#impossible goals

[mbrainspaz]

There’s a point in every comic page where it looks impossible-- When I look at the amount of detail work ahead of me and the gaps in my world building and the technicalities of the sorcerous lighting and the difficult angles and character poses and just think... There’s no way I can do this. 

but in the end it always turns out...

I can, as long as I just keep going. (x)

[xvangoghssunflowerx]

Welp. Guess that bat is out of my reach. 😒😒😒

[razaullah123]

Zlatan Ibrahimovic ● Craziest Skills Ever ● Impossible Goals

[haendel-me-with-care]

I’m in this point of my life where I know I will be very disappointed if a random hot rockstar won’t merry me in the nearest future.

[mbrainspaz]

I just told a friend that I was going to pitch my story to Netflix as a TV show in a few years after I get the comic off the ground. I don’t know where that came from but I guess it’s a plan now. Now I can’t stop thinking about getting some awesome music for the score. Storyboarding. Costume design. Casting my characters. Filming locations. There’s a weird buzzing sound inside my head. I think I broke something. 

[mbrainspaz]

“don’t stop it it’s too late”

When I started making my webcomic I thought I would be able to turn out a page a week. I thought that would be a nice, easy pace to start with. Instead I can barely manage a page a month. Each page takes between 10-20 hours. On the surface that seemed like an easy amount of work-time to cram into a week, but in practice it's not. If I could sit down at my desk and make this comic my full time job that still wouldn't work, because I can't physically draw and paint for more than about 3 hours straight without hurting my hands. On top of that there are still the days when I’m dealing with my mental issues like depression, artblock, and a bizarre kind of ‘freelancer’s cabin fever.’ Then there's exhaustion from my other jobs. Then there's the need to clean, cook, and do other chores. Then there’s the constant pressure to put more time into my other jobs.

I've been so angry at myself for failing because I couldn't understand why I kept failing until I spelled it all out like this. Sure, a page a week would be easy. A page a week on top of everything else in my life? Impossible. 

So why do I still want to try? It’s like that urge to watch a 20 minute video in 3 minutes. Like if I just believe hard enough, I’ll have more time. I’ll have more energy. Somehow, outside the bounds of conventional reality, I’ll make it work. 

[mbrainspaz]

I wonder if it'd even be possible to fit all 6 of my jobs into one day. If I got up at 5am, did some freelance work, hit the first ranch by 7, the second ranch at 8, then 4 hours of comic art and writing over lunch, taught a paint class in the evening, and followed that up with driving Lyft until midnight. There you go. It's foolproof. I'd walk my dogs, sleep, and eat during my 1-4am break. 🙌😤