Hayden doesn’t see or hear Shane laugh until after Shane and Ilya are outed.
He’s seen Shane Hollander laugh. That forced, professional, made-for-the-cameras laugh. He’s seen Captain Shane laugh, with a short, restrained smile before he gets right back to business. He’s seen My Best Friend Shane laugh at dinner with Jackie and the kids, in a way he’d thought was real for over a decade because it looked like it reached his eyes.
Then he watches the way Shane—not Captain, not the kids’ Uncle Shane, not post-game press Hollander; this is the real Shane—lights up when Rozanov whispers something in his ear. There’s no other way to describe it. Shane leans in to listen to whatever Rozanov has to say and the way his face breaks open into pure, unfiltered joy is just…
Damn, Hayden thinks to himself. Where was this Shane the whole time?
Shane laughs so long and so hard that he can barely breathe. He’s red in the face, wiping away tears and gasping for air as he tries to hold in the giggles—and that’s the only way to describe the sound; these are uncontrollable, soul-deep giggles. He loses the fight over and over, dissolving into laughter every time Rozanov looks his way.
He was here the whole time, Hayden says internally. We just didn’t see him.
He thinks back to every locker room conversation, every victory party, every team dinner where Shane had seemed happy. Every shared hotel room and late-night talk where he’d asked if his friend was okay because something had felt off and he’d assumed that behind closed doors and closed-off smiles, Shane was lonely. Every conversation they’ve had with JJ since The Video, where Shane looked down and clammed up. Every practice where he stopped looking angry when Comeau stopped passing to him and the other players followed suit, and he’d just looked blank.
I’m good.
I’m fine.
You worry too much.
What are you, my mother?
Rozanov—Ilya—hauls Shane into his lap by the waist and plants a wet, sloppy kiss onto his freckled cheek. The Shane Hayden knows—knew?—would’ve made a face at the extreme physical contact. This Shane laughs harder and revels in the affection, tilting his head and giving the other man access to his neck.
Fuck, we didn’t see him, Hayden thinks. I didn’t see him. I didn’t hear him. I let him disappear right in front of me.
And if I said that Shane’s earned the right to be a diva every once in a while? If I said that being the GOAT, the Beyoncé of your field, means that you get to demand the best of everyone around you and maybe not be nice about it sometimes? That maybe being polite and very stereotypically Canadian about it 99% of the time is all well and good, but that Shane is fully within his right to look at his teammates (ahem…Metros) when they’re fucking up and demand that they pull their shit together, AND to be a total asshole about it?
Who gon check me? More importantly, who would check Shane? Because would he be wrong?
Ilya is finally relaxed. No Rose Landry, no chaos at this point, just free time together. He’s in the pool, effortlessly winning over a group of children while trying to include Shane in the fun too.
rose convincing shane and ilya to play the newlywed game and their answers are insanely scary specific bc they’re actually obsessed with eachother and stalked each other for years and would refresh the news when something happened to the other.
Shane answers questions about Ilya first, and everyone is a little alarmed at Shane's very correct and very specific answers (except for Ilya, who is delighted), but then it's Ilya's turn and he's just as bad, knowing every single detail without hesitation, and Shane is terrible at hiding how much he loves it. Everyone is mildly alarmed, but ultimately happy for them?
laughing about the idea of shane just being fucking Over It on round 20349898 of getting asked about if he ever let ilya beat him in a game and his media coaching slipping enough for him to just deadpan, "have you heard how annoying he is when he wins? you think i would ever let that happen on purpose?"
I was just thinking about that scene during the Shane Rose era, when Ilya asks Connor to go out and Ilya goes, “We’re in Montreal, we find a fucking club.” And it hits a little differently when you realize Ilya had always been there with Shane whenever they were in Montreal. Without him, Ilya genuinely didn’t know a single club, a single spot, or even where to go.
It’s such a small moment, but somehow it says everything about how much of Montreal was tied to Shane for him.
As soon as Shane realized he was gay, that mf Locked In. He said, we need to get this relationship Sorted, hired a stylist, and showed up to All Stars weekend ready to lock down the best dicking he had ever gotten in his life. And it worked.
We don’t talk about this enough. With all the big romantic gestures in The Long Game, this, to me, is one of the most romantic moments.
We know Ilya isn’t a fan of Shane’s restrictive diet. He teases him about it, but Ilya is an expert ragebaiter who knows how to tease the people he cares about when they feel safe and in ways that never really hurt.
Shane is “frantic” in this scene. Ilya has the perfect opening to say something about his diet, and he doesn’t take it. He sees that Shane is panicking, steps in and fixes it. He was looking at that menu thinking about Shane and Shane’s fuckass diet that Ilya doesn’t even like. But he knows this is important to Shane. He knows Shane is already nervous about being on a date with Ilya in public and being with another queer couple. So he meets Shane’s needs without Shane ever having to ask, and he does it quietly, without drawing any attention, so that Shane can save face.
Of course he’s gonna tease him about it a little bit later because that’s what they do. But he only does that AFTER Shane’s had a chance to catch his breath and feel safe again.
One of my big headcanons is that Shane and Ilya would both find it very funny to see how far they can push the PDA level in front of their team, and they are not above pulling the 'we had to hide for a decade 🥹' card to push it further.
It's a game between the two of them. This is their version of that game where everyone has to yell sex louder than the last person until one chickens out.
Shane has hopped onto Ilya's back like a backpack and has Buried his nose behind Ilya's jaw, waiting for someone to finally suggest that maybe there's a line to physical affection at the rink, but then Ilya casually mentions how he was afraid to even have photos of Shane on his phone 🥺 and now the team feels too sad to say anything for at least 24 hours.
Troy is the only one who sees that this is a sick game of chicken for them and not a single Centaur believes him.
cackling about the idea of the ottawa team doing challenges for social media because shane's first question would be, "how many did rozanov get?" and ilya's first question would be, "how many did my husband get?" because they want to beat anyone, but they ESPECIALLY want to beat each other
which means that over time, new challenges for each of them get prefaced with, "and your husband has not gone yet" or "your husband got X" because it is a GIVEN that they're going to want to know how the other did so they can try to beat him
and it's really just another point of evidence that at NO POINT did either of them ever consider letting the other person win ANYTHING
you think the motherfuckers locking the FUCK in to catch the most ping pong balls blindfolded are going to let the other win a deciding match for the cup?? be SO fucking for real
Ilya is chronically online so of course he saw this trend on tiktok and it's ridiculous and a bit cheesy but despite himself he has to snort in amusement whenever he sees another video of it. he knows the exasperated look Shane will give him and that alone is reason enough to try it out.
it's too easy really, the next time they go shopping (yes, occasionally these divas go shopping especially since Shane found comfort in a better style), Shane instinctively grabs one bag after the other form the cashiers. they walk through the streets vaguely back to their car but Ilya really is in a splurging mood and gets more and more bags with toys for Anya, a new watch he will never wear, a hair care gift set for Sveta, you name it. each bag he presses into Shane's already full hands and dashes off to find another thing to buy and hand over to his dutiful husband.
as usual when they are out in the city, Shane doesn't say much. he doesn't complain about the 15th bag to hold, he just takes it with a stern face and an increasing eagerness to get back to the car.
Ilya falls a few steps behind, stealthily starts recording a video of Shane marching infront of him, packed like a mule. Ilya manages to sound relatively miserable when he finally asks: "Solnyshko, why are you not holding my hand right now?"
Shane immediately stops in his tracks to turn around, Ilya is so ready to get laserbeamed with the hollander glare of annoyance and a devastating quip, but... but instead a frowning Shane looks genuinely alarmed, as if he would have forgotten something important. "Oh, right", he mutters and immediately pushes the bags over his forearm to reach our for Ilya with his left hand. fuck. after all Shane is just too good for this world. Ilya is too stunned to speak for a moment and glad to take his husband's hand and let himself be guided through the streets.
of course Ilya needs to try again. his husband is a total bitch and ilya just loves it so much when he gets Shane to show it. why must shane ruin a funny video by being so sweet and caring and genuine and just so shane?
A few weeks latery, the Cens are due for a roadtrip and Shane and Ilya arrive at the training center for the bus that will shuttle them to their plane. Shane unloads their suitcases, as he always does, and is suprised to see as Ilya begins to grab a few bags from the backseats. PlayStation for team bonding, new skates he might wanna try, extra bathrobes, and some things more, Ilya casually explains. Shane just hums and grabs their two suitcases. Ilya shoves another bunch of full bags towards Shane, which he wordlessly accepts and stacks on the suitcases. They make their way over the parking lot, and Ilya, basically baggage free, sneakily angels his phone to start recording another video. "I can't believe your not holding my hand right now", he sighs dramatically. That surely must get a rise out of Shane. He can almost see these useless bags flying in his face. He should have known better. Shane immediately shifts the suitcases so he grabs both handles with one hand, and offers his free hand to Ilya with a little smile. "Sorry."
Fucking hell. He even said sorry. Goddam polite canadian husband. Ruining Ilya's evil plans and his sanity at once. When Shane's fingers wrap around Ilya's, Ilya is actually grateful to have something to hold on to.
For his next attempt, Ilya tries to be more sneaky. If he wants to rile Shane up, he has to take the game to the only place where Shane won't let him get away with any nonsense. And he needs backup.
Ilya chooses the next training and Luca Haas as his secret camera man, who is the only one gullible enough to obey his captain's ridiculous demands without asking any questions. Ilya makes it clear that he doesn't care how Luca sneaks the phone inside the rink just that he has to be ready and discreet ones Ilya gives the sign. And sure as hell he is.
Shane just sets up to fire some warm up shots at Wyatt from the blue line when Ilya smoothly skates next to him and lightly swings his stick around.
"Don't you like holding my hand?", he asks woefully and in great expectation of Shane hissing at him, telling him to stop distracting him at work.
Shane turns towards him slowly and cocks his head. "Why would you say that?"
"We are not holding hands right now", Ilya pouts.
"Oh." Shane nods and looks down at his gloved hands at his stick. "Yeah that is a problem."
And before Ilya can grasp it, Shane drops the glove of his left hand and lays it on top of Ilya's right.
Ilya's brain is melting into a puddle of goo and he is so annoyed by it. And by Shane. But mostly there is just warm fuzzy goo.
He swears he can hear Luca say "aww" which pretty much sums it up.
Shane's eyes catches Ilyas gaze again and smiles so softly and Ilya wants to sink into these deep pools of brown- when Shane's smile turns a bit lopsided, an eyebrow arches up.
He barely breaks eye contact when he quickly adjust his stand, swinging his stick with his right hand and slapping the puck right between Wyatts skates into the goal.
"Fuck", Ilya whispers, suprised and more than half horny in under a second. "Did you just-"
He looks at where Shane's left hand still rests on his.
"Score a goal, one handed? Sure I did", Shane grins smugly but lya can feel Shane squeezing his own gloved hand.
"Holy shit, Hollzy", Wyatt hollers, "Thats cheating, by the way. Can't shoot while being all cutesie with your husband."
"That's so cool!", Luca skates closer and waves his phone in Ilya's face. "I got it all on video!"
Shane's gives Ilya a puzzled look and Ilya knows he has a lot of explaining and probably even more apologising to do. After that he will give Shane a mind-blowing blowjob the very moment they are alone. Probably two. Shane definitely earned it.
Later he cuts all three videos of him asking Shane to hold his hand into one edit and uploads it with the caption "If he wanted to, he would 😌💅"
(Harris gets inspired by the video and convinces Wiebe to let Shane and Ilya do one training session where they hold hands the entire time. Noone is suprised they still manage to score more goals than anyone else. Harris is delighted to have some excellent footage for the Cens Instagram channel and captions it with "Why aren't you holding your teammates hand right now?")
something something Shane feeling unimaginable guilt for keeping Ilya in the closet (and by extension keeping him isolated and alone in his experience) something something Shane trying to hide his discomfort and anger towards Troy because of this guilt (because it’s only fair the Ilya gets to keep this one thing after everything he’s given up for Shane, because Shane’s not a girl and he’s not easy and he couldn’t leave well enough alone)
something something Shane thinking he’s so slick bc he doesnt let the tears fall when Troy hugs Ilya or skates too close to Shane or goes for a fist bump after a well timed pass (and that means no one will Know right? No one can tell if the tears aren’t on his face).
Something something by the 5th practice like this Ilya can tell somethings wrong, really wrong because Shane keeps pulling at his eyelids and blinking hard into his stall, fingers coming away with eyelashes that he doesn’t even bother to make a wish on. Ilya watched Shane sleep that night, this person he knows so well, and tries to reason with himself (bc he just needs more time, Shane’s been through so much of course the adjustments hard, the centaurs are so different from what he’s used to, Ilya’s had time for them to go from team mates to friends to family, Shane just needs more time right?)
Something something by the 10th practice Captain Rozanov has had enough and pulls his second line center and asked him to kindly tell him what the fuck is up and Shane hits him with the PR smile and a wet waterline and pinch to his eye lid that delicately peels away even more of those eyelashes that Ilya loves so much.
(It’s not that Shane doesn’t know what’s going on. he does. If he could beat the shit out of Troy, out of Dallas, out of metros, out of the fucking world he would but. He can’t. He’s Shane Hollander. He’s a role model. He’s making up for lost time. He’s thanking god every day that his fear didn’t isolate Ilya so badly that he lost him. He’s thanking his lucky stars that he gets this life and he’s watching Troy’s every move wearily and he’s losing eyelashes and he read that they don’t grow back so what happens when they’re all gone, will Ilya still love him the same? something something something it’s always something with Shane and he just wants things to be easy for Ilya just this once—)
Ilya watches him skate away with a frown.
(Don’t worry a few weeks later Troy makes a dumb joke about how he can’t believe Shane forgave him for the shit he used to pull with Dallas and Shane ha has his way thru it but Ilya’s eye twitches and the puzzle pieces start to fall into place. Eventually he makes Troy skate until he pukes. Eventually Shane’s eyelashes grow back, full and dark and lovely)
I need Shane on his hands and knees trying to tuck all of his broken pieces away before someone else can see only for them to spill everywhere again and again
I need Shane to grapple and claw and bully his well-crafted mask back into place only for it to keep ripping apart at the seams
I need Shane to struggle with struggling because he's safe and things are good now so why cant he just be fucking grateful for what he has
I need Shane to realize that it's because he's safe and because things are better and because his body can finally rest that all the glue and tape and everything else holding his pain into a manageable-looking shape is finally falling apart and it fucking HURTS
"Well I guess we know who's winning the Rocket Richard this year," one of the Admirals says, and Shane freezes, running through stats he knows by heart. They're tied for goals again.
Okay. Okay. Enough.
--
In the wake of tragedy, a choice.
Notes/Additional content warnings: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, Long Game spoilers, Long Game Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Past Character Death, Grief/Mourning, DEAD ILYA
I sobbed writing this, sorry y'all
Word Count: 1648
AO3
---
The goal horn blares with just under six minutes left in the period and Shane feels nothing; he barely even flinches when his linemates slam into him in celebration.
Beyond the pile of bodies he catches Hayden's eye. He gives him a small smile, but Shane can't bring himself to return it.
Two of the Admirals forwards skate by as the celly breaks up, just close enough for Shane to hear their conversation.
"Well I guess we know who's winning the Rocket Richard this year," one of them says, and Shane freezes, running through stats he knows by heart.
They're tied for goals again.
Ilya had been ahead of him, after the Cens' great game in Carolina and Montreal's lackluster performance against DC. Now with Shane's goal starting off the game against New York they're back to neck and neck in points.
Around him, the teams are milling around while the Admirals' coach challenges the goal. Shane doesn't bother to listen to the justification; he knows it was clean. He glances at the scoreboard to see if they've updated it yet and his attention is snagged by the clock.
Oh, he thinks. He feels something settle in his chest. Okay. Enough.
Nobody pays any mind to him as he glides over to center ice and turns a slow circle, taking in the packed Bell Center. He looks up at the rafters where the three Stanley Cup banners hang, at the stands filled with fans decked out in blue and red, at the center faceoff dot. For a moment he sees a black uniform hunched over the dot, blond curls plastered with sweat and eyes dancing with challenge. He blinks, and the image vanishes.
Hunter drifts over; the coaches and refs are still arguing. Shane's glad it's him, if it had to be anyone. It feels fitting. Hunter nods in greeting but stays quiet.
"I never said thank you, not properly," Shane says. Hunter looks confused.
"For what?" he asks.
"I know my email was pretty vague, but," Shane exhales heavily. "I spent seven years dancing around the love of my life until you gave us hope. I got four real years with him because you decided to be brave. I'll never be able to repay you for that."
Hunter stares at him. "You...?"
Shane chuckles. "Guess he was right," he muses to himself. He sees Hunter's confusion and explains. "I was so sure you knew about us. Ilya always insisted you had no idea. He always said you were too old to see what was in front of you," he finishes with a snort.
He watches the realization dawn on Hunter's face.
"Il- you and - seven-"
In other circumstances, watching Hunter splutter in disbelief would be hilarious. As it is, it only takes another moment for the rest of the realization to crash down on him.
"Hollander, Shane, oh my God," Hunter starts, horror overtaking the confusion.
Shane nods once, lips pressed tightly together. He flicks his eyes back to the scoreboard, the stopped clock.
He nods again, then holds out a hand. Scott takes it on autopilot, visibly still processing.
"It's been an honor, Scott. Kiss your husband when you get home."
"Yeah, yeah of course, wait - what -"
Shane doesn't answer, just drops Scott's hand and turns away, skating off towards the tunnel. Behind him the teams are moving to reset, the goal having been declared legal. He pauses right before he leaves the ice and turns back. The clock hasn't changed.
Distantly he knows that photos of this moment will follow him for the rest of his life.
He steps off the ice.
Enough.
The coaching staff has somehow not noticed him yet, too distracted with the goal challenge. He heads back to the locker room and sits down at his stall. He takes a moment to sit in silence, then starts to take his gear off.
He's out of his sweater and starting on his pads by the time the first assistant coach comes barrelling into the locker room.
"Hollander, what the fuck are you doing?"
"I'm done," he says calmly. He bends down to unlace his skates.
"Are you hurt? Sick? Unless you're actively dying I don't care what's wrong with you, you'll either get dressed again or you're benched for the next three games!"
Shane looks up and shakes his head. "I said I'm done. I quit, or I retire, or however you want to spin this, but I'm not going out there again."
The assistant coach stares at him in disbelief before turning back out of the locker room, probably to go get backup. Shane shakes his head again and moves on to his other skate.
He reaches for his phone once he's down to his undershirt. He ignores his notifications, and thinks for a moment before beginning to type.
He reads it over then saves it to his drafts. He'll find a picture to go with it later. For now, he peels off the rest of his gear and takes a quick rinse in the showers before throwing his walk-in suit back on. He takes care to detangle the gold chain around his neck from the top buttons of his shirt but doesn't bother with his tie or jacket.
He's just about finished cleaning out his locker when he hears the horn signal the end of the period and the team starts filing back in with the coaching staff.
Hayden takes one look at him and his shoulders drop, but he ruffles his hair as he passes anyway. JJ tosses him a confused look as he settles on his other side but bumps their shoulders together all the same.
"Hollander, explain yourself." Thériault barks.
"I'm done."
The room erupts, the rest of the team shouting questions and the coaches demanding explanations.
Shane doesn't react.
"What the fuck does that mean?" Thériault demands.
"It means I'm done playing. I won't go back on the ice."
"Hollander, if you don't get dressed again for the next period, forget benched, forget fined, we'll put you on fucking waivers and send you down the fucking minors!"
Shane stares at him, expressionless.
"The love of my life died two months ago. The last time I saw him we fought and I didn't even kiss him goodbye before I walked out the door. I have to live with that for the rest of my life, and I deserve it for being a fucking coward. There is literally nothing you could do that would be worse punishment than that."
There's silence for a moment before the room explodes again. Shane ignores all of it, just zips up his bag and stands.
"I'm done," he says over the din, and walks out of the locker room.
In the hallway he pulls out his phone and decides he doesn't need a photo. The statement is enough.
They were supposed to retire together, supposed to be each other's dates to the Hall of Fame inductions. They were supposed to get to grow old together, get married, be the Hollander-Rozanovs, never one without the other.
If Shane can't have that, the least he can do is ensure they will always be linked this way. In highlights, in best-of compilations, in stats and leaderboards, there will never be Hollander without Rozanov.
He glances at his watch and is startled into laughter. If it's slightly wet, there's no one around to see.
Shane hits post and walks out of the Bell Center for the last time.
---
Shane Hollander
When I was 17 years old, I introduced myself to the star centre for the Russian national team at World Juniors. Already the narrative was taking shape around two kids who wanted to play hockey and be the best of the best.
I have been lucky enough to have had the kind of career I could have only dreamed about in that parking lot in Regina, but I have never been alone at the top. I know now I was never supposed to be.
Tonight I played my last shift as a Metro and as an MLH player. To the fans and the city of Montreal, thank you for your endless support and enthusiasm. To my team, it's been my honour to lead you as your captain these past ten years. To my friends and family, you have been my rock.
To my Lily: Loving you is the best thing I've ever done, and being loved by you is the greatest privilege of my life. Safe in my heart, vsegda. Obeshchayu. Love, your Montreal Jane.
Posted at 8:10pm
BREAKING: Shane Hollander walks off ice, announces retirement mid-game
MONTREAL - Shane Hollander, Captain and first-line center for the Montreal Metros, announced his retirement tonight via Instagram during the first intermission of the Montreal-New York matchup.
Hollander, who has led the Metros to three Stanley Cups, scored the first goal of the game at 14:10 in the first period before leaving the ice and reportedly refusing to return.
The game marked Hollander and the Metros' return to the ice after the season was paused out of respect for the fatal plane crash that claimed the lives of the Ottawa Centaurs team and coaching staff. It was the final of three away games for the New York Admirals, who return to New York tonight ahead of a series of home games.
Hollander was seen shaking hands with Admirals Captain Scott Hunter in the moments before he left the ice. Hunter refused to comment on their conversation in post-game press, although New York Head Coach Murdock expressed his shock at Hollander's abrupt exit.
The Montreal Metros front office has yet to put out an official statement...READ MORE
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Post-tripgate I think someone digs up the footage of the Marlow hit and uses it as evidence that Shane's got a proven record of being distracted by Rozanov on the ice. A particularly vicious subset of Montreal fans start claiming that Shane cost them two cups. It goes viral enough that Shane gets chirped about it on the ice and it's probably the thing that gets under Shane's skin more than any of the other fallout from the trip, but if he lets on for even a second that it bothers him it'll be taken as confirmation that it's true.
Still thinking about the Centaurs and their reaction to finding out that “THE Shane fucking Hollander” was mistreated and chased out of his previous team.
I don’t think Shane would openly talk about what happened- he’s too polite and private to do so- but I think it would start to be pretty evident to everyone that he came from a toxic environment.
Like- he apologizes for every loss and mistake as if waiting for full condemnation- seemingly completely unaware that he is 1) a player better than nearly everyone else on the team, 2) not solely responsible for their failures, and 3) only fucking human??
And they notice that he has specific habits. Like. He stays late. He comes in early. He never showers around anyone else if he can help it, especially his husband. He keeps to himself, quiet and tense. He’s surprised when people voluntarily speak with him. He avoids physical touch like the plague. He takes any chirp that is lighthearted poking as serious criticism.
The only times he’s apparently confident and content are when he’s actually playing. He struggles when it comes to practicing with the team at first because he doesn’t expect to have help on the ice. He flinches when his teammates celebrate a goal with him, easily startled by a pat on his back or a knock with a helmet to his head.
And anything with Ilya is stilted and awkward. He avoids touching his husband. He avoids looking at him for too long. He flinches at well-meaning chirps about their relationship status. And Ilya is consistently looking at him with concern and adoration and the slightest hint of disappointment (not with Shane. Just with the situation).
Idk. I just keep thinking about this and going crazy.
