🍻+ "do you regret letting me close?" :o
( drunken confession. / @mightynope. )
it’s a punch to the gut the moment caleb says it.
he knows how it sounds. he knows that it must hurt. nott, of all people. his body recoils, shows how it affects him without an attempt to cover it up. there’s a heartbeat of tension before his fidgeting hands open in front of him, freezing there, his fingers clenching. he’s trying so hard to be open, so hard to not bolt the second he started being honest.
and it hurts. it hurts so bad, he hurries to correct it, hopeful despair so obvious in the way he smiles nervously. a bit crazy. the voice of doubt booms in his mind, pushing him. she’ll understand. she’ll understand, won’t she?
‘ but i never act on it! i think, i sometimes think, nott, about how i should leave. how all this - ‘ a gesture around them, as if anybody else were there. there’s some kind of disgust in his voice. caleb doesn’t know if it’s directed at himself or everybody else. ‘ this is distracting me from my goal. from getting to where i need to be. but - but that’s not true, is it? ‘
‘ you - you help me. ‘ caleb wants to take her hands. he wants to. but when he looks at his palms, all he sees is blood and dirt and everything she doesn’t deserve. so he only reaches, waiting for a response. ‘ you help me and i’m - i’m so grateful for your company, nott. despite everything else. ‘ despite me being the way i am. ‘ i wouldn’t have it any other way. ‘