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Dummies In Danger

Summary: Bastard Munchën viewership needs a rise to sell more merch somehow this leads to them playing DND. 10.6k | no warning applies |

It was another chaotic day at Blue Lock. Team Bastard Munchën was as usual, amid a heated argument, though no one seemed to remember what had sparked it in the first place. The tension was palpable as Isagi and Kaiser locked eyes, their faces mere inches apart, caught in yet another of their strange, homoerotic confrontations.

Kurona started to chant mockingly, "Kiss, kiss, kiss!" while Hiori, sitting nearby, read out the stream of live comments with exaggerated enthusiasm.

Yukimiya doubled over with laughter, clutching his sides as he begged Hiori to stop. But Hiori, stirring the pot, only grew louder, much to Yukimiya's stomach chagrin. Kunigami, seated at a distance, ate his meal in stony silence, radiating an aura of quiet annoyance that made it clear he had no patience for the antics of his teammates.

Raichi clicked his tongue in irritation, shooting a sharp glare at the two, who were nearly nose-to-nose.

"I’ll clip those precious petals of yours," Isagi spat through gritted teeth, eyes narrowed with fury. Kurona blinked, then smirked, baring his sharp teeth as he cupped his mouth and called out playfully.

"Yo, pause, pause!" Kurona’s voice was laced with amusement, his eyes dancing with mischief.

Isagi’s expression twisted with disgust as he turned his glare on Kurona. "Not like that!" he shouted, his face flushing with irritation.

Yukimiya, still shaking with laughter, chimed in, "Isagi, trying to steal another man’s heart is messed up." Even as he spoke, his naturally handsome features made the mockery almost seem endearing. Isagi’s frustration only deepened, his anger simmering just beneath the surface.

Kaiser chuckled darkly. "Oh, I don’t blame him. Who could resist falling to their knees for me?" With a sly grin, he reached out, tilting Isagi’s chin upward with a single finger. Isagi recoiled, gagging in exaggerated disgust, as he shoved Kaiser away.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Ness’s intense glare, feeling the burn of it even though he wasn’t remotely afraid. Still, he knew better than to fall asleep around Ness unless he wanted to wake up with all his clothes missing again, a “prank" that had left Isagi scrambling for a replacement and earning a stern lecture from Noa last time. Ness had reveled in that moment, lecturing Isagi with a smug grin that almost made Isagi want to point out how petty he was being. But there was no way he was going to let that happen again.

Suddenly, the door to the cafeteria slid open with a soft hiss. In walked Noa, his presence immediately commanding the attention of everyone in the room. On his right side was Igarashi, drenched in sweat and clutching an array of bandages stuck haphazardly to his face. Isagi briefly wondered how someone could accumulate so many injuries just from soccer before remembering that this was Blue Lock and Igarashi had been training with the breakdancer Kiyora, a man known for kicking, which explained a lot.

Isagi cringed inwardly at the thought. Kiyora Jin, standing on Noa’s left, had a mane of dark curls that made him look menacing, though Isagi knew he was just a cool guy with a penchant for gothic fashion.

"Everyone, line up. I have an announcement." Noa’s voice cut through the lingering tension, instantly silencing the room. The atmosphere shifted, the chaotic energy now simmering beneath a layer of focused anticipation as the players moved into position. Isagi made sure to stand on the opposite side of the line from Kaiser, not wanting to give the blond striker any more opportunities for provocation.

Noa cleared his throat, his eyes narrowing as he waited for Kunigami to take his place. Kunigami, as usual, was the last to stand. He moved with deliberate slowness, finishing his meal, cleaning up after himself, and only then taking his spot in the line next to Yukimiya. It was a routine everyone had grown used to, but it was still a bit irritating to watch Kunigami drag out the process just to make a point.

"I’ve recently had a conversation with Ego about Bastard’s viewership," Noa began, holding up a tablet and tapping a few buttons. The wall behind him flickered to life, revealing an array of TV screens displaying viewer comments, ratings, and other data from the various Blue Lock teams.

"As you all know, Bastard Munchën is the most beloved team by fans, thanks in large part to Isagi’s performance in the U20 match and his continued streak of winning shots." Noa’s words made Isagi perk up, a slight smile tugging at his lips as all eyes turned to him. He tried to play it off with an awkward grin, but when he caught sight of Kaiser’s icy glare, that awkwardness transformed into a smug, almost narcissistic smile that seemed to scream, "Eat my dust, bitch."

"And our second star of the show would be Kaiser, with his—” Noal paused, resisting the urge to say homoerotic tendencies. “With his decent amount of fan girls and impressive plays," Noa continued, his tone dry.

"It’s no secret that most fans ship Kaiser and Isagi or as the fans call it, 'Kaisagi.” Noa explained. Kurona, Hiori, Igarashi, and Raichi struggled to stifle their laughter, though Yukimiya managed to suppress his amusement with a small, almost dainty cough.

“It’s one of the top ships, rivaled only by Reo and Nagi, or 'ReoNagi,' as the fans have dubbed it." Noa explained, his expression unreadable as the room erupted into laughter. Isagi felt bile rising in his throat, his stomach churning with discomfort, while Kaiser’s usual smugness was replaced by a bitter scowl. Ness’s eyes widened in shock, his brain struggling to process the absurdity of it all.

"Wait, that can’t be right! Kaiser and Isagi hate each other!" Ness stammered, but Noa waved him off dismissively, silencing him with a look.

"Apparently, enemies-to-lovers sell well, which is probably why I’m being shipped with every captain in Blue Lock," Noa muttered bitterly, more to himself than anyone else.

Ness cursed those stupid fans for their need for toxic gay ships despite having multiple himself, including Bully X reader. "But—But," Ness tried to argue, but Kaiser cut him off with a smirk.

"Now, Alexis, calm down. There’s nothing we can do about it. Besides, I’d never date Isagi. I only want to dominate him on the field," Kaiser said, not realizing how gay that sounded.

"You’re making this worse," Isagi groaned as Raichi kneeled over, slamming his fist on the ground in hysterics. Igarashi pointed, barely able to contain his laughter, while Kurona leaned over Hiori’s shoulder, his eyes glinting with mischief.

"Just make out already; come on, come on," Kurona teased, nudging Isagi with a wicked grin.

"Give the fans what they want," Hiori added, his voice dripping with mock seriousness.

"It's pretty despicable to queerbait for this long," Yukimiya remarked, his tone laced with sarcasm. Isagi ground his teeth in frustration.

"I’m not queerbaiting!" Isagi yelled, his voice cracking with indignation. Surprisingly, Ness was the only one who backed him up.

Noa cleared his throat, his stern gaze silencing the room once more. "Quiet down," he ordered, and the laughter died instantly as everyone turned back to the screens. Noa swiped the tablet, and the images on the TVs shifted to reveal more data.

"But despite having the most viewers overall, we have the lowest-viewed episodes outside of matches," Noa explained. "Simply put, people are only interested in our matches. Outside of that, most viewers only tune in for the occasional Kaiser and Isagi exchange." His tone was matter-of-fact, but the implications were clear.

"In fact, while we have the highest peak viewership during matches, the most consistent team in terms of viewership is Ubers, with an average of 59 million viewers per episode, despite their team not being nearly as skilled as ours," Noa continued, tapping the tablet to display the ratings. Sure enough, Bastard Muchen’s ratings showed dramatic spikes during matches, towering over every other team, but the non-match episodes had significantly lower numbers.

ManShine City, the team with the second most views, had a similar problem, though their numbers were not as extreme.

The PXG database was odd, as some episodes seemed cut off, and there seemed to be a lot of complaints about Shidou.

Meanwhile, Ubers and Barcha had the most consistent viewership by far, with only minor fluctuations between match and non-match episodes.

"This is because they include a lot of 'slice-of-life' content, as you kids call it," Noa said, with a hint of disdain. "Snuffy treats it like a business day, meaning while he values hard work, his team gets off early and has one day off to relax. The players often use this time to hang out, which has built them a solid fan base, mostly composed of girls who enjoy watching them have fun."

Noa added, "Blue Lock wants to sell more merchandise, and while they’re certain you guys will sell, they’re not entirely sure if it’ll capture as many people as they want." He paused, swiping the screen to show a clip of the Ubers team painting each other’s nails and doing each other’s hair, clearly enjoying themselves.

"So, we’ve decided that you’ll have a slice-of-life episode yourselves," Noa finally announced. There was a moment of stunned silence before Ness stepped forward.

Ness furrowed his brow, his eyes narrowing as he tried to make sense of what he’d just heard. “Pardon, but by that, you mean?” He pressed, riddled with confusion.

Noel Noa let out a weary sigh, waving his hand dismissively. “Just have fun. No training or anything of the sort,” he clarified, though his words seemed to hang in the air with an unfamiliar weight.

The room fell into a pause, a thick silence enveloping the players. For a group so accustomed to the rigorous demands of Blue Lock, the idea of " A fun day,” seemed almost alien, especially coming from someone as stern as Noel Noa.

Yukimiya broke the silence, voice hesitant as he voiced the question on everyone’s mind. “What exactly are we supposed to do for fun?” He glanced around at the stark, utilitarian surroundings. “There’s nothing here.”

Raichi nodded in agreement, his face twisting in disbelief. “Yeah, the whole point of Blue Lock is to remove distractions and focus on soccer. How the fuck are we supposed to ‘have fun’ here?”

Noel Noa paused, as if considering their dilemma for the first time. His expression remained stoic as he shrugged and said bluntly, “No idea. Figure it out.”

Kunigami, who had been silent until now, muttered under his breath, brimming with quiet defiance. “I’m not doing it.” His words caught everyone’s attention, and all eyes turned to him, including Noel Noa’s.

Noa’s gaze hardened as he locked eyes with Kunigami. “You have no choice,” he stated firmly, leaving no room for argument. Kunigami didn’t flinch, his orange eyes staring back with a mix of determination and resentment.

“I came here to play soccer, not to mess around,” Kunigami replied, his voice steady despite the rising tension in the room.

Noel Noa hummed thoughtfully before cutting off the TV screen behind him with a swift motion. “That’s true,” he conceded, “but unfortunately for you, I don’t care. This is an order from Ego, and last I checked, you’re only here because Ego wanted a knockoff version of me.”

A low murmur spread through the room, and Igarashi couldn’t help but mutter under his breath, “Ooh, snap.”

Kunigami’s eyebrow twitched, but he remained silent, fists clenched at his sides.

Noel Noa continued, his voice cold and calculated. “You want to go national? You need to win Blue Lock. And the last time I checked, you only win by getting your offer up. The most logical way to do that is to build on both your soccer skills and your viewer base.”

With that, Noa turned on his heel, leaving the room with a finality that made it clear the conversation was over. The door closed behind him with a decisive click.

The players were left in stunned silence, the weight of the situation settling in.

“So, what now?” Isagi asked, breaking the uneasy quiet.

Igarashi chuckled, pointing toward Kunigami as he tried to stifle his laughter. “Dude, you totally got owned.”

Hiori sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to lighten the mood. “Anyone wanna play soccer?” he offered, though the suggestion was clearly a joke.

The door suddenly slid open again, and Noel Noa poked his head back in. “You are not allowed to play soccer. That’s an order,” he stated firmly before disappearing again.

Hiori groaned, slumping his shoulders. “It was a joke.”

Kaiser shook his head, a wry smile on his lips. “Noa really can’t take a joke.”

“On God, on God,” Kurona added, nodding in agreement.

"Welp, I am at a loss. Any ideas?" Yukimiya asked.

Ness's eyes sparkled with excitement as a sudden idea struck him. "I got it!" he shouted, his voice echoing through the room. Without waiting for a response, he bolted toward his room, his feet barely touching the ground as he sped away. The rest of the group exchanged puzzled glances, then turned to Kaiser, shrugging at Ness’s odd behavior. Despite the confusion, there was a hint of curiosity in their expressions Ness seemed unusually happy about whatever he had in mind.

Moments later, Ness reappeared, practically dancing on his feet as he returned with something large clutched in his hands. The others watched as he hurriedly cleared a space on the cafeteria table, sweeping away any clutter with a single, efficient motion. He looked ready to slam down whatever he was holding but stopped short, placing it down with the utmost care.

Isagi leaned over, eyes narrowing as he scrutinized the object in front of him. “Dungeons and Dragons?” he muttered, reading the title of the board game.

“Oh, hell no,” Raichi groaned, pulling away as if the box itself offended him. “I ain’t playing no dog-shit dweeb ass game!” he shouted.

Ness, unfazed by Raichi’s outburst, beamed with pride. “It’s not a game for dweebs. It’s an interactive game with deep rules and creative liberty that lets you make your own story,” he explained, his enthusiasm radiating from him.

“It’s a game for nerds,” Kiyora chimed in, leaning over to peer at the board. Ness’s expression soured, his cheeks puffing up in irritation.

“It’s a fucking joke, that’s what it is,” Raichi sneered, crossing his arms defiantly.

Ness’s smile didn’t waver, though his eyes took on a steely glint as he retorted, “Isn’t it sad that you’re repeating the same line your dad probably said when you were born? You shouldn’t keep the cycle going, Raichi.” His voice was cold, but the grin on his face remained unnervingly bright.

“Where did you even hide this?” Hiori asked, amazement evident in his voice. Ness blinked, snapping out of his momentary glare to focus on Hiori.

“Huh? Oh, Ego let us bring one thing in,” Ness explained proudly, holding up one finger.

“And you chose a board game?” Kurona tilted his head, tinged with disbelief.

“Dude’s got trash taste,” Igarashi whispered into Kurona’s ear, who nodded in agreement.

Isagi, feeling a bit out of his depth, finally spoke up. “I had no idea you were into this,” he admitted, unsure of how to react. He wanted to mock Ness for his choice, but Isagi couldn’t since he didn’t know much about the game besides its reputation as a nerdy pastime. But even Isagi knew that his own hobbies leaned toward the geeky side, so he was in no position to judge.

Kaiser stepped in, shrugging casually. “Alexis has always been a fan of magic. He’s been planning this game for a year or two.” Ness nodded eagerly, his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.

“Kaiser even has a character, although we couldn’t play the whole campaign since we didn’t have enough people before,” Ness added, clapping his hands together in excitement. “But now we have enough! This is going to be amazing!”

“This is going to suck ass,” Raichi grumbled, slumping in his seat. Isagi couldn’t help but agree, though he kept his thoughts to himself. It did look pretty awful.

“Well, guess we don’t have anything else to do,” Isagi admitted, watching as Ness, with the help of Kaiser, Yukimiya, and Kiyora, began setting up the table and arranging the game pieces.

“True, true,” Kurona muttered as he sat down, resigned to his fate. Ness, meanwhile, was practically glowing with excitement as he laid out the game, explaining the rules with a level of detail that made it clear he’d been preparing for this moment for a long time.

He handed out basic character sheets, urging everyone to fill out the essentials quickly. “Normally, you’d spend a week preparing your character, but we don’t have time for that,” Ness admitted, though he didn’t seem the least bit bothered. His excitement was infectious, despite the group’s initial reluctance.

"Okay, everyone got their characters ready?" Ness asked, his voice brimming with anticipation as he glanced around the table. The players exchanged nods,

The characters were as follows:

Gagamaru

Valerian-The Half Orc, Half Shifter, Ranger,

Kurona

Reed-The Minotaur, bard,

Hiori

Melody-The Centaur Cleric,

Raichi

Rex-the dragonborn, fighter,

Igarashi,

Tobias-the tiefling monk,

Yukimiya

Percival-The Half-Elf Paladin,

Isagi

Moma-the human sorcerer

Kiyora

Colt-The Changeling Rogue

Kunigami

Phoenix- Dragonborn Warlock

Kaiser

Aldous- The Warlock elf

“You find yourselves in a village completely covered in mushrooms," Ness began, his voice taking on a mysterious tone. "Even the citizens are mushroom-like. The village is open wide to the world. What do you do?”

Gagamaru raised a hand, his expression thoughtful. “Can my character eat the mushroom?”

Ness tilted his head, considering the request before nodding. “Yeah, that’s the thrill of D&D you can do anything you imagine.”

Before Ness could finish, Gagamaru cut in, adopting a deeper voice. “Valerian eats the mushroom,” he declared, then added with a grin, “Another Valerian says, ‘This tastes like my mother’s mushroom stew.’”

Ness grinned and played along. “As you eat the mushroom, you start to feel a bit dizzy. Things begin to appear in your vision strange, swirling shapes.”

“Val eats more and doesn’t stop,” Gagamaru continued, his face deadpan as Kurona and Hiori burst into laughter.

“Dude, Val’s got issues,” Isagi commented, shaking his head.

“Can Percival check the mushroom?” Yukimiya asked, his voice steady as he leaned in.

“Roll for perception,” Ness instructed. Yukimiya rolled, scoring fifteen. Ness nodded approvingly. “You notice the mushroom looks odd, and you recall a warning from your childhood your mother used to tell you to stay away from mushrooms like these. They make you feel off and loopy.”

“Holy shit, he’s high!” Raichi exclaimed, and the table erupted into laughter, with even the usually stoic Kunigami and Kiyora chuckling.

Yukimiya, staying in character, turned to Gagamaru. “Halt, citizen! Those mushrooms are dangerous they’ll make you lose your senses!”

But Gagamaru just grinned mischievously. “I continue to eat them,” he said, causing another round of laughter that left everyone, including Kunigami, in stitches.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Kurona begged, gasping for breath as he tried to catch his composure. The group slowly calmed down, though an occasional snicker escaped as Kurona cleared his throat. “ Reed, looks at Valerian, smiles, then takes a bite of the mushroom himself. ‘This is almost as high as my bars,’” he quipped, sending the group into another uproar, with Kurona collapsing onto Hiori’s shoulder, struggling to breathe through his laughter.

“You all are idiots,” Raichi shouted, though his broad grin betrayed his amusement.

“Then Colt walks in and he just starts gathering as many mushrooms as possible to sell on the black market,” Kiyora added, tinged with mischief.

“Okay, and everyone else?” Ness asked, still chuckling as he prepared to continue the story.

Kaiser, finally speaking up after catching his breath, adopted a posh tone. “Aldous, rolls up in a carriage, steps out, and surveys the chaos. ‘You poor peasants,’ he mutters, ‘What a mess.’”

“Rex stumbles out, all bloody from a bar fight where he totally demolished those rowdy guys,” Raichi added, his tone gruff. “He looks at Aldous and sneers, 'Who are you calling a peasant, rich boy?’”

A sly smile spread across Kaiser’s face. “Aldous says, ‘Aw, look at the dog. It barks,’” he teased.

Without missing a beat, Gagamaru jumped in. “Val actually starts barking like a dog,” he declared, and everyone exploded into laughter once again.

“Okay, okay, Isagi, your turn,” Ness offered, turning to Isagi, who hesitated, unsure of how to follow up.

“Oh, uh, I guess my character steps outside his house to see what all the commotion is about,” Isagi said, scratching the back of his head, clearly unsure.

Kurona, still laughing, chimed in, “You look outside to see Reed eating your house!”

“The fuck, man, get off my house, or I’ll call the cops!” Isagi shot back, slipping into his character’s voice.

“Shrooms... need more... mmm...” Kurona mumbled between breaths, drawing another round of chuckles.

“Tobias enters dressed in a decent robe and says, ‘Brother, please calm down. Your addiction will only lead to more hardship,’” Igarashi added, trying to keep a straight face.

“Reed growls like a dog,” Kurona said, doubling down on the absurdity.

“The man is correct. Apologies for the house, young sire.“ Yukimiya bows, and Isagi thinks he’s getting a little too into this.

“Oh, no problem," Isagi said.

“Colt bites Moma,” Kiyora added, grinning.

“And Melody bites Reed, but sexually,” Hiori chimed in.

“Reed likes it,” Kurona says. “Mmmmm, harder mommy,”

“YO, what?” Yukimiya asked.

"Okay, you guys officially have issues,” Isagi confirmed.

“Okay, okay, ahahaahah Kunigami, your turn,” Ness finally prompted, turning to the orange-haired man who looked a little more serious.

Kunigami crossed his arms, his expression stern. “..... Phoenix…..stares at you idiots” Kunigami says then he snarls “ ‘Pathetic.’”

Raichi wasn’t one to back down. “ Rex growls, ‘Say that to my face, motherfucker.’”

Kaiser, enjoying the banter, flipped his hair dramatically. “Aldous smirks. ‘They really envy me,’” he said, mimicking the motion, his voice dripping with arrogance. Kunigami tsked, clearly annoyed.

“Who could envy such a pathetic wannabe of a man?” Kunigami shot back.

“Excuse me, I am neither pathetic nor a Man. I am the prince, next in line to rule this kingdom,” Kaiser’s character declared, his voice dripping with arrogance as he emphasized each word with the regal flair of someone who truly believed in his own superiority.

"So you are a man,sire" Yukimiya pointed out.

"Yes, in order to be a prince, you must be a man," Igarashi said.

"I am beyond these gender roles," Kaiser said, placing his palm to his chest.

Isagi, clearly struggling to maintain his composure, asked in a near-perfect blend of in-character confusion and out-of-character curiosity, “What’s the king doing here?”

Kaiser, not missing a beat, responded as if he had rehearsed this a thousand times: “If you must know, this kingdom supplies the finest weapons in all the lands. I require only the best, hand-tailored to perfection. With that, he strides into the weapon shop without another word.”

“Moma follows,” Isagi said, barely suppressing a grin.

“Same here, but my character’s so high he probably thinks he’s floating,” Kurona added, mischievously. chuckling.

Ness, trying to regain control of the session in between snorts, asked the group, “Alright, does everyone follow Kaiser into the shop?” The group nodded enthusiastically, even Kunigami, who gave a half-hearted shrug of indifference. Hiori coughed to hide his amusement.

“The party enters the weapon shop,” Ness began, trying to set the scene. “You notice the weapons on display are some of the finest you’ve ever seen richly adorned, clearly from lands far and wide. But there’s also a mysterious woman standing near the back of the shop, her long black hair covering her face.”

Kiyora, clearly intrigued by the woman, grinned and said, “I flirt with her. ‘Hey there, you like wearing black? How about you wear me all day long?’” oozed with fake bravado.

Ness, stifling a laugh, nodded. “Alright, roll for Charisma.”

Kiyora eagerly rolled the dice, only to groan in disappointment as the result came up as a three.

“The woman looks absolutely horrified,” Ness narrated, holding back a smirk. “She points to a hulking figure at the forge the blacksmith, who just so happens to be her husband.”

The table erupted in laughter, with Raichi practically shouting, “Major L, bro!”

Kurona snickered, leaning back with a smug grin. “Zero rizz, dude!”

Hiori, barely holding back his laughter, chimed in. “You really tried to steal a man’s wife in his own shop? That’s so low, even for you.”

“Yikes,” Isagi muttered, shaking his head in disbelief, while the others erupted into laughter.

Ness wiped a tear from his eye, still chuckling. “Alright, who’s next?” he asked, trying to steer the session back on track.

Kaiser cleared his throat, adjusting his posture with a dramatic flair. “Aldous sets down his sword and says, ‘Greetings. I’m here about my sword set, you know, the ones with the intricately engraved ravens?’”

“Uh, dude… The sword looks more like it has a dove on it.” Isagi joked.

Kaiser waved dismissively, maintaining his in-character seriousness. “Yes, I’m aware. Presently, I wish to have this blunder corrected, perhaps burned, so that we may start anew.”

Ness implored, "I will get started right away, your highness," in a rough, masculine voice that contrasted with his more endearing, normal-sounding voice that suited his physique.

Yukimiya adjusted his glasses, his brow furrowing. “Can I do another perception check? Maybe get some insight on the shop?”.

Ness nodded. “Roll for it.”

The dice clattered on the table, revealing a 10. Ness leaned in, setting the mood. “You notice a row of statues lining the shop, their cold, unfeeling eyes seeming to peer into your soul.”

“I Inspect the statue,” Yukimiya said, leaning forward eagerly.

Ness glanced at the dice and stifled a laugh. “It’s... a statue. Just stone.”

Yukimiya yelled. “Percival attacks the statue!”

Ness stifled a smirk. “The statue does nothing. Because it’s a statue.”

Yukimiya slumped back in his seat, sighing. “Thought I was onto something there.”

Kiyora interjected, raising her hand. “I go up to the wife and ask if she has a child. If she does, I’ll pay five golds for it. And no, it’s not slavery I’m just using it as a sacrifice to create an actual child for us.”

Ness, slipping into the NPC’s voice, crossed his arms. “Absolutely not.”

Isagi added, “You know, I have a wife and kid at home. I’d cry if anything happened to them.”

Hiori pretended to gag, dramatically pointing at Isagi. “We get it, dude. You’ve got a wife, an mega MILF, and a loli at home. Meanwhile, some of us are still waiting for a hot DILF and a shota son, so shut up.”

“What in the incest?” Igarashi blurted out, his face twisted in mock disgust.

“Pause,” Kurona muttered, laughing.

“Curse comment. Delicious,” Kiyora added with a smirk.

Kunigami rubbed his temples, muttering darkly, “I’m this close to feeding you to my fucking horse.”

Trying to regain focus, Kunigami scanned the shop’s interior. “Alright, I’ll scan the shop for anything interesting.”

Ness nodded, happy Kunigami was engaged. “Roll for it.”

The dice rolled and stopped on a 14. Ness leaned forward, eyes gleaming. “You spot a stunning sword, beautifully handcrafted with impeccable detail.”

Kunigami reached out instinctively. “I take it.”

At the exact same moment, Kiyora jumped in, “I reach for it.”

Their eyes locked across the table, tension rising.

Ness smirked. “Alright, roll. Whoever rolls higher gets it.”

The dice hit the table, revealing Kiyora’s 17 to Kunigami’s 9. Kiyora snatched the imaginary sword with a triumphant grin. “Perfect. This’ll be great when I summon Satan by spilling the blood of a virgin.”

Kunigami snorted angrily. “I’ve got virgin blood you can spill right here.”

The room burst into laughter, Raichi slapping the table. “Dude, did he just admit he’s a virgin?”

Kunigami’s face flushed. “I-I meant—ugh, never mind.”

Igarashi teases, pointing at Kunigami, "Hey, that is a cute blush, you should do it more.".

Kunigami grasped the finger of Igarashi harshly. Igarashi cried out in agony, "Quiet, brat, or I will snap you in half," Kunigami threatened before he withdrew.

“ Asshole,” Igarashi muttered as he nursed his wound.

Isagi remarked, "Not sure what you were expecting."

Ness pushed them back, saying, "Guys, back to the session."

Hiori, wiping away a tear, chimed in. “Oh, thank god, I’m not the only virgin here.”

Kurona leaned closer, winking playfully. “Hey babe, same, but I think I know how we can fix that problem.”

“ Valrain, took the opportunity, biting Reed’s arm. Bad idea, this cuck tastes like strawberries and pixie dust.” Gagamaru Muttered,

The room buzzed with laughter and anticipation, each player eager to push the chaotic narrative even further.

Ness clapped his hands, trying to refocus the group. “Alright, anything else? Do you guys want new weapons, gear, anything before we continue?”

Raichi’s eyes lit up with a wicked grin. “I intimidate the shopkeeper into giving me free stuff. ‘Oi, bitch, hand it over!’” he sneered, leaning forward as if ready to jump into the scene himself.

He rolled a one.

Ness, trying to hold back his laughter, said, "Your intimidation attempt falls flat. The shopkeeper, unimpressed and unfazed, shouts for the guards. They show up fast, ready to arrest you."

"I pull out my flaming arrow and aim it at the guards," Gagamaru declared.

"Roll for attack," Ness instructed. Gagamaru rolled and got a six.

"Okie Dokie, so you try to shoot, since you’re high right now, you completely miss and hit a barrel of gunpowder instead. The resulting explosion sets off a chain reaction, and before you know it, the entire mushroom-built town is going up in flames."

The table erupted in laughter, even Kunigami couldn’t hide his smirk and chuckle.

Ness leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples with an exasperated yet amused grin plastered across his face. “Guys, we've only been playing for twenty minutes,” he said, half-annoyed, half-amused. “How did you already manage to blow up an entire town?”

“Hey, don’t pin this on all of us!” Isagi shot back, trying to sound indignant, but his wide grin betrayed his amusement. It was clear he was loving the chaos.

Ness just shook his head, his chuckle lingering. “Alright, fine, but here’s the deal—you can’t leave the village because the main road’s blocked. You’ve pretty much sealed your own fate.”

Kiyora leaned forward, eyes sparkling with mischief. “I break into the house across the street and start looting the place. No time like the present.”

“Stop right there, citizen! This is not the reaction we should be having!” Yukimiya exclaimed, his voice adopting a valiant tone as he tried to role-play Percival’s righteous indignation.

Kiyora shrugged with a wicked grin. “I’m either stealing someone’s stuff or stealing their life. Pick your poison.”

Yukimiya’s voice rose an octave, half-serious, half-playing along. “O thou villainous heathen!”

Isagi chimed in, waving his hand dismissively. “I don’t care what happens as long as Carla and Lisa are safe.”

Gagamaru, still in character, added, “Oh you mean that house, the one I accidentally set on fire?"

Isagi’s face dropped. “Oh no! But… why though?” he asked, trying to stifle a laugh but failing.

Gagamaru shrugged nonchalantly. “Because,” he said flatly.

“Damn,” Isagi muttered, trying to hold back his laughter.

“Aldous, sauntered over to Moma, patting him on the back. “Look on the bright side! At least there’s one less orphan to add to the orphanage.” Kaiser said.

Kaiser continued, his voice dripping with dark humor. “Then again, the orphanage is also on fire. But hey, fewer mouths to feed, right? We probably did them a favor. No way all those orphans were getting adopted anyway.”

“What the actual hell?” Isagi blurted, breaking character, but even he couldn’t help but laugh. For the first time, he and Kaiser were genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

“He’s kinda a vibe,” Kiyora remarked, smirking at Kaiser’s twisted outlook.

“That’s so messed up,” Yukimiya said, shaking his head with an amused smile tugging at his lips.

“Man’s my kinda guy,” Raichi added, grinning.

“He’s going straight to hell,” Igarashi muttered, barely containing his laughter.

Gagamaru leaned back, pretending to be aloof. “Wait, there were kids in that orphanage? Oops,” he muttered, the mock innocence in his voice making everyone crack up.

Kunigami leaned into his brooding role. “Phoenix stares at the carnage, unfazed, as the world burns around him just like everything in his life."

“Sasuke wanna be,” Hiori exclaim. “Anyways, I grab Reed and say, ‘If I’m going to die, at least let me die in the arms of a hot guy.’” Hiori made a playful, gesture by leaning over Kurona, who complied by allowing Hiori to grace his face.

Kurona didn’t miss a beat, shouting, “Yo, I feel that! And then kisses melody, like, super dramatically.” Kurona leaned in and almost gave Hiori a kiss before pulling away and laughing. Hiori then did the same pounding on Kurona's chest.

Kurona muttered, flashing his shark teeth amusingly, "That's for all of our fans."

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Hiori said, pretending to panic. “Marry me?”

Kurona looked at him and responded just as quickly, “Yes!”

The table burst into uproarious laughter, the sound filling the room with pure, unadulterated joy.

“Wow, you really didn’t want to die single, huh?” Kaiser teased, his earlier arrogance replaced with amusement.

“Skill issue,” Kunigami muttered, though the corners of his mouth twitched upward.

“As a monk ,” Igarashi chimed in, “can I officially marry them?”

Ness, trying to keep a straight face, nodded. “Sure, why not.”

"By the power vested in me as a monk of this realm, I now pronounce you two married," Igarashi declared, clearing his throat in a mock solemn manner. “ You may… uh, continue dying.”

“Alright getting back on track I search for a house that isn’t burning down,” Yukimiya said, still catching his breath from laughing. He rolled his dice with a practiced flick of his wrist and grinned widely as it landed on a perfect twenty.

Ness rubbed his temples, half-amused. “You notice a house that’s completely untouched by the fire. It’s big, solid, and looks like it could have some hidden exits.”

Yukimiya nodded, slipping back into character. “I tell everyone to follow me inside.”

The group leaned in, focused sharply as they imagined the new setting. Ness continued, painting the scene with his words. “You step into a grand living room, walls lined with bookshelves, a massive fireplace roaring—”

“Wait a sec,” Isagi interrupted with a glint of suspicion. “I move the bookshelf.”

Ness raised an eyebrow, intrigued but slightly skeptical. “You move the bookshelf... and behind it, you find… nothing but a boring old brick wall.”

Isagi squinted, not buying it. “That’s shady. I investigate the brick wall.”

Ness sighed. “You closely examine it, and... congratulations, it’s still just a brick wall.”

“I’d like to check it too,” Yukimiya insisted, a mix of stubbornness and curiosity driving him.

Ness rolled his eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “Guys, it’s literally a brick wall.”

Kunigami leaned back, cracking his knuckles. “I blow up the wall.”

Ness groaned dramatically. “Alright, fine, you blow up the wall. Behind it, you find nothing but pipes and drywall.”

Kunigami, unbothered, nodded. “I blow that up too.”

With a resigned sigh, Ness continued. “After the dust settles, you find a hidden room. Inside, eight mushroom people are huddled together, looking docile and peaceful.”

Gagamaru’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “Are they attacking?”

Ness shook his head. “Nope. They’re just... sitting there.”

Gagamaru smirked, the mischievous glint in his eyes growing. “I eat one of them.”

Ness blinked in disbelief. “You’re eating them? You know they're people right?”

“Yes,” Gagamaru said.

“And that they could be poisonous, right?” Ness added.

Gagamaru shrugged nonchalantly. “Yep, I don’t care; Valrain wants to be high.”

Kurona, not wanting to be left out, added, “I eat one too.”

Ness sighed again, “Alright, you both eat the mushroom people. Almost immediately, you feel a wave of poison spreading through your bodies, threatening to kill you. Roll for a life-saving check.”

Both Gagamaru and Kurona rolled their dice, and the table erupted in cheers as they both hit a natural twenty.

Ness stared at the dice in disbelief before muttering, “Somehow, against all odds, you both survive.”

Gagamaru smirked, “Mmm, spicy.”

Kaiser remarked, "My father has truly failed his people."

"Truly, sir, but do not worry—I am sure they can get well." Yukimiya positively declared.

"Those guys are headed straight to hell," Igarashi remarked.

Kiyora concluded by saying "Neat."

Kunigami proclaimed, "I will rule hell itself."

Hiori spoke up, “I check the rest of the room, lifting anything that looks suspicious.”

“Roll for perception,” Ness instructed, and Hiori rolled, landing on a ten.

“You notice a door on the floor, but it seems incredibly heavy,” Ness explained.

“I try to lift it,” Hiori said, determined.

“Roll for strength,” Ness prompted.

Raichi interjected, “How heavy is this damn door?”

Hiori rolled and groaned as the dice landed on one.

“Does that mean his back breaks?” Kaiser asked, feigning concern. “My, this just got dark.”

“Motherfucker, we literally started with Val getting high and burning down a village,” Raichi pointed out, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“While lifting, you stumble and trip, causing you to hurt your back. You lose some health points,” Ness narrated.

“she just lays there, KO’d,” Hiori added dramatically, earning laughs from around the table.

“Oh no, he’s not dead, just lost a point or two in health,” Ness clarified.

“I know, I just think it’s funny,” Hiori said with a shrug.

Kurona jumped in, “reed rushes over to melody, crying out, ‘No! Mariana! Or, uh, Melodia! er… Whatever your name is!’”

Kiyora, always quick on the draw, leaned over to Kurona with a mock-serious expression, “Look, I know we’re kind of on fire right now, but do you want some shrooms? I mean, your girlfriend’s dying over there…”

Kurona immediately played along, overly dramatic as he held an imaginary bag of shrooms in the air, “Does the sun rise in the east? Does it look like I need to feed to bring me the shroom to quell this heart that goes boom? So the beast may rest, knowing he doesn’t have to see his lover embrace death…”

Yukimiya, adjusting his glasses with determination, broke the melodrama. “Percival tries to open the door.”

“ Me too,” Kunigami said, shifting into a more laid-back posture.

Ness grinned, appreciating the teamwork. “Both of you roll for strength.”

Yukimiya rolled a twelve, while Kunigami scored a fifteen.

“You both struggle, but with combined effort, you manage to pry it open, revealing a deep, dark hole.”

“How deep is it?” Igarashi asked, leaning closer.

“It’s pitch black, about thirty feet deep to most of you, but you can tell it’s actually 300 feet deep,” Ness explained, his tone serious.

“Damn, that’s a deep basement,” Isagi observed, eyebrows raised.

“I light a torch and drop it down,” Yukimiya said confidently.

“Roll perception, DC 5,” Ness instructed.

Yukimiya rolled and cringed. “Two minus one… that’s a one.”

“The torch falls for six seconds before going out. You don’t quite see what snuffed it, but you hear a faint sizzle,” Ness explained.

“I cast light on my torch and drop it,” Isagi said.

Ness blinked, confused. “Light doesn’t ignite torches, Isagi.”

Isagi blinked back, equally puzzled. “It doesn’t? Well, can I just make the torch glow then?”

Ness sighed, trying to keep a straight face. “You can, but it’s still not going to catch fire.”

Kurona laughed, “Wow, way to crush the torch’s purpose.”

Raichi added, grinning, “Yeah, you really invalidated its existence, Isagi.”

Ness finally broke into a smile. “After casting Light, the torch feels existential dread. Roll athletics to hold onto it.”

Isagi rolled and got a four.

“The torch wiggles free, rolling out of your grip and out the door. It sits, abandoned, 40 feet away,” Ness narrated.

Ness throws his hands up. “And thus, the saga of the torch ends.”

“Would you please hurry up, peasant? I do not want word to get out that I was caught hanging with the person who set fire to this town.” Kaiser's voiced.

Ness leaned into the moment with a smirk. "The guard shouts, 'Holy crap, is that the prince? And did he set fire to this town?!'" Ness joked, barely keeping a straight face as he narrated the ridiculous scene.

"I told you this was going to happen," Kaiser hissed, half exasperated, half amused.

Laughter erupted in the room. "They've found you, and they’re ready to take you in. What do you do?" Ness set the scene dramatically.

Raichi slammed his fist on the table with unrestrained enthusiasm. "I walk over to the nearest guard and punch the man as hard as I can."

"Roll for strength," Ness instructed, watching Raichi eagerly roll his dice. A solid 19 clattered onto the table.

"You slam your fist into the guard's face, sending the poor chief flying across the room and crashing into the floor," Ness narrated, trying not to burst out laughing as Raichi grinned victoriously.

Raichi, still riding high, puffed out his chest. "I want to intimidate them! I shout, ‘Leave us the fuck alone before I beat the shit out of you!’"

Raichi rolled again, but this time, his luck turned with a pitiful 4.

Ness cleared his throat, a mischievous smile twitching on his lips. "So, after sending the chief flying Reed starts stuttering and… um, sweating profusely. Your hand aches from the punch, and you look pale, almost like you’re shitting yourself."

Kaiser snickered, adding, "Absolutely Pathetic. How Sexy."

The group chuckled, and Gagamaru, seeing an opportunity, decided to jump into the fray. "I draw my bow and fire at the nearest guard!"

Ness raised an eyebrow, amused. “Wait, so you’re using fire against the guards? The same thing that caused all this chaos? In the only part of town not on fire?”

Gagamaru nodded without hesitation. “Is there a problem?”

Ness shrugged, still grinning. "Nope, not at all. Roll for attack."

Gagamaru’s roll landed on a 9. "Your arrow flies true, but the guard ducks at the last second. It grazes his helmet, and he yelps, ducking behind a table for cover."

Kurona, eager to add to the bedlam, grabbed his character sheet. "I’ll play a little tune to confuse the guards. Maybe distract them long enough for us to get away."

Kurona mimicked strumming an invisible guitar and belted out, “It goes, melody, you're all I see, my love-dovey perfect Penelope.”

"Roll for performance," Ness said, trying to keep a straight face.

Kurona rolled an impressive 18. "Your Minotaur bard starts strumming an absolutely ridiculous tune on his lute. The guards pause, utterly baffled by the sight of a giant Minotaur serenading them with what sounds like a nursery rhyme."

Hiori seized the moment, his eyes lighting up. "I charge at the guards with my hooves kicking and ready to knock them down."

"Roll for attack," Ness instructed. Hiori rolled a 17.

"Your charge is impressive. You send two guards sprawling, their helmets clattering to the floor, but as you rear up to deliver another kick, one of them grabs your leg and pulls you down. You’re caught up in a tangle of limbs."

Raichi, not one to back down, decided to up the ante. "While they’re distracted, I try to breathe fire at the remaining guards!"

"So, you are again, firing at the guards once more? The same thing that sparked this whole mess? “ Ness reminded them again.

“Eh if I set it on fire Then I do,” Riachi shrugged then grinned showing his sharp teeth. “ bet it'll look badass”

“You guys are idiots," Ness said, then smiled. "Roll for attack." He watched Raichi’s dice hit the table. It landed on 10.

"You manage to singe a few of them, but the flames aren’t as intense as you hoped. One of the guards panics and starts rolling around, trying to put out the small fire on his armor."

Isagi, ever the strategist, couldn’t resist the opportunity. "I cast ‘Burning Hands’ at the group of guards near the door."

"Roll for damage," Ness replied.

Isagi rolled a 15. "Your spell erupts in a fan of flames, catching several guards off guard and setting the doorframe on fire. They scatter, trying to avoid getting roasted."

Kiyora’s eyes sparkled with mischief. "Reed sneaks up behind the guards and tries to pickpocket one of them."

"Roll for sleight of hand," Ness instructed, and Kiyora rolled a 12.

"You manage to snag a small pouch of coins, but the guard notices at the last second. He swings his sword at you, but you dodge just in time, laughing as you do."

Ness took his turn and rolled for the chief guard, who spectacularly failed with a 1. "The all-powerful, high-and-mighty chief charges at Rex, ready for revenge, but he misses and goes tumbling toward the wall."

Yukimiya, in a more serious tone, announced, “ Not to worry, Percival will protect my comrades. I cast ‘Shield of Faith’ on Reed to bolster his defense."

"Roll to see if it holds," Ness said. Yukimiya rolled 16.

"A shimmering barrier surrounds Reed, boosting his defenses just as another guard takes a swing at him. The sword bounces off harmlessly."

Kunigami, never one to miss a chance for drama, declared, “ I casts ‘Eldritch Blast’ at the biggest guard."

"Roll for attack," Ness prompted, and Kunigami rolled a 13.

"The blast hits the guard square in the chest, but instead of knocking him out, it just makes him angry." He glares at you with murder in his eyes."

Ness rolled for the guard’s counterattack, but the dice were not in his favor again another meager 2. "The guard charges at you, but trips, slips, and accidentally causes a ring of fire to erupt around the area. Everyone rolls to see who gets trapped inside."

After the rolls, it was Kaiser, Isagi, and Kunigami who ended up stuck inside the fiery circle.

“You guys are stuck inside a ring of fire with a bunch of hostile guards," Ness explained.

Yukimiya, attempting something bold, said, “Percival tries to jump above the flames to get you guys out while doing a triple backflip in the air.”

Ness laughed. "Okay, just a sec. You’re going to need to roll 2d20s."

Yukimiya rolled the first landing on a Nat 20, the second on a Nat 1.

"You perfectly execute the triple backflip, but then you land flat on your face and a guard stabs you in the ass with a sword," Ness narrated, his face contorting in barely restrained laughter.

Kaiser chimed in, grinning, "Aldous goes, 'Oh no, not that beautiful ass!'"

Yukimiya winced, covering his face. "That was embarrassing," he muttered, his voice dripping with a secondhand cringe.

Igarashi, silently observing the madness unfold, finally spoke up. "Don't worry iill leap into action and try to disarm one of the guards."

"Roll for attack," Ness said. Igarashi rolled a natural 20.

"With a quick, fluid motion, you snatch the sword right out of the guard’s hand, and he stares at you in shock, unarmed and defenseless."

Despite their victories, the guards continued pouring in from the street outside, and soon the party was overwhelmed. Ness let out a chuckle. "You’ve fought well, but the guards keep coming. They eventually overwhelm you. As they drag you out of the burning town, you can’t help but notice the smoldering ruins of what was once a peaceful village."

Ness stood up, beaming at his players. “And that concludes our campaign.”

Isagi let out a dramatic sigh. "All because of one flaming arrow," he lamented, shaking his head.

"Well," Kurona chimed in with a sly grin, "at least we went down in style."

The group burst into laughter, the tension from their chaotic session melting away.

As the laughter subsided, Yukimiya hesitated before speaking up. “Ness, I actually have a question. It’s about my character. I’ve got this idea, and I was wondering if I could incorporate it in the next session?”

Ness leaned over the table, grabbing Yukimiya's shoulder with interest. “Of course, what do you have in mind?” he asked, his eyes sparkling with glee.

Yukimiya leaned forward, his voice low but excited. “My character is supposed to be a half-elf whose brother was like a prince or an evil noble. He’s the result of a forbidden union and thus will never take over as the leader.”

Kaiser’s eyes lit up. “Oh, that’s perfect! I had a similar story in mind,” he said with a mischievous smile.

Igarashi jumped in, eager to add own spin. “Can my character come from a long line of monks?”

Ness nodded, a smile playing on his lips as the excitement of the brainstorming session took hold. "Yeah, actually, I have just the family in mind. They're devout, firm believers in righteousness. They train every day, ensuring their children grow up as well-respected worshipers."

Gagamaru raised a slender finger, his expression thoughtful. "Can my characters live with furries?"

Ness paused, blinking in surprise at the unexpected request as he began to fold up the game he’d been playing. "Pardon?"

Gagamaru responded as if the idea were completely ordinary. "He lives in the forest with furries."

"Furry creatures?" Ness asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

"No, you know, just people who want to be animals." Gagamaru shrugged casually.

"Uh, sure… not really sure why you’d want that, though," Ness replied, his voice tinged with uncertainty. As he finished packing up the game, placing the board against his chest, his smile broadened. He was thrilled that everyone was so invested, already making a mental note of what to explore next.

“What about a family of warriors, like Rex comes from? He’s a badass who fought in wars and kicked serious asses,” Raichi said with enthusiasm, sounding like an excited kid. He even punched his fist in the air to which Isagi had to dodge.

"Dude! watch where you're swinging that," Isagi hissed annoyed.

Ness nodded again, his expression brightening. “He could have fought in the Black Eclipse War. It was only ten years ago, so it’s still pretty recent.”

“Hell yeah!” Raichi pumped his fist. “He was a badass veteran everyone knew the name of.”

Kurona, not wanting to be left out, leaned forward. “Can mine be a famous bard who left that life behind?”

“Absolutely,” Ness said. “Your character could come from the city of Stelltopia. They were very big on entertainment there, and the rich people often treated others poorly.”

“Sweet, sweet,” Kurona said happily.

“I want mine to be part of an occult, but she ran away at a young age,” Kiyora interjected.

Ness considered it for a moment. “Well, the occult itself isn’t a major story point, but there is a small group trying to summon an evil monster that I won’t spoil because it’s extremely important. I can create a new occult for her, or she could be a part of that one.”

“A new occult would be sweet,” Kiyora said with a grin.

Hiori, who had been quiet until now, spoke up. “I want mine to be a farmer whose family has been struggling since the war, and she wanted to marry rich.”

“So she’s a gold digger?” Isagi asked with a teasing grin. “That makes sense.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Ness nodded. Then he turned to Isagi and Kunigami. “Oh, Isagi, Kunigami, anything you guys want to add?”

Isagi shrugged. “I just want him to be a regular guy who is married.”

Ness raised an eyebrow, slightly disappointed. “Kind of boring. You can do anything, and you choose that?”

Isagi laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m not very creative when it comes to this.”

Ness sighed, but relented. “Okay, fine. Kunigami?”

Kunigami tsked, standing up with a scowl. “What makes you think I’m still playing this shitty game?” he asked, his voice dripping with disdain.

“Guess he went back to night mode,” Hiori whispers to Isagi, who nods.

”I thought we were having fun,” Ness admitted with a small point clutching his fist.

“It’s trash.” He started toward the door but stopped, sighing heavily. “Noa-kun forced me to do this shit anyway, so my character might as well be an orphan who was tortured by his father and sold his soul just to get revenge,” Kunigami said, then walked out without looking back.

Ness’s face brightened with excitement at the potential storylines. “He’s such a tsundere,” Isagi muttered under his breath.

“Motherfucking edgelord,” Raichi added, rolling his eyes.

“Thinks he’s hot shit,” Yukimiya chuckled. “Kind of embarrassing how hard he tries.”

“Just like Isagi,” Kaiser smirked, prompting a round of heated banter to break out again.

The room filled with arguments and laughter, but the dynamic had shifted. Instead of defending Kaiser or feeling jealous of Isagi getting attention from him, Ness was fully invested in incorporating everyone’s ideas into the world-building. The energy was contagious, and the group’s excitement for the next session was palpable.

--<BLUE LOCK LIVE COMMENT SECTION>--

The Booty Bandit: Melody and Reed literally had me blushing with that sexual haRIZZment, like damn, calm down, y’all. 🥵👀

MidgetSpinner: Did anyone else feel the Kaisagi energy tonight? Those two were vibing HARD.

Kuronanonlysimp: Kurona’s little song was SO cute omg, why can’t that be me being serenaded????

Rose-Cage: Kainess crumbs guy the fact he knew how long ness was doing this for is so cute🥺🥺🥺🥺🩷🩷🩷

SEMON_THUNDER: Hate to be that person, but is it just me, or are Hiori and Kurona lowkey in love and projecting all over their characters? Just me? Okay... 😏🌈

Mexican’tsmash: Why they playing this nerdy DnD stuff? Oh wait, this is actually the most entertaining thing I’ve seen all week.

IsagiYoichirl: Guys i’m the real yoichi and trust me when i say i’m dating everyone in blue lock

Hide_Your_Kids: Yall rlly like “I can’t believe they play DnD,” but secretly yA’ll over here loving every second of this cuteness overload.

Holy-Crap-r-u: Ness is seriously growing on me... look at my freckle baby, trying so hard to be a good dm.🥺🩷

Actuallyreading: KAISER WAS SO HOT THIS SESSION. And the way he and Isagi were laughing together? They’re so in love, I can’t even. 😍🔥

Thecommentsectionname?: Valrian munching on weeds in the middle of a fight is literally my spirit animal. 🥴🌿

Damn-umusthvae: I swear we’ve got three druggie characters now, and I am HERE for it.

No__life: Whoever that goth guy is, I can’t remember his name but he’s got good taste in chaotic characters.

Andnobitchess: Never thought I’d be watching soccer players role-play DnD, but you know what? Shame on me for not wanting this sooner.

Aot&Ao3rder: Haikyuu is better

Likeholycrapsrop: No one cares

therenlthinghere: “Gay, gay, homosexual, gay!

AttackMypussy: Taste the rainbow,

Adolf_Hltler88: Am I crazy, or do they kinda look like a rainbow if you line them all up? No? Just me again? 🏳️‍🌈👀

BluelockBoss: Still firmly believing Isagi is gay and living his best harem life in this DnD session. Every roll adds more evidence to my theory.

Lock-off: Igarashi auto-locking onto Kurona and Hiori like “Yeah, that’s my favorite ship now.

Mega-Simp#1: GUYS,Kunigami smiled. Why did nobody tell me this man had such a cute smile??? 🥰🧡

Mega-Simp#2: YUKIMIYA WAS SO CUTE TODAY AGHGH I CAN’T HANDLE IT. 😍🫠

Yaoipls: They’re all gay, they’re all poly, and I am calling it NOW!!!

Canhebeatgokuthough:. Let’s get to the next session ASAP. Do it. Make it happen. NOW!

Mymommyhatesme: .Rex tearing the chief a new one and absolutely Shitting himself is such a vibe. That’s me on a daily basis.

PapperZombie: Where is bachira??

PapperZombie: Oh shit that’s next chapter my b

Disappointment1: Omg, Reed and Melody are literally a walking HR violation, and I’m here for it. Someone get these two a room! 😩🔥

Disappointment2: I swear, if Ness rolls one more critical fail, I’m gonna start a petition to get him some new dice. Someone, please bless this man with some luck.

Roronoa Zoro: What the fuck Where am I this isn’t the ship

Kaisagi Stan122344456&idkman: Kaisagi stans, rise up! That chemistry was off the charts tonight, and I’m not taking any arguments. They are endgame, no question.

yamIstilldoingthis: Kurona, please sing to me IRL, I’ll literally melt into a puddle of feels. That song was too cute for my heart to handle.

Yallain’treadingthename: Okay, but Hiori and Kurona are totally in love, right? They’re just using their characters to act out their unspoken feelings. I’m convinced!

Tired: Wait, you’re telling me Isagi is straight?? Nah fam, not with that energy. He’s got a whole harem waiting, and it’s about time we admit it.

Roronoa Zoro: who the fuck are these people talking about?

Raarenessstan: Why they all gotta be so damn cute playing this nerdy game? My heart can’t take it. Also, I’ve never wanted to be a dice more in my life. NESS Baby hold me plsss

GENERATIONALDRAMA: Can’t believe these soccer nerds are into DnD, but honestly? It’s the best thing I’ve seen all month.

Iminvolvedin911: Ness and his horrible dice rolls are the real underdog story here. My dude is struggling, and I’m here rooting for him like he’s kira.

I-breakJew-lry: Kiyora being an absolute menace tonight was the highlight of my week. And don’t even get me started on Isagi and kaiser giggling—those two are MADE for each other.

Ilikesoccer: Valrian’s weed-eating strategy was pure genius, and by genius, I mean pure chaos. That’s the energy I aspire to have.

Niusenrmelazy: Can we talk about the fact that three of these characters are practically walking, talking drug tests waiting to happen? Love to see it.

Bill Cipher: Goth Guy (whoever he is) gets my respect for having the most chaotic and aesthetically pleasing character. Please, give him more screen time.

I’mwritingthisatlike1: Literally never thought I’d be this invested in soccer players role-playing as DnD characters, but here we are, and I’m living for it.

Soohowitgoing: Gay rights!” but make it the entire DnD group. They’re all queer icons, and I’m not accepting any other narrative. 🌈💅

Bill Cipher: I’m watching you by gold

Good?: They seriously look like a rainbow when you line them up. It’s almost too perfect. Did they plan this???

Nicetoheardat: ISAGI IS GAY, CHANGE MY MIND. And this DnD session is just more evidence for my thesis.

Doesanyeoneshipdis: Igarashi, bro, why are you shipping Hiori and Kurona so hard? I see you projecting your OTP onto them. It’s okay; we all do it.

Mehidc: Y’all, Kunigami’s smile could cure a thousand broken hearts. How are we just now noticing this?? 😍🧡

Im_in_a: YUKIMIYA IS BABY. I REPEAT: YUKIMIYA IS BABY. I wanna protect that smile forever.

—Roronoa Zoro: who the fuck are these people talking about?

Bill Cipher: Woah zoro buddy your in the wrong unuvese buddy

Bts stab: POLY SHIP! POLY SHIP! THEY’RE ALL IN LOVE AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. You can’t convince me otherwise! 🏳️‍🌈❤️

Dreamsmpstan: Petition to make the next DnD session a rom-com featuring all the ships. DO IT. 🥺💘

Yeet_dab_mc_fuck_dab_2: Rex vs. the Chief was the most relatable thing I’ve seen all year. The way he just imploded? Absolute mood.

Obiwancanblowme: Okay, but y’all saw how Kaiser and Isagi were basically flirting the entire session, right? They’re so in love it’s painful. Kaisagi supremacy!

Yournansflipflops: Agh Hiori and Kurona playing as Reed and Melody, practically undressing each other with their eyes! That sexual tension was OFF THE CHARTS. Hiori x Kurona forever! 😩❤️

—Bill Cipher: Woah zoro buddy your in the wrong unuvese buddy

Roronoa Zoro: Oh shit thanks

Pen1sbuttervajellly: Can we just agree that Isagi and Hiori are the actual OTP here? The way they interact is like watching a slow-burn romance novel unfold. So much pining!

Nonbee-nary: Excuse me, but the true romance of the night was Valrian and that weed. They’re soulmates, okay? Literal OTP.

Natfiggers69: All y’all shippers need to chill. These mofo are real people and they ain’t gay these guys are clearly just messing around.

Gay4Gay: Agreed But also, Kaisagi is kind of undeniable, so… 👀"

GotAsmallPenis: Nah isagi like that girl chigiri

Skibidi_Toilet1312: "Forget all these basic ships, I’m here for the poly chaos! They’re all in love, and no one can change my mind. EVERYONE’S A WINNER! 🌈❤️"

Spotify_Premium: Why does Ness look like he’s one failed roll away from a full mental breakdown? Someone give this boy a hug and a new set of dice.

I’mscam: .Reed is giving off big 'I was definitely the kid who ate glue in elementary school' vibes, and honestly? I respect it.

dragonXslayer: Kaiser energy tonight was straight-up 'chaotic honor student who lowkey wants to burn down the school.' The duality of man.

—Roronoa Zoro: Oh shit thanks

Bill Cipher: No problen pal

BachiRinRomance: Isagi is the kind of dude who’d apologize to an NPC after killing them. Why’s he so pure in this game but a total menace on the field?

THESTRUGGLEISREA: Why does Kaiser play DnD like he’s trying to start a cult? Man was out here giving sermons about 'the greater good' like we didn’t just watch him torch a village. 🔥👀*

GuuciansGold: Fully convnced isagi Is about tk write a 10-page backstory for his character and then refuse to share any of it because he’s 'too shy.' 🤐📜

Kuroo-crow: Gagamaru looked way too happy about that weed incident. Is his character supposed to be stoned 24/7, or is this just method acting at this point?

Bill Cipher: What a cool guy😇

Lolilover69: Rex is like, one fart joke away from being the human embodiment of a whoopee cushion. He’s got that chaotic energy you can smell through the screen.

xXGød420xXx: Yuki is out here trying to be the moral compass of the group, but you just know he’s gonna snap one day nd go full berserker.

MARRYMEKUNI: It’s always the quiet ones that are the sweetest Thing like ong Isagi he is a tsundere he’s so cute

Pokemocrds: I’m watching all this DnD madness with a mix of disbelief and fascination, like I was observing a rare species of nerd in its natural habitat.

BIGDIKHOKAGE: These mofo are a walking disaster waiting to happen.

KAISUCKUROWNDICK: Yo, why does Kaiser always act like he’s the main character, even in a group setting? Like bro, we get it, you’re special—now roll the damn dice!

KAISUCKMYDICKPLZ: omfg fuck off kaiser hater

Ice-blizzard: ISAHIORI AND ISANAGI IS BETTER

ReoNessNonsense: NAGI LIKE REO WHO RATARDED NOW????????

Roaesandposes: ISAGI IS STRAIGHT AND EVERYONE ELSE IS GAY For HIM

Daddywereugi: Can we get these 8 year old out of here please?

Iwillcareyyou: Bro where all yall parents?

I-won’t: They went to get milk

Where have you: I’m convinced anyeone who ships irl ppl in blue Lock never had a healthy or toxic relationship like yall lived in a box without human interaction or somein.

Been all my live: Ness is the type to roll a one and then try to convince the DM it was actually a seven if you look at it sideways. Boy’s out here trying to gaslight his own bad luck.

XxXLordYasuoXxX: Rex Shitting in the middle of the battle Brought back vietnam flashbacks.

Sharteethclub: Kurona gives off 'accidentally summoned a demon and now we have to deal with it' vibes. This boy’s chaotic but also, like, in a really polite way?

Ykisexyman: Why does Yukimiya always sound like he’s auditioning for a soap opera when he delivers his lines? Bro’s bringing melodrama to a whole new level.

Goatamaru: Valerian would 100% be the one to accidentally drink poison and then wonder why everything tastes like burning.

PainEvil: Valrian’s probably got a secret stash of snacks , like he’s just munching on Cheetos while everyone else is fighting for their lives.

BluelockON: Need more content need more

BluekockBlender: GIVE ME THE NEXT EPISODE YOU COWARDZ

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