We're rambling again since I'm too busy to read my damn book but am still trying hard to avoid doing my work:
Cale is what every kid that looked at their abusers and said "I never want to be like you"'s dream for how they'll turn out as adults.
He justifies all his actions under the guise of "logic" and "being selfish" but for all his internal monologs, he is everything little Kim Roksoo needed as a child. Cale spoils the kids and gives them an allowance, he makes sure they can protect themselves but also know that they can run away, he gives these kids and the people around him a home and security. And this is all because he didn't have that as a child.
You wanna know why thinking about this man makes me sick? It's because he is what I hoped I would, and hope I have, become as a person despite the behavior I saw as a child.
It's so SO fucking easy to mimic bad behavior, especially when it's done by a guardian who's supposed to protect you and takes so much awareness to look at that and say "I won't become like you" because you never want someone to feel the way you have.
The fact that this man had practically no positive adult role models as a child (I may be remembering wrong since it's been a while since I read the sloth and indignity tests, but no one really got close to him because of the curse so even if there were good people around him, all of them left. All he was probably left with was neutral people who didn't really care about him besides out of obligation.) yet STILL HASNT TURNED BITTER honestly just shows how good of a person Cale is.
He still CARES. He cares so much about his team, not letting another death happen again under his watch and not letting grief consume him because he has a job to do. He cares so much about the people around him, HE GOT SO ANGRY WHEN RON GOT BACK AND HIS ARM WAS CUT OFF AND HE WAS POISONED- He literally doesn't have to do anything, but he does, just because he knows what it feels like to not be cared for. AND THEN THE KIDS!!! He spoils them so much, makes sure they eat and always holds them even when they get heavy in his twig arms (and he always mentions how chubby Raon is, I cant-) AND THE GORGE OF DEATH AAAAAA-
He takes every shitty thing that has ever been done to him, and instead of letting it build into something bitter and angry, he's flipped it on its head by becoming its antithesis.
