you
I had all and then most of you
Take me back to the night we met
A part of Jerome recoils slightly as he thinks about when y/n had said those words. He hadn’t deserved to hear them.
He still doesn’t deserve it.
He falls back and lays down on the flat roof, his feet still hanging off as he stares up at the sky.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Oh, take me back to the night we met
When the night was full of terrors
And your eyes were filled with tears
When you had not touched me yet
Oh, take me back to the night we met
I had all and then most of you
Take me back to the night we met
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Take me back to the night we met
“I miss you,” he murmurs. “I’ve thought about calling. I’ve thought about it a lot…” His eyes flutter shut and he lets out a long sigh. “I should’ve answered when you called…” His eyes pop open as a sad smile slips onto his face. “But I couldn’t answer. Not after how I left you. I couldn’t drag you back in, y/n. That’s why I didn’t answer.” He didn’t know if she had picked up, if it had gone to voice mail, but he can’t bring himself to check. Something about knowing whether or not she was going to hear what he was about to say…it scared him.
“I didn’t deserve you,” he continues. “I didn’t deserve you. I wasn’t good enough, y/n. I’m not a good person. You’ve seen the news…I’m sure that’s why you called. I won’t drag you down with me, y/n. I won’t do it. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to leave you, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you, y/n. And I know I’ve never said that before but it’s true, I love you. I love you, that’s why I left you. I can’t…I can’t watch me poison you. You’re so perfect, y/n…you care so much. I’m sorry.” He reaches into his pocket, gripping the phone. “Goodbye…I love you.” With that, he pulls out the phone, his thumb moving over to the hang up button.
He recoils at the faint sound of her voice, closing his eyes and relishing in its sound.
“Don’t you dare hang up! Don’t do this! Just tell me where you are, please,” He can hear her soft sobbing, and his heart aches.
“Answer me Jerome. Answer me!” Her voice rises to a shout. “You broke my heart you idiot! Answer me right now! You say you don’t want to hurt me but that’s what you’re doing!”
A sharp pain slices through Jerome’s heart.
“Please answer me! Jerome, I can’t take this. I love you, answer me! I know you’re there. Don’t do this to me Jerome, please! Pl-”
The beeping of the call being disconnected silences her pleas, and Jerome’s eyes grow misty as he puts his phone back in his pocket.
“Hey, what are you doing up here?” He stands up and turns around, his gaze landing on Barbara. “Come on, you’re gonna get sick. We’re talking about our plans for tomorrow. Get down here,” Barbara’s voice is filled with fondness, and Jerome steps forward, wrapping his arms around her. “Hey! What the-”
“I made a mistake,” he whimpers. Barbara glances at him in confusion before hugging him back, her heart immediately warming.
“It’s okay. Come on, let’s get down there and celebrate.” As Jerome goes back into the building with her, he ignores the insistent ringing of his phone.
He’d given himself one call. He’d said what he needed to. He was free of his past.
Then why do I still feel so empty?
