One year difference. Woah.
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One year difference. Woah.
almost 6 months on T now: I forgot to update because nothing really changed in the last few weeks. I still got the problem with my itchy skin and I am still taking meds because of it. My Doc who gives me the T wanted me to stop taking it for 3 Months but I didn't wanted to. He didn't even listen to my problem and just said that it's from the T and that i could die if i continue taking it and that i just should go home, just to make me stop wasting his time (This guy is from f*cking hell and doesn't like/understand trans people at all.. for all german trans-people out there who happen to live in cologne: Do not ever go to Dr.Kaulen). Also: not T related but I finally officially changed my Name and Gender on my documents and ID and stuff like that. Another thing that other people noticed is that i am way more agressive than i was in the last few months.. i myself didn't notice that at all, so i'm not sure if i'm able to change this and i'm scared to ruin my friendships.
Guysssss its been a while since I’ve posted something. So there you go. I took some pics for fun and they turned out to be likeable. I am 1 Year and 11 Month on T. And I can’t believe it’s 2 years next month. I started nursing school and I really like it so far! Nice class mates and fun. Can you ask for more?! Lowkey yes, because I miss my friend who live in Essen and my friend from Berlin. “Maybe won't you take it back Say you were tryna make me laugh And nothing has to change today You didn’t mean to say "I love you" I love you and I don't want to” -Billie Eilish - i love you #trans #transguy #transman #transgender #testosterone #testosteronetherapy #ftm #hormonetherapy #femaletomale #strongman #happy #foreveralone #greyhair #transition #jawline #iamarealman #russian #german #germany #shorthair #lgbt🌈 #lgbtqiaplus #transftm #earpiercing #snakebites #septum (at Paderborn, Germany) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwH9aaRlIYR/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1x5evwwev7ybi
Ok, so its been 1 week and 1 day and the fat in my chest has already left a bit. My chest looks different. My gf noticed a couple days ago. Where I only did today. With all these small changes already, Im excited to see what happens when I go up to 50 mg everyother week from 25 mg.
Only 13 days left until #surgeryday! My level of #freakingout and the length of each day seems to grow exponentially as it gets closer. I am too #impatient to wait and I am #insatiable! Also, in case y’all didn’t know - im making videos again. A new #video will be uploaded to @youtube on Friday about which method of #hormonetherapy I prefer. Go #subscribe and click the bell to be notified! #youtube #transgirl #transactress #srs #grs #hormones @insatiable (at Halifax, Nova Scotia)
WOW Wednesday!!! When you look down for the first time and it finally makes sense. Whether you’re having #ftmtopsurgery for the first time or Dr. Garramone is correcting another surgeons work, when your chest looks anatomically like it should, it just feels right. Please call us to make an appointment 954-752-7842 #Repost @jessietrotter_ with @get_repost ・・・ Keep climbing that mountain 👌🌄 So much love for @drcharlesgarramone and his staff. Thank you guys for making this such an awesome experience. . . . . . . . . #t #trans #transgender #ftm #femaletomale #pictures #hrt #hormones #hormonetherapy #lgbt #photos #topsurgery #tulsa #oklahoma #nohate #transman #pride #transdudes #transitioning #vitaminT #testosterone #thisiswhattranslookslike #loveislove #lovewins #transmen #newman #filter #summer #postop #drgarramone (at Dr. Garramone)
A different normal
Two years ago I finished active treatment. People often assume that end of active treatment means all better, move on and get back to normal. That’s not the case. Treatment fucks you up and with cancers receptive to hormones, hormone therapy causes its own issues. For me the combination of it all has left me with serious chronic pain and fatigue.
The hardest part of my journey since finishing active treatment, has been accepting my new normal as being very different from what I believed it was going be.
Due to pain and fatigue I had to give up on working and studying as a public health nurse. Studying was such a large part of my life pre cancer and a large part of my identity; giving it up was crushing. I felt defeated by cancer because it had taken away so much of what defined me as me.
I was very low and grieving this loss. In January I realised how low I was and the impact it had all had, when I woke up from a nap screaming out loud “I want my life back.” This was a defining moment for me. I could not go back, I could only move forward.
I decided to give my mood a few weeks to start to improve and if it didn’t I would have a chat to my GP. My mood did improve. Slowly. Recovery is never a straight line and I still have dips where I struggle with my physical limitations.
However good things have happened and are happening as well. I started seeing some one new, Cassie. I had, when we started seeing each other, two other relationships. I’m poly and this work well for me. It makes me happy.
It was clear from the start that, despite the 13 year age gap, that we had a lot in common. Our values are the same,we have a similar sense of humour, a love of music and more besides.
Prior to meeting Cassie I was adamant that I would never live with anyone ever again. However Cassie is different. To be honest we are both pretty ‘different’ and perhaps its this which has bought us closer together. Cassie makes me ridiculously happy, brings out the best in me, accepts me, my faults and querks. I cant believe how lucky I am.
Life goes on and as such I planned to return to nursing. My body however isn’t up for this and I’m ok with that now. I have new plans, new dreams and hopes for the future, that I’m working on bringing to fruition. The Dutch have a saying ‘you have to eat what’s on your plate’. I think it means you need to make the most of what you have. It’s been a long process but I with celebrating being two years NED, I’m also celebrating all the positive things in my life and the ability to make the most of them.
about 3,5 months on T now: my voice keeps dropping and people notice. I have to shave my face once or twice a week now. The problem with my itchy skin got worse.. I've got "hives/urticaria"-like symptoms, jet this is not the case because given medication isn't effective- so my doc is sure that this is somehow the cause of T. I also got more hair on my legs and my skin got worse again, especially on my back and my shoulders. Apart from this i don't really notice anything new.