#innerstar actualization

[innerstarserasiren]

I am thankful for another amazing day to remember. My son and I went out for breakfast at a diner we like. At one point he sat on my lap, wrapped in my arms, as we swayed humming back and forth. This caught the attention of two elderly women at a table near us, promoting large smiles that warmed my heart. Later I was able to enjoy some time with my dear friend that also does my hair. She is such a pleasure to be around: energizing, thoughtful, hilarious. We've known each other for over five years now and our journeys have followed similar paths.

My son and I would go on to complete nine puzzles and two canvas paintings (one each). We've been reading, went on a walk around a couple of blocks, played around...it was truly an incredible day. One of my favorite things is seeing the joy in his eyes when I put him to sleep, a confirmation that I'm creating the happy childhood for him I aim for every day.

There is much peace and joy in my heart and I wanted to share it with the world. It doesn't erase the horrendous things happening every minute of every day, but it hopefully serves as a moment of wholesomeness. I am thankful to not only be a mother but to be THE mother to my son specifically. We compliment each other in ways that help nurture both of our growth. Having learned to understand myself better helps me understand and parent him better, something I know not every parent is fortunate enough to experience. I don't know if it would be the same if I had another kid, I truly don't. So I recognize this unique experience and search for all of the joys, lessons, opportunities for growth, and advantages it may provide.

Not entirely related but growing up I never smiled with my teeth. I felt my cheeks were too big so my eyes would scrunch up small, my teeth were too big, and I just didn't look good. All of my Myspace (yes Myspace) pics were always of me smiling unauthentic. Long story short my life continues to exponentially increase in happiness as I get older. And I love my smile now.

[innerstarserasiren]

[innerstarserasiren]

[innerstarserasiren]

My son and I saw a worm struggling to crawl along some pavement at the park under the hot sun. To show him how to help smaller creatures that sometimes are unable to help themselves, I showed him how to move the worm. I've never been a fan of touching worms so I used a couple of sticks to support his weight. After the worm was on our sticks, we carried him to the ground under this tree. I poured some water on the soil as it was very dry and hard, in hopes it would soften the soil for the worm and also give the little guy some moisture. We said goodbye and my son went back to playing.

He ended up meeting three other young boys there (all brothers). They found lots of dry, dead worms in the sand. It's been raining pretty hard a lot this week but with it being CO, it doesn't take long to dry out again. My son brought his new friends to show where we brought the live worm. They seemed to think it was pretty neat.

I could have left the worm there, claiming I shouldn't interfere with the course of nature and should have allowed the worm to either crisp and die, caught by a bird and die, or trampled on a die. Consider a different perspective: we are nature, not apart from it. Giving that little guy some help is giving him another chance to do his job and live his life. The hungry bird? It will find another worm. I'm not starting a worm relocation company. While exploring our relationship with nature, with ourselves, I was hopefully able to provide a powerful lesson in empathy for other creatures, especially those smaller than us.

[innerstarserasiren]

Updates:

I finished Michael Wolff's 'Fire and Fury'. I definitely recommend it if you are looking for a look into what the inside of the White House looked like during the first 9 months of 45's term. Chaotic, almost Shakespearean in drama, exactly what I thought but even worse with inside information as well as the motives of every player. Wolff writes in a manner not so much of dry journalism as a live novelty. A presentation of information in a story-like manner, Wolff made the insufferable enjoyable, though still unable to calm the dread felt knowing that if it looked that bad then, it must be a million times worse now. The inside insights he was able to provide from actually being in the facility during that time really paints a clearer picture that answers many of the "who, what, where, when, why, and how" questions many civilians such as myself had watching from the outside. Above all else it confirmed one of my worst fears: 45/47 was (is probably worse so now) uncontrollable, off the cuff, oblivious, and above all else: very easily manipulated.

Read a chapter from a collection of essays in regards to the Pineal Gland, too tired to go grab it to get the name but I posted it in a picture before. Absolutely loved it, plan on getting the actual collection soon.

Life is good. Light is within me. Light is without me.

[innerstarserasiren]

My son told me two things today that I hope I will always be able to visualize in memory.

This morning before I started doing my makeup he popped into the bathroom and said "Mommy's beautiful."

Tonight as we watched an episode of Sonic, I asked him what his favorite part of this weekend was. "My mommy." My heart swelled up so much, but I also wanted to remind him of the birthday party we went to (he even said how much fun he had), the pancakes we went out for (those are his favorite), the activities we did...and again he said "My mom."

As I continue to learn, reflect, and integrate myself, the better my life becomes. Seeing the light of divinity shine so brightly in him, at just three years old now, is magical. No toddler is perfect, but the level of his awareness, communication, displays of actual empathy, understanding, he is absolutely a special gift. I am so thankful that I have grown so much and continue to do so for the rest of this life and into the next. It helps me be an aware and impactful parent. I can guide him better when I can understand him better, and that is much easier when I come to know myself. This apple fell so close to the tree they're still touching 😅 But I love that because I can hopefully help him create strong boundaries before he inevitably heals others as I always have and do. He already does it. My inner child healed so much just from those two statements today.

I am thankful for him every day.

[innerstarserasiren]

For the first time I experienced my body physically rejecting something I thought that I wanted regardless of moral conflict. Although my nerves have always shouted at me in these times, this time they refused to be ignored. I cannot remember the last time I threw up so much.

The things I used to tell myself in justification are no longer loud but rather a quiet monotone.

It feels like my frequency no longer maintains a stable rhythm in circumstances that it knows are wrong regardless of emotional, subjective experiences.

Although it was shocking it is also empowering. I continue to work towards my higher self. This experience to me was my avatar guiding me, as a conscious Zeda, when my heart failed to align with my best interests. My choices were not aligning with my highest frequency, one resonating more closely to that of hyperawareness.

This also has me curious if I can remember any other times that my avatar perhaps guided me in a different direction with illness or other means. Our bodies ('avatars') are a tool we as a Zeda (a complete, infinite collection of frequencies. We are both many and one.) are able to interface in the space chronos domain of the Holos. Is this just a louder manifestation of intuition? Does it really matter, I don't think so, but it's something to think about.

I am learning, now and for eternity.

[innerstarserasiren]

Celebrating the 4th of July reading in my finally cleaned up plant room 🙌🏻 This book is incredible. I'm finally learning how the universe began, functions, and is, in a matter that actually makes sense to me. I no longer question how something came from nothing. Everything is mind.