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I hate having all kinds of love to want to give, but can't bring myself to pipe up and just speak to friends. Like conversation initiation. I can put on the mask and just do it with strangers, but friends, 😩, I can't pipe up without feeling like a burden.
I just want to have an entire day open for orgasms and smut....is that so much to ask?! 😆
Maybe I should pencil in a few days in 2025 for this....🤔
Nobody: "Aren't writers supposed to love school?"
Me: "I'm not like any other writers."
Nobody: "Then what type of writer are you?"
Me: "The lazy ass type of writer who ducking hates school."
Nobody: "Ducking Hell."
Me (an introvert) working suffering from office (turbohell? try open space)
When you totally felt like you could handle a party, and you could have a few days ago but now all you wanna do is veg out and now interact with anybody but you're bound by your previous social obligations.
Not gonna lie, it bothers me a bit that so much of the fandom discussion these days happens on discord. I'm that extremely introverted person who finds busy servers a bit overwhelming (+I don't really have the time to spend as much time there as I should to catch up with everything) so I have a difficult time joining any even though I /would/ love to talk with other fans.
I wish I had a dream to hold onto... A dear life goal... To keep going !!! Something to fight for !
I feel like I owe this to myself as a non-partnering aroace. I have to find myself a meaningful goal to keep going. To give a sense to my life, for all the years to come.
I already rejected most of the common goals that run the world (like getting married, having children, and settling for a stable family life). All I have left is the professional one (which I don't have yet). Six years ago, I settled for medical school because I had no other options and even if I ended up liking it, the conditions in which I'm learning require something more. Passion. That fire that keeps people going.
But I don't have this. And I really wish I had.
Now that I'm reaching the end of this stressful path, i feel stuck. I'm just going through the days, each of them as meaningless as the others... And it sucks. I feel anxious whenever I think about my future. I chose a field where I need to be aggressive to get to the top or just to make a living out of it. But as an introvert, I don't even have the required social skills to get through it.
Doomed? Meant to fail? I really hope not.
But things are so uncertain right now ... so I'm scared.