#hidekane fic

[shions-heart]

Unraveled

Read it here on AO3!

Rating: M (for safety)

Pairing: Kaneki Ken/Nagachika Hideyoshi

Word Count: 1,741

Tags: Canon-Compliant, Angst, First Kiss, Vore, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence

Summary:

"Kaneki, I want to save you. Please, eat me."

(What really, probably, happened within the sewers that day.)

(( for @agdistis-sanctified ))

[gokillthenoise]

Kaneki steps outside and hears it right away. A distinctive voice makes him look up and just like that they can see each other. Hide is standing on the rooftop a few steps away from him, scarf covering part of his face and hand raised in greeting.

He’s thought of this moment before, thought he wouldn’t know what to do. He pauses maybe for a second before he’s engulfed by the familiarity only they can share. A small smile is already forming on Kaneki’s face when he answers, and he starts making his way to sit by Hide’s side.

His feet are dangling over the edge and if he closes his eyes, Kaneki can picture the time they’ve shared together at the park, stars shining bright above them. Hide had asked him if ghouls were real, and he had said yes. Alas, that was then and this is now.

Hide is the same, but different in a way, a mistery that needs solving.

“I really haven’t done my makeup today,” Hide says to his request, but then the scarf is off and Kaneki watches.

I’m sorry is instantly on his lips but he will not say it. If only I had told you from the start grips at his heart and squeezes until he’s almost out of breath. He wishes he could look away and sort his thoughts, if only for a second, but Hide watches him too. Hide’s eyes don’t leave him, maybe they never have.

“Thank you,” Kaneki says instead and that’s what does it. He tells Hide about his resolve, all while wanting to feel him beneath his fingertips. He starts reaching for Hide, but recoils the second Hide glances at his hand. Kaneki’s hand is in midair as he wonders whether he still has the right to touch Hide. But Hide is still and Kaneki resumes.

His fingers brush Hide’s hair, his ear, his cheek. They travel down Hide’s throat when he feels Hide tense up, small and fleeting, before relaxing again. He starts crying, Hide pulls him closer and as he sobs in Hide’s shoulder he feels stupid for it. But he grabs Hide and tries to control his breathing, distinctly aware of his mind chanting This is real over and over and Hide’s fingers threading through his hair.

He has his head on Hide’s shoulder, hand in his when Hide says his name. Kaneki shifts to look at him, but then Hide’s eyes flash with something quick, something intense but tucked away in secret before he looks into the distance again. Kaneki opens his mouth to prod him, and a lifetime ago he might have done just that, but now he falters. Now he doesn’t know where the lines are.

So he resumes his place near Hide’s side, turns Hide’s hand to trace faint lines in his palm and Hide lets him. The hand squeezing his own his warm and gentle and he thinks I will protect you. This time will be different.

This time, maybe they will be okay.

[gorocult]

Part one / Part two

*************

“Kaneki, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner, I’ve been meaning to for a very long time but things kept coming up and it was generally never a good time,” Touka started, her eyes casted downwards. This was serious, Kaneki could tell instantly.

They’d managed to get the lab and clown situation over with pretty fast, and as promised he came back to have a talk with Touka. “What is it Touka? You’re making me worry is everything okay?”

“Y-Yeah, it’s not me. It’s-” she reached out to cover Kaneki’s hand with hers, not sure if it was to ground him or him. “It’s Hide.”

She watched with knowing patient eyes as horror and pain flashed through Kaneki’s own before it wore down to exhaustion and deep rooted guilt. “I don’t want to talk about it Touka. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

“No, listen to me!” Her grip tightened around his hand. “What you probably think happened is not what really went down Kaneki. He’s not.. he’s not dead.”

“What?” Kaneki deadpanned. There was no way, he was sure that he..

“He’s not dead Kaneki,” she shook his hand a bit.

“There is no way, maybe you’re mistaken, it just can’t be!” Kaneki was pretty sure the wetness he felt on his cheeks were tears but he didn’t care.

“I’ll take you to him. If that’s what it takes for you to believe me, I’ll take you to him. I didn’t want to but I guess it’s the only way.” Touka sighed.

Flashes of flowers and a strong smell came back to him, coupled with Touka’s ominous words it only drove more pieces to click, more lines to rapidly connect. He didn’t want this but he had to see. “Let’s go.”

There was no more room for doubt when he found himself stood in a white corridor, a plank with the name ‘Nagachika’ engraved onto it.

He basically ran to the door and violently slid it open. It was like washed out paint, an old shirt that’s been through too many washes, soft and faded that’s the way Hide was lying there. The sound of never ending beeps both comforted and served to drive Kaneki insane.

“Hide..” he whispered shakily, sinking to his knees near the bed. He took a hold of Hide’s hand with his trembling own, Touka just watched from the door.

“You’re alive, you lived Hide.” He looked at the state Hide was in, he put him where he was now, with tubes snaking out of his body and machines surrounding him.

He didn’t say he was sorry. Touka would’ve kicked him, Hide would’ve sighed at him. He wished Hide would. He wished Hide would be able to. “Hide.. wake up,” He tightened his grip on Hide’s hand and whispered these words over and over. His lips pressed against the back of their intertwined hands, to his wrist before all the tubes bulged out of his skin.

“I’ll go get you some coffee,” he heard Touka say from where she was standing by the door before she ducked out of the room and into the hallway. He waited for the resounding echo of her footsteps to fade before getting up, fingers still laced with Hide’s.

“Hide,” he whispered as he leaned in to place a kiss on Hide’s forehead. “Please, don’t leave me all alone any longer..” little damp spots started dotting Hide’s face and it was only when one of them slid down that Kaneki realized he was crying. He lifted the fingers of his free hand to his eye and sure enough there were tears.

“Look at me, how pathetic am I. Only ever able to cry, there is never anything I can do. I can only sit here and beg you to fix my mistakes.” He did this to him, he put him in this state yet he could only sit here and cry. He had no right to cry, no right to hold Hide’s hand or kiss his forehead. He didn’t even have the right to be in Hide’s presence.

No, the thought cut through the swarming mess of other thoughts sharply, shutting up all his useless self deprecation, this isn’t about me, this isn’t about how I feel. This is about Hide waking up and Hide getting better. We can sort out all the other details after that.

When Touka came back with coffee she almost dropped it. Kaneki was smiling brightly down at Hide as the coma ridden other’s hand was curled around Kaneki’s in a weak almost nonexistent grip.

They were going to be fine. They were going to get through this.

[gorocult]

I’ve been having the same awful dream as of late,

Knee deep in a murky pit, I wasn’t sure anymore what was red and what was not.

All I could smell was the pungent odor,

All I could hear was the screeching mess of my own never ending thoughts,

But then you were there, turning dissonance into a beautiful symphony.

You were there, the flames where your hand rested on my shoulder more prominent than the insistent pangs in my stomach.

You were there filling my nostrils with honeydew and a distant memory of familiarity.

You were there, a vibrant splash of color against my grayscale world.

My shaky words and jittery warnings were all swallowed by your steady proclamations,

“I want to save you” you’d said before spewing out the cruelest of offers.

And suddenly the stale taste in my mouth turned rich and sweet in bursts of warmth,

The beautiful harmony had gone back to violent wails, this time tangible and far from abstract,

The fragrant nostalgic smell dissipated to the disturbingly familiar stench of iron,

The warm sun kissed skin turned pallid and icy,

The confident dialogue was reduced into anguished whimpers.

I was knee deep in what I distinctly knew was red, and my grayscale world was covered in nuances of the obtrusive color,

Scarlet faded into crimson as it dripped from a gaping gash of sickening garnet.

I couldn’t think, I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t taste, I couldn’t feel,

That I made myself believe as I tore through your being.

Then, as everything faded to empty deafening silence,

I lied my last most beautiful of lies,

I couldn’t remember.

Haise paused his typing in an attempt to steady his shaking hands. He both liked and hated how much his nightmares managed to unhinge him. They made no sense most of the time but at least they gave him the inspiration he needed to write his macabre prose.

“Writing more of that terrifying poetry, Sasaki-sensei?” Hide leaned over him to look at the laptop screen. “Had another bad dream?”

Writing was nothing more than an outlet to Haise, he never really shared his work with anyone but Hide. He had to though, Hide was kind of involved after all. “Yeah,” he answered before sighing and shaking his head. “No, it was a memory.”

“It seems messy,” A dark look crossed Hide’s face and Haise had to collect himself for a few moments.

“It probably was, you’d know,” Haise dared to utter.

“So would you, if you were to believe this dream,” Hide was being very careful with his words, it was the kind of tone he used with brokers during their missions, like he had to pick out his words carefully so that they can never have anything against him.

“So should I.” Haise couldn’t handle the revelation this memory was implying.

“I’ll ask you one more time Haise, do you really wish to remember?” Hide’s tone was knowing, a hint of sadness.

So that was what he had meant when he asked before, and Haise had picked the wrong answer. The one that hurt Hide.

He was a coward and Hide knew.

He was hurting Hide even now, because he was selfish and only ever thought about himself.

“I’m sorry,” Haise could feel tears drip down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, would you tell me? I want to know. I don’t want to run away anymore.”

Warm hands cupped both his cheeks, “Welcome home, Kaneki.”

[death-of-the-self]

Should i make an A03 account?

I know some of you read my pilot chapter of "black reaper rip and saw" and want me to continue, do you think you would proceed to read it if i added it and all the chapters to come to A03? Im thinking of putting a summary on tumblr and chapter art but the rest there. What say you?

[death-of-the-self]

"Black reaper rip and saw" Hidekane au fic WIP

Kaneki, known by most within CCG as Haise, was in his office, his hair was now dark ,only a few strands of silver hair would be visible in the sun whenever he would walk out. Framing his pale complexion ,stripped off of any livelihood his former self had, a cold unreadable expression covering his face just like Arima’s.. Ah Arima, that man snapped him out of one of his many momentary loss of control feats and self harming habbit by giving him escapism, through books. He re:ad and read and felt hungrier and livelier and yearned for a simple life. The books, although immersive never quite clicked with him, they would evoke his sympathy, because of the strifles the protagonists had to live through ,but to his reality ,those where nothing, nothing compared to what he had been through.. What he had been through. What had he been through? He found himself not knowning, his mind seemed to be drawing a blank, he blocked the pain out, maybe it was a coping mechanism his previous self thought was good at the time. He wasn’t wrong, “let’s rest for a while” “it’s your fault!” “The world is wrong” “what a fool..” “no one will love me!” I have no place to call home!“ “Please kill me!!” …

“Please eat me” Ahh. That last recollection; a jab in his chest, he felt it deeply, to his core. He spent these last few years carelessly leaving a blissfully ignorant life of constant belittlment and suffering, not knowing who he was,who he used to know, who his biological parents where, if they cared…who he hurt.. But he was living. Nonetheless he was living. Because he selfishly took and took , and didn’t stop taking from this person. Hide. He was planning on getting into a suicide mission soon, he was going to save someone else just as Hide had saved him. He knew it was disrespectful to Hide’s last wish, but the pain would not subside ,he had killed Amon and Hide and many other ghouls. Kaneki sat down at his new desk, he had just abandoned his team after Shirazu’s death. His newer teamate … a man going by the name Furuta, he didn’t like him, frankly because he reminded him of his current self, that man was hiding something under those smiles. He sat himself down on a black leather chair, his back on a wide window,the view a dull grey because one could only view the ccg premises and the unsaturated sky that encompassed tokyo 3. He barely looked around, he shuffled and organized some documents in that new wider office that felt as corporate and cold as most of his higher ups, or should he say, previous higherups. No amount of personal items and colorful notes would brighten the place up, he threw everything unecessary away for that reason.His trash can full of the things he initially brought over to make himself feel at home, his gaze wondered at it’s contents, some of takatsuki sens books where in it…Eto… As he was spacing out ,he over heard some people outside,laughing, being pleasant to eachother ,the laughing came closer to his office and stopped abruptly, he could overhear whispers as he began to re arrange files again, whispers about him. Not long ago, when his dark hair had mostly overtaken the silver, people in CCG began to call him the Black Reaper; good, maybe now they would all stand back and away from him. Honestly… no one interacted with him more than they had to anymore, not that it was too different before, he had his squad before… Ah but he pushed them away, it was for the best… He realized he was tense and cracking his knuckles, he paused as he noted that old habbit he picked up.. Relaxing a bit he pondered and thought, thought of how he would carry out his last plan to die in style ; soon. Half an hour went by so soon, he was mostly idle today , no new cases where present. The sky got darker, blue, it swallowed the headquarters and small yellow lights where now visible, some ccg employees where overworking themselves as usual, as would he, often. His eyes could not help but wonder down to the training field, big poles that held white distracting lights on them towering over the vast emptiness, his eyes felt strain… He took his glasses off and gently rubbed his eyes and the bridge of his nose , fascinating how some things still felt so pleasing, small things in life they say.. With that he placed them back on ,picked up his suitcase and the trash from his room and head out of the dark office, As he entered the hallway he caught something brighter than the hallway lights, passing by quickly, strawberry blond. That color reminded him of –. He found himself dully approaching a narrower less well lighted hallway, he kept his eyes open and his ears where trying to pick at the slightest sound. No one else seemed to be around, not in this section of the building anyway. He had never seen anyone with hair like that here , maybe it was just him, because he was so new in this sector… Then again, he did visit a lot, because he would look for Arima to return his books to him. As he thought of all this, he found himself stopping; he saw a trashcan and just let go of all the colorful things he used to own. He signed, as it reminded him of what is soon to come, and how futile it would be to care for anything else than his objective at the moment.

Soft sounds of someone approaching.. He could hear them, he did not turn around, but took a moment to breathe in and ready an emotionless ‘sorry’ to whomever he was trailing.

However, the steps stopped as well, and there was a moment of silence as the second party seemed to step away from him. He was a bit caught off guard, he was expecting a scold or something akin to a grunt , but this person just seemed to be scared and backing up away from him. He turned around - “sorry , I didn’t mean to follo-” again, the flash of strawberry blong hair , he had barely seen it before, it again escaped his peripheral vision. Kaneki felt overwhelmed with curiosity, the numbness he felt ever since he recovered most of his memories was replaced with a heavier, darker feeling in his gut. He felt curious, the dark reaper followed that light in the unwelcoming dim halls. He felt himself running. He was running. After someone who could be anyone. He could get in trouble for tailing a coworker ,he thought briefly, he quickly ignored that thought as he swiftly turned to another hallway, it was getting darker less and less lights where framing the hallway walls and the offices where no longer in view. Bright red exit signs could be seen clearly instead as he rushed and rushed until he heard a heavy door open, one of the exits? He got suspicious now, anyone who was a member of ccg would have called him out prepared for battle,called for back up, anything but just run. Because if anyone knew Ken they would know him as a nuisance, or a bomb ready to go off… which he could not deny. He didn’t break a sweat as he pushed that exit door wide open, chilly night air gushing to his face as he proceeded to catch up to the person running. He could see him now , running towards …the brightly lit field? He was closing in on it but running to it’s sides where the bright light contrasted the night. That man run further to the darkest shadows made by the practise yard lights. Kaneki took a few seconds to assess this persons features before they got enveloped with more darkness ; a slim average built body, faded out khaki workers jumpsuit, a khaki hat and… the ccg logo on his back… Shit. He was following one of the janitors it seemed. It made sense now, they would be here late at night. He almost stopped chasing , but , decided he needed to apologize even more so now that he confirmed he was one of them. So, he began waving his hands and taking a few steps closer, by now the man , who stole a few glances back at him seemed to slow down. “Hey! I’m sorry ! I just followed you out here , I just thought I was alone back there and you running away seemed suspicious at the time, i’m very sorry to inconvenience you” The janitor was only a few feet away ,barely visible from the long shadows, Kaneki was bowing down low, apologetically, he looked so formal and dignified even as he did so. The man cleared his throat and seemed to force a deeper voice out as he said “It’s okay man… no need to do that ha-ha” Was he so unerved his voice sounded raspy? Kaneki thought and then bowed down further realizing the other must have been catching his breath because of all the trouble he put him through. “I really meant no harm, i’m sorry I must have distracted you from your duties and got you tired running!” No responce. “ I.. almost thought you were a ghoul intruder you know?” He scratched his chick as he slowly straigtened himself up, eyes still closed. Smiling but lying, in reality he began chasing what he thought was familiar. Before opening his eyes, he heard a short laugh, it was warm and whole hearted unlike what Kaneki expected to heat from a janitor who was chased out of his workplace. He smiled honestly as he opened his eyes and saw … Nothing. Where did that man go? No, this was more suspisious now, What if that man somehow bypassed the ghoul detectors in the same fashion he did once before and was only using that jumpsuit to avoid prying and suspisious eyes? He looked around the field, his eyes squinting as the light from the big poles reflected into his glasses. He brought his hand up and tried to adjust his vision. …Was this more personal perhaps? Was this a ghoul sent by the likes of Eto ? Was it her plan ? No… how would she know he was in his new office and that he would stay longer and that no one else would be there,either way… he had to find this …person. As he was thinking of possible scenarios, he caught the person running around the field fences , behind the blinding light . Kaneki now run , he run and it was so easy for him, the man knew he was chased and did not stop. So obvious… if he just showed his face and badge this would be over… The janitor imposter now was close to another dark corner, an open marble floored space that was blocking the outside lights due to the buildings ceiling hovering extruded above it. Kaneki knew this place by heart already, he knew that if this impostor made it past that he would go through the double glass doors and through the detectors and outside ,into the night. His chances of catching whomever that was would be minimal once outside those walls. Again, he thought…if he goes through the detectors…could it … Could it be a person working here that was too afraid to reveal themselves?

He was close to him now, closer than both of them anticipated! “Aah!” The impostor let out his voice surprised and immediately tried to block it with his hand on his mouth. He backed up and almost tripped , as Ken was so close he was looking down on him. Without further hesitation, Ken drew out his kagune, he didn’t have to, but the other mans sudden movements and head bowing away from his sight alerted him. Ken stomped on the mans legs and the man fell on his back, He shaked and tried to get up but was unable to because Kaneki decided he would not allow an opponent an opening, not when he had one last job to attend to… His kagunes flew out and to push the impostors hands to the ground . He felt them! the hands–! …. Hand? He was sure he caught both, his kagunes where placed right where the hands should be, so why? Ah. The impostor was missing one, his eyes widened, he began to step back as he was overwhelmed with guilt, in those few seconds he began re-analysing the possible scenario. Maybe this was an ex ccg investigator that got hurt on the field and was now trying to make ends meet by making himself useful as a ccg janitor… How right he was.

End of chapter 1 This is raw ,unedited verbal diarhhea,written toni-day at 5 am. This is one of my first attempts at writting fics. If you guys want me to proceed let me know xx

[yurikyuu]

The first chapter of the Detective AU is up! (`▽´)ﾉ

[centipedelove]

A part of Hide knew Kaneki probably wasn't going to come back on his own. He had always been the type to shoulder everything himself regardless of how everyone around him felt about it. This meant there was no way he would ever let Hide help him, to try and protect his best friend from danger but also from the truth. A small, ugly part of Hide despised that. Kaneki had no idea Hide knew the truth about what happened to his friend, but Hide knew. He knew and he ached as Kaneki became more and more withdrawn around him while he seemed to be accepted into the folds of Anteiku and thrive there. Now he had left Anteiku and not even Touka was sure of where he was, from what Hide could tell. Everything was just a huge mess and Hide couldn't do anything about it. That was what hurt the most. A rueful smile crossed over his face as he stared out of Anteiku's window, watching the rain splatter against the pavement and the glass. Things had been much simpler only a few months ago. Hide might have actually been able to help his friend then, when their only problems were human ones. Now, Hide was basically useless. "Here you go," Touka said, bringing over Hide's coffee. She didn't bother with her fake work smile in front of him. There was some sort of mutual understanding between them now that Kaneki was gone, and Hide's smile was mournful but genuine when he thanked her. "Part of me hopes he's going to just waltz in and apologize for being gone so long," Hide admits out loud, staring into the coffee like the steam rising off of it will show him what he wants to know. Touka sits across from him at the table, a sad smile of her own present. "He's too damn noble for that. He's going to keep on doing what he feels is necessary even it means he has to suffer. All for the sake of 'protecting us' or some bullshit like that," Touka sighed, propping her elbows up on the table and dropping her chin into her hands. "He always used to think that it would be better if he got hurt instead of others. He never said it out loud, but it was something I picked up on. Now I'm not so sure what he's trying to do anymore," Hide sighed, frowning at his coffee. "You and me both," Touka snorted, turning her gaze out at the rain. "It doesn't matter how strong he's gotten; he's still an idiot for not letting anyone else help him," she huffed, glaring at nothing in particular. "I wish there was something I could do to help, but I think anything ghoul related is a little out of my calibre," Hide chuckled, scratching his cheek with his index finger. Touka whipped her head to face him, eyes wide in alarm. Hide just gave a small, defeated smile. "I've known for a long time about him," Hide confessed, taking a sip of his coffee before putting it down again. "It wasn't hard to figure out, though I didn't really believe it at first. It doesn't matter to me though, he's still the lonely bookworm I've always known even if he can't have burgers with me anymore." Touka seemed unsure how to process the information, just quietly staring at Hide as she tried to think of something to say. Hide sipped at his coffee, letting her think of a response. The rain still fell against the windows, the dull pitter-patter filling the silence of the shop. "Not many people would keep quiet after finding out their best friend was turned into a ghoul," Touka said after a moment, and Hide only laughed, little humor in the sound. "I'm not most people, Touka-chan. I joined the CCG to find him, y'know," Hide added with a lopsided smile. "I can't do much for him but be there whenever he needs a friend, though I can't really even do that much when he's not around for me to be a friend," Hide sighed, bringing his cup up to his lips. "He's lucky you're not most people," Touka murmured, casting her gaze out the window again. A frown crossed her face when she spotted something, quickly morphing into shock as she jumped out of her chair. "No way," Touka breathed, her eyes wide as she stared out the window of Anteiku. Hide followed her gaze to where a head of white hair was down the street, gazing up into the shop. It took Hide a moment to realize why Touka had gasped at the stranger, and as soon as it hit him he was bolting out the door. "Hide!" Touka called after him, but he didn't care how hard it was raining. He took the steps down as fast as he could, nearly stumbling as he sprinted his way up the street. Kaneki was there, soaking wet and staring in disbelief, frozen to the spot as Hide ran up to him, stopping a few meters apart. "Hide..." Kaneki said, dumbfounded and barely audible over the heavy rainfall. Hide bent over, hands on his knees as he caught his breath, and grinned up at his best friend. "Kaneki," Hide replied, still winded but finally getting in enough air he was able to talk properly. He straightened himself before approaching Kaneki, who still was rooted to the spot. "Why are you...?" Kaneki frowned, white eyebrows coming together, and Hide waved a hand dismissively, cocking his head with a smile. "Ever since I found out the truth it's been impossible to get ahold of you y'know," Hide chided, trying to suppress the aching feeling crawling up his chest at the horrified look that came over Kaneki. "W-What?" Kaneki asked, taking a step back. Hide felt his sad smile crawling over his face, stepping forward until there was hardly any distance between them. "I know. I've known for a while," Hide murmurs, holding Kaneki's gaze with his own. Kaneki has never looked as small as he has then, soaked to the bone and so uncertain. Hide smiles at his hesitance, letting his gaze roam over his friend. Kaneki had definitely changed, and not just his white hair either. His face seemed to be more angular, more mature. He had gained quite a bit of muscle too from what Hide could tell, especially through the wet outfit clinging to his frame. This wasn't the same boy Hide had known for most of his life, but that same Kaneki was still there too, behind all of this new strength. "Jeez, look at that hair. You don't blend in very well do you?" Hide teased, reaching out to brush some wet strands away from Kaneki's eyes. There was humor returning to Kaneki's expression, a small upwards curve of his lips and softening of his expression. There was the Kaneki Hide knew. "...It's good to see you, Hide," Kaneki murmured, his eyes shimmering as he met his friend's gaze again. He hesitated before reaching out, cupping Hide's cheek in one hand. Hide placed his own hand on top of Kaneki's, turning his face into the touch. The visible warmth in Kaneki's gaze was enough to make everything worth it. Nothing else mattered to Hide after Kaneki closed the distance. It didn't matter that he was absolutely soaked and would most definitely get sick. It didn't matter that he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Kaneki's neck and pull him closer. It didn't matter that Touka was probably still watching them, or that they were out where anyone else could see. The only thing that mattered was Kaneki's lips moving with his, and the knowledge that he wasn't going anywhere for a while. Everything else could come later.