cherry valley forever
Game of Thrones Daily
Jules of Nature
Monterey Bay Aquarium
RMH
izzy's playlists!
Cosimo Galluzzi
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
★
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
hello vonnie
gracie abrams
bliss lane
No title available
almost home
will byers stan first human second
Cosmic Funnies
One Nice Bug Per Day
$LAYYYTER
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Japan
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Argentina
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Germany
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Australia
@chaos-monkeyy
Updated pinned post!
Figured it was time, the original one has just gotten too unwieldy to keep updated 😂 Also, I have some new shit on the go!
My links:
AO3 for all my fic - Patreon to support (but don't join right now, I'm on something of an unwilling writing hiatus) - Medium for original works
tumblrs: porn sideblog @horny-monkeyy - personal sideblog @deeper-into-the-chaos
My main tags and warnings:
So you can search or filter as you need, details below the cut xx
every. damn. time.
every. damn. time.
Cassian Andor & K-2SO
ANDOR (2022–2025) | ROGUE ONE (2016)
Cassian Andor & K-2SO
ANDOR (2022–2025) | ROGUE ONE (2016)
read a book 📚🎶
You’d think that once you finally get long term access to a cat and your yearning to have cat access is fulfilled that you’d become slightly less obsessed with seeing people’s cats but no if anything it gets worse
(via File Photo)
WTF are those obelisks on the right?…
Tasty obelisk fries..
“It’s digestible” has got to be the laziest goal I’ve ever seen achieved by a food product.
“It’s digestible”
“It’s digestible” is pertinent!! Okay, for those of you who haven’t researched Crisco for writing fic about gay sex in the mid-late 60s:
The first-edition of The Joy of Gay Sex, published in 1977, declared, “Vegetable shortening may be the best lubricant, since it is not only greasy but also digestible”[4] Such a statement perhaps gives new meaning to the companies boastful declarations that “Its digestible” and “Crisco has been making life in the kitchen more delicious for years.” Similarly, in the 1978 sex manual The Advocate Guide to Gay Health, Crisco even earned an entry in the book’s index. Discussions of the shortening’s use as an anal lubricant indicate its popularity, with statements such as: “The lubricant, typically the cultic Crisco, must be copious.”[5] In fact, Crisco was so synonomus with gay sex that discos and bars around the world took on the name, such as Crisco Disco in New York City, which was one of the premiere clubs during the 1970s and early 1980s. Other clubs or bathhouses, such as Club Z in Seattle, even featured murals with Crisco. Thus, Crisco was conversely also one of many things that led to the formation of gay identities during the 20th century.
from this essay: http://www.columbia.edu/~sf2220/TT2007/web-content/Pages/drew2.html
The more you know! :D
I have learned a new thing today.
Love this post for so many reasons but most especially because this is from all the way back in 2012 and and yet not a single blog in this thread is deactivated
I enjoy that not only does this have a link to an actual source, but the link still fucking works.
but @rhea314 you didnt include a picture of the crisco disco! AND MY GOD THE DJ BOOTH WAS A GIANT CRISCO CAN!
Go dance and get fisted. Fucking iconic.
Love the gay history, but i just wanna correct that the “it’s digestible” in the gay stuff was a reference to crisco’s tagline it had been using since 1911, the actual meaning of its digestible is because it’s main competition came from “enhanced” lards which were rendered pig fat mixed with non food thickeners that literally did not digest and caused people to basically just shit out pig cream, since crisco was veggie based the body digested it along with the food
And in case you were still wondering, @mudwerks.. Tuna Croquettes
This post is the opposite of net zero information. Not only did I learn several new facts about gay history but also we rounded our way back to the original question of the tag line and the mini obelisks.
It’s a net profit of information. 12/10 post
that is actually my main principle of explicit fic is that the personalities stay On during sex.
Man.. angsty masochistic teenage/young adult-me would have loved this song sooo much if it had existed just a little sooner
You end up in an Isekai. What is your special skill or power?
you have been isekai'd and end up with this ability!
Are you happy with it?
yes!!
It's okay
no
NO.
results/other
....well. rude.
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
my ability to be both a sweetie pie and a sick pervert will lead me to great things
You have became this medieval role, how do you feel about it
you are in the medieval era and you have this role!
How do you feel?
great!! I love this
good!
It's okay
So bad. I hate this
This is similar to my real job!
Results/other
more people need to give themselves permission to write and draw pornography
it is virtuous and necessary that you write, draw, and distribute pornography
can we start with not conflating "erotic/sexual art or writing" with pornography
no lmao
love writing and distributing pornography 😎
okay, let's poll-write some silly smut together!!! 🍾 And yes I am absolutely making this entire approach up as I go along, I have no idea where it will wind up, so we'll find out if it works 😅
Starting the ride off with...
who's finally gotten a few minutes to himself to jack off?
Captain Pike
Mobius
Hank Anderson
Teft
Dr. Ratthi
Commander Adama
Jack O'Neill
John Sheppard
Gale Dekarios
Part 1
Scrubbing both hands over tired eyes, John Sheppard sank down onto the tiny couch in his quarters with a groan of relief.
It wasn't even that late, but everything had been so chaotic and busy lately, that even off-duty he hadn't had the downtime—or the energy, for that matter—to do anything except lie down and pass out for a night that was never quite long enough. This evening, though, he finally had some damn time off to do... well, something.
After staring at the wall blankly for several minutes, trying to actually think of something to do with his precious free time while he had it, John found his mind wandering back to that couple from the other day. They'd definitely been into him, they were both damn hot, and truth be told he was kind of kicking himself now for being responsible and not sticking around to take the pair up on their entirely unsubtle offer of company for a night.
It felt like ages since he'd actually gotten laid, and just thinking about it—about the things they might have done with him—was enough to start getting him hard. John slouched down further in his seat, eyes drifting shut and one hand slipping under his T-shirt to run idly over his stomach. He somehow hadn't even jacked off in... days? weeks?
Whatever it was, it had obviously been too fucking long if he couldn't even remember.
So he let a meandering, lazy little fantasy play out in his mind, cock filling between his legs while he wondered what sort of things those two had had in mind. Maybe she'd wanted to be in the middle of John and her husband... or maybe the husband wanted to be in the middle, or John himself would have ended up between the two.
Any of those would have been fantastic, John thought; hell, he'd even have enjoyed just watching them go at it. Unzipping his fly, he finally pulled out his stiffened cock with another low groan. He was already straining-hard, erection hot and twitching in his grip as he started stroking himself. He had half a mind to draw it out, take his time... but didn't actually have the patience for that; not tonight.
Instead, John let his head fall back, gazing down through heavy-lidded eyes at his own hand pumping up and down—quick, steady strokes that tightened the heat already building behind his cock. Within moments he was close; panting, biting at his lower lip, free hand holding his shirt up and his hips tilting and lifting needily into his own touch. He considered, for all of about half a second, stopping long enough to go into the shower or at least get some tissues, and immediately thought fuck it, floors can be cleaned.
That taut, urgent heat built inexorably higher, climax looming rapidly closer with every jerk of his fist; John felt his legs quivering, tensing as he chased his much-needed release; and then—
oh no! how's Sheppard interrupted?
A strange energy portal appears in the room
John's teleported / transported somewhere else
AU plot twist! He's at the SGC on Earth, and *Unscheduled Offworld Activation*
Part 2
A flash of white nothingness; a split second of moving without moving; and then John staggered, suddenly upright on his feet instead of lounging back on the couch.
His dick was still out, though, and still on the agonizing brink of orgasm.
"Fuck-- what-?!" he sputtered, disoriented, just barely managing to catch his unfastened pants before they slipped down his thighs. His cock pulsed almost angrily, twitching futilely and leaking come onto the floor between his boots-- even though he wasn't actually coming; not quite.
John could have sobbed in frustration if he hadn't also abruptly realized that not only was he not in his quarters, he wasn't actually alone anymore, either.
"Oh. Uh... sorry?" came a slightly chagrined voice from nearby.
who's responsible for Sheppard's tragically ruined orgasm? (😇)
Dr Ratthi (murderbot crossover!)
Jack O'Neill (obviously Sheppard has a crush)
Gale Dekarios (bg3 crossover!)
another John Sheppard (selfcest option tick here)
Loki & Mobius (lokius crossover!)
Hoid, somehow (cosmere crossover!)
Part 3
"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" John snapped, trying to wrestle himself back into his pants before looking up at whoever the hell had spoken. He was blushing so hard his ears felt like they were about to burst into flame, from the utter mortification and also from being absolutely furious with whichever goddamn jackass had transported him off Atlantis without so much as a courtesy warning.
For a small mercy he didn't seem to have been transported straight onto the bridge of the Daedalus; he would have recognized it immediately, not to mention he'd have been surrounded by crewmembers—
"Yeah, that's my bad," the voice answered, and John froze as it finally sank in why that voice sounded more than a little familiar. "Couldn't really call ahead though."
Sure enough, when he looked up, John found himself staring at another version of himself across what appeared to be a cramped storage room. He wasn't entirely sure whether that made it better or worse to be standing there, disheveled and flushed and all too aware of the really obvious hard-on now straining out against the front of his re-zipped pants.
John glowered at his alternate self, a demand to know what the hell was going on here on the tip of his tongue—and then he noticed the other John Sheppard was biting his bottom lip, a flush of red in his cheeks as well. John's eyes slid downwards before he could catch himself, and sure enough... his double was pitching a noticeable tent in his combat pants, too.
who suggests ~helping a guy out~ maybe? 👀
pent-up flustered OG John
accidental cock-blocker (wank-blocker?) alternate Sheppard
Part 4
Ignoring the sudden, embarrassing throb of interest through his cock, John wrenched his gaze back up again.
"Look, whatever you did," he said, trying to look anywhere but at his other self, "just... undo it, okay. Send me back to Atlantis. Or to my Atlantis, from wherever this—" he gestured vaguely at their unfamiliar surroundings— "is."
The other Sheppard's mouth twisted apologetically. "It's more like when-ever this is, but I take your point. Can't send you back just yet, though. I kinda really need your help for something first."
"Goddammit," John grumbled under his breath. "I just wanted one night off. Just one."
"Don't worry," Sheppard said. "We'll have you back basically right after you left. You won't miss more than a few seconds, probably. And," he continued, before John had the chance to interrupt about the probably, "you and I do have some time to get you caught up. Plus, maybe take care of... anything that, y'know. Needs taking care of."
John blinked, the flush of heat that had slowly been dissipating blooming in his face all over again. His other self's gaze raked him blatantly up and down, lingering on—John's blush deepened even more—the ongoing situation in his pants.
"Uh," he managed, licking his lips.
The other Sheppard was sauntering forward. His head cocked to one side, a crooked smirk playing over his lips as he shrugged. "Just seems like you could use some help with that. And since it is my fault you were... interrupted... well. Seems the least I could do."
John swallowed hard, cock twitching so hard he thought the movement might actually be visible even through his BDUs. "You do know that would be pretty messed up, right? Seein' as how you're me and all."
Sheppard finished closing the distance between them, and John only realized there was a metal shelf right behind him when Sheppard walked him half a step backward and pinned him up against it. "Not like we gotta tell anyone, do we." His eyes flicked down to John's mouth, a knowing smirk tugging at his lips. "And you can't tell me you're not as curious as I am. Seein' as how you're me and all."
"That's cheating," was all John managed to say, and then his other self's lips pressed to his own. He trailed off into a low moan, lips parting and heat flaring in his groin so hard he though for a second he might just come in his pants then and there. His hips jerked forward, rutting against the mirrored, rigid heat of the other Sheppard's cock against his; Sheppard's tongue slid hot and slick into his mouth with an echoed moan muffled against John's lips.
Already panting, head spinning with lust and aimless humiliation and a distant disbelief that he was actually fucking doing this, John caught his other self's bottom lip between his teeth. A shaky groan rose in his throat as hands—his hands, but not his hands—slipped down to yank his fly open for him.
Let's go, perverts 😈 Whaddya wanna see?
jack 'em off together, get that dick on dick action baybee
OG John gets a blowjob, poor guy deserves some nice head today
listen, alt-Sheppard wants to get bent over and railed against that shelf okay
Part 5: the grand finale 🍾
As his double's fingers closed around his straining cock and drew him out of his once-more unfastened fly, John, groaning, palmed Sheppard through his pants in return. His other self was every bit as hard as he was, cock hot and rigid, pressing out against the front of his BDUs.
Sheppard's hips rolled to rut into John's palm, tongue slick and sliding against his own as they panted against one another's mouths. As John started belatedly, distractedly unbuckling his double's belt for him, Sheppard broke the kiss, stubbled jaw scraping against John's cheek.
"Wanna fuck me?" Sheppard grated out the hoarse question by John's ear, hot breath ghosting over his skin. John could feel his other self's grin.
"Fucking hell," John managed, a plaintive grunt escaping him as Sheppard's hand fell still between them. The tip of his cock had ended up under the hem of Sheppard's t-shirt, pressed to his belly in a copious smear of precome.
"C'mon, we both know you want to," Sheppard added, and then he was letting go of John's aching cock completely to yank hastily at his own fly. "Bend me over right here, and don't hold back."
"I'm not gonna last long," John pointed out, already shoving Sheppard's clothes down to his thighs for him.
"Neither am I," Sheppard answered with a breathless laugh-- and then he was bending over, braced against the hopefully-sturdy shelving with one hand while shoving the other into his own crotch.
John spit into his hand, as wet and messy as he could manage, rubbed his saliva hurriedly over his almost-oversensitive cock... And with a step forward, pressed the slippery tip to Sheppard's hole.
His own shaky moan was echoed, slightly muffled, as he pushed steadily in, the heat of Sheppard's body gradually enveloping his cock in tight squeezing pressure. His double pushed back into it with a loud exhale that might have been the words fuck yeah, booted feet as wide as they could get and his hand already pumping hard and fast under him.
Buried to the hilt, John paused there for a brief second to get a grip on Sheppard's bared hips, set his stance... and then drew partway out before slamming back in again with a loud grunt of mingled effort and pleasure and continuing distant shock that he was literally fucking himself.
He didn't hold back, fingers tightening and digging into Sheppard's flesh, his own hips snapping forward again and again, hard and fast as he chased his own orgasm with a desperation verging on frantic. In front of him, Sheppard was in the same state, back arched into it, his arm taut and pumping, and loud panting gasps and grunts spilling incessantly from his lips until John wondered vaguely if there was anyone else around to hear the racket and come bursting in through the door.
Before he managed to worry too much about that, though, John felt his balls pulling in tight, the demanding heat building in his groin abruptly swelling to a peak-- and before he could even choke out a warning, that heat-pressure-pleasure crested and snapped. He jerked on his feet with a ragged and nearly surprised gasp as he came, leaning his weight onto his other self, hips thrusting jerkily while his cock pulsed and spilled wave after wave of release into Sheppard's gripping heat.
He was still shaking through his climax, cock twitching and spilling out deep inside his other self, when Sheppard went rigid, shuddering, and followed him right over the edge with a raw cry, ass clenching and spasming around John's cock so hard it bordered on painful. Panting and sweaty, wobbly on his feet, John held on for dear life and kept rocking his hips in shallow almost-thrusts against his double's ass while Sheppard worked himself through it and out the other side.
Silence fell in the small room, save for their raggedly panting breathing. John bit his lip, red in the face but unable to drag his gaze away from the sight of his own cock still buried in his other self's ass... But all too soon, he was softening too far to stay in there much longer and Sheppard was slowly straightening up again with a long, low groan.
John hissed in a breath, a jolt of sensation rippling through him as his spent cock finally slipped out of Sheppard's come-slick hole. Sheppard, fortunately, dug a roll of paper towels out from behind a box on the shelf John had just fucked him against. Once John had cleaned himself up as best he could, and Sheppard had wiped up the messes where they'd both come all over the goddamn floor at different times, John cleared his throat and did his best to banish some of the heat from his flushed cheeks.
"So... what did you haul me out here for, anyway?" he asked, clearing his throat while zipping up and half-heartedly straightening his clothes with a few tugs. He still felt weak in the knees; he couldn't remember the last time he'd come anywhere near that fucking hard.
Sheppard, having done the same, gestured towards the door. "It'll be easier if I let the expert explain it, I think. Now, don't freak out," he said as he led John through a narrow corridor, "'cause I know you don't know him as well as I do yet, but..."
John, frowning, followed his other self through another door and into what looked like the bridge of a small ship, though one he'd never been on before... And felt his jaw drop open as the tall figure standing at a wide central console looked up, cocked its head, and gave him a familiar, toothy smile.
"Ahh, welcome aboard, Shepparrrd," said Todd the Wraith. "It is a pleasure, as always."
John just stared flatly at the pair for a moment, Todd wearing an infuriatingly amused smirk and Sheppard slouching over next to him with a faintly chagrined shrug of apology for John; then he scrubbed a hand over his face with a long, weary sigh.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me."
--
Fin.
--
(that's all folks! I'm gonna clean it up a bit and post it on AO3 at some point, but uhhh let me know if you liked it? I had fun, might do another pollfic some day if enough of you lovely people enjoyed it too 😄💙)
it’s a beautiful day to check out a book from the library
its a beautiful day to return a book to the library unread after it auto renews 3 times
The library says thank you for boosting our circulation stats and the book will still be here later if you want it another time <3
