↠ * mnet global auditions season 4 , ♥«´¨`•°.. » episode four ! that new new » ¸.•* DEJA VU by NU’EST W ! ( LINE DISTRIBUTION & STYLE ) `*•.
the ending of episode three happens much faster than she ever anticipated, people getting eliminated more quickly than she could process. it takes a while for her to full comprehend their ranking as a team, and even longer to realize that not all of them are moving on.
once she does, she’s heartbroken. she doesn’t believe wonshik deserves to go home at all with how well-rounded he is, and nearly finds herself trying to speak up, but the words just get caught up in her mouth. disbelief is soon taken over by the guilt---she’d been the one to recommend the song, she’d been the leader of the team. surely, she could have found a way to prevent this; if only she’d worked harder, then maybe none of them would have had to go home, maybe they’d have been at the top. it’s hard to stop the tears that threaten to fall, but she manages, barely, only to break down as soon as they’re all swept off stage.
but she isn’t given any time to deal with the guilt, deal with the regret. the mga’s are fast-paced, and she’s learned just how fast in the past week and, as cruel as it is, she has no choice but to push those thoughts to the back of her mind. she has to move on. she has a new team now, a new challenge to face.
it’s a little bittersweet, meeting new people when she’d grown attached to the group she’d been in last week. she wishes to redeem herself as the team leader, but the rules don’t allow it, and she isn’t sure whether she’s disappointed that she can’t, or relieved that she doesn’t have to worry about whether or not she’ll be ale to actually do it. at the very least, she’s happy that minho is still in the same group with her, allowing for some sort of anchor in this fast-paced, ever-changing journey.
still, despite her initial apprehensions about it, she once again finds herself becoming comfortable with this new group, especially after they all decide to do a band concept for part of their performance, an idea first brought forth by daniel, and one she thinks is so brilliant she’s just as enthusiastic about it as he is. perhaps that had been their downfall last time; they’d stuck too close to a classic, hadn’t taken enough risks. and this is a big one that she hopes will pay off.
throughout the week, she learns about each and every person, once again picking up on their traits and skills, their different personalities that didn’t clash, but rather worked together in productive discussions and constructive criticisms because they all had one goal: to put out their best. it shows in the way they help each other, in the way every person makes sure that everyone else is doing well, that everyone else is getting the help they need.
it shows in the way yongsun takes the reigns of as the leader extremely well, making sure every single detail is taken care of, reigning them in if they ever got off topic, checking in on everyone if she senses them struggling. she witnesses it first hand when yongsun approaches her to practice their lines together, in her soft yet strict approach at helping the others. "you remind me of my vocal coach back home in sydney,” she tells her as they take a break from rehearsing. “i always viewed her as an older sister. you’ve got that same warm kind of feeling.”
it shows in rose’s determination to familiarize herself with the electric guitar and playing in a band, both foreign concepts to her. her willingness to learn makes it easy for seola to teach her and guide her, and, despite her initial insecurities, rose shows a great deal of courage to be willing to play in a band for the first time at the mgas, whose audience was much larger than anything seola had ever played for, and she admires her for it. even when they’re working on the choreography for the transition from instruments to choreography, seola learns of just how talented her fellow teammate is.
it shows in the way daniel so openly admits his own weakness in dancing so that he can get help with it. as someone who has always had a problem with admitting her own faults, she respects his candor when it’s her turn to help him through the choreography, carefully explaining each step, making sure that he’s not only got the choreography donw, but also that he’s aware of his spacing when in formation, aware of how his lines look as he performs. "you know,” she tells him as she helps adjust the position of his arms and waist during a particular move, watching their reflection in the mirror. “you say you’re bad at this, but with some practice, i bet you’d be pretty decent.”
and it shows in the way minho holds her up when she reaches her lowest point mid-week and she goes to him with all her thoughts, dumping each and every insecurity and sense of guilt on him, so much so that she feels bad afterward for having done so. but he shows great maturity and empathy when he tells her he understands what she’s going through, but that she shouldn't be too hard on herself, that all they can do for now is do their best. “i need you to be amazing again, so i can be too,” he tells her, and she feels the tears welling up in her eyes again. when did she become such a crybaby? “otherwise i’d be too worried and tripping on my own feet and we can’t have that okay?” he then wraps her in an embrace and she feels as if a dark cloud is being lifted. she hugs him back, chucking at his words even as she continues to cry and let it all out. “see, you would have been a great leader. i knew i voted for you for a reason,” she jokes quietly, referring to when they’d all voted on who would be the leader for the week. and as much as she’d like to sit around to recover, he’s absolutely right; it’s time to get back to work.
the work load is large, with having to not only learn new choreography, learn a new song, but also having to arrange a band version of the first minute and a half, all within a week. but with the group working like a well-oiled machine, things seem to be running as smoothly as she could have dreamed. the choreography is cleaned up, the band is playing like a cohesive unit, their name is picked, and their stage outfits chosen.
before she knows it, the day of filming arrives and her nerves are once again on high alert. she doesn’t think they can get any worse, but a cog in the machine comes lose and the gears come to a grinding halt once they run through rehearsals and daniel makes a mistake with the choreography. tensions are unbelievably high as they leave the stage afterward, so much so that she feels she can’t breathe. she can only imagine how daniel must feel after making such an error on stage, and she doesn’t want him to feel that way, so she approaches him from behind, walking in step beside him as she wraps an arm around his, hoping it’s comforting, even if just a tiny bit.
“hey, you okay?” she asks him, concern clearly written in her tone. she glances at him, soft smile on her features. “it’s okay, you know. we all make mistakes.” she bites on her lower lips, trying to find the right words to say, deciding to take it to a lighter tone. “i know it doesn’t seem like it, but even i make mistakes. shocking, right?” she laughs quietly to herself, lips pursed into a close-lipped smile. “mistakes don’t matter. what matters is how you recover from them and learn. we’ll go through it again, yeah?”
in the end they all run through their performance again, making sure they’re back on track just before filming.
last week, her team had been the fifth to perform, and it had put her extremely on edge while watching everyone else’s performances. now, with them going dead last, she isn’t sure she’ll make it to the end. her fingers are tingling and her mind and heart are going a million miles a minute. she finds that watching the performances of the other teams helps, but it also puts more doubt in her mind. everyone on the show is so talented---where does she stand?
by some act of god, she makes it to the end, and their team name is called. she trails behind most everyone, standing just in front of yongsun as they make their way to the stage. “hello, we are girl crush!” they introduce themselves, bowing at the audience and at the judges, each of them dressed to the nines and looking sharp as all hell in their suits.
afterward, they make their way to their starting positions, instruments at the ready, and she takes one last deep breath.
remember to have fun, she tells herself. you got this.
she starts off the song on her electric guitar, fingers gliding across the strings like she’s been playing it her entire life, and she has. she owes all of her guitar knowledge to her father, and this is in part an ode to him, to show him that all the time he’s spent with her is paying off, that she’s doing what she loves and is using what she’s learned from him well. she leans in toward the mic as her voice and rose’s joins in with the melody. daniel and yongsun then take over before the song fully takes off, the rest of the instruments joining in to make the song have a fuller sound.
난 널 그리워하고 i’m missing you 너는 날 기다리게 해 and you make me wait for you
she looks directly into the camera as she sings her first line, voice soft but clear as she tries to emote the feeling of having loved and lost, drawing from her most recent experience at her mother leaving her family behind. it’s painful to admit that, even after all the wrong she’s done, seola still misses her, even if it’s just a line in a song.
after her short adlib, she no longer has any lines until just before they switch to choreography, so she focuses instead on her fingering, making sure she’s in time with the rhythm minho keeps on the drums, still aware of her facial expressions, painting a melancholy expression on her features with her lips turned down at the corners in the most minute of manners, her brows ever so slightly furrowed.
say woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo
she sings her lines with longing, eyes closed as she brings her lips closer to the microphone, still strumming along to their arrangement. the most difficult part of their performance, in her opinion, is coming up soon, and soon as rose finishes her line and the lights dim, she quickly removes the guitar from around her shoulders and carefully places it down on its stand. she then rushes to join her fellow teammates in formation, making it just in time before the lights come back on, with minho at the front of their straight line. it had run flawlessly, despite the small hiccup they had during rehearsals.
from behind, they do the arm choreography while minho raps, and then break off toward the sides into full choreography. as much fun as she’d had doing the band section, seola enjoys this the most. she considers dancing to be just another extension to her singing, another way to express the emotions and nuances of a song when her voice isn’t in use. her movements are sharp as a knife where they need to be, smooth as running water at other times. she’s a trained dancer through and through, and it shows in her precision and musicality. compared to last week, this type of choreography is more her style.
밝은 곳을 걸으며 빛을 남겨줘 let me walk to the bright place, leave the light on
when she sings again, there’s hardly a sign at all that she’d been exerting herself, her voice still loud and clear, barely a waver to be found. she falls to one knee at the end of her line, continuing on with the choreography. allowing the rhythm to dictate the flow of her movements, in time with the pace of the song as well as her other teammates.
the mirroring part of the choreography comes up and she positions herself in front of their formation, turning around to face minho, making sure their movements are perfectly in sync as they look at one another.
네가 보여 i can see you
she whips her body around again at the end of her line, and they once again disperse across the stage into a new formation after minho raps his line. she repeats her wooing line again, walking across stage with purpose as she once again finds the camera, looking straight into it. she then launches into the following line, yongsun joining in as they sing the section they’d first gone over together during practice.
잠시라도 사라지면 안 돼 deja vu deja vu don’t disappear even for a moment, deja vu deja vu
with all her lines sung, she puts all her effort into the last few counts of choreography, face still just as expressive as it had been when she’d started the song. their performance comes to an end to the sound of yongsun and daniel’s voices, and they all form into a circle, each of their backs turned toward the middle as they sit on the floor.
they’re quietly shooed off stage, and she’s one of the last to leave, wanting to savor the moment for just a bit longer, of their hard work paying off. even if she’s in the bottom again this week, at least she can say she’s proud, not only of herself, but of the rest of her group.
“congratulations on a great performance guys,” she says once they’re back stage and their mics have been removed. she’s all smiles and giddy as she grabs onto the shoulders of minho with her two hands on either side of his head, using his height as leverage to get more air as she jumps up and down. “you all did amazing.”
and she means it. she just hopes the judges think the same.
