"Escapism" - A flash fiction
Hii!! This is my first flash fiction I'll be posting on Tumblr!! Thank you for stopping to read my work, it means a lot hehe :3
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I have always loved romance, but when I was given a chance to experience it, it never stuck around for long. I’ve loved someone but they only wanted me for their desires, I’ve loved someone but they left me, I’ve loved someone but the love wasn’t mutual, I’ve loved someone but it faded. After all the people I’ve loved, I’d always end up heartbroken, always left alone with nothing but a runny nose and a drenched pillow with my tears.
In our modern society, I’ve always thought, ‘Is romance still alive? Is love nothing but desires and money?’, I honestly don’t know what’s considered what’s right and not anymore at this time and age.
Recently, I’ve gotten into reading books, that mostly revolve around romance, my friend recommended me and I got hooked. I’ve honestly started reading because I was still heartbroken at that time, a fresh wound in my heart that pained me too much to the point I couldn’t even bring myself to properly do my daily routine, I just got out of a romantic relationship with someone…again…I needed a distraction to hide the pain so I started reading.
I read and read, drowning my sorrows in books, hoping it would go away, I probably already have a pile of romance books sitting somewhere in my apartment. I sighed as I closed the book I was just reading, and I felt my heart ache for the umpteenth time today. ‘I can’t believe I miss them…What am I doing? They left me for another…I should move on…’ I shake off my thoughts, messing with my hair in frustration.
Why does love have to be complicated? Why does love seem so beautiful but hurts so bad? It’s like a rose…A beautiful flower but can hurt you with its thorns…Is love even for me? Am I supposed to fall in love and experience its beauty?... Is there even anyone who would love me for who I am without the influence of this twisted society?
I feel tears starting to form in my eyes, I try to cheer myself up, shaking off those deep thoughts… ‘I can’t cry again…I’ve shed too many tears already…I can’t afford to waste anymore…I’m practically wasting my own time…’. I got up from my seat, getting water to quench my thirst as I pulled out my phone, and started scrolling through social media, wanting to be updated with the world, even though it may be cruel and harsh, I still care about it. I scrolled and scrolled until I stopped, seeing one of my exes getting married, another newlywed couple, they found someone new…I stop and stare at the newlywed couple, feeling jealous as I immediately regret scrolling through social media.
‘Another happy couple…happily married huh…When is it my turn to have that? When will that be ever me with someone?... Why is everyone falling in love while I’m… falling behind?’ I sighed as I turned my phone off not wanting to go through it any further, placing it on the countertop as I sat and stared off into nothingness, reflecting on all the relationships I’ve been in.
Am I too much? Too little? What am I lacking? Am I not good enough?
This is so frustrating, how do people even do this?…
My eyes subconsciously diverted their attention to the book I’d been reading. I’ve read the book many times already yet I still always go back to it…I don’t know why, I can’t recall any reason that could explain why I keep going back to it. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, not understanding why I kept reading it over and over again even though it’s not even one of my favorite books I’ve read. The plot is nice but it’s not my all-time favorite. Is it the characters?... I mean the characters are really interesting, especially the male protagonist…
The male protagonist…I mean he is really sweet and a nice person in general, he would do anything to protect his loved ones, he’s kind of cute too…Wait…Him? Cute? He’s not real, I don’t even know what he looks like apart from the description given by the author yet…I find him cute?... Do I have a crush on him or something? I’m in disbelief, not believing that I have a crush on a fictional character.
I stood up and went to pick up the book, observing it. I couldn’t help but smile as I skimmed through the book as I stopped and realized…
I do like him… I do have a crush on a fictional character.
As concerning as it may sound, I don’t mind.
A fictional character can’t hurt me, it can’t reject me, abandon me, or even leave me. I don’t even have to worry about getting heartbroken by a fictional character because…it’s fictional…ouch. Is this who I am now? A person in love with a fictional character? Surely I’m not the only one…right?
To be honest…this is better than getting hurt almost always. This is better than facing the harsh and cruel reality, it may sound like I’m a coward running away but I need a break from all these heartbreaks, and if it means falling in love with someone I can’t have then so be it.
I’d rather be happy because of my delusions instead of moping around feeling so depressed because of reality.
Call me crazy, delusional, mentally ill, I don’t care. I’d rather escape reality through these books than be hurt by the harsh reality. We all have our ways of being happy and feeling loved, this is mine and if people don’t like it, so be it, that’s not going to stop me from doing what I want.
“These books help me escape reality.”
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I hope you guys like what I wrote!! This was the very first flash fiction I wrote :D
