Jan 31, 2025
Found my piece during my first battle with Interstitial Cystitis
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Found my piece during my first battle with Interstitial Cystitis
Went to new Gyno yesterday. My uro sent me to her saying she could help with my IC. He originally said she was a specialist then said that she wasn't one, just an OB/GYN how "liked" seeing IC people.. urgh what is his deal I have no idea, but anyway.. She was nice although even though she knew about my IC and pelvic floor dysfunction she insisted on probing pelvic floor muscles and pushing on my bladder urgh. I know it's probably part of the exam she has to do but I mean really? -_- Made me flare just when I was getting over the flare from my woman-times. She said she didn't want to check for endo because even though I might have it that the best treatment anyway is just to stay on birth control. But she was at least nice, and was very very gentle with the speculum (still hurt like a bitch). But yeah, she said to just go to my uro for all my IC symptoms. Getting kind of annoyed, feel like I'm getting the run around from my uro. Best part about it was that since it was at the Naval Hospital my birth control that regularly costs me $130+ for 6mo was FREE! Woo!
When I finally cave and cheat on my IC diet..
At first I'm like
... then the flare from the sweet, sweet, forbidden food hits:
When I find something I can eat that doesn't anger my IC and IBS, and someone else wants to have some
I knew I was gonna be in pain today (a concert always takes multiple days of spoons) but I didn't know I was going to be in this much pain. Chronic Illness is hard. And I have to drive down seven hours for my specialist appointment on Monday and driving irritates my bladder/pelvis like nothing else. Yayyy. I'm too mentally drained for all this.
Today flipping sucks. I went to bed at 4 am last night and the doctors office called me at 9 and after that I couldn't fall back asleep (we all know sleeping during a flare is impossible as it is) anyways then I had an appointment for an instillation at 4:30 and they had to give me a shot of Toradol because I was in too much pain. Anyways the instillation caused me extreme pain to the point where I was shaking and crying and I ended up taking Vicodin and some vaginal Valium and hopping in the bath. I still feel like hell and I can't sleep. I'm pretty sure none of this makes sense because I'm delusional from pain and lack of sleep.
Arghhhhh chronic illness! That moment when you run out of spoons in the middle of an activity or a job is just…devastating. When I run out of spoons it can turn a perfectly delightful experience into torture. I am very thankful and grateful that at this time I can push my body to make employment commitments. And the I'm taking is work I love. So it just kills me that because of my chronic illness I end up being miserable while doing what I love with a group of wonderful people. When I run out of spoons I'm suddenly left having to spend the rest of my work time fighting my body to focus and maintain a pleasant demeanor. I muster every last spoon to do what's required of me, and I have nothing left over for smiles or jokes or chitchatting with others. I just sort of go into shutdown mode where my body is making sure I'm meeting the minimum requirements being asked of me and giving nothing more, and all I'm thinking about is being home and in bed. Every single second feels like an eternity until I can go there. Meanwhile the rehearsal is full of laughter and camaraderie and people are making plans for having a drink after we're done. And I feel like I'm this Grinch of a person but I'm not- I love the people in my show, I want to get to know them, I want to have a good time with everybody. But my spoons are gone, and I suddenly can hardly function much less be sociable.
My urethra and bladder are killing me. It feels like there is a cactus trying to climb out of my bladder. And the other day I started to pee blood and my urines pretty dark so that's concerning. Yeah I'm so done with my pelvis.