Apr 12, 2022
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+ Bonus (for the Izzy brainrot crew)
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OFMD tumblr text posts:
+ Bonus (for the Izzy brainrot crew)
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Today's Izzy Hands brainrot:
The way he immediately assumes he can ruin what Lucius and Black Pete have, because obsessive, jealous loyalty is the only expression of love he knows.
It's not just Stede that Izzy is threatened by and jealous of-- though Stede is the worst in his eyes cause around him, Blackbeard also starts changing into someone Izzy doesn't know (and worse, someone who doesn't need him). But he also loses his shit any time someone dares see Blackbeard as human instead of legend. How many times does he yell at Stede's crew that he is BLACKBEARD or CAPTAIN to you lot? Nobody else is allowed to know him as Ed or Edward, because Edward is his. Only Izzy deserves to be that close and intimate with the man behind Blackbeard.
That right there is exactly what Izzy can't handle, so he has to put an end to it any way he can and I think that's delightfully fucked up of him.
A tiny fucked up fic about a tiny fucked up pirate that I wrote for a little friendly drabble challenge
(warning for drunk sex and Izzy-typical coping mechanisms)
…
It’s easier when he gets pissed first.
Easier to forget; easier to tell himself, after, that he didn’t head off the ship looking to get fucked into oblivion again. Easier to pretend he didn’t beg desperately for more with every last, ragged gasp for breath.
And when he’s so drunk he can barely remember his own name, he usually can’t get it up. It’s better, helps avoid the humiliation of knowing he blew his load just from being nailed through another filthy wall somewhere.
He just wishes he could forget whose name he always cries out when he does come.
…
speaking of railing Izzy...
Blackbeard / Izzy / Calico Jack threesome: Break him
Pre-canon, kinda twisted, possibly my favourite own Izzy fic? Anyway, Izzy's never been fucked before and shoots his mouth off; Calico Jack and Dom!Blackbeard take turns and completely fucking ruin him.
CW for dubcon elements; full tags on AO3, Izzy's internalized homophobia also makes a bit of an appearance.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”
Blackbeard blinked, taken aback by his First Mate’s outburst. Mainly because he’d… mostly forgotten Izzy was there. “What’s wrong with you, Iz? Sit on something?” he asked, grinning around the mouth of the bottle he’d been nursing all evening. “Left the stove on?”
On the other end of the recently-pillaged and decidedly comfortable couch, Calico Jack snorted a laugh while Izzy sputtered and turned an interesting shade of red.
“That’s not— I’m— You know bloody well what!” Izzy finally managed, glowering.
Glowering, specifically, at Blackbeard’s foot. Which was both bare and currently planted firmly in Jack’s crotch.
“Oh, right,” Blackbeard said mildly, remembering what the impromptu bout of leg-wrestling had devolved into. He shifted his foot a little, just to watch Jack squirm and buck up against him. “Yeah, he’s got a thing for feet.” He shrugged one shoulder, in a ‘what-can-you-do’ gesture, and rubbed a little harder against the stiffening heat of Jack’s cock. “Kinda weird, I guess, but it’s worth watching what it does to him,” Blackbeard added with a lopsided grin.
Jack groaned, and didn’t stop rocking his hips into it. “Fuck you.”
“Not sure you’re gonna be able to, you keep going like that, mate,” Blackbeard commented, still watching with interest as a familiar red flush crept up Jack’s neck from under his shirt.
“That’s disgusting,” Izzy spat. Blackbeard let his head loll back on the arm of the couch, glancing over. Izzy was rigid with quivering outrage, still standing by his vacated chair. “Not the fucking feet thing,” Izzy snapped, cutting Blackbeard off before he could do more than open his mouth. “The— … This! I can’t believe— is that why you have this useless twat around all the fucking time? ’Cause he’s— what, ’cause he’s a good fuck?”
Blackbeard’s eyebrows climbed, but it was Jack who answered first with that studiously lazy drawl. “Fuckin’ right I am. What, you think you could do better?”
“Yeah, I could,” Izzy retorted, “if I wanted to. So you can bend over, good for you. Can’t be that bloody difficult, if you can manage it.”
“Can’t be—” Jack knocked Blackbeard’s foot away as he twisted around to fix Izzy with an incredulous look. “Get a load of this one, Blackie,” he said with a laugh. “Ain’t never been buggered before, but he fancies himself an expert anyway. C’mon, then, little man,” he continued, eyeing Izzy with a leer. “You can do better, fuckin’ prove it. Get over here and spread those legs for us.”
Blackbeard cocked his head curiously as Izzy’s gaze slid right back to him and then immediately darted away again.
…Ahh. Well that might explain a few things.
Izzykraken post-canon piss fic 💦 Where you want to be
(it was only a matter of time before I did it, we all knew that)
Alcohol, humiliation, piss & leather - aka Blackbeard is drunk, Izzy gets put in his place (and enjoys it)
…
“Get on your knees,” Blackbeard said quietly, and Izzy stopped breathing for a moment, gaze darting immediately down to the space between his Captain’s spread thighs. “That’s right. That’s where you want to be, isn’t it?”
Trembling, hating how much he wanted to believe this was really happening, Izzy nodded jerkily, mouth opening in a “yeah” that he wasn’t even sure he’d actually spoken or not. Blackbeard just waited expectantly, so Izzy took a hesitant step forward— and slowly, reverently, knelt, a hairsbreadth away from touching his Captain’s leather-clad legs, open wide to either side of him.
“You’ll take whatever I decide to give you, isn’t that right?” Blackbeard said softly, setting the rum bottle down on the table with a dull thump of glass on wood. “And you’ll be fucking grateful for it.”
…
Have some fucked up IzzyKraken: (x) blood and ink
Major CW for consent issues - it's essentially completely non-negotiated rape roleplay & knifeplay (though Izzy is very much into the whole thing). Full tags on AO3.
“That’s who you really want, isn’t it?”
At the familiar and completely unexpected voice from behind him, Izzy Hands nearly jumped out of his skin. Heart racing wildly and furious blush rising in his face, he tried to simultaneously hide both the paper and himself— with the end result that he didn’t manage either before Blackbeard stopped in front of him, eyeing him with a flat look while he stood there awkwardly with the picture in one hand and his own stiff prick in the other.
“You know that’s why it would never have worked,” Blackbeard commented, idly plucking the torn-out illustration of himself from Izzy’s fingers.
“I— what?” Izzy managed, only half finding his tongue again and trying, without much success, to surreptitiously wrestle his cock back into his trousers while covering himself with both hands.
Blackbeard ignored the question. “What d’you reckon he’d do right now?” he asked, kohl-blacked gaze still on the beaten-up parchment. “Hm? Oh, come now, I’m sure you have some opinion on it. You seem to be thinking about it… hard enough already.”
Izzy’s face heated further, not helped by the way his traitorously eager cock leapt under his hands as Blackbeard’s gaze shifted to him. His erection hadn’t flagged in the slightest, despite the sick humiliation twisting his stomach at being caught like this. “I… I don’t—”
“Do you imagine he’d help you? Or that he’d just punish you for your insolence?” Blackbeard prowled closer, eyes gleaming in the candle-lit room. “Or perhaps… both.” Izzy’s breath hitched, and Blackbeard laughed, low and humourless. “Yeah, I thought so.”
th absolute brainrot youve given me with your krakenizzy fics ESPECIALLY that latest one omg. I just keep imagining izzy on the deck the next day trying to act So Normal like he didnt just completely debase himself at blackbeard's feet. the idea of blackbeard totally unaroused but just kind of lazily intellectually interested in watching izzy get off. lucius in the background piecing it all together with his homosexual sixth sense. hhhhh
hhhhhhhhhh yes, that, fuckin- yes
he just. would not be able to stop thinking about it, trying to pretend nothing happened and he's totally fine when he's completely distracted and flustered and still perfectly fucked up about it all, and then Blackbeard being genuinely unbothered and not giving a fuck (again) would just make it worse
and he'd be constantly wondering if blackbeard's gonna use him / indulge him again or if that one time is all he's ever gonna get 💀💀💀 and meanwhile Blackbeard not being into it exactly, but with this deep twisted curiosity around just how far he can go in different ways
also ohhhmygod 🤣 the idea of Lucius watching them for like 3 seconds the next day and just being like "OH god okay yeah no I already know way too much about whatever the fuck is going on here, I'm out" but also kinda lowkey on team Fuck Izzy Up jjdjdkjsjhf
anyway god fuck thank you, I'm obsessed with the izzykraken dynamic(s) to the point that this level of coherence is all I could muster after thinking about this ask literally all afternoon
would love to hear your thoughts on izzy wetting himself in front of blackbeard 👀👀👀
okay okay I'm SO sorry I left this for so long (been a heckuva week), because YES I definitely have (largely incoherent) Thoughts on Izzy wetting himself in front of Blackbeard 💦💦
They pretty much boil down to one of two scenarios: the deliberate and the accidental...
I might eventually write the deliberate one up as a sequel to Where you want to be, and it's: Izzy's been waiting, hoping it's gonna happen again but of course he can't actually just come out and ASK blackbeard to piss on him again. And then finally one day, he's put on his knees in blackbeard's cabin again, and he's like hhhh yes this is it he's gonna do it again-- except that time, blackbeard just tells him to piss himself instead. And then of course Izzy's going to obey, so he just wets himself right there on the floor knowing full well he's gonna have to clean it up after AND walk alllll the way back to his cabin soaked and hard (cause he doesn't even get to get off that time) (blackbeard does but Izzy doesn't even get to watch, he just hears it while he wets his pants, and maybe gets to lick blackbeard's hand clean after 😈 because I can)
The thoughts I have on it being accidental are like an earlier, pre-canon thing, where.. yknow.... maybe Izzy's bladder is proportional to his stature...... and he knows he can't hold his drink as well as most, so he doesn't usually indulge all that much like the others. Buuuut he winds up getting drunk with blackbeard & maybe someone else or a little group too (like Calico Jack, cause he's such a perfect bastard for this sort of thing), and gets really really desperate to piss but he tries to hide it and hold off. Cause, of course, if he leaves to go again so soon already, they're all gonna make fun of him, and he can't have that. So he just gets increasingly flustered and snappish and squirmy, and finally has no choice but to go, he's about to fucking burst-- except... he's put it off a little too long, blackbeard or jack starts screwing around and won't let him leave, and whoops he winds up wetting himself in front of everyone (or even better/worse, on blackbeard as well) because he went and left it too late. So very tragic for him 😏
OH oh and I almost forgot, I also have vague thoughts on writing a fucked up "actual kraken!Ed goes eldritch" alt scene from the bit where Izzy gets choked against the wall, with Izzy fear-wetting himself about it before Things Happen to him 😇
So yes. Those are my thoughts, whaddya think? 👀