When people show you who they are, believe them. ~Maya Angelou
It is human nature to pass judgement upon others, especially when meeting someone new. As we get to know people, they reveal themselves to us. What they reveal may leave you fulfilled or deflated. Both feelings could inspire you to spend more time with this person in an attempt to learn more of why this person is the way they are. (While people are not always kind, they are interesting. Everyone has a story to tell.) Or, it could be, because we feel pressure to keep giving people the benefit of the doubt. But if you are uncomfortable or hurt by someone, why continue to give that person your space and time; especially, if you begin to change yourself in an attempt to change the offender.
Perhaps it is age, but I find myself less interested in giving people the benefit of the doubt. It has become easier to see (and trust) what people show me. Many times it is our own lack of self confidence that we don’t trust what others show us. I have also worried what others might think of me. Will they call me cold, rude, or bitchy? The reality is that it does not matter what they think of me. If they are who they show me to be, then they are far too concerned for their own self to truly care for my inherent worth and dignity. For all parties involved, life is too beautiful and complex to get wrapped up in these kinds of worries.
On the other hand, there maybe times when writing someone off is more difficult. Perhaps it is someone you have known for a long time, or a relative. For some, family is sacred, untouchable, unbreakable. But for many, more than we probably realize, family is the root of our pain. We wonder why our parents didn’t/don’t follow the “family is sacred” narrative. Why do our parents choose to not show unconditional love and support to us? Our on worthiness is questioned. A self doubt is born, along with a sensational desire to be accepted. The heartache and insecurities of that relationship bleeds into all future relationships.
It has taken decades to trust what my parents have shown me. While estranging myself from them completely might temporarily create peace, I believe it would slowly eat away at me over time. Just knowing that their pain is not because of me, but due to their own unaddressed emotional needs has helped. Trusting that when they are exhibiting selfish behavior, it is because they are egocentric. Trusting that when they inflict hurt on me, it is because they are hurting. Trusting that it is them, and not me.
