Frank’s Auto Shop
Frank’s Auto Shop has been in business for forty years and never once has there been an audit, so Frank himself was quite surprised when an auditor walked into his shop.
“Mr. Fuller, my name is Charlie Thompson. I’m with the IRS,” the young man said while setting his brief case down and then pulled out a government issued identification card. The young man must have been right out of college - perhaps about 22 years old and he did not seem the friendliest. He put his card back in business coat and crossed his arms.
Frank huffed and then said, “Call me Frank…or Sir. I’m the boss around here. See the sign out front?”
“Got it, Frank,” Charlie said, “I’ve came to discuss an upcoming audit of your business.”
Frank opened his shop back when he was this auditor’s age. Always ran it by himself. He built it from the ground up and he wasn’t going to let this boy or the Feds take it away from him.
“Why haven’t I been notified of this?” Frank angrily said. Frank was a big man who was bald, but made up for it with a big, bushy goatee that was starting to turn gray.
“A Ms. Buchanan should have called you. If not, I guess this is your notification. Now please, could we sit down? I have to interview you and ask a few question.”
Frank stared at the boy. “Fine. We can go into my office.” Frank motioned and started to walk to the back of his shop. “You’re lucky that it is slow now, Chuck.”
“Please don’t call me Chuck. It’s Charlie, not Chuck,” Charlie corrected him as he followed.
The two of them entered the back office. Charlie immediately noticed the haze and smell of stale smoke. Frank sat behind his desk that was covered with bills. On top of the various pieces of paper sat a large ashtray with a few spent cigar nubs.
“Now, Mr. Fuller…” Charlie started to say.
“Frank or Sir, I told ya,” Frank sternly said.
“Frank, what is your age?” Charlie asked as he pulled out a notepad and pen.
“62,” he mumbled.
“Any plans to retire?” Charlie continued as he was making notes.
“No - can’t. Gotta run this business till I’m dead. I got no savings. Everything is in the business,” Frank spatted.
“No children to take over? Planning on selling it?” Charlie asked while not making any eye contact.
“No and no,” Frank said, “What’s this got to do with anything?”
“You see mister…sorry, Frank…you owe the government a bit of money. $494,078 to be exact. You haven’t paid income taxes,” Charlie spoke up while looking up from his notepad.
“Yes I have!” Frank yelled as he stood up, his face getting red.
“Please, Frank. I’ll explain. Frank Fuller has. Frank’s Auto Shop hasn’t. You never filed as a sole proprietorship. You never submitted the proper forms. Therefore, your business and you are two legally separate entities.
Frank huffed. Running his business was tough; and running it on his own after all these years made it even tougher. It was hard to hire someone who was both auto and business savvy. All Frank knew was cars. Frank looked at the stern look of boy and that was when he had an idea.
He walked around his desk and to a humidor on shelf behind Charlie. He had been saving this for another time, but he figured now would be better than ever given the current circumstances. Frank lifted the lid and picked up a large cigar. “Mind if I smoke?” he asked as he grabbed a cutter and cut the cap of the cigar.
“Actually, I do Frank,” Charlie spoke as he stood up.
Frank placed the cigar in his jaw and brought a torch lighter to the flame and started puffing, “Remember, I’m the boss?” The cigar came to life as smoke started pouring out of Frank’s mouth. Frank took another pull from his cigar, inhaled and looked at Charlie. He exhaled the smoke straight into Charlie’s face. “I think it is time I start asking the questions. Sit.”
Charlie obeyed and sat back down. Charlie was starting to cough and Frank knew that was a good sign. It meant that some of the smoke went into his lungs. This made Frank smile with his fat cigar in his jaw.
Frank sat back into his chair with Charlie staring at him. Frank pulled on his cigar “So Chuck, do you like your job?,” Frank continued while blowing more smoke toward Charlie.
“Yes. And my name is Charlie,” he answered.
“Boy,” Frank blew more smoke, “you be honest with me. And I like Chuck more.”
“No Sir, I don’t. I hate my job. And I do prefer to be called Chuck anyways. I’m Chuck now.”
“That’s what I thought, Chuck. And that is why you are here for a new job? A new life?”
“No Sir, I’m here to…” Chuck stopped as more smoke was blown in his face. “I mean, yes Sir. I wish to become a mechanic. I want a new life.”
“My smoke and I can give you that. Do you know anything about cars, Chuck?” Frank continued his questioning while he enjoyed his cigar. Every time he exhaled, he blew the smoke in Chuck’s face.
“I do. Been working on cars since high school.” Knowledge of cars flooded Chuck’s brain. Charlie knew nothing about cars, but Chuck did.
“Did you go to college, Chuck?”
“No Sir. I didn’t even finish high school. Dropped out at 16.” As knowledge of cars filled his brain, everything he knew about accounting went away. Charlie’s memories about school and college were being replaced by new ones. New ones as Chuck.
“Good - I never finished school either. I thought it was a waste.” Frank was happy his smoke was haltering his soon-to-be employee. “You look like a mechanic. You work out?”
“Some Sir. But trust me, I enjoy my beer too,” Chuck replied. As he said this, his face grew a bit and his neck got a little larger. Frank thought he was starting to look more like a man and not a boy.
“When were you able to grow out your beard?” Frank blew a thick cloud of smoke.
“Started shaving when I was 13. Always been hairy.” As Chuck said those words, a short beard appeared on his face while his hair got shorter, as if the hair on top of his head moved to his face.
“And when did you start going bald, Chuck?”
“Probably around 16. Just embraced it at 18 and shaved it all off.” His beard grew larger and his head was completely bald.
“Well, good thing it suits a mechanic like yourself.”
“Yes Sir. Guess being a mechanic is in my genes.”
“I’d say so.” Frank took a deep inhale and exhaled the largest cloud of smoke toward Chuck. He knew the next questions would make the change permanent. “You like my cigar smoke, Chuck?”
“I do, Sir,” Chuck was breathing the smoke deep into his lungs.
“Do you smoke cigars, Chuck?”
“I do, Sir. Started when I was 16.”
“How’d you start, Chuck?” Frank was constantly exhaling more and more smoke into Chuck’s newly bearded face that will always smell of cigar smoke.
“Don’t you remember? I came here, looking for a job right after I dropped out. I always admired you. Wanted to be just like you. You said you only hire men, not boys. I said I am a man and you handed me a cigar. Told me to prove it and smoke it. Got hooked then and there. Been smoking them ever since,” Chuck said, eyeing Frank’s cigar.
“Oh yeah, that’s right. Sorry I was the reason you become a smoker.
“Don’t be sorry, Sir! I love my cigars. I can’t imagine not smoking ever again. If anything, I should be thanking you,” Chuck said.
“Yeah, you should be thanking me,” Frank laughed. “Can’t believe I forgot hiring you after you smoked one of my cigars. Old men like me forget these types of things. Which is why I called you in here. I want you to take over my business when I retire.”
“Really, Sir?” Chuck replied in shock, “I would be honored.” As he said this, his business suit turned into a jumpsuit.
“I mean, you have been a good worker the past few years. You are like a son to me.” Frank stubbed his cigar out in his ashtray. “Just know that my business has some debts that you’d have to take on. Also, I expect to still be on the payroll after you take over. This is my life savings and retirement.”
“Wow, thank you Sir. You are like a father to me as well. I’d be more than happy to keep the family business going for you,” Chuck eagerly replied and stood up to shake his boss’s hand.
“We can hug it out,” Frank pulled Chuck in and hugged him. He noticed Chuck smelling his dirty and smoky coveralls. “Need a cigar, Chuck?”
“I do, Sir. You got me craving one after seeing you smoke. Been a few hours since my last.”
Frank walked to his humidor and pulled out two cigars. He cut them both and handed one to Chuck, who eagerly grabbed the lighter from his coveralls and brought the cigar to life. Chuck took a deep inhale. “Mmm, much needed. Well, better get back to work.” Chuck clenched the cigar in his jaw and said “Thanks for giving me just what I needed.” He then walked out of the smoky office, leaving a trail of smoke behind him.
As soon Chuck left the office, the phone on the desk rang. “Frank,” he answered with his cigar firmly clenched in his teeth.
“Hello Mr. Fuller! This is Laurie Buchanan with the IRS to notify you that an auditor by the name of Charlie Thompson will be stopping by this morning to ask a few questions. Will you be available?”
“Why yes Ms. Buchanan!” Frank exclaimed while taking his cigar out of mouth. “Charlie must have came early. He has actually already left. He said I gave him just what he needed and he is now long gone.”
“Perfect, Mr. Fuller. Do you have any questions?” the woman asked.
“Actually, I am about to retire soon and just hired a new employee who will be taking over the business. Is there a form I need to submit?”
After a lengthy conversation with Ms. Buchanan, Frank walked into the smoke filled shop. He smiled with his cigar. Chuck was working on the engine of a muscle car while smoking away. Frank noticed that Chuck must have already finished his first of many cigars as there was freshly lit one in his jaw. Frank thought Chuck was adapting to his new life perfectly; but to Chuck, this was the life he has ever known.
