It’s happened. I have finally found *the* first war / marauders era Jily fic. This is everything. The character development, the politics, the war, the friendships….
Currently has 5th and 6th year completed, 7th and beyond are supposed to be published in the future.
in which Sirius, Peter and James confront Remus about where exactly he goes each month
TW: panic attack, self deprecating thoughts, implied mentions of abuse but not really (idk if these actually need a tw but just bear these in mind when reading <3)
‘Where are they?’ Remus groaned.
Sighing, he turned his attention from his trunk to his bedside table, pulling open the drawer and rifling through, looking for his fluffy socks. ‘I know I left them in here!’
Although he would often get teased for it, ‘who wears socks to bed, Rem, that’s literally the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard’, Remus knew that ‘my feet get cold, okay, Sirius? Stop judging me.’
Just as his hand closed around a freshly folded pair of fluffy socks, a triumphant grin spreading across his face, he heard a small cough from behind him.
‘Um, Rem? Can we talk?’ a tentative voice asked.
Remus, looking up at the sound of his name, took in the sight before him: Sirius, Peter and James, his best mates, standing shoulder to shoulder, looking as if this was the last place they wanted to be.
Furrowing his brows, Remus answered, ‘Um, sure? What’s going on?’
The three of them glanced at each other, none, it seemed, wanting to start. Dread settled in Remus’ stomach as he wondered what had happened.
‘Spit it out. I wanna go to bed.’ Remus prompted.
Finally, James seemed to work up the courage to speak, and, taking a deep breath, he started, ‘Okay, there’s no beating around the bush here. We want to know where you go each month.’
Remus felt his stomach lurch in fear as he looked at each of his friends in turn, each face holding the same curious, yet worried, expression. Gathering his thoughts, he reminded himself that there was no way the conclusion they must have come to, was the truth.
So, he replied, ‘What do you mean? I already told you, I’m visiting my mum.’
‘Yeah, and we know you told us she’s ill, but… every single time, you come back looking just as sick as she apparently is.’ Peter piped up.
‘And you never talk about it outside of your visits. Plus, she seems perfectly fine in your letters from home. And, no offence, Rem, but you're not exactly the best liar; it is kinda obvious.’ James added.
And then Sirius chimed in, ‘At first we thought something… bad… was going on at home, and that was why you always look like you’ve got bruises and new scars when you come back each month, but you’re always going on about how much you love your parents, and it didn’t particularly make sense that you would keep going back.’
At this, Remus cut in, ‘What are you saying, guys?’ He paused, trying to collect himself, and then continued, ‘Everything’s fine at home. I don’t know what you’re going on about.’
‘I think you do.’ James raised his eyebrows. ‘We know everything’s fine at home now; it just didn’t seem right when we thought about it. But we don’t think you’re going home at all.’
Remus was panicking now. Here were the only three friends he’d ever had, mere inches away from discovering his secret. He couldn’t handle this. What was he thinking? It had been a terrible idea coming to Hogwarts in the first place. He should have known. Being around other people would never have worked. It was too risky for him to try to make friends and yet he had done it anyway, like a fool. But it was too late now. He was in too deep. Even though the three boys were complete idiots sometimes, and, frankly, quite annoying, he couldn’t imagine what he would do if he lost them. He never should have let himself get attached.
After a few seconds of silence, Sirius braved the waters, and cautiously looked up at Remus. ‘We’ve been thinking, and… Rem, it can’t be a coincidence that every month, when you disappear, it’s… it’s on a full moon.’
‘Tell us we’ve gone down the wrong path, and we’ll stop bothering you.’ James gently said, after Remus’ eyes widened. ‘But I don’t think we have, have we?’
Remus was too shocked to answer. All he could do was stand there, his jaw working desperately, his eyes frantically darting between each of his friends, all of whom he would now never see again. He stuttered for a moment, before giving up, hoping that they weren’t saying what he thought they were saying.
‘Remus,’ Peter asked softly, ‘are you a werewolf?’
Remus’ whole world tilted on its axis. The long-forgotten fluffy socks, which Remus had been, absent-mindedly, gripping onto for dear life, now dropped to the floor. As the three boys watched the socks hit the ground, realisation dawned in their eyes.
‘Oh, Rem…’ Sirius whispered, genuine concern spreading across his face.
But Remus couldn’t hear him. The blood had drained from his face as his head span like a hurricane. This is it. It’s over. I had a good run. I’ve got no choice but to leave, don’t I? They’ll tell everyone, and then the gig’s up. No one wants to go to school with a monster. Their parents’ll probably write to Dumbledore. Better for me to just go home now, before everyone starts complaining. I guess I’m being home-schooled again. I wonder what Mum’ll say.
The thoughts flew around his mind, brewing like a storm cloud. But there was one in particular that sliced through the storm like a shard of glass. I was the happiest I’ve ever been with you. He couldn’t remember ever smiling so much before he had come to Hogwarts. Even his own father hardly looked at him anymore. But that didn’t matter, because he had found a new family in these three boys, who were standing before him and shifting their feet uncomfortably. He genuinely looked forward to waking up each day, just because he knew he got to spend it with them.
But even that had been snatched away from him; his fate would never change. He was destined to be alone forever. The sooner he accepted that, the sooner he could move on. He had had no business inserting himself into these boys’ lives and calling himself their friend. Soon they would shut him out, just like everyone else had.
He barely registered the looks of uneasiness that passed between his friends. Former friends, he reminded himself. They won’t even be able to look me in the eye now. Why on earth would they want to be friends with me?
They’ll never see me again now anyway.
I’ll never see them again.
This is it.
It’s over.
As the realness of the situation hit, Remus stumbled backwards, as the room span around him, until he hit a wall. Gasping for breath, he brought himself back to the present, and his back slid down the wall until somehow, he was sitting on the floor. He drew his knees up to his chest, and buried his face in them, tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn’t notice the three boys sinking down to the floor with him, until he felt a hand on his shoulder, which he automatically flinched away from.
‘Shit, Rem… I’m so sorry. Are you okay?’ James seemed genuinely concerned.
No. Why would he be concerned? He’s only asking me that cause if I have a heart attack right here, which seems pretty damn likely, they’ll all feel responsible.
James’ question didn’t even process in Remus’ brain, which was desperately trying to slow down and stop spinning; the world still seemed to be tilting, and he was getting dizzy.
Suddenly, everything seemed to kick in more, and as Remus tried to take in a deep breath, the air caught, and he found himself fighting for oxygen. He was full-on sobbing at this point, which he normally never would have been doing in front of people; however, at the moment, everything around him had blacked out, and he couldn’t seem to think clearly.
It wasn’t until someone to his left enveloped him in a hug, rubbing circles into his back and whispering soothing words in his ear, it’s okay, Rem… we’re here… we’re not going anywhere… breathe in through your nose… and then out through your mouth… that’s it… you’re okay… you’re here… everything will be okay…, that he managed to finally suck in some air.
Gradually, everything slowed down; the room stopped spinning, his mind stopped racing, and his vision seemed to clear. Blinking feverishly, he took in three faces staring at him, eyes wide and panicked, hands unsure where to place, legs awkwardly crossed beneath them as they tried to comfort Remus.
Sirius was still rubbing soothing circles on his back, and eventually, he felt his heart rate slow down.
As his mind cleared, he realised just how serious this was. If this got out, which it undoubtedly would, he would have to be completely cut off from society. He had known it was only a matter of time before his dormmates found out, but he thought he had longer. He thought he would have more time.
Looking up at the concerned faces before them, he took a deep breath and mustered up the courage to say, in as indifferent a voice as he could muster when he had just had a very public panic attack, ‘So, I guess the secret’s out. I’ll start packing my things then.’ He couldn’t bring himself to meet their eyes and try to gauge their reactions; he already knew that they would be filled with relief at the prospect of not having to share a dorm with a monster any longer.
Just as he was pulling away from Sirius and leaning onto his heels to stand up, he felt a hand on his knee.
‘And why on earth would you be doing that?’ Peter asked, his hand holding Remus in place.
Remus raised an eyebrow. ‘Well, it would be better for me to get ahead of this. So, I’ll leave now before everyone finds out and makes me leave anyway.’
‘What makes you think everyone’ll find out? We’re not gonna tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.’ James said, with a tilt of his head.
‘Yeah, we don’t care that you’re a werewolf. We just wanna make sure you’re okay.’ Sirius piped up.
Remus looked at the three of them in turn, his mind filled with suspicion, before narrowing his eyes. ‘No. There’s a catch. There’s always a catch. No one’s just okay with something like this.’
‘Well, we are. Come on, Rem, we’ve known you for, what, three years now? You really think this changes how we think of you? You really think we would out you to everyone?’ Sirius’ expression was steely and defensive, but his eyes held hints of hurt.
‘Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I think, actually. There’s no way you’re not gonna look at me differently. Everyone does. No, it’s better for me to leave. It’s not like you guys actually care about me all that much, so-’
‘Seriously? We “don’t care” about you? And that’s why we’re sat on the floor with you, is it?’ James shot back.
‘Yeah, Rem, the floor is literally made of stone. My arse is bloody freezing.’ Peter complained.
‘Not where I was going with that, but you’re not wrong, Pete. Listen, Remus. Of course we care about you. The whole reason we found out about this was because we were worried about you. Every single month, you leave for the night, and come back in the morning with bruises and fresh scars. Did you really think we wouldn’t notice? Remus, you’re literally our best friend. This doesn’t change the way we think of you at all. And it’s shitty that you immediately assume it would, and that needs to change. But we can’t help you until you let us in.’ James’ eyes were full of sincerity, and Remus almost found himself believing what he said.
‘And that goes for all of us, Remus. Let us help you.’ Sirius gripped his hand as he spoke, squeezing it tightly.
Remus looked around at his friends sitting before him, at the earnestness on their faces, and finally, at his hand, intertwined with Sirius’.
Slowly, he nodded, and his next word came out in a whisper, his voice cracking.
‘Okay.’
Bonus:
‘Ok, I know we’re like, having a moment here, but, like, seriously, Remus? Did you really think we’d be scared of you? You fold your socks, for Christ’s sake. You’re literally the least scary person I know!’ For emphasis, Peter groped around for the abandoned folded fluffy socks, holding them up to eye-level as he spoke.
‘Actually, I have to disagree, Pete. I think he’s absolutely terrifying. This one time, I saw him folding his dirty washing. It’s gonna get crumpled up anyway! Scared me shitless.’ Sirius joked, looking up at Remus with eyes full of mirth.
James hummed in agreement. ‘Going back to what Peter said, though, I can’t believe you thought that? If anything, I’m more scared of Dorcas than I am of you, and that’s saying something, because she’s a literal human teddy bear.’
Remus shook his head as he chuckled. ‘Shut up,you guys.’
AN: okay so i just wanna thank you if you read this far!! also im not particularly happy with how this turned out but i promise myself id post it today lol but any constructive criticism or literally anything would be much appreciated!! ok that's it lol have a nice day <3
One day the marauders are in potions and they're brewing amortentia. Slughorn asks them all what they smell. Sirius smells books, chocolate and sweaters. Remus smells dog fur and leather. Peter smells biscuits and cakes. Lastly James goes and he straight up says, "Regulus". Let's just say Sirius wasn't very happy.
It was pouring outside. It was the weekend and they couldn't even go outside.
"C'mon you two, don't be so upset!" Mary spoke to James and Sirius as they pouted looking out the window.
"Boys we're playing the kissing game or whatever it's called, get down here! Oh and Regulus is here!" Marlene called up. At the sound of Regulus' name, James jumped up and raced down stairs.
"Bloody hell, sometimes I wonder how Regulus doesn't notice James has a crush on him," Mary said under her breath following the rest of the boys.
"Hey Reggie!" Sirius said as he made his way to the common room and Regulus just nodded in return as he continued to talk to Marlene about something. James heart stopped for a moment when he saw what regulus was wearing, a white blouse and black jeans. He knew this is what he wore most days, but damn he looked good.
"K everyone knows the rules I'm guessing?" Dorcas asked.
"Actually I don't," Lily said as she laid her head in Mary's lap.
"Ok so, whoever's go it is has to spin the wand, when it lands on someone they spin the wheel to see if they are having a quick peck, a kiss, a quick snog or going in the cupboard for seven minutes for a long snog," Peter explained to Lily.
"Ok I'll go first!" Marlene stated as she spun the wand.
"Oh my god ew! No way in hell!" Marlene yelled when the wand landed on Sirius.
"I'm not exactly happy either princess!" Sirius yelled back while everyone else was laughing at them.
"Mar you still need to spin the wheel," Dorcas reminded her. Marlene took a deep breath and spun until it landed on quick snog and she looked ready to murder the board.
"Oh my! My brother and sister snogging! Merlin Sirius I know we're Blacks but I expected better from you!" Regulus said between laughs earning another laugh from everyone besides Sirius and Marlene.
"Come here then princess" Sirius said while letting go of Remus' hand slowly. Marlene looked at Dorcas with pleading eyes but when she got no where she walked over to Sirius.
"Your breath stinks!" Marlene complained when they were centimetres apart.
"Yours ain't much better!" Sirius retorted. And finally their lips met and they both flinched. As they began to kiss everyone saw how awkward and wrong it looked. After 10 seconds they pulled apart and ran to the bathroom to clean their mouths and everyone returned to laughs and giggles.
"That wasn't a very long snog" Remus said laughing still.
"Shut it" Sirius said while sitting in his lap, looking like he wasn't going to move any time soon.
"Alright I'll go," Peter said, spinning the wand. After a moment the wand landed on Lily.
"Not my first pick but it'll do" Peter said almost silently under his breath as he spun the wheel and it landed on peck. Peter sat up and walked over to Lily and gave her a peck on the lips and went back to his spot.
"Well that was boring," Mary said.
"Yeah yeah, whatever, you should be happy I didn't have to snog your girlfriend! Anyway you go," Peter told her and with that she spun the wand.
"Oh thank Merlin!" Mary basically sang when it landed on Dorcas.
"I'm honestly offended by that" James dramatically stated.
"You should be Potter" she answered, spinning the wheel and getting kiss.
Before Mary went over to Dorcas she whispered to Lily, "Are you alright with this Sweetheart?" To which Lily nodded, so Mary gave Dorcas a quite, passionate kiss.
"Bloody hell. Marly, she may be a better kisser then you!" Dorcas exclaimed.
"No she bloody isn't!" Marlene growled while pulling Dorcas in for a kiss.
"I'm mistaken, anyway Regulus you go," Dorcas said while regaining her breath.
When Regulus spun James hoped that it would be him who got to kiss him but decided not to get his hopes to high. It felt like the wand had been spinning forever when it finally began to slow down. It went past Lily, Mary, Remus, Sirius, Peter and finally stopped on James. James looked up at Regulus to see him slightly grinning which caused a small blush to brush across James' cheeks. Regulus spun the wheel and James couldn't believe his luck when it read, seven minutes in heaven.
"Oh my! My two brothers snogging! Merlin Reggie I know we're Blacks but I expected better from you!" Sirius copied Regulus' words from before earning himself being flipped off.
"Right then, let's go Potter," Regulus said as he raised from his spot and walked so casually to the cupboard that you wouldn't think he was about to snog his brothers best friend. James was purely shocked but got up nevertheless and followed Regulus over to the cupboard. Once he got in he noticed Regulus put up a silencing spell in the cupboard and suddenly got very nervous.
"You know we don't have to do this if you aren't comfortable, right?" Regulus asked once he saw how nervous James looked.
"Yeah I kn- bloody hell," James whispered once he saw how gorgeous Regulus looked in this lighting. His eyes looked like there was a storm brewing in them with his dark hair falling slightly over the top of his face.
"Are you ok Jam-" Regulus began to say until James' hands found his blouse and he was pulled into a kiss. At first he was shocked but eventually he melted into the kiss and pushed James lightly against the wall. James' hands wandered up to Regulus' hair and slowly his fingers became tangled in it. Regulus' own hands gripped James' hips tightly, as if he was scared this would be the only time they would kiss. Their lips fit together like two puzzle pieces, finally fixing together. Their lips parted for a second as if asking if it was ok to continue, until their lips met once again. James' grip got tighter on Regulus' hair as the other's lips went down to meet the skin of his neck leaving soft kisses. Those soft kisses slowly got harder and James' breaths got quicker. A few marks were placed on James' neck. But as soon as it happened, it ended with Sirius opening the door with his mouth hung open.
"Ahem!" Lily coughed loudly and James tried to straighten out but Regulus continued his trail of kisses.
"Bloody hell, I didn't think they would do it!" Sirius gasps.
"We did," Remus said smirking.
"Wait what! Oh my Merlin, stop bloody kissing!" Sirius shouted and with that Regulus gave James one last peck on his lips and got off of him completely.
"James how are you going to cover those up?" Marlene asks with a grin on her face while pointing to the dark coloured marks on his neck.
"I um-" James began.
"He's not," Regulus stated boldly, "Now if you guys let us have a second" he continued closing the door and James was glad he put up a silencing spell up before.
"James Potter, I like you, I have a small feeling you like me, so will you be my boyfriend?" Regulus questioned, a small hint of nervousness in his voice.
"Yes," James smiled while pulling him in for another kiss.
"You two better not be kissing again!" Sirius yelled as he banged on the door.
Regulus just kept kissing James. Once they broke apart, Regulus said, "You're not allowed to cover those up"
"Wasn't planning on it" James replied as he cuddled close to him.
If anyone's confused about Regulus, Sirius and Marlene, Marlene is like an older sister to Regulus and Marlene and Sirius are best friends but in their own way. Hope you enjoyed this, I'm still experimenting with writing Jegulus stuff.
