#irl shitposting

[welgansheer]

[a french signpost, ominously announcing "FORBIDDEN LAWN"]

Lemme touch grass, dammit

[catscatscatscatscatscatserybody]

I just got reminded of the one and only time I've actually been asked "What's in your pants?" and I am still so proud of my stupid response. At the time I was working on a horse farm as basically the assistant to the property manager, and I got asked this by some random guy while I was doing something or other after work (don't remember what), and, here's the important part: I was still wearing my work jeans.

The short answer would be "too fucking much." What I said was, "Let's see!" And I proceeded to reach into my pockets and pull out (and say)

My phone

2 pairs of earbuds

A bandana

My sunglasses

Safety glasses

1 earplug

Leather gloves

Grippy gloves

Some rusty nails

Wallet

Pocket knife

A used needle [capped and inside a latex glove. I intended to put it in the next sharps container I found]

Some garbage [several wrappers and various random pieces of paper and plastic I found on the ground, all covered in dirt and with pieces of grass stuck to them]

A rock

Horse treats

Human treats [candy]

Weed-whacker cord [broken pieces of it]

Chunks of glass [with smooth edges - found in a creek]

Another rock

Aaannd, oh, that's poisonous, that shouldn't be in there [while pulling out a piece of wild parsnip with my bare hand, which I wasn't aware was in my pocket]

I should note that there was a small table next to me which I was setting all of this on (we might've been in a waiting room?), and by this point I had garnered the attention of quite a few people around us, several of whom were openly staring

The dude just looked at me like I was absolutely insane, so I offered him the wild parsnip, like held it out to him. He just fucking left, without another word

I am not quick on my feet when it comes to witty responses or people being assholes, and while my response was both stupid and embarrassing, I'm still quite proud of it. There is no way in hell the guy who asked me "What's in your pants?" left the interaction feeling like he won.

[some-fucken-dude]

IRL Literal Shitpost Thread

Like each line looks like subsequent comments, and a different take on the situation / solutions / humor. Informative, then inventive hyperbole, then more absurdist(?).

Literally posted, about shit. And it became a thread. I wonder if that guy ever got some help.

What if this was the ladies' room?

[aleatoryw]

about 3 years ago I went to every fast food restaurant in my small wisconsin town (except hardee's. fuck hardee's.) and ordered chicken tenders, and then I had a taste test to determine who made the best tenders. (the answer btw is a tie between arby's and mcdonald's, and mcdonald's has since discontinued their buttermilk chicken tenders so arby's holds the crown.)

why did I do this you ask? well, because in tiny ass towns there's not a lot else to do, and I'm an idiot. today I've decided it's time for a fresh take on this experiment. today I'm going to every fast food restaurant in my larger but still quite small Minnesotan town and ordering their fish sandwich. I'll let you know which ones are worth the $4-$6 price point shortly.

[rhink-ality]

Listen, im a simple human with simple needs. And I couldn't let this go 😂

[ggth1901]

I bought this from AJJ’s Cello player

[romanticskull]

Kid in the courtyard was yelling "ki ki ki ki kii" to the tune of a classical piece of music I vaguely remembered so I encouraged this behaviour by whistling it back (none of us saw each other, I just assume based on the voice I heard that it was a child)

Anyway I have probably done more for this kids interest in music than the teachers at the local schools and I'm proud of that