More Passione as John Mulaney Quotes
Bruno ;; You know all those days when you're all "This might as well happen, adult life is already so goddamn weird”?
Abba at Narancia ;; You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair
Gelato ;; I hate it when people ask me about my life dreams and aspirations. Like, I dunno, I thought I’d be in a car waving my hand out the taillight by now.
Diavolo ;; 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don't like about you.
Narancia ;; I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.
Melone ;; College was like a four-year game show called "Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep?
Diavolo ;; Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the '30s -- as long as you weren't still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.
Mista ;; Late at night, on the street, women will see me as a threat. That is funny, yeah! It's kind of flattering in its own way, but at the same time, it's weird because, like, I'm still afraid of being kidnapped.
Trish ;; I always thought that quicksand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be. You watch cartoons and quicksand is like the third biggest thing you have to worry about, behind the actual sticks of dynamite and giant anvils falling on you from the sky.
Ghiaccio ;; I was once on the phone with Blockbuster Video, which is a very old-fashioned sentence. That's like when your Gram would be like, 'We'd all go to play jacks by the side fountain.' And you're like, 'Nobody knows what you're talking about, you idiot'.
Prosciutto ;; My dad came home from work and my mom told my dad that she cleaned under my bed and found a shoebox with two cigarettes and a Cosmopolitan, which prompted my dad to ask. 'How does Prosciutto know how to make a Cosmopolitan?'
Giorno ;; I look like I was just sitting in a room on a chair eating saltines for, like, 15 years.
Formaggio ;; That is a stupid movie title. Lost in New York? The streets are numbered. How’d you get lost in New York?
Pesci ;; My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.
Illuso ;; Just because you're accurate doesn't mean you're interesting, Ghiaccio.
Sorbet ;; Irish people don't want comfort. Look at a sweater made in Ireland. It's like a turtleneck made out of Brillo pads.
Doppio ;; So I put on a sweater and a pair of corduroy pants and I felt safe
Cioccolata ;; Sometimes people would say, "What do you think you're doing?" But that just meant "Stop." They didn't want to know my thought process. They didn't want me to be like, "Well I was gonna put this bottle rocket into this carton of eggs, so that when I lit off the bottle rocket, the eggs would explode everywhere." "Oh well that's very interesting. And what brought you to this experiment?" "Oh well, thank you for asking. Well, you know how I'm filled with rage?"
Fugo ;; I'll keep all of my emotions right here. And then one day I'll die.
Secco ;; Before I had a boyfriend, I never had someone who's always standing next to me who can just point out obvious things that are happening.
Tiziano ;; I mean, we’re all violent here, but you’re very friendly
Carne ;; I lived like a goddamn ninja turtle
Squalo ;; i lived off cigarettes and alcohol and aderall
