fig jewton

chaver, chavrusa, hebrew. welcome to the shul of ishkabibble. thanks for being here, shalomie.

[figjewton]

Post from Jewish Learning Institute

What did America's Founding Fathers really think about the Jews? As America turns 250, it's time to talk about it.

[figjewton]

The 3 times I went to a church and all hell broke loose

The Only Jew In Town Tales #1

I was the only Jew in my small town, adopted by goyim, but I wanted a relationship with G-d, so I often went to Christian churches with friends and family members. There are three stories about church that I love telling because of how socially devastating they are.

I said this to Methodist pastor The first one occurred at the Methodist church and I was no more than 8 years old. I was with my schoolfriend and her mother, and I had no idea what I was doing. Mandy, my friend's mom, was supposed to remind me that when the cup comes around, I am to cross my arms over myself to signify that I am not partaking in the cup (she was very respectful to the fact that I was not Christian). However, she forgot.

I had two particular quirks that I apply to this story: I have always been terribly germophobic, and as a child, my vocabulary far surpassed my contextual understanding of when to use it. When the pastor approached Mandy and my friend, I watched them sip from a cup and him wipe it with his sleeve. That was it. No disinfectant or anything. It made my skin crawl, and when the cup came to me, with my little hands pressed together, I froze. I silently shook my head. The man was confused, and pushed the cup a little closer to me. I recoiled and softly said, "No thank you, I won't drink from a petri dish".

He was stunned, Mandy was stunned, the old people next to me were stunned, it was a very stunning interaction. After the service, Mandy apologized to the pastor and explained "my situation". He was nice about it, and suggested that should I come back, I received some prior instruction.

Mandy never took me there ever again.

She called me a Christ-killer to my face (I was 7) When I was 7-years-old, I attended a large Easter celebration at a non-denominational semi-mega church with my grandmother. There were about 1,000 people at this event, and I was awed and confused and a little overwhelmed. I remember doing some Jesus-themed arts and crafts, listening to some people sing on stage, and chanting children's church melodies as a deafening group.

They served a small meal to everyone while there were speakers on stage, talking about Easter and Jesus and the symbolism of donkeys or something. Then, a woman came on stage and discussed that Easter is an important reminder of prayer, and she went on about that for a while until she announced that she needed some children volunteers to come to the stage, and talk about who in the Easter story they would pray for. To my devastation, my grandmother volunteered me and I was accepted. I was shaking on the stage, so overcome with stage fright that I was almost crying. Most of the kids said that they would pray for Jesus, some for his mom, some for the men on the others crosses. I was nearly last in line and had time to think about the question, as well as pull myself together: I was determined not to cry in front of all these people.

When it was my turn at the mic, I nervously declared that, "I would pray for Judas, because maybe if somebody had prayed for him, we would not have betrayed Jesus". Dead silence. A couple of odd claps. The woman says, "Interesting," and kindly gestures me off stage, where I proceed to collapse into tears because I said the wrong thing.

Shortly after the program, the woman approached my grandmother and me while I was sobbing into her chest. The woman asked my grandmother if we were members of the church, where else we had attended, yada yada. My grandmother answers, and mentions that I was upset because I got embarrassed. The woman mentions that my answer was "kind in spirit, but displayed empathy towards the people who killed Jesus". My grandmother explains that I don't really know the New Testament, since I'm Jewish. The woman looks intrigued and says, "Oh, so she is a Christ-killer?"

My grandmother used all kinds of language with that woman before she dragged me out of there in a huff. Needless to say, neither of us ever went back to that church.

I thought that a girl speaking in tongues was about to die When I was 10 or so, my best friend A. and I attended our local Boys & Girls Club. Over the summer, a church hosted a community lock-in (which is like a culty sleepover) at our Club, and our mothers signed us up for the event.

Neither A. nor I were Christian, and the music, large crowd, and artificial gymnasium lights got to us after a while. We sought quiet refuge in the restroom down the hall, and after a while we decided to return to the party. When we got there, a woman was singing gospel, hands were up and prayers were being screamed. A. and I were super confused and made our way towards the action. We came across a group of people swaying and singing, and one of the girls suddenly collapsed on to the floor and began shaking violently. As she convulsed, those around her continued to sing and pray, offering their hands palm-down to her. She began to foam a little at the mouth, and was thrashing around violently.

A. and I were horrified. We had never seen this before. After a few minutes at the scene, I yelled to the crowd that they needed to help her. A. yelled that she needed an ambulance. The crowd simply sang over us. A. and I retreated to the restroom, where we decided that we needed to leave ASAP before they sacrificed one of us. We fled the restroom and took to the dark offices that were unused, some of which had access to doors to the outside. When we realized that all of the doors were locked, we slipped into full panic. We begged and pleaded at the door of the Club staff who was sleeping in the office overnight, and when she answered to us sobbing and begging to be let out, she called both of our parents immediately.

We still cringe in horror about that night to this day, although it is way funnier now.

Thanks for reading my tales! I hope that you laughed, and that you have an absolutely wonderful day!

[figjewton]

Being raised by goyim

The Only Jew in Town Tales #2

I did not have a Jewish upbringing, but I always knew that I was Jewish. There was always a primal pull to the Tanakh, what was called in my childhood "The Old Testament".

My great-grandmother survived the Holocaust. She fled to the US with a husband and had children pretty young. Her husband was Christian, and the Ozarks were Christian, and my grandfather was raised Christian with some Jewishness tossed in from time to time. My grandfather married my Christian (and now a little antisemetic) grandmother; they divorced young, and my grandmother raised all of her girls Christian. My mother abandoned me when I was young and I was adopted by a dirt-poor, white trash, Christian Nationalist family. (Not trying to insult anyone, it was simply the environment I grew up in.)

Despite all of the outside influence, I always clung to the Jewish part of me, and for most of my childhood it seemed involuntary. I simply wanted to know, and there was no one to teach me. My grandmother's like for Jews lessened after her divorce, and she wasn't going out of her way to teach me about Judaism when she herself knew nothing of it. My step-family actually could not have given a flying fuck about my interest in Judaism, and my Jewishness was really only mentioned as an insult, as was my Cherokeeness. As a result, I studied alone.

I could not understand most of the holidays and texts, not only because I was a child stumbling around on the internet, but because I had no one to interpret these really big thoughts with me. My version of celebrating Jewish holidays was finding TV specials and animated films that reflected the holidays, particularly Rugrats, The Prince of Egypt, and Veggie Tales when applicable. I abstained from foods that I knew to, and adopted a vegetarian diet to be more like Adam and Eve. I read all of the stories, memorized the plots by heart, and developed a profile for every character.

When I was 14, I was privileged enough to visit Europe, and my trip ended in Germany at the Dachau concentration camp. I had always been interested in Holocaust literature and WW2, and my visit there is what I consider the true beginning of my Jewish story. I was agnostic and invested in witchcraft, and I found that I was strongly pulled to Kabbalah, which I still study to this day.

These interests and studies stayed private until about my mid-20s. I understood that most people around me had an idea of what a Jew was (at the nicest, it was a "Messianic Jew") and I decided that I could be Jewish on my own, to a degree. When I was 26, I suddenly wanted to move to a big city. Well, not suddenly--I had wanted to live there for years--but now I was willing to totally abandon my life to start something new. While struck with this inspiration and making plans, I went to the bookstore in town to pick up a copy of G-d is a Verb. While I was there, the most peculiar sight beheld to me: Walking into the section as I was walking out were three black-hatted, curl-wearing Jewish men. I was awe-struck: It was my first time knowingly seeing another Jew in the wild. It was also a sign for me to move.

When I relocated, I relocated smack dab in the middle of a vibrant Jewish community, completely by chance. My Jewish identity has developed so much, I have learned so much, and I absolutely love my community. To make up for the lack of a Jewish upbringing, I underwent a conversion course and received a fancy little certificate that says I'm a Jew. There is no question about it now, and I have it framed in my living room.

There is no question that my children will be raised Jewish. What they choose to do as adults is between them and G-d, but I want to give them the spiritually enriching, mind-expanding, community-oriented childhood that I did not have. I want to share my pride in our culture and heritage, and I want to share the beauty of our religion.

My familial circle has decreased since I moved, too. A lot of my Christian relatives took it personally that I would rather embrace Judaism, and as a result my family is limited to an aunt, two cousins, a step-brother, and a half-brother. All of them are lazily Christian, but give me the space and respect that I deserve. I choose to spend Christmas with them since they understand that my primary focus is Hanukkah, and they're cool with it. It is a nice change of pace from the casual antisemetism and stigma that I experienced in school and from other family members. I am truly blessed by those that love me. <3

Thanks for reading my tale. Can you relate? Do you care to tell us about your journey in the comments?

[figjewton]

Lion in Lamb's Clothing: How Messianic Jews are Just Cosplaying Christians

Growing up as the only Jew in my vehemently Christian hometown, I was painfully aware of my "Messianic" classmates. They did not experience the same harassment that I did, but they maintained that they were truly Jewish.

I have spent a long time learning about Messianic Judaism, and if you have never read about it, please let me share some of my research with you. <3

What is "Messianic Judaism"? Messianic Judaism is described as a religious movement that combines evangelical Protestant theology and a belief that Jesus was the Messiah, with Jewish identity and cultural forms. It is considered syncretic, meaning that it merges different and often contradictory beliefs into a new, unified system. While embracing Jewish identity, it holds central Christian doctrines regarding salvation as well as the divinity of Jesus. Messianic Judaism adheres to Protestantism, including the Trinity. Congregations are often led by Rabbis ordained within the movement. Messianic synagogues bled synagogue tradition with prayers focusing on Yeshua.

Where did it come from? Originated in the 19th & 20th centuries as a Christian missionary activity aimed at Jews. It was originally called the “Hebrew Christian movement”, otherwise called Jewish Christianity.

The Hebrew Christian movement consisted of Jews who converted to Christianity, meaning that they came to accept Christ as the Messiah. They would maintain some Jewish practices and liturgy, while incorporating the Christian New Testament into their worship. They chose to worship in congregations separate from denominational churches. All of this caused the movement to merge with the Messianic Jewish movement in the 1960s and 70s.

"Jews for Jesus" The Messianic Jewish movement began in the 1960s and 70s, and was pushed on to the public in great force by the non-profit Jews for Jesus. Jews for Jesus is an international Christian mission organized based out of California that is affiliated with this movement. The group is best known for its proselytism of Jews and promotion of Jesus Christ as the son of G-d. Jews for Jesus was founding in 1970 by Martin Rosen, an American minister in the Conservative Baptist Association. There are no Jewish religious authorities that consider Jews for Jesus to be a Jewish organization, mainly because the founder is an ordained Baptist minister.

Deceptive Marketing According to Christianity Stack Exchange (and some discussions on Reddit), Messianics using terms like "rabbi," "synagogue," and "Torah" instead of "pastor," "church," and "Bible" is an intentional strategy to lower barriers to conversion.

The conversion process is meant to feel intuitive to Jews, given that Messianics appropriate Jewish culture and identity. Introducing the Jewish lifestyle as the preferred lifestyle is obviously palatable to Jews, and that false feeling of being accepted and embraced (remember, this is appropriation) can be used to influence Jews with Christian ideology, as a way of “bridging the gap” between Judaism and Christianity.

Gentile Majority Many, if not most, people in the Messianic movement are non-Jews (gentiles) rather than ethnically Jewish people.

Messianic Jews don’t apply for the Law of Return to Israel, since they are not considered Jewish. According to easyaliyah.com, in 1989, the Israeli Supreme Court ruled that Jews who believe in Jesus (aka Messianic Jews) constitute another religion, and therefore are not eligible for the Law of Return. However, a ruling in 2008 clarified that individuals with Jewish ancestry, who maintain that they are Messianic, but were never halachically Jewish to begin with may still be eligible under the family provisions of the law. I’m not sure if that involves a conversion process for them or not, but I would assume that they have to undergo some type of vetting process.

How it threatens proper Judaism Not only does it actively proselytize Jews, but it projects a misconstrued image of what Judaism is to those who don't know much about it. It can easily confuse those seeking to convert to Judaism, and can justify bias for those reading Jewish things through a Christian lens.

What can we do about it? tbh, I'm not sure. I'm not a professional peacemaker, but the best that I have been able to do is clarify the differences between Messianic practices and actual Judaism. I stayed armed with facts, but I respect the fact that others are allowed to assume identities and opinions for themselves. I remember to love my neighbor, no matter how badly they stink up the block. (But I will never, ever called them Jewish.)

Be respectful, be godlike, and be smart about it.

I suggest reading the page at https://mjaa.org/messianic-movement/ to gain the perspective of those who call themselves Messianic Jews. It is absolutely riddled with Christianity.

Thanks for the read! I hope that you got something from it. Feel free to engage below. Have a nice day!

[mistresslynndramione]

When the Jew hatred of antizionism and antisemitism gets you down... remember this.

Mark Twain wrote this 45 years before the Holocaust and 50-60 years before pan-Arabism tried and failed to genocide us.

Twice.

Antizionism is a violent hate movement. And we'll survive that too.

And just in case you were wondering, yes. Israel has been preparing for mass aliyah.

Israel already has real-time experience in dealing with such inflows. In 1991, the country airlifted over 14,000 people from Ethiopia in a day and a half.

More recently, some 75,000 immigrants arrived from Russia and Ukraine in the span of months after the war broke out in 2022.

Your own country may not want you anymore, but your people always will.

[ignorethisatyourperil]

[figjewton]

Worth the read.

[figjewton]

What is service like in your congregation?

Shabbat shalom! I am curious about others' communities and what they experience for shabbat. I know that I experience an array of environments, popping in and out of 4 to 6 congregations a month. My home congregation is in the middle of the city, and it has such a nice ambience indoors and outdoors. We meet in the sanctuary, do the blessings, and do a lot of singing. I love our hymns and their rhythms.

After prayer, the rabbi gives insight to the weekly parsha, and inputs congregational announcements and notices. Then we meet in the main hall for wine blessings and oneg. The room has lovely floor-to-ceiling windows that show the garden and sitting area outside, and it is full of chatting, moving people, who are greeting everyone, noshing, and catching up.

The energy is very much that of a large, eccentric family. We are all unique and up front, radically accepting, and extremely talkative. It is simple, but lovely. I am so blessed for my congregation. <3

[figjewton]

✨️ Just a reminder to pray before studying Torah. ✨️ I forget all of the time. ✨️

[owl-bisop]

OMG, it's frickin' medieval jew furries! (those are literally jew hats, worn exclusively by jews in central europe in the late middle ages to distinguish them from christian) (im so obsessed, there's literally a whole book full of these guys. Like.... THEY LITERALLY CALL IT "Bird's Head Haggadah"!)

[figjewton]

The blacksheep of the Torah

I have long held the opinion that there are three primary blacksheep in the Torah, all within Genesis. They are Ishmael, Esau, and Dinah.

I think that what makes them the blacksheep is that they all consistently lived in the shadows of their siblings, and lived out of favor with their parents, and unjustly.

Ishmael was Abraham's first child, begot by Hagar at the request of Sarah. Ishmael, like all babies, did not ask to be brought into the world, and he and his mother suffered terrible abuse as a result of him simply being born. I wonder if Hagar carried resentment towards Ishmael as a result, even if she loved him. Ishmael goes on to be the progenitor of the Northern Arab tribes, and, according to tradition, builds the Kaaba in Mecca with his father which established a strong link between Abrahamic faith and Arab identity. The importance of what he does, who he goes on to be, and everything he sets out to accomplish is left out of the Torah. We as Jews are not told of the life of our ancestor, Abraham's first child, because he was not Sarah's first child. G-d had a plan for Ishmael, but his plan detracts him from his father and brother, from the Jewish legend that Ishmael could have become. When Ishmael is last mentioned in the Torah, his life is loosely, simply summarized in a shallow paragraph. His story remains a mystery in the Jewish telling of things and it seems like Ishmael was designed to be of Abraham, but not of the Jewish people. That, to me, is a tragedy for Ishmael. Living in his younger brother's shadow, the difficult relationship between his parents and Sarah, and the fast-forwarding of his life in the Torah lead me to believe that Ishmael truly is a blacksheep.

Esau, the child of Isaac and Rebekah, the grandson of Abraham, was the older twin brother of Jacob. As the technical first-born, Esau was entitled to certain blessings and political juxtapositions (I imagine) that did not apply to his brother. However, Esau, more impulsive and brute than Jacob, sells his birthright when on the verge of collapse after a long day in the field. True, Esau sold away his birthright, but it was wrong for Jacob to demand such a thing. I imagine that Esau, as his father's favorite, really burned a hole in the side of Rebekah, who preferred Jacob--to the point that she manipulates her husband into giving Jacob the blessings that he wanted to give Esau. Esau was betrayed not only by his twin brother and mother, but by his father also. I always found it unreasonable that Isaac could not bless both sons, and seemingly Esau did as well. He goes on to live with his family, whom all make exceptions for Jacob that they may not make for Esau, and he is aware of that. Esau's misfortune goes on when his decisions appear to displease those around him. At one point, he returns to his uncle Ishmael to seek wives that would not offend his parents, as Jacob's wife Rachel did not. I find it wholesome that the two blacksheep are together. Two firstborn sons swindled out of whatever may have been theirs by those that were supposed to love them the most. When Esau and Jacob remeet, they are full of love, though Jacob had anticipated the worst from his brother (granted, Esau had vowed to kill him). Esau's acceptance and positive reaction towards his brother says volumes of Esau's personal growth and increased empathy, though he does not exactly receive this praise throughout the passage. Even his good work seems to go unnoticed.

Dinah was the daughter and seventh-born child of Jacob and Leah. Dinah's position as the only daughter in the family may have meant that she would be dotted on and favored, but not so for her. Perhaps because she is the child of his least-favorite partner, Jacob seems to never speak to or about Dinah; even when she is raped, he remains silent. When Dinah's brother retaliate on her behalf, Jacob scolds them. He is much more concerned about the reputation of the family than the safety of his only daughter, and never admits to the atrocity of rape itself. There is a midrash that says that Leah knew that she was born with another son; however, she prayed to G-d for a miracle and the fetus transformed from a boy to a girl. Did Jacob resent Dinah for being born a girl, when he could have had another son? Jacob carried the opinion that sons were superior to daughters, and Dinah was likely to Jacob another woman under his roof to contend with. We know that the family life of Jacob's clan is messy, but Dinah seems more removed fro the mess than anyone. Aside from her assault, she is nearly never mentioned. Dinah is one of the 70 individuals to relocate to Egypt, and that is all we really know about her story.

Do you agree with my synopsis of the blacksheep in the Torah? Is there anyone else you would put on the list?

[angrytheatremaker]

Ah, the feminine urge to go all out with Judaica in one's jewelry to piss off antisemites from around the horseshoe.

[figjewton]

✨️HEARD✨️

[rebecca-liz]

Hey, Jews! Everybody wants to kill us but they failed. The two men stabbed in London are recovering (one is awake and doing well, the other is stable and slowly improving).

What's a mitzvah you do on the regular that you're a little bit proud of?

Mine is that I go out of my way to be kind to converts.

[figjewton]

I like to fulfill as many as I can in a day, like a collection game.

[yehi-or]

sometimes i get a little weepy whenever i see people connecting/reconnecting with judaism and their jewish community. despite it all our hearts will always return home <3

[anscathmarcach]

HOW DID WE GET HERE???

Society really uno-reversed SO HARD that now they define JEWS AS NAZIS.

[figjewton]

When you're so deep in conspiracy, I can't fully understand what you're saying.

[secretly-a-catamount]

I am grabbbing y’all by the shoulders and begging you to understand that so much of the pro-Palestine movement is just antisemitism repackaged with a pretty social justice bow

If your belief in the rights of one group of people is dependent on hating on another group of people I quite frankly don’t think you practice what you preach

[dikleyt]

"you can criticize israel without being antisemitic"

"totally, those talmudic zionists just like to play the victim"

"no, i mean you should try criticizing israel without being antisemitic, for a change"

[hagiomoto]

[figjewton]

👀 👀 👀