Summary: After a night out drinking, Regulus has his own hangover cures.
Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader
Rating: Mature- smut
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It was a Saturday morning and the happy sounds of birds chipping pulled you from your peaceful slumber. Yawning, you sat up and rubbed your eyes. As everything came into focus, you realized that Regulus wasn’t in bed with you.
Strange, he said that he would be home by midnight.
Getting out of bed, you walked down the hallway and into the living room. You stopped when you realized that Regulus had, in fact, made it home. He had only fallen asleep on the couch… half-naked. You raised an eyebrow as your eyes looked down at his half-naked body. The poor boy looked like he had managed to get his shirt off before just crawling on the couch and calling it a night.
You quietly walked over to the couch and gently tapped Regulus’ shoulder.
“Love, why don’t you come to get in bed? You don’t look comfortable at all.”
Regulus half yawned and muttered something that was muffled by the pillow.
“Regulus, wake up. Your neck is going to be hurting and I will never hear the end of it.”
You said, a little more loudly. Regulus opened one eye and looked at you a moment before reaching out and pulling you onto the couch with him. You shrieked at first, totally not expecting his action.
“Regulus, I swear god…”
“Don’t swear to him. We aren’t having any problems.”
Regulus said, before shooting you a little smirk. You rolled your eyes and tried to move to snuggle down against his side.
“Why don’t you just get up and go to bed? Clearly, you are half-wasted. How did you get home anyway?”
You asked as Regulus yawned.
“Evan, I don’t know how nor do I want to know. I feel fine though. I would feel better if you sat on my face.”
Your eyes widened your core instantly began to crave any attention that Regulus would give you.
“Regulus, did you really just…”
“I want you to sit on my face and make me feel better.”
Regulus replied before taking your hand and putting it on his hard cock. Biting your lip, you pressed your thighs together.
“Regulus, how can you even think of that when you are possibly hungover.”
Regulus opened both eyes before slipping his hand between your legs. Just as he suspected, you were wet.
“We are good at morning sex. It’s morning and licking your twat will make me feel even better. So, what do you say, princess? I mean, we don’t have to but you are pretty wet.”
Regulus was pleased when you quickly got off of the couch and shed your silk robe.
“That’s what I thought.”
Regulus replied in a haughty tone. You meanwhile, shook your head as you slowly positioned yourself on top of your lover.
“And you are a cocky shit”
You grumbled. Regulus chuckled before licking his lips. This was what he would wake up to every morning. As much as he enjoyed sex, he enjoyed spending his time with his face shoved between your legs. Regulus often teased you that you had the most beautiful pussy that he had ever seen. When you rolled your eyes and told him to fuck off, he would reply with “Well, it is…why don’t you think that I can’t get enough?”
Regulus let his eyes roll up to your face before licking the entire length of your slit. When you lightly gasped, Regulus continued to lightly explore with his tongue.
“Reggie, it feels so good.”
You sighed as he began to pay attention to your clit. He gently sucked at your clit a for a moment before shoving his face right back in. Regulus took a few breaths to glance up at your face.
“Of course, she has that look on her face. No other man would be able to make her come as I can.”
Regulus thought before reaching out to place his hands on your ass and push your body further onto him. Your head fell back as you tried to think of anything to stop yourself from coming. Regulus knew exactly how to touch you to make you come apart. Whether it was something simply like fingering you in the kitchen to your current position practically fucking his perfect face.
“I’m so close.”
You whimpered as Regulus licked up your clit. He pressed a kiss to the top of your mound before lying his head backward.
“Hurry up and come so I can take you to bed and get my cock wet.”
Regulus gave you a raised eyebrow scowl before going right back to attacking your clit. One more gentle nibble was all it took to send you spiraling over the edge.
As you recovered from your orgasm, Regulus maneuvered his way to standing. He tightened his arms around your body and started toward the bedroom.
aaaayy it's ya boi henry kissinger I just wanted to say congrats on getting engaged to john, uh i'm so haaeppy for you and um yeah if you don't invite me to the wedding I will nuke the building before the priest can say objection love ya -@henrycarpetbombingkissinger
P.S. do you know any good hangover cures
Of course you're invited to the wedding, Henry!
In terms of a hangover cure, read below the cut (it gets a little nasty):
Okay, so you're going to need to procure tomato juice, pickle juice, Tabasco sauce, and clam juice. Mix it all together in a glass. Be sure to be near a toilet - the toilet will soon be your best friend. Chug as much of the concoction as you can stomach. As a wise sage once said, "Better out than in." Don't fight it - scromit until you can scromit no more. Tears will fall - remember that hangovers are God's way of punishing us all for the Original Sin. Reflect on what social transgressions you may have committed the night before, and beg the Lord Our God for forgiveness.
Once your stomach is settled, open a Pedialyte and drink it, this time pacing yourself - you want this to actually stay in your body. If you have work or any other obligations during the remainder of your day, start drinking a can of Monster Energy - it's better than coffee because it has the military vitamin mix. Be sure to pack yourself a few more cans of Monster to drink throughout the day. Also fix yourself a bloody Mary and put it in a travel mug so you can implement the old hair-of-the-dog trick as well. If you have no obligations the rest of your day, just skip the caffeine, and instead stay in bed all day watching whatever brainrot is most convenient, and wallow in guilt, self-disgust, and self-pity. If you're able to get out of bed, consider fixing yourself a bloody Mary, or sipping a bottle of Bourbon.
What are some regional hangover cures you've gotten good milage out of
Look, sometimes it's too easy to have a bit too much mead or jagga, and the resulting feeling can best be combated by food in my humble opinion. Here are some of the tried and tested hangover cures of Tamriel.
Altmer
Summerset is known for its wine, and while many High Elves frown upon excessive drinking, sometimes it just happens. Enter the humble matcha smoothie. Blended fresh fruits like berries, mango, peach, and bananas are mixed with a strong double shot matcha, making for an ideal pick-me-up.
Argonians
Palm and rice liqueur are favoured in Black Marsh, and the headaches they can give the morning after are nothing short of legendary. Thankfully, the cure is a big old bowl of chicken soup and rice, with a bit of ginger and lemongrass to wake you up. It doesn't sound like much, but after a few too many bee-ears (as some Argonians confusedly call it), it's just what you need.
Bosmer
The best way to cure a hangover is by preventing it altogether, and the Wood Elves are strong believers that a good, greasy meal after a night of drinking is just the thing to prevent feeling entirely awful the next day. The ideal midnight munch is therefore a mixed meat grill with a thick slathering of timber mammoth cheese sauce. Late-night vendors serve chopped and grilled pieces of meat, like chicken, goat, pork, and sometimes even monkey. Greasy, but delicious!
Bretons
If you wake up feeling grotty in High Rock, fear not, as inns always have their loyal patrons' wellbeing in mind! A big Breton breakfast, with sausages and bacon, fried potatoes, gravy, black pudding, and a side of beans and toast is the filling start to a new day that anyone with a hangover (bar vegetarians) will enjoy.
Dunmer
Yes, shein and sujamma are responsible for at least a third of Tamriel's hangover woes, but the Dunmer don't play around with their cures. While potions and tonics are generally the most common thing to consume after a night on the town, curative soups are also popular despite their generally unappetising flavours. Shredded, boiled bantam guar in saltrice congee, infused with ginseng, gingko, and grated ginger, is an all-rounder for getting a tired Mer back on their feet!
Imperials
The cure for a hangover in Cyrodiil is...more wine? I jest. However, nobody will balk if you have a hot panini with prosciutto crudo and buffalo mozzarella with a glass of wine (or just some water for your poor head). The perfect lardy sandwich that isn't too overwhelming in flavour, it's also great with some rucola leaves and fresh tomato if you can stomach it.
Khajiit
Moon sugar hangovers, especially for the uninitiated, are pretty horrifying. Luckily, the Khajiit are on it, and a next-day detox is a simple combination of lots of fluids, rest, and a good bowl of curry chicken noodles. With a mild curry flavour to tickle the senses, but not enough zing to provoke a new wave of nausea. Also great with a pinch of moon sugar, if you're able to stomach it again after!
Nords
We've all been there with a mead hangover, and some get off a little lighter than others. For those in need of some serious care though, nothing quite beats a plain potato porridge with a drizzle of jam, sour cream, and a generous sprinkle of bacon bits. Hearty without being too heavy, it's the ultimate breakfast (and hangover) food!
Orcs
I'm convinced that the Orsimer don't do hangovers, based on the fact that they're particularly good at hiding it the next day. However, you'll always be able to tell who's not feeling too spiffy if they're chugging vegetable and fruit juice with a touch of honey. Generally it includes things like carrots, tomato, apple, ginger, and a handful of berries. Nutritious, and tasty too!
Redguards
Redguards are pretty good at not drinking to excess, but a standard post-drinking meal is a big plate of saffron rice, vegetables in a coconut milk sauce, and tandoori chicken or lamb with a mild tomato-based sauce. It's got flavour and texture, but without overwhelming the senses. They also come in big portions, perfect after a big night out in Sentinel.
Man, ain't Fanta some shit? Yes, I am talking about the orange-flavored carbonated drink.
(photo courtesy of wikipedia, see source here)
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As any poor/working class Mexican kid born in the 90's can attest, carbonated soft-drinks were our regular poison. My particular liquid venom of choice was Sprite/7UP. Yes, even during my early elementary school years, you could tell that they tasted the exact fucking same.
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The fact that both Coca-Cola and Pepsi were so gung-ho about how you could totally tell the difference was some bullshit. The only fucking difference is that you could buy one for cheaper because a ton of people have the returnable glass bottles, so you could get them at the store for like 1.50-to-2 MXN pesos, so a 3-member family could drink their high-containing fake-sugar beverage for next to nothing. 6 Pesos for three whole drinks? That's fucking madness!
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Ever since around 2017, I haven't drank these more than maybe once a month/once every two months. And now that I've had to drink these things during a couple of nights in a row, something hit me: Past me was an unsuspecting genius. Legit, nothing helps you out of a hangover quite like a Sprite or 7UP.
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I don't know where I'm going with this dweeby-ass story, so I'm putting a cap on it, other than yay! Sprite! The ideal drink for hangovers! See ya' tomorrow!
Okay so apparently the best hangover cure is just to drink a lot of "bouillon soup"! Literally just took a vegetable bouillon cube and boiled it in water and drank that over and over. Something about the lost salt in your body when dehydration occurs is what really puts you out. Plus I've had low blood pressure for a couple years now. My doctor literally told me to put salt on everything I eat to increase it. So... probably don't have a lot in me to begin with. 🤷
