I'm curious about, whether or not there will be anything left of me
All this just feels like an exorcism to me
I scream out in the darkness, I search for the place I belong, I search for myself. Nothing to hold on, no one to trust, just nothing. All is possible but nothing makes sense. Why?
I think many people understand the concept, that it must begin with oneself, that it has to begin within before you can manifest or project it on the outside world. In German there is a word, thats called BEGREIFEN. I use it if I want to say, that I understand something. But it can also be used to say that you touch something. Its literal meaning is to touch something to feel it with all your senses.
I think many truths are understood but not so many begriffen, not so many have really been touched by the hands and minds and hearts of us human beings.
If you want to find out the truth and live in it, you have to take the path and you'll know, that this is what you're here for. You want this part of you, the ego, to find out where it truly belongs, who it truly is. You want to come together as one. You want to see it as it is. And it will always feel different than you think.
So how do you create BEGREIFEN? You go to your deepest, darkest depths, you challenge your sanity and you shatter to pieces, so that you can see, what you are made of. You find it out for yourself, no one has to tell you after that, who you are. You know it. You saw it. It was there. Even a step away from insanity. It didn't left you. But what is it?
It is you. It is you, in a sense, that you give sense to yourself, you give yourself purpose, you are the one that you trust the most. You are the one that learned to love you, to love again. YOU never left YOU.
It might seem that God or source or whatever you like to call it left. It left you alone, there was no love, no trust. That made you look for it.
You want to touch it again, to understand it again to feel it again. You have to touch it in yourself, let yourself be touched by the DESIRE to know yourself. Because it is desire. Touch the deepest wound, with love. It's so fragile, it's so sensitive. It doesnt seem that important. But that is what it's about. We were made to think, to believe that it's not important to touch ourselves and let us be touched in EVERY WAY with LOVE. Let's soften this hard world. I think that's a good start. I'll try my best.