MDNI
I will block blank blogs and those without age indicators.
Pairing: Jaebeom x Reader
A/N: They fight, things work out (or do they?) It's short, I don't want to spoil it. There's swears, classic miscommunication. Suggestive, mentions of sex (begone minors) 1200-ish words
“Please,” Jaebeom begged. “Don’t walk out.”
You dropped your hand that had reached to open his front door. “Why not? Why shouldn’t I leave?”
That was the most you had gotten out of him in weeks. Everytime you asked him ‘what’s on your mind?’ ‘what’s bothering you?’ he would never give you a straight answer and try to drop the topic. It has been going on for so long that you eventually got fed up.
The tears in his eyes were enough to make you want to stay, but how hard can someone try until they hit their breaking point?
“I’m in love with you, you know that.” Jaebeom took a step closer to you, his face falling when you took a step back away from him.
“You have a really shitty way of showing it!” You shook your head, unable to process that he couldn’t give you more than that explanation. “You’ve been acting so weird. Everytime I walk into a room, the conversation stops. You’re always hiding your phone. You’re always out with Youngjae and even he’s starting to act weird. Hell, sex with you isn’t what it used to be.”
“I’m not cheating on you if that’s what you think.”
“I’m not accusing you of cheating on me.” You knew Jaebeom would never cheat on you. It may have seemed like that to an outside eye after everything you pointed out, but there was no way he had that in him. After two years of being friends and four years of dating, you knew Jaebeom better than that. But something wasn’t adding up.
“Do you have any idea how that has made me feel?” You asked, voice cracking. “It feels like you’re pushing me away and it fucking hurts, Jaebeom.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I can’t do this. I’m leaving. I need some space.” Before finally leaving, you turned to him to tell him, “When you finally come to your senses, and can finally communicate like an adult then we can talk.”
There were a few options of places where you would normally go to destress, but even feeding the ducks at the local river didn’t appeal to you. You didn’t even have the emotional strength to go to your favourite coffee shop and talk to people. The fight, if that’s what you want to call it, with Jaebeom drained you of all your energy. But, living together didn’t leave you with many options, maybe the ducks wouldn’t be such bad company.
The city set up a food dispenser so people could feed the ducks proper food, so you collected some seeds and sat on the rock by the river, throwing the seeds to the ducks. You wanted to believe that they remembered you, because it was your favourite place to be, but they didn’t, they just wanted the food. Simple creatures, that’s what you liked about them.
The way you left Jaebeom in the apartment weighed on you. Not once have you ever snapped at him like that. You didn’t even bother letting him know where you were going, he was probably worried but you didn’t have it in you to talk to him. He knew you needed time to cool down, you’d send a text after you were bored of hanging out with the ducks. Maybe just an hour or so.
“You know I have your location, right?’ you heard from behind you. You did get some time by yourself to calm down, but nothing compared to being around Jaebeom. As upset as you were, he still cared, and you still loved him. “I brought you some tea.”
You hadn’t expected Jaebeom to come find you, but you weren’t surprised that he did. The tea clearly explained what took him so long. Your favourite tea from your favourite place. You knew he loved you, but you couldn’t shake the thought of how off his character has been.
Jaebeom sat down beside you, and began to feed the ducks with the food he picked up for them. “I can’t believe you still come here after all these years. Especially considering you got chased by one.”
You wanted to laugh with him, but you couldn’t. It was a nice memory because that was how you met him. You were dealing with some personal issues at the time, long forgotten. But you’ll never forget screaming and running away from the duck that was chasing you. Jaebeom literally saved the day by distracting the duck by tossing some seeds at it. Now you always make sure to carry extra food in case of emergency. ‘There’s no knowing when a duck will go rogue’ was what he had said to you. You couldn’t laugh, but you did smile which Jaebeom was more than willing to accept.
As upset as you were, you didn’t want Jaebeom to question how you felt about him. So, you moved closer and placed a hand on his leg.
“I love you, I really do. I’m just hurt.”
“I understand, I am really sorry. I love you so much and never meant to hurt you.” Jaebeom took his hand in yours and watched the ducks for a few more moments. “I have something for you.”
You turned to face him, getting a good look at him, his eyes a faint red from also crying. You never meant to bring him down with you, the pain on his face absolutely broke you, and yet he still found a way to bring you a treat. He was still facing forward, watching the ducks swim, so you placed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, which made him break into a huge smile.
Jaebeom reached into his jacket pocket and held a small, square box in front of him.
“I know you’re not a jewelry person, but I think you’ll be open to this one.”
Inside the box was a ring, a simple but beautiful ring, and as someone who isn’t big on jewelry, especially chunky jewelry, it really was perfect. It showed you how close Jaebeom paid attention to you. The whole evening did a good job of reminding you how much he truly loves you.
“This isn’t going to solve anything.”
“It’s the answer you were looking for,” Jaebeom replied. “The reason I’ve been acting so strange.” In sync, you both turned towards each other, ready to finally have a full conversation, face to face. “I’ve been out with Youngjae shopping for rings, searching up ways to propose so you wouldn’t catch on. As for your concern about the sex, my mind has been wandering just thinking about how I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re my favourite part of every day.”
“Jaebeom.”
“You don’t have to say yes. But you deserve to know, especially when I hurt you in the process.”
“Today has been a lot.”
“If you want to give me an answer next week or even next year, that’s fine. I’ll wait for you.” While that wasn’t the proposal Jaebeom had in mind, he was willing to do anything to make it up to you for hurting you.
“I need you to know that you’re the person I want to be with and grow with, I do want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I can’t take the ring right now.”
“That’s okay.” Jaebeom helped you up to your feet and dusted the grass and dirt off you. “Let’s go home. Together.”
You froze, nearly dropping the plates you were carrying to the cabinet. You turned around. Jaebeom was leaning on the kitchen island with a crease in his eyebrows. Oh, no. “What about?”
“This.” He gestured vaguely between you, an air of discomfort settling in the space. He was seldom a man of many words, but his eyes always spoke volumes, and right now they were filled with a mixture of concern and determination.
You put down the plates slowly, apprehensively wiping your hands on your apron before facing him fully. “Is something wrong?”
Jaebeom took a deep breath, his fingers drumming against the marble top, a habit when he was trying to organize his thoughts. “It’s just… I’ve been feeling like there’s distance growing between us. We’re like ships passing in the night, and I don’t want us to become strangers living under the same roof.”
Your heart sank. His words echoed the nagging fears that had haunted the back of your mind for weeks. Your chaotic schedules had stolen more from you two than just time. They were eroding your connection. “I’ve noticed it too,” you admitted softly, unable to keep your voice from shaking.
He straightened, seemingly relieved that you acknowledged the issue too. “I miss us, you know? How we used to be. And I think we need to do something about it.”
Feeling a complex mix of relief and apprehension, you nodded. “I miss us too. What do you think we should do?”
“We need to make time for each other,” he suggested earnestly. “Maybe set aside one night each week just for us? No phones, no work, just… us.”
It sounded simple enough, but in your whirlwind lives, it felt like a lifeline being thrown in tumultuous waters. “That’s doable. My schedule’s more flexible than yours. Just say when and where and I’m there.”
“You are doing WHAT? Y/N, are you out of your fucking mind?”
The slightly annoyed voice shouting at you through your phone was no other than your best friend. “You cried so much because of that man-whore and now you’re going to his place? What is wrong with you?”
Fair enough, you had asked yourself that as well. “I can’t believe you’re doing this. What’s your motive?”
You sighed in defeat. “See, I thought about that, too. It’s true, JB hurt me badly. And I should be over him and all but I’m not. I am still thinking about him, wishing that it would be different. I… I miss him. And I haven’t heard from him in so long, I just.. I just want to know what he’s got to say to me. Can’t you understand that?”
Your friend sighed in annoyance. “What are you wearing?”
That question caught you by surprise. “Huh?”
“Y/N, don’t play dumb with me. What are you wearing?”
You looked down at yourself and started describing your outfit. Black sports leggings, red hoodie and leather boots. “Oh, you mean the sports leggings that accentuates your bubble butt? And the red hoodie that makes your eyes pop? And not to forget the leather boots that look sexy as fuck on you?”
You gulped, not saying a word. “What are you wearing underneath?”
It was pointless to lie, so you told her the truth. “Red lacy thong..”, you mumbled. “And?” You rolled your eyes, thankful that she couldn’t see it. “No bra.”
“Y/N, I swear to god. You are going over there because you want him to fuck you! Seriously? That bastard behaved like he fell for you only to ghost you and you’re thinking of fucking his dick?”
Hearing her talk like that made your stomach turn. She wasn’t all wrong but she wasn’t all right either. Did you put a lot of thought into your outfit? Of course you did. When Jaebeom ditched you it hurt like hell, so naturally you wanted payback. Getting dolled up, showing off your goodies to tease him – anything really that would make him regret dumping you.
You thought of all possible scenarios in your head. Would he apologize and confess his love to you? Would he fuck you and make you leave? Would he apologize and introduce a new girlfriend to you? Would he even be at home or was this all a prank? Endless possibilities roamed your head until you decided to stop thinking. The last thing you needed was a headache.
“Listen, I know you worry about me and I appreciate that. I am curious what he has got to say to me. And if he isn’t saying anything at all, I can at least ask why he ended things the way he did. Anything after that? Total uncertainty. Maybe I’ll see him and be turned off by him. Maybe I understand his ways and feel empathy for him. Maybe I decide I am done with him and leave. Or maybe I’ll use him just like he used me… It’s been a while and a girl got needs. Is that noble? No. But the world is complex, it’s not black and white. Especially not with JB. At least, I want to be prepared.”
You hung up as you arrived at his place. You scanned the bell for his name, taking a deep breath before pushing it. “Jaebeom, please don’t make me regret this.”
His apartment was on the third floor. You took each step nervously, not knowing what to expect from him. You were wondering if his heart was racing as fast as yours. When you made it to his floor you noticed his door being open ajar, him being nowhere in sight though. You collected yourself one last time before grabbing the handle and entering.
“JB?”
He was rushing to the front door, cheeks slightly red because he didn’t make it on time. “Y/N! I’m so happy to see you. Come on in!”
You took a good look at him. He was dressed casually – black joggers and a white shirt that accentuated his defined body. His hair was longer though, falling into his beautiful features effortlessly. He still had the same aura about him. He was confident in a silent, down to earth way. “Fuck”, you muttered under your breath. Hating him just got a lot harder.
“Did you eat? I cooked for us.” He beamed you a sly smile and ushered you into the kitchen. It smelled heavenly and you started to relax for the first time. You were too nervous to eat before, so you welcomed the pleasant smell of your favorite dish. “I made you tteokbokki. It’s your favorite, right?”
You thought back to the first time you had tteokbokki with him. It felt like ages ago, even though it only had been months. You were sitting on his couch eating, trying your best not to go up in flames as it was way too spicy for you. JB looked at you concerned. “Is it good?” You took a deep breath, nodding. “Yes, but it’s so fucking spicy!” He sprinted over to you immediately. “Oh, let me extinguish the heat then.” And with that he kissed you – sweetly and innocently.
You got pulled out of your memories as he handed you a plate. “Come on, let’s eat.” You barely touched your food – not because it was too spicy but because you were too nervous to eat. Up ‘til now you only talked about irrelevant things – what you had been up to, work, your family, plans for the remaining year. Jaebeom barely looked at you which you took as a sign of his nervousness. Why was he nervous though? You were the one that got rejected.
He got up and put on some music, dimming the lights to change the mood. Your stomach churned again, you had never been this nervous with him. He sat next to you on the black couch and just watched you.
“What?”
“Sorry, I, I thought this would be easier but it’s not.. It’s hard for me actually.”
You were confused. “What is?”
He grinned embarrassed. “Seeing you again. I know I fucked up and I wanted to talk about it but now that I’m actually seeing you it’s so hard.” He gulped nervously.
A ping of relief washed over you. He wanted to apologize, that was good! But you wouldn’t go easy on him, you wanted to see him suffer. You turned around and faced him directly, your doe eyes looking at him innocently while you were licking your lips seductively.
“Go on. You can do it, JB.”
He laughed. God, you missed his voice so much. The deep, honeylike voice that whispered the sweetest and naughtiest things into your ear.
“I wish I could find the right words and give you a proper explanation, Y/N. But I wasn’t in the right mind back then. I felt so lost.”
He took a halt and waited. That was not enough, no. You wanted more, you wanted a proper explanation from him. Maybe you needed to help him start?
You stood up and re-positioned yourself – on his lap facing him intimately. Jaebeom’s eyes widened in shock. His hands travelled to your sides automatically, squeezing your hips and ass. You caressed his face, tucking the lose strands of hair behind his ear.
“I am listening, Jaebeom.”
You felt him getting hard underneath you, grinning vigorously. He was holding back so much and you knew.
“I had been single for a short while when we met. And I wanted to keep it that way. You know, have some fun and move on. And it worked perfectly with all the girls before you but you y/n, you were different.”
You saw the pain in his eyes and felt good. It was petty but you were hurt and now you wanted him to suffer, too. You placed sweet little kisses along his jawline, whispering. “Different how?”
Jaebeom sighed heavily, trying to control himself.
“You were one of a kind. You still are.”
You let go of his jaw and watched him carefully.
“I had never met someone like you, y/n. You are so beautiful and funny. Smart and creative. Like I could talk to you about the most stupid stuff as well as my biggest fears. I was so drawn to you, like a moth to a flame. I felt my best when I was with you. But also my… worst.”
The last part caught you by surprise. You wanted to get up and get some space between the two of you but he held you tight by your wrists.
“Listen to me, please. I felt my worst because I knew I couldn’t live up to you. I wasn’t the man you deserved to be with. I was acting like a big fuckboy, running away from my demons and facing different pussies instead of my baggage. I didn’t deserve to be with you.”
You started to tear up. Never ever had you thought of this possibility. Did you think of him leaving you because you were not good enough? Yes. Did you think of him leaving because you sucked in bed? Yes. Did you think of him leaving because you were just not what a guy wanted? You bet. But this?
His honesty caught you off guard.
„I knew that you wouldn‘t let go of me, y/n. I saw it in your eyes. So I did what I always do best: fuck up. I had to hurt you so badly, hoping that you would forget about me. Did you…?” He paused for a brief moment. “Did you forget about me?”
You held back tears as you were facing him. You hated being weak, but you couldn’t help it right now. With a very low voice you answered. “I tried to. I tried kissing someone else, I tried dating someone else but I… I always thought about you.”
You looked down at your lap, too embarrassed to face him. Jaebeom grabbed your chin with his fingers and looked at you lovingly. “Funny enough, I did the same thing. I tried to forget about you by getting with other girls but none of them did the trick. No one ever compared to you, y/n.”
You grabbed his hand that was holding your chin and squeezed it lightly. Tears started to fall from your eyes as you asked him again. “What changed? Why now?”
Jaebeom’s fingers landed on your cheeks, wiping away the salty tears you cried because of him. “I wonder how many tears you must have cried because of me, y/n. I am so sorry. I really, really am.” He looked at you sincerely, you were believing his every word. With a sigh he explained further. “I got tired of running away. I got tired of playing this game that I’m bound to loose. I want to be with you. I know I’m not perfect and I can’t change what I did but I want to be better. For you. I want to be the man you deserve to be with. If you let me, of course.”
He looked at you nervously. “Will you let me, y/n?”
You chuckled in relief, as well. “Of course, you idiot. Of course, I will.”
His eyes lit up with excitement as he realized what you had said. Not even a second after he crushed his lips onto yours, kissing you like it was the first time. You made out for a while, in desperate need for each other. He interrupted each kiss with another declaration of love.
“I will make it up to you, y/n.” Kiss. “I missed you so fucking much.” Kiss. “God, I’m such an idiot.” Kiss. “What did I do to ever deserve you?” Kiss. “Thank you.” Kiss. “Thank you for giving me another chance.” Kiss. “I won’t fuck up this time.” Kiss. “I promise”. Kiss.
You’ve worked your entire life to become the captain of the most elite starship in the space force. When your crew makes a monumental discovery and Captain Lim Jaebeom is sent to provide back-up, you refuse to let this wonderful man steal your thunder yet again.
Word Count: 12k+
Genre: Space Exploration!AU, JaebeomxFemale!Reader. I won’t pretend this isn’t heavily Star Trek inspired but you definitely don’t need to know anything about Star Trek to understand it.
Warnings: Language, and some mentions of drugging someone without consent.
USS Premier.
Captain's Log, Stardate 56698.4.
Our efforts to make peace with the primitive alien species inhabiting Iota Five are progressing slowly but steadily. This species, referring to themselves as the 'Magrakhar', do not appear to be hostile but I sense some reluctance on their part to fully commit to a peaceful alliance with us. Perhaps further research into their customs is warranted.
Admiral Nguyen has arranged for us to receive back-up. I have conveyed to him that all is under control, but he insists on sending us the USS Miracle for support. The Miracle is due to land on Iota Five in less than an hour and they shall rendezvous with us immediately.
The captain of the USS Miracle, Captain Lim Jaebeom, is a fellow classmate of mine from the Academy. I have not seen him in many years. This reunion promises to be interesting, though I continue to believe that the USS Miracle's deputation to Iota Five is wholly unnecessary.
You stopped recording and relaxed in your leather-backed chair. Your Captain's quarters were large and beautifully furnished- or at least, as large as they could be given that you were on a starship where, ironically, space was a luxury.
There was plenty more that you wanted to say about Captain Lim Jaebeom, but most of it would not have been appropriate for an official log.
To put it plainly, you were not terribly excited about the USS Miracle arriving. Iota Five was your discovery and you were the one who had initiated first contact with this previously undiscovered alien species. It felt a little unfair that the USS Miracle would come now, after the difficult part was all done, and steal your thunder.
This would not be the first time that Lim Jaebeom had stolen your thunder. Considering how much thunder he went about stealing from everyone since his Academy years, it was a wonder there was any thunder left in the galaxy.
Still. There was one thing he couldn't steal.
The USS Premier.
Your starship. One of the best starships in the fleet, the absolute pride of the Federation and an engineering marvel. Sure, Jaebeom's USS Miracle was nothing to laugh at, but there was no denying that the USS Premier was simply better in almost every way that mattered.
You smiled to yourself.
You did so enjoy these rare opportunities to flaunt your success.
There was a small beep and an androgynous robotic voice spoke aloud in the room.
"First Officer Smith requests entry."
"Granted," you replied, moments before your First Officer entered your quarters and nodded at you respectfully.
"The USS Miracle just landed on Iota Five. Captain Lim and First Officer Park are preparing to transport on board with some of their other commanding officers. We should be ready to greet them," she explained.
You stood.
"Of course. Have Conference Room One prepared. Knowing Jaebeom, he'll want to skip the pleasantries and get straight to business," you replied. "Do we have a brief about everything we have discovered so far about the Magrakhar and Iota Five ready?"
Your First Officer nodded.
"Yes, Captain. Arrangements are already made."
"Excellent." You straightened your uniform and smiled as you followed her out of the room. "Let's go and welcome our back-up."
It was easy to forget just how attractive Captain Lim Jaebeom was until you were standing right in front of him. His sharp eyes and thin lips were not traditionally handsome, but Jaebeom carried an aura of confidence and self-assuredness that made him the object of much curiosity and sexual desire.
So what if he was more attractive and seemed to have aged splendidly since the last time you saw him at some event three years ago?
Now you had the better ship.
You had the Premier.
"Captain Lim Jaebeom," you greeted with a broad smile and all the humility you could muster. "Welcome to Iota Five. And, more importantly, welcome on board the USS Premier."
Jaebeom gave you a reserved and polite smile as he shook your hand. His grip was gentle, but yours was firm. Perhaps a little firmer than it needed to be.
Jaebeom withdrew his hand quickly.
"Thank you, Captain. It's a pleasure to be here. May I introduce my officers? This is my First Officer Park Jinyoung, my Chief Tactical Officer Jackson Wang and my Communications Chief, Mark Tuan," he introduced the three men standing close behind him.
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at the sight of Jaebeom's handsome, yet evidently male senior officers. A quick glance at First Officer Smith revealed that you were both thinking along similar lines.
What a sausage fest.
Didn't the USS Miracle have any commanding officers that weren't so stereotypically male?
"It's a pleasure," you lied. "Allow me to introduce First Officer Smith. I'm afraid most of my senior officers have taken up temporary residence on Iota Five, and are preparing reports on various aspects of the planet and our new friends, the Magrakhars."
"Not our friends yet, I take it?" First Officer Park asked with a smirk.
You gave him a sharp look.
"Only a matter of time, Commander Park," you replied tightly. "We have made tremendous progress. I shall be delighted to bring you all up to speed in the conference room… unless you would like a tour first?"
Jaebeom blinked. "I think we would prefer to be briefed before we tour Iota Five."
"I meant a tour of the USS Premier."
"Ah. My apologies. I would be delighted to have a tour of the ship. Perhaps after the briefing?"
You tried not to let your disappointment show.
"Of course. Conference Room One is this way. Please, follow me."
The conference room was a large, windowless room with a sleek rectangular table along the middle and comfortable leather-backed chairs. You stood in front of the enormous holographic display that showed a 3-D visual depiction of Iota Five- or at least, whatever your crew had managed to map of the planet so far.
You were almost giddy with excitement.
"As you know, making first contact with a previously unknown alien species is an extremely delicate matter, particularly when the species is as primitive as the Magrakhars," you boasted.
Jaebeom watched calmly from his chair. His dark eyes were fully focused on you.
"The Magrakhars are an extremely religious group. They have a fairly moderate understanding of science, astronomy and engineering, but they continue to worship a god they refer to as Grahvak. We've learned that word translates to 'water'. It's a dry planet and the only abundant source of water is a single river that flows from the mountainous region down through the plains. The river is also called Grahvak- we're not entirely sure which is named after the other."
"Not the most creative bunch, I see," First Officer Park muttered.
You ignored him.
"Their settlements are largely around the plains and close to the river. Most of this part-" you gestured to the part of the planet which was far from the river, "is uninhabited and barren."
Jaebeom rose from his chair and stepped closer to you and the 3-D hologram of Iota Five. His eyes narrowed as he inspected the geographical landscape.
"What about this part?" Jaebeom gestured to the mountainous region from which the river appeared to originate.
You frowned.
"We havent explored the mountains fully. The origin of the river means that area is sacred ground for the Magrakhars, and they are reluctant to permit us to see the upper parts. There are no settlements on the mountain- only a monastery where Magrakhars who choose to dedicate their lives to the service of Grahvak reside after leaving their families behind."
"Sounds like an important place to begin."
"We are working on gaining entry," you reassured him. "We don't want to trod on any toes too soon, especially when it comes to what they hold sacred."
Jaebeom nodded and stepped back. "Understandable. So- what can we do to help, Captain? My crew is at your disposal."
It took a few hours to discuss personnel assignments and plans for the next few weeks. Jaebeom agreed to dispatch his communications team to help yours generate a dictionary of the Magrakhar language, and his science officers to help yours collect samples of flora and fauna from Iota Five.
"We should call it a night," Captain Jaebeom said finally, as the discussions ended. "We'll need to be up bright and early tomorrow. Commander Park, make sure our crew assignments are sent out before the start of the next shift."
First Officer Park nodded.
"Of course, Captain. We'll see you back on board the Miracle."
You continued to frown at the 3-D hologram as the others began to leave. As always, Jaebeom had managed to strike right at the heart of the issue- the Magrakhars still wouldn't allow you or your crew onto the mountain and perhaps the key to this alliance lay not in what the aliens shared freely, but what they hid from you.
"Hoping to discover something new by staring at the hologram?"
You looked up and realised that Jaebeom was still at his seat. The rest of his officers had left but he remained there, dark eyes watching you. You blinked at him.
"No. Just thinking about something," you replied casually. "Need help finding the transporter room to head back to your ship?"
Jaebeom stood up and stretched his arms out in front of him lazily. You could see him flexing his broad shoulders.
"I know where the transporter is," he replied with a playful smile. "But if I recall, you offered me a tour of the USS Premier and I was rather looking forward to that."
You grinned. "Of course. My mistake. Ready for your tour?"
"Lead the way."
It was a strange but exciting sensation to be walking along the halls of your starship with Captain Lim Jaebeom. You had spent most of your 15-year long acquaintance with the man feeling inferior to him, always being one step behind. It was exhilarating to finally be the one with something to flaunt.
"When was the last time we saw each other?" Jaebeom asked conversationally as you walked down the halls to the observation decks. "It's been two, maybe three years, hasn't it?"
You nodded. "We met at the Memorial Event on Earth three years ago. You were still First Officer on board the USS Fantasy then. It was before I was offered a captaincy as well. I think this is the first time we've met in person since we both became captains."
Jaebeom smiled.
"Well. I suppose congratulations are in order, then."
"A bit late for congratulations, isn't it? It's been a year since I was offered captaincy of the Premier, and half as long since you took charge of the Miracle."
Jaebeom nodded. "I suppose. How has captaincy been treating you?"
"Marvellously. I don't think I've ever been happier."
"I'm not surprised to hear that. Captaincy has always been your natural calling," Jaebeom replied graciously. While his expression was neutral, his eyes were smiling.
You blinked.
Why did he have to be so humble? It made maintaining your imagined rivalry with him so much more difficult.
"Thank you," you mumbled.
"Aren't the observation decks this way?"
"Uh-yes. This way."
You tried not to be too flustered as you led the way to the enormous observation deck aboard the USS Miracle. It was a broad oval-shaped hall with pure glass walls and ceiling that revealed the vast expanse of the night sky on Iota Five.
There were hardly any clouds and the stars twinkled brightly in the distance. The deck was furnished with comfortable lounge chairs, couches, and a well-stocked bar that ran along the entirety of one wall.
"Beautiful," Jaebeom mumbled. "I see why the USS Premier is chosen for most diplomatic missions. This observation deck is enough to make anyone fall in love."
You smiled.
"Well. Yes, it is a nice view. Not that I have much time to come up here normally."
Jaebeom chuckled as he looked around. There was nobody here except the two of you and an android bartender. "I don't imagine anybody on board the Premier has much time for stargazing. You've always run a tight ship."
"I'll have you know that I am very liberal about sanctioning shore leave. Can I offer you a drink? Unless, of course, you don't imbibe while on duty…"
Jaebeom surprised you when he coolly removed his captain's badge from the lapel of his uniform and tucked it neatly into his pocket.
"Let's say I'm off duty. I'll have a whisky."
"Ice?"
"Of course."
You glanced at the android bartender that was standing eerily still behind the bar. "You heard the man. I'll have a glass of wine. Red."
"Yes, Captain," the android replied before moving to make your drink orders. You grabbed your wine and handed Jaebeom his whisky before settling down next to him on a couch. Jaebeom took a sip and leaned back to stare at the stars twinkling through the glass ceiling.
"It's ironic," he said quietly. "That we've dedicated to spending our lives exploring space and yet we hardly ever get the opportunity to just… look at it."
You rolled your eyes. "There's not much to see in empty space."
"I think there's plenty to see."
"Well, suit yourself, but don't get too comfortable up here. I haven't even shown you the engine core or the tactical department and that's where I go to really dazzle my ship's visitors," you joked.
Jaebeom tilted his head slightly towards you.
"Hey," he said softly.
"Hmm?"
"I think I've missed you."
You were caught off guard. It would be a lie to say that your relationship with Jaebeom was entirely formal or official- there had been far too many parties and late-night study sessions back during your days at the Academy for that. But it had been years since then, and you certainly weren't close enough to Lim Jaebeom to casually exchange phrases like 'I missed you'', or things that were only said between close friends or family or… lovers.
You swallowed. "Uh…"
Jaebeom looked abashed and turned his face back to the glass ceiling. "Never mind. Forget I said that. I must be more lonely than I thought."
You raised an eyebrow.
"Lonely? Aboard a starship where you can't take two steps without bumping into someone else?"
"It's not about physical proximity. I guess it's just strange to have to maintain certain formalities with my crew. Being Captain means that you're at the top of the chain of command and you can't afford to be… you know."
You tossed back your wine and then nodded. "You can't afford to be too friendly with people who report to you. I understand."
"Well, yeah. You're the first person I've seen in a while that doesn't report to me. I guess I miss having someone around that I can speak to as a friend, as an equal-"
You interrupted him. "Stop right there. Equal? That's a bit of a stretch. Yes, we're both Captains, but I think you're forgetting that I have the superior ship," you replied smugly.
Jaebeom laughed.
"I won't lie, your ship is great."
"Thank you for noticing."
"Is this why you invited me to have a tour? So that you could show off the USS Premier?" Jaebeom chuckled. "You haven't changed. You're as competitive as ever. You must hate the fact that Admiral Nguyen sent the Miracle as back-up."
You pouted.
"Well, I wasn't particularly delighted."
Jaebeom smiled and shook his head. "You don't need to worry. I'm not trying to steal your spotlight. In fact, I'm looking forward to finishing this assignment as soon as possible. Once the Miracle is done on Iota Five, I plan on going back to Earth for a long overdue vacation."
You blinked.
"You want to go back to Earth, of all places, for your vacation?"
Jaebeom nodded. "Yeah. I guess I miss it."
"You seem to be missing a lot of things. Is old age turning you sentimental? What happened to the stone-faced Lim Jaebeom from the Academy, the one that waltzed into a battle simulation exam 3 minutes late and began barking orders at all the androids?"
"I don't remember what exam that was."
"You aced it," you muttered.
"Well. Those simulations only teach you how to deal with the action-packed ethical conundrums, they don't teach you how to deal with what happens after all the action is over. After you go back to your Captain's quarters alone for the night and maybe regret the fact that you chose such a lonely career path."
You sighed and shook your head. "I can't believe you're moping. Aboard the USS Premier, no less. Come on. Let's go to the tactical department. Maybe the sight of our new photon torpedos will cheer you up."
Jaebeom sighed and stretched a little as he stood up.
"All right. I won't pretend I'm not curious. Let's go look at your weapons."
Part of him had been hoping that you carried the same emptiness he did, the same longing for companionship that he had been feeling more strongly of late. He hoped that maybe this time, at last, you would notice his attempts to get closer to you.
He had been hoping you missed him too. But as always he was left unsure about your response.
You seemed genuinely happy, and Jaebeom supposed that you had every right to be. You were living your dream as captain of one of the best starships in the fleet. You were at the pinnacle of your career so it was not surprising that you had no interest in, dare he say it, romance.
Perhaps Jaebeom was the strange one.
He really shouldn't have had that whisky.
He followed you around the USS Premier, nodding and lavishly praising everything you showed him. The engine core, the tactical defence equipment, even the exobiology labs and digital libraries onboard the Premier were a sight to behold.
It was extremely late by the time Jaebeom was transported back to the Miracle alone. He had hoped to quietly return to his quarters without any fuss, but he ran into First Officer Park in the hallway.
Jinyoung looked surprised.
"Captain. Are you just returning from the Premier?"
Jaebeom cleared his throat. "Uh, yes. I had some things to discuss with the Premier's captain and she was kind enough to show me around the ship."
"Oh. I'd forgotten that she offered to give us a tour of the ship after the briefing," Jinyoung replied, looking mildly disappointed that he had missed it. "What do you think of her? The Premier's captain, that is."
Jaebeom felt like a deer caught in the headlights.
"What?"
"I mean…" Jinyoung lowered his voice although they were standing in the hallway of the senior officers' sleeping quarters and there were unlikely to be any eavesdroppers. "She seems rather proud of discovering Iota Five and the Magrakhars and I noticed that she hasn't allowed any of our officers to take on any real responsibility. She just has us translating and collecting samples."
Jaebeom relaxed a little. "Oh. Yes, I noticed that too."
"It seems like she doesn't want us here."
"Discovering a new species is a once-in-a-lifetime event for most starship captains. Many never manage it before they retire. I think it's understandable that she doesn't want to share the spotlight."
Jinyoung pursed his lips. "I suppose… but shouldn't we at least be allowed to make contact with the Magrakhars? Perhaps find out what's going on in that mountainous area?"
Jaebeom sighed. "We'll talk to her about it tomorrow."
"Er… Permission to speak freely, Captain?"
"Of course."
"Is it true that they offered the captaincy of the USS Premier to you first and you rejected it?"
Jaebeom blinked. "Where did you hear that?"
"There's a rumour going around on the Miracle."
"I think it would be in everyone's best interest if that rumour stopped going around before it reaches anyone on the Premier."
It was a bright and sunny afternoon on Iota Five as you entered the cool, brick house of the Magrakhar's Chieftain. The aliens did not have any formal system of government, but this Chieftain seemed to be a de facto leader, and the rest of the aliens respected him.
You had intended to go alone but you were unable to shake off Captain Lim Jaebeom and his posse. They invited themselves along when they discovered you were meeting with the Chieftain, and you couldn't think of a solid reason to refuse.
You glanced distastefully at Park, Wang and Tuan. These men looked more like they belonged in a 21st century boy band than commanding an elite starship.
"Cap-tain!" The Chieftain welcomed you into his home enthusiastically. Like all Magrakhars, he was a small and rotund figure with no hair and rubbery, light blue skin. He had been making an effort to learn your language.
"It's a pleasure to see you too, Chieftain," you greeted the man. Your communications officer, Nelly, quickly translated your words for the alien in a series of grunting noises made in the Magrakhars' native tongue.
The Chieftain grinned. "Come!" and then he made more grunting noises. You glanced at Nelly hopefully.
"I think he's inviting us to have a meal with him, Or it could be a drink. I'm not entirely sure," Nelly admitted sheepishly. "We're still learning about their customs and some words don't have direct equivalents…"
"Either way, please tell him we accept."
Nelly translated and the Chieftain ushered you further into his home. The central area was a large, open-roofed atrium and the Chieftain's wife was preparing drinks in small clay cups. She handed them to you and your fellow officers with a bright smile.
You peered into the cup.
"What do you think that is?" Jaebeom mumbled as he accepted his own cup from the female Magrakhar.
"It can't be alcoholic, can it?" you asked, taking a tentative sniff of the drink. "Uff. Yeah, that's definitely alcohol. In the middle of the day, too. I'm not sure I should be drinking this. We came here to ask him about the peace treaty negotiations. I'd rather not be drunk for this conversation."
Jaebeom shrugged. "What's worse- being drunk or disrespecting their customs?"
As usual, Jaebeom made an excellent point.
You forced a polite smile at the Chieftain who was watching you eagerly and swallowed half of the contents of the cup. It tasted bittersweet and burned your throat as it went down. But your body instantly felt a few degrees warmer.
Fascinating.
"Chieftain," you greeted him as you set down your cup. "Have you given more thought to our proposal from our last meeting? We are very eager to cement the terms of our peace treaty and add Iota Five to our list of allies."
Nelly translated your words to the best of her ability.
The Chieftain smiled but his expression was less cheerful than before. He made a series of grunting noises that Nelly listened to intently. She took a moment to reference her digital dictionary and you noticed that Mark Tuan, Jaebeom's communications officer, was also looking up something on his handheld computer.
"What?" you demanded impatiently.
Nelly looked up. "He is saying that while he enjoys our company and believes that we have come in peace, he is not entitled to make such decisions. He says he cannot be sure whether or not Grahvak would approve of mingling with non-believers."
You looked at the Chieftain.
"But you are the Chieftain. Everyone here respects you, from what I can tell. Surely they would respect your opinions of us?"
The Chieftain made some sad grunting noises.
"He says he is not the mouthpiece of Grahvak. He says Grahvak speaks from… from the water? I don't know, it's very confusing since he calls a lot of things Grahvak- the god, the river, even normal water."
"I think," Lieutenant Commander Tuan spoke up quietly. He was consulting his own handheld device. "He is saying that Grahvak speaks from the origin of the water. The source of the river is the mountains. Grahvak speaks from the mountains."
You weren't happy with Tuan for interrupting, but it was clear that you needed all the help you could get. You thanked him and turned to Nelly.
"Ask him if he is saying Grahvak speaks from the mountains."
Nelly made the requisite grunting noises and then listened to his response.
"Yes I think he's saying that the mouthpiece of Grahvak is in the mountains."
"Ask him if I can speak to Grahvak."
Nelly communicated the response.
"You cannot speak to Grahvak," she explained. "Grahvak speaks from the mountain. You are not allowed to go on the mountain."
You were beginning to grow frustrated with the Magrakhar's infuriating answers. Not to mention, the alcohol was beginning to make you feel a bit fuzzy.
"Ask him what he wants me to do then. He cannot accept the peace treaty unless Grahvak approves. But he will not allow me to speak to Grahvak. Tell him I need his help to find a solution. I wish to make a binding alliance with his people for mutual benefit."
Nelly communicated your response. The Chieftain looked agonised for a moment before he finally made some reluctant grunting noises.
"He says we should return tomorrow morning and meet him at the foot of the mountain," Nelly explained. "He will try to obtain permission for us to go on the mountain. But he says… I think he's trying to say that only some of us may be allowed to go?"
You nodded. You had no qualms leaving the crew of the USS Miracle behind for this excursion.
"Excellent. Thank him for me."
Nelly communicated your gratitude. You made to leave but the Chieftain's wife hurriedly brought around another set of clay cups with the same liquid as before. You were reluctant to have more. The first had already left you rather light-headed.
But the Chieftain smiled and grunted at you eagerly.
"Apparently it's custom to have one more drink before you leave," Nelly muttered.
You forced a smile and accepted the drink.
"So be it."
You tried to stay sober but you found yourself stumbling a little as you got to your feet. Jaebeom quickly held your arm to prevent you from falling over and you shot him a grateful smile.
"Thank you."
"No problem."
You mumbled your goodbyes to the Chieftain (luckily Nelly had been able to dispose of her second drink into a nearby succulent plant since the Chieftain had his eyes only on you) and Nelly translated your goodbyes as you left his house and began to head back to your ships.
"You shouldn't have had that second drink," Jaebeom admonished with a chuckle as you found yourself leaning on him for support. Your legs felt like jelly.
You frowned. "He was looking right at me. I had to drink it. How come none of you are struggling?"
Jaebeom and his officers appeared completely unaffected by the drink. Nelly was a little pink but not nearly as drunk as you. She hiccuped lightly.
Jaebeom glanced at his officers, who shrugged.
"I don't know. It didn't have much of an effect on us, really," he replied honestly. The drink had tasted bitter to them but had not had any intoxicating effect. "Do you need help getting back to your ship?"
"No," you insisted, but the moment Jaebeom released your arm you stumbled sideways a little. Jaebeom chuckled.
"I'll escort the Captain and Lieutenant Nelly back to the Premier. Go back without me," he told his officers before pressing his badge and instructing your transporter to beam you up to the Premier. Your mind felt numb and your thoughts muddled as Jaebeom escorted Nelly first to her quarters, and then brought you to yours.
"Never thought I'd get to see your quarters," he admitted lightly. Your personal quarters aboard the Premier were as well-furnished as his own, but slightly larger.
You grinned. "Impressed?"
"They're quite lovely."
"I decorated them myself. My quarters were the only part of the ship that I was allowed to design, so I'm rather proud of them," you admitted with a grin as you sat down at the edge of your bed. A wave of nausea swept over you. "Fuck, I feel dizzy."
Jaebeom folded his arms over his chest.
"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned. He went to your small private kitchenette and tapped the food generating device. "Computer, glass of water please. Cold."
A glass of water materialised before Jaebeom and he brought it over to you. You drank it gratefully.
"Thanks. I wonder what the hell that drink was… none of the Magrakhars offered it to me the last few times I was on the planet," you mumbled. Your mind still felt cloudy and you looked up at Jaebeom. He was standing with his arms folded and looking concerned.
"I think you should get some sleep."
"I'm fine- it's the middle of the day, I'm not tired."
"It's not about being tired. You're clearly too intoxicated to continue your duties, and the only solution I can think of is for you to try and sleep it off," Jaebeom insisted as he gently placed a hand on your shoulder. His dark eyes looked down at you with a certain softness.
Something suddenly stirred in your chest.
Your entire body felt incredibly aware of Jaebeom's hand on your shoulder. He wasn't even touching your bare skin but the contact still felt warm and tingly. Something inside of you burned red-hot.
You wanted more.
You abruptly stood up and found yourself inches away from him. Jaebeom's eyes widened but he said nothing as you slowly leaned closer.
Your lips dropped close to his neck, your breath tickling his skin.
"You smell really nice," you whispered.
Jaebeom stiffened.
"Uh- thank you. Although I don't think the sonic showers are supposed to leave any fragrances behind-"
Your eyes rose to meet his. Jaebeom's expression was hesitant and confused as you leaned closer. His soft musky scent was intoxicating and you couldn't think of anything other than what it would feel like to kiss his lips and run your fingers through his hair.
Rank, propriety, rivalry… all these things disappeared from your mind in an instant.
You kissed him.
It started off as a soft peck but when Jaebeom did not react, you felt the heat going lower from your stomach. You wrapped your arms around his neck and gripped his broad shoulders and slanted your mouth over his eagerly. There was a fraction of a moment when Jaebeom moved his mouth against yours in response-
But he suddenly and abruptly pushed you away. You fell back against the bed and a chill came over your body.
"Stop," he muttered.
Your body reached out for him automatically. It was like reaching out for a cold glass of water when you were parched- you needed Jaebeom and nothing else would do to satisfy that need. There was a hollow ache inside of you.
"Please," you whispered as you moved towards him again. The ache intensified. "Please, I need this-"
"No," Jaebeom said more firmly. "This isn't like you. Clearly there was something in that drink."
"It doesn't matter-"
"It matters a lot," he replied as he hurriedly extricated himself from your arms and stumbled back to the door. He took a deep breath and glanced back at you with a pained expression. "I'm sorry. But I think you'll regret this tomorrow and I don't want to be the cause of your regret."
And he left.
You wanted to chase after him, to grab him and inhale his intoxicating scent again. Your hands began to tremble. You needed Jaebeom badly, or you felt that your entire body would explode. Before you could even stop to think, you had run out of your quarters after him.
You glanced up and down the corridor but it was empty. He must have already transported back to his ship. You ran, barefoot, down to the transporter room and startled the half-asleep Ensign on duty as you stepped on top of the transporter pad.
"Beam me over to the Miracle," you ordered. "Now,"
"Y-yes, Captain."
The transporter's light flashed and you rematerialised aboard the Miracle, in their transporter room. The officer on duty on the Miracle reached for his weapon instinctively, but lowered his hand as he recognised you.
"Captain," he said hesitantly. "I wasn't informed of your arrival aboard our ship…"
"I need to see Captain Jaebeom immediately," you choked out. "Tell me where his quarters are- no need to follow me, I'll find them myself."
"But I wasn't informed-"
"Code Priority Beta, this is an emergency."
"O-oh. His quarters are on Deck 8, section B, the turbolift over there can take you to them-"
You were gone before the officer could finish his sentence. At this point it felt like your logical mind had shut down completely- there was nothing left inside of you beside raw determination and desire. The thought of Jaebeom and his scent flooded your senses as the turbolift brought you to his quarters.
You pressed the little entry button on the panel next to the door.
"Computer, request access."
There was a brief pause.
"Access denied," the androgynous robotic voice replied to you. For the first time in your life you almost wanted to break the computer apart. You clenched your fists and tried to calm down.
"Computer, open a channel of communication to Captain Lim Jaebeom," you ordered.
The computer buzzed and then you heard Jaebeom's voice coming from the small panel sounding bewildered.
"What are you doing here? Did you just transport aboard my ship without my authorization-" Jaebeom began to demand but you were in no condition to listen to his admonishes. You leaned against the door.
"Let me in," you begged. "Please. It hurts."
Jaebeom's voice was silent for a moment.
"You're not okay."
"I'd be okay if you would just let me inside, please, don't shut me out like this," you pleaded. "I need you, Jaebeom. I need you right now or I'm going to go insane, I swear to god-"
"Fuck, this is more serious than I thought."
Your mind was growing more and more fuzzy by the moment. Your thoughts were filled with Jaebeom's intoxicating scent. "Jaebeom, please…"
There was a brief pause. Your heart leapt as you waited for the door to open but instead you heard Jaebeom's voice once more.
"Captain to Lieutenant Commander Wang. I need your help to restrain an intruder aboard the ship. Report to my quarters immediately... and bring Doctor Choi."
---------------------------------------------
You awoke to a blinding white light in your face.
You blinked and the light moved away. It was replaced by the face of a handsome bespectacled man with a pleasing and wide smile.
"I see you're awake. No need to panic- I'm Doctor Choi Youngjae, Chief Medical Officer aboard the USS Miracle," he replied soothingly. "You're in the medical wing of our ship. I've already sent for Captain Lim to come see you-"
You felt nauseous.
Captain Lim.
Jaebeom.
The same Jaebeom you had thrown yourself at shamelessly while he was in your quarters and broken perhaps a hundred Federation rules to follow back to his ship without authorisation and beg him to fuck you.
Oh god.
You leaned over the side of the bed and threw up.
Doctor Choi expertly stepped back to avoid your vomit coating his shoes. "Nurse, can you help clear this up, please? Captain Lim will be here momentarily."
You blinked apologetically at the nurse who handed you a glass of water and then turned back to Doctor Choi.
"Did I pass out?" you demanded.
"Uhh… in a manner of speaking. It was deemed prudent to sedate you until the effects of the Magrakhar's drink faded off. It wasn't very clear to us whether you posed a threat to Captain Lim, and you seemed to be in… some form of agony anyway."
The mechanical doors to the medical wing opened and Jaebeom stepped through briskly. He was as handsome and confident as always but to your utter relief you were not hit with a sudden urge to leap at him and rip his clothes off.
"Doctor Choi," Jaebum greeted. "Were you able to determine anything?"
"Her hormone levels are back to normal," Doctor Choi explained calmly. "The effects have worn off fully, but she may be a little weak from the forceful sedation we did."
You still couldn't believe what you were hearing.
"I had to be knocked out?" you demanded, horrified.
Jaebeom glanced at you warily. "Doctor Choi, if we could have a minute, please."
"Of course."
You found yourself losing your will to live as Doctor Choi walked away and left you alone with nobody but Lim Jaebeom and some beeping medical equipment.
The memories of your behaviour were coming back to you rapidly, and each memory was worse than the last.
"Fuck," you whispered. "Fuck, I want to die."
Jaebeom placed a hand on your shoulder comfortingly.
"Hey. Relax. I'm glad you're all right now. I sent my officers down to Iota Five to investigate and the Chieftain was pretty quick to admit that the drink he gave us was an incredibly strong aphrodisiac. You were drugged."
You felt violated.
"The bastard. We went there in peace and he had the gall to drug me? How come nobody else was affected?" you demanded.
Jaebeom sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Preliminary reports from my officers suggest that the drug only affects biological women. It's well-intentioned, I suppose. Apparently the act of sex is very painful for Magrakhar females and this drink helps them enjoy it more. It also increases fertility… not that you would have noticed that last part."
You were appalled.
"I don't… I don't even know how to…"
Jaebeom sighed. "I'm sorry this happened to you."
You felt small and ashamed. You wanted to drown in your humiliation. If you never saw Lim Jaebeom and his crew again then it would be far too soon. But you knew what you had to do next. Your pride had to take a step back in these circumstances. You cleared your throat.
"I-I'm sorry-" you began to apologise.
"You weren't in your senses. Nobody blames you."
"I followed you to your quarters," you whispered, mortified. "I threw myself at you, it was completely unwarranted and I don't even know how to begin to apologise for my behaviour."
"I had my officers sedate you. I think we're even."
"We're not even! Of course you had me sedated, if a man had come banging on my door out of his mind and begging me to fuck him, I'd have done a lot worse than sedate him!" you cried, your voice rising hysterically. One of the medical machines you were hooked up to began to beep rapidly.
"Shh, calm down," Jaebeom soothed you.
"I-I can't. Oh god, I pretended it was an emergency in front of that poor officer in the transporter room, I cited emergency protocols at him-"
Jaebeom grasped your shoulders firmly.
"Relax," he insisted. "I've spoken to the officer and he's been… persuaded not to write any reports. So have my senior officers. This is over. Do you understand? Nobody blames you. We're not even making any official reports on the incident. You need to stop worrying and just process this and move on."
"I can't," you whispered. "I've never felt more humiliated."
"You're a starship captain. You command one of the Federation's flagships and you're one of the most level-headed, competent people I know. You've handled life and death situations before. Don't tell me a little embarrassment is enough to bring you down."
You frowned.
"Well, when you put it like that…"
Jaebeom smiled reassuringly. "You'll be fine. You have bigger things to worry about. The Chieftain said he would allow us up onto the mountain tomorrow, remember? You should rest up and prepare."
You slid off the bed and unplugged yourself from the medical devices before dusting your uniform off. Other than a little weakness, you felt perfectly fine.
"Yes," you mumbled. "Yes, I should prepare."
"Exactly."
"Well, if you won't let me apologise, at least… at least let me say thank you," you replied abashedly.
You hated having to say it. Lim Jaebeom had always been your rival. He had always been one step ahead of you, had snatched opportunities out from right under your nose for years and you had resented him for it.
But you couldn't deny that he was a gentleman.
It almost made you hate him more.
The androgynous robotic voice suddenly spoke aloud in the room.
"Captain, First Officer Park and Chief Tactical Officer Wang request entry."
Jaebeom nodded. "Granted."
You tried to compose yourself as two of Jaebeom's officers entered the medical wing. The Chief Tactical Officer had a hand hovering over his weapon but he lowered it when he realised that you were no longer throwing yourself at Jaebeom.
You tried not to drown in the embarrassment once more.
"Good to see that you're recovered, Captain," Wang greeted you brightly. First Officer Park nodded at you respectfully.
You tried to maintain some composure.
"Yes, I am fully recovered, thank you," you said stiffly before glancing at Jaebeom. "Captain Lim, I'd like to take your leave to return to my ship. I am sure my crew are awaiting my return."
Jaebeom nodded. "Of course. Lieutenant Commander Wang, would you mind escorting the Captain back to the Premier?"
Wang held an arm out to you gallantly.
"It would be my pleasure."
You ignored his arm and headed for the door, leaving Lieutenant Commander Wang to drop his arm and scurry after you.
Jaebeom watched you leave with a sigh of relief, unaware that he was being eyed curiously by his First Officer. It was a few moments before Jaebeom remembered that Jinyoung was still standing in the room.
"Oh-First Officer Park. Anything to report?" he asked awkwardly.
Jinyoung nodded.
"Some of the crew went down to Iota Five to find out more about the drink. We took samples and conducted some tests. It's really a remarkable mix of chemicals, considering how selectively it acts based on the person ingesting it."
Jaebeom raised an eyebrow. "You mean how it only affects biological females?"
"It's more than that. Lieutenant Nelly is a woman too, but she just went back to her quarters and took a nap, if you remember. The aphrodisiac didn't kick in for her."
"You've discovered why?"
"The Magrakhars didn't want their women going mad and throwing themselves at any unsuspecting passersby. Apparently the drink is completely harmless- unless ingested mutually by couples that already share a sexual attraction. The drink causes men to release pheromones towards women they are attracted to, and simultaneously causes an amplified chemical reaction in any woman who shares that attraction."
Jaebeom stared at Jinyoung in disbelief. "So it did have an effect on the men, just not one we noticed?"
Jinyoung nodded.
"The effect only materialises when both persons ingesting the drink are already attracted to each other. The Magrakhars didn't want to encourage rape or chaos. They just wanted married couples to have more fun in bed- if you'll pardon my callousness. They certainly didn't intend to drug anybody."
"Are you sure about this analysis?"
"Our science team is preparing a report on it now."
"So it wouldn't have affected her at all, if I hadn't already been…" attracted to her. Jaebeom finished the sentence in his head and felt a rush of embarrassment as he noticed that Jinyoung was trying to hold back a smile.
Well, fuck. This was going to be a tough one to explain.
"That's right, Captain."
Jaebeom cleared his throat. He suddenly felt warm and uncomfortable. "I see. Perhaps we can… hold off on sharing this particular report with the Premier for the time being?"
Jinyoung nodded. "Understood, sir. But we'll have to share it eventually. Iota Five is the Premier's mission. We have to hand over all our files to them before we depart."
"I know. Just wait for my go-ahead. I'll, uh, I'll be returning to the bridge. Good work, Commander."
"Thank you, sir."
------------------------------------------
Captain Lim Jaebeom clearly remembered the last time he had attempted to confess his… feelings for you.
It had been about 15 years ago, the day your class had been due to graduate from the Space Academy. It was also the day the final academic ranks would be announced. Everyone expected you to graduate first in your class. You were renowned for being one of the most hardworking and dedicated students the Academy had seen in years.
All in all, everyone was in high spirits and Jaebeom figured it would be a good time to make his move.
He had sidled up to you and your friends as you stood chatting near the entrance to the auditorium and casually asked you to meet him for a drink after the ceremony. Some of your friends had winked, suspecting exactly what Jaebeom planned but you had merely shrugged and agreed to meet him.
He should have known then that you were far more interested in the graduation ceremony than anything he would have to say. But still, he was optimistic.
Until the academic ranks were announced.
Until the Chancellor got up on stage and announced that it was Jaebeom who had ranked first in class, not you. When Jaebeom went up on stage to collect his award and saw you surrounded by a group of friends attempting to console you as you tried not to burst into tears, he realised with a sinking feeling that you had rejected him long before he could make his confession.
You never turned up to grab a drink with him after the graduation ceremony. Jaebeom was not surprised.
Life had simply gotten in the way.
Well.
Perhaps life was seeking to give him a second chance. Jaebeom took a deep breath as he looked down at the report that his crew had prepared on the Magrakhar's drink. There was no doubt it would be handed over to your crew and you would eventually read it.
And, considering your above-average intelligence, there was certainly no doubt that you would come to the same logical conclusion that everyone else had.
That the drink had affected you because Jaebeom was attracted to you.
And on some level, you were attracted to him too.
Jaebeom decided that the decent thing to do would be to tell you this himself rather than let you figure it out through some report.
And let the cards fall where they may.
-----------------------------------------------
You slept fitfully.
It didn't help that every time you closed your eyes you could feel the ghost of Jaebeom's lips on your own. His scent (while no longer strong enough to drive you to violate regulations or social norms) still lingered in your mind and occupied your thoughts.
Clearly the effects of the drug had not completely worn off. You woke up tired and irritable as you made your way down to the transporter room to meet Lieutenant Nelly and head down to Iota Five.
"Captain, are you all right?" Nelly asked. She was surprised to see you looking tired and irritable. You ideally should have been in bright spirits- you were finally close to sealing the deal on the peace treaty with Iota Five!
"Fine," you muttered. But you didn't feel fine. "Computer, make an appointment for me in the medical bay when I return."
You glanced at Lieutenant Nelly- she looked as chipper as ever and you were tempted to ask whether she had thrown herself unceremoniously at anyone under the influence of the Magrakhar drink, but decided against it.
Perhaps it was a conversation better suited for after the peace treaty had been signed.
"Captain, the senior officers of the Miracle are waiting for you down on Iota Five," one of your officers reported.
You sighed. "Yes. Take us down."
The bright light of the transporter flashed in your eyes. When you reopened them, you were standing on the surface of Iota Five, just a few hundred metres away from the foot of the mountains. The Chieftain was waiting for you, as were Captain Lim Jaebeom and his senior officers.
"Cap-tain!"
The Chieftain greeted you eagerly. You forced a smile back at the man and tried to suppress the reminder that he had been responsible for what was possibly the most humiliating and mortifying incident in your life so far.
It wouldn't do to commit murder on a planet you'd come to make peace with.
You grunted out the standard greetings in the alien's native tongue and then continued speaking. "Chieftain, I hope you have some good news for me. I am looking forward to climbing the mountain and speaking to Grahvak."
The Chieftain grinned and nodded. He let out a long series of grunts that Nelly struged to translate.
"He says that atop the mountain is the monastery where the monks are able to communicate directly with Grahvak. He will take us there and they will ask Grahvak for permission to enter into an alliance with us."
You nodded. "Excellent. Let us begin."
You stepped forward onto the mountain but the Chieftain yelled and grabbed and pulled you back. He made a series of panicked grunting noises and pointed at Jaebeom. Jaebeom looked startled.
You wrenched your arm away from the Chieftain.
"What is he saying?" you asked Nelly, but she looked confused.
"He-he says you can't come onto the mountain. He says only Captain Lim can come up with him," Nelly replied, confused.
You tried to retain your patience.
"Tell him that I am in charge of relations with Iota Five. I represent the Federation here, and if only one person can go up the mountain then it will be me and not Captain Lim," you ordered sharply.
Nelly hurried to reply. The Chieftain shook his head and continued to grunt rapidly.
"He says you are not allowed on the mountain. The monks will not see you. They will only see Captain Lim."
"Why?"
You could hear First Officer Park and Lieutenant Commander Tuan whispering to each other a few steps behind you. You whirled around to face them, frustrated and on the verge of losing your temper.
*Do you two have something to add?" you demanded.
They had the courtesy to look ashamed. First Officer Park stepped forward and looked at Jaebeom.
"Captain, may I speak to you in private?"
"No," you said sharply before Jaebeom could respond. You were done with this nonsense. "Say whatever it is you want to say here. In front of me."
First Officer Park bristled.
"With all due respect Captain, I don't report to you. I report to Captain Lim," he said stiffly.
You clenched your fists. "You report to Captain Lim aboard the USS Miracle. Right now, you are on Iota Five and I am in charge of the mission on Iota Five. If what you have to say has anything to do with the Magrakhars, Iota Five, or what is going on here then you will say what you have to say in front of all of us."
Jinyoung glanced at Jaebeom for confirmation and then sighed.
"All right. The problem is that the monks are celibate. They go up there to dedicate themselves to Grahvak and all sexual activity is forbidden. To help them enforce this and shield them from temptation, women are not allowed anywhere on the mountain."
You felt sick.
"What?"
Lieutenant Nelly hurried to repeat what Jinyoung had just said to the Chieftain. He nodded and made an agreeable series of grunting noises.
"I think what First Officer Park is suggesting is right," Nelly admitted reluctantly. "The Chieftain is saying women are not allowed up. He can only take the men."
"They can't make an exception for us? We're not of the same species as the Magrakhar, surely we shouldn't count for the purpose of temptation or whatever?" you demanded.
Nelly posed the question and then sighed.
"He says even female animals that make their way onto the mountain are sacrificed to Grahvak. He says the monks may do the same to us if we go onto the mountain. He says it's for our own protection."
"That's repulsive."
First Officer Park gave you a sympathetic look. "You can't expect alien societies to abide by human morals, Captain."
You were in no mood to be lectured by First Officer Park. Your entire mission, your purpose and your achievements on Iota Five were crumbling before your eyes. You had come this far and worked so hard yet it would once again be Lim Jaebeom, man of the moment, who stole your thunder, took credit for forging an alliance with the Magrakhars and went down in history.
Fuck.
"I need a minute," you muttered as you walked away.
You were aware of the others watching you intently, Jaebeom in particular, but you paid no mind to them. You were no longer a young and inexperienced student who had had her academic rank snatched out from underneath her. You were a Captain, a woman grown who had been chosen to lead the Federation's premier starship into its exploration of space.
You had saved and lost lives. You had been through encounters beyond what most people could imagine. You could not and would not allow a small setback to affect you emotionally. You could not show vulnerability.
You couldn't.
You took a deep breath and returned to the group.
"Well," you said more calmly as you looked around at the group of officers. "I believe the way forward is clear. We can't risk offending the Magrakhars and we certainly can't risk any female officers being murdered by celibate monks. "
Jaebeom spoke quickly. "We should postpone the meeting. I agree that you and Lieutenant Nelly should not be the ones to go up but there's no reason why we can't wait until an appropriately senior male officer from the Premier is available to conduct the discussion-"
You saw pity in Jaebeom's soft eyes. You would have none of it.
"That is not practical. The senior officers of the Premier are all engaged in equally important tasks, and I'm not about to entrust a meeting of such diplomatic importance to a junior officer. The monks are waiting for us and it would not be prudent to delay any longer. I authorise you to negotiate with the monks on behalf of the Federation, Captain Lim."
Jaebeom looked torn.
"Captain, I appreciate your trust but this is not our mission, it's yours," he replied hesitantly.
You sighed. Fuck. Why did he have to be such a gentleman? Why couldn't he have leapt at the opportunity for glory so that you could resent him?
"That's correct, Captain Lim. I am in charge of this mission. You and your officers will go speak to the monks on our behalf. That is an order," you added firmly.
Jaebeom straightened up.
"Understood, Captain."
"Meet me on the observation deck aboard the USS Premier once you return, I would like a full report," you replied. You knew Jaebeom would give you a full report anyway- but at least ordering him to do so allowed you to maintain some semblance of control over the situation.
"Yes, Captain."
"That's settled then." You reached forward and gave Jaebeom a brisk, formal handshake. "Good luck, Captain. Seal the deal for us."
--------------------------------------
"I'm sorry to hear that, Captain. It is unfortunate that many alien societies continue to have patriarchal and sexist notions forming the basis of their culture. I hope that they can transcend then as we have. But in the interim, I believe you have made the right decision."
Admir's Nguyen's face was large on your screen and you could see that his sympathy was genuine.
"Thank you, Admiral," you replied. "I only hope that Captain Lim is successful."
"I am sure he will be. As you are aware, he is a highly competent captain and has multiple commendations to his credit."
You nodded. "I know-"
"In fact, captainship of the USS Premier was offered to him shortly before it was offered to you. He turned it down because he was not given the freedom to appoint his own officers."
You froze.
"I'm sorry, did you say the Premier was offered to him?"
Admiral Ngyuen appeared a little abashed as he realised his faux pas. "Of course, I am confident now that nobody could be a better captain for the USS Premier than you. You have performed outstandingly in the past year and the discovery of Iota Five and your work with the Magrakhar's has impressed most of the high command-"
"But he was their first choice," you replied, feeling dazed.
Admiral Nguyen sighed. "Indeed he was."
"So," you replied softly. "There is no use in my feeling resentful about not being able to negotiate the peace treaty with Iota Five- it was originally destined to be Jaebeom's anyway."
Admiral Nguyen frowned.
"I did not realise you believed in destiny, Captain."
You shook yourself to your senses. "I apologise, Admiral. I don't mean to take up too much of your time. I will submit a report as soon as I learn of how Captain Lim's negotiations have gone."
The Admiral nodded.
"Very good. Thank you, Captain."
His face disappeared and the screen turned black. You took a deep breath and leaned back in your chair as you willed yourself not to cry.
Iota Five was but one mission in a lifetime and you had decided to put it behind you. But the one thing you valued most, the most glorious achievement in your professional career so far…
Even that had been Lim Jaebeom's.
And you, like a fool, had shown off your ship and all its wondrous features to Jaebeom, unaware that he was merely looking at something he had already rejected for himself.
My god, you must have seemed so pathetic.
"Captain," the androgynous voice of the computer spoke. "Please report to the medical bay for your scheduled health check up."
Doctor Min had just completed your routine health check-up and was complaining to you about how the USS Miracle kept forgetting to send across the report they had prepared on the chemical properties of the Magrakhar's mysterious drink, when the computer'd androgynous voice interrupted.
"Captain, please report to the observation lounge. Captain Lim has returned from Iota Five and awaits your presence."
"Acknowledged," you mumbled before quickly hopping off the bed. "Thank you, Doctor Min. I'll have to leave now. I'll ask Captain Lim to make sure they send us that report."
"Of course, Captain. Thank you."
You hurried to the observation lounge with your heartbeat thudding. Was it too much to hope that Jaebeom had failed the negotiations? But no… that wasn't what you wanted, not really. It wouldn't make you feel much better even if Jaebeom failed, you realised miserably.
The problem wasn't that you hated him. No, there was nothing to hate about Jaebeom.
It was that he made you hate yourself.
The observation lounge was deserted. It was late at night and most of the crew were asleep other than a skeletal crew for the night shift. Once again you found yourself alone with Jaebeom, the stars, and the bartender robot.
"Captain Lim," you greeted awkwardly.
Jaebeom stood and gave you a soft smile. He appeared tired- his eyes were red but his expression was gentle and hesitant.
"We did it," Jaebeom told you. "It took a lot of weird chanting and strange rituals to contact Grahvak- but that deity gave his word. The Magrakhar's have signed the peace treaty."
You sighed in relief. "That's excellent news."
Jaebeom stepped closer to you.
"I'm sorry that things turned out this way. This wasn't what I wanted at all, I hope you know that," he began to say nervously.
"Then you're an idiot. Most people would kill to be the one to forge a peace treaty with a previously undiscovered species."
He sighed. "I know, but-"
"It's fine, Jaebeom. You're not the sexist one. And if the Magrakhar monks are so determined never to lay eyes on a woman, then so be it. They don't know what they're missing out on. Frankly I'm starting to suspect they're all just closet homosexuals."
Jaebeom chuckled. "Having met them, I can neither confirm nor deny that hypothesis."
"Drink?" you offered.
"No. And I'd prefer it if you didn't have one either. I have some things to talk to you about and I'd feel a lot better about the conversation if we were both sober," Jaebeom admitted.
The determination in his eyes surprised you.
You swallowed and nodded.
"Uh, all right. We'll have soda, then," you told the bartender android who instantly handed you two glasses of soda. You passed one to Jaebeom. "What's on your mind, Captain Lim?"
"I need to talk to you about the aphrodisiac."
"Oh," you muttered. "Honestly, we don't need to talk about that."
"No, I need you to hear it from me. My crew members did some research on the aphrodisiac. You're about to receive a report on it, but in short, the drug only affects people who are already mutually attracted to each other. That's why nobody else was affected. And it wouldn't have affected you either if I hadn't been attracted to you in return."
Your heart skipped a beat.
"Did you just say you were attracted to me?" you repeated in disbelief.
"Yes."
"You didn't act like a man that was attracted to me last night," you muttered.
"Well, I am. It took a lot of self-control to push you away when you… when you kissed me. God, I don't know why I feel like such a teenager saying this. But you probably have me figured out by now and there's only so much time we have left in this world. I care about you deeply, and I have for a long time. I know your feelings were amplified by the aphrodisiac but mine weren't. They didn't need to be. They were already strong to begin with."
Your knees felt weak.
"I, uh, I need to sit down," you mumbled.
Jaebeom quickly pulled out a bar stool for you. You sat on it shakily and took a deep breath. Your brain felt like mush.
"Bartender, give me a whisky," you ordered.
The android instantly prepared a glass of whisky and you drank the entire thing in one shot. You looked up at Jaebeom. His dark eyes were staring at you nervously and you wondered how you had missed it.
Jaebeom had always looked at you with such affection. You'd just never paid attention to it before. You had been too obsessed with trying to outdo him.
But you still couldn't shake it off. That thought. That horrible, disgusting thought that was creeping around on the edges of your mind.
"Is it true that they offered you the USS Premier first?" you blurted out.
Jaebeom looked like you had slapped him.
"Wha-who told you-?"
"Admiral Nguyen."
"Fuck," Jaebeom cursed. He stepped away from you and placed his arms on the bar, leaning against them as he hung his head down in frustration. You could hear the anger in his voice. "Fuck this. I'm so tired of this fucking shit."
"What are you tired of?" you asked weakly.
"This. You. Me. This whole situation that keeps happening where our careers and circumstances keep pitting us against each other as rivals. I feel like there's some force out there in the universe that is determined to make you hate me because no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to catch a break."
You closed your eyes and sighed. "I don't hate you."
"Your first response to me telling you that I have feelings for you was to ask if I was offered your ship," Jaebeom replied incredulously.
You bristled. "This ship is important to me!" you defended yourself.
"Well, it's not important to me. You are. And I've spent many years wondering if things could have been different if I had told you about this sooner, but I think it's pretty clear to me now that nothing would have changed."
"Jaebeom-"
"No," he said softly. He looked defeated. "Never mind. I'm sorry I brought it up. I see that you do resent me for everything. I'll leave you alone-"
You felt like you wanted to cry.
"No-no, look, don't leave. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. It was completely inappropriate of me to ask about the Premier," you apologised. You took a deep breath and tried to gather your thoughts. "I just… I've been hit with a lot of stuff today and I don't know how to react to it all."
Jaebeom nodded. "I understand. I'll leave you to think-"
"No, wait."
"Okay. I'm waiting."
You took a deep breath as you gathered your thoughts.
"I need you to know that I don't hate you. I don't even resent you. You're an amazing person, Jaebeom. You're intelligent and kind and you're a gentleman and any woman would be lucky to have you," you admitted softly. "And yes, clearly the aphrodisiac figured me out because I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to you."
Jaebeom ran his fingers through his hair. "I hear a but coming."
"It's my fault. I've always been too competitive, I've always let my career determine my self-worth. I know there's more to me than being captain of the Premier, but to be honest that's the only part of me I'm truly proud of. And it hurts to think that I only got this opportunity because someone else turned it down. It makes me lose confidence in myself."
Jaebeom sighed. "And I hate being the cause of that."
"I know."
"I wish we'd met under different circumstances," he admitted quietly.
"Me too."
"Is it too late to change that? Is it too late for us to start seeing each other as something other than professional rivals? I still think that if we just spent some time together without our careers getting in the way, then there could really be something between us."
You reached out and took Jaebeom's hand in yours. His grip was warm and comforting.
"How?" you asked.
Jaebeom lifted his hand to cup your cheek softly. His passionate gaze sent a shiver down your spine as he leaned closer to you and pressed his forehead to yours. His familiar intoxicating scent flooded your senses.
"I told you I'm going back to Earth to take some shore leave once we're done here," he whispered. "Come with me."
"To Earth?"
"To Earth. Just you and me. No starships, no ranks, no new planets and patriarchal aliens. Not another soul. Give me a chance. I want to show you that we can do this- maybe the circumstances aren't perfect, maybe we aren't perfect but I want to give this a try."
You hesitated. "I…"
"Please."
"Okay," you gave in with a soft smile. You couldn't resist any longer. "Okay, fine. Let's leave this all behind for a while. Let's go to Earth and see if there's really something here between us."
Jaebeom grinned.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Don't thank me for something like that, it feels weird-"
"Can I kiss you instead?"
"You could do that."
Jaebeom leaned forward and captured your lips with his. Your heart leapt when he wrapped his arms around you and drew you closer. The observation deck was quiet and for a moment all you could hear was Jaebeom's soft breathing as he poured his feelings into the kiss.
You pulled back from him, flustered.
"Uh, we should… I know us doing this isn't really against regulations but it would be really bad if someone found us here…" you stammered out.
Jaebeom grinned.
"Still worried about your career?" he teased.
"Worried about losing the respect of my crew, honestly. I've already humiliated myself in front of your senior officers-" you began to explain.
"Your quarters or mine?" Jaebeom asked quickly.
You stared at him and laughed.
"Unbelievable. You were such a gentleman while I was literally throwing myself at you and begging you to fuck me but now that I'm sober you reveal your nefarious ways? I am disappointed in you, Captain Lim."
Jaebeom interrupted you with a quick kiss.
"Yours or mine? Answer the question."
"Mine."
"Lead the way."
As you took Jaebeom's hand and snuck down the corridors of your elite starship like a pair of teenagers looking for a janitor's closet, it struck you that perhaps it wasn't happiness that you should be looking for in life. Happiness is only for an instant- it comes and goes and nobody really knows what triggers it.
So while true happiness is still light years away, you realised that Jaebeom had brought something new and unexpected into your life.
"Your efforts on Iota Five have been more than commendable, Captain. We are truly privileged to have added a new species to those we call our friends in the galaxy."
You nodded and bowed. "Thank you, Admiral. Your praise means a lot to me and my crew."
"Is today your last day on Iota Five?"
"Indeed, Admiral. The Miracle left yesterday and we are scheduled to depart ourselves at 1900 hours. Hopefully the science teams should have wrapped up by then. We've learned a great deal from the Magrakhars and I am sure Iota Five has years worth of culture and science for us to research."
Admiral Nguyen nodded.
"I'll make sure you receive a medal for this, Captain."
You laughed. "Thank you, Admiral. But spending time on Iota Five has been rewarding enough. I really learned a lot during this mission."
"Good to hear. Where are you heading next?"
"Well, the Premier is heading on to the Adonis sector for some repairs but they'll be dropping me off at Earth. I'm planning to take a few weeks of leave before I rejoin them."
Admiral Nguyen chuckled. "Leave? On Earth? I think Captain Lim mentioned something like that recently. Since when has it been the new fad to waste your precious time off going to Earth?"
You smiled. "Someone dear to me convinced me it would be a good idea."
"Well, enjoy your leave, Captain. You deserve it."
"Thank you, Admiral. Over and out."
The screen went black and you sighed as you leaned back in your chair. It was nearing time to depart. You checked the time just as the computer buzzed overhead.
"Lieutenant Nelly requests entry," the androgynous robotic voice declared.
"Granted."
Lieutenant Nelly sidled into your office with a smile.
"The science teams are all back aboard, Captain. First Officer Smith asked me to tell you that we should be ready to depart on schedule."
"Excellent news. And?"
Lieutenant Nelly blinked. "And…?"
"Did you manage to get what I asked for?"
"Oh!" Her eyes brightened as she reached into her bag and extracted a large bottle. She smiled at you mischievously. "The Chieftain was only too happy to hand some over. He asked me to wish you a good journey and to say that he thinks you and Captain Lim would make a good couple. I wonder where he got that idea?"
You smiled innocently. "I wonder."
"Anyway, I'd be careful with that stuff if I were you, Captain. You're going to Earth and it might be considered contraband there. You don't want it confiscated from you."
"They can't confiscate it unless they know what it is," you said smugly. "I'm not exactly going to log it into invrntory, but it'll be fine. I'll see you on the bridge in time for our scheduled departure."
"Yes, ma'am."
You smiled and waited until she was gone before you turned back to your screen.
"Computer, locate Captain Lim Jaebeom of the starship USS Miracle," you ordered.
"Captain Lim Jaebeom is on Earth," the robotic voice replied.
"Elaborate."
"Captain Lim Jaebeom is in Paris, France on Earth."
"Can you establish visual communication with Captain Lim Jaebeom?"
"Establishing visual communication."
It was a few moments before Jaebeom's face appeared on screen. He was lying lazily on a large bed in what appeared to be a very luxurious hotel room and he grinned at you.
"Well, hello there."
"You're in Paris?" you demanded with a laugh.
Jaebeom nodded and lazily placed his arms behind his head. "That's right. I thought we could start our tour of Earth somewhere romantic. I know Paris is logically more of a final destination but hey, screw that sort of thing, I'm on leave and I'm going to do what I want to do.*
You smiled. "That's the spirit."
"How much longer will you take?"
"We're departing in a few minutes. We should reach Earth in 24 hours."
"Make it sooner."
"Yes, Captain," you joked. You picked up the bottle Nelly had brought you and waved it in front of the screen to show him. "Look what I found."
Jaebeom raised an eyebrow. "No."
"Yes. I thought we could finally use it as intended, you know? Now that we know exactly what it does and we're not going to be caught off guard," you giggled.
"You're insane. Hurry up and get here."
You looked at Jaebeom and smiled. You hadn't felt this content in a long time and you knew that he was the reason that you felt so amazing and optimistic about the world lately.
"Jaebeom?*
"Yeah."
"I can't wait to see you," you told him softly and honestly.
Jaebeom smiled. "Then stop yapping and go start your ship. Jaebeom out."
“Your memory feels like home to me.
So whenever my mind wanders, it always finds it’s way back to you.”
― Ranata Suzuki
______________________
People love. So violent that breathing was pointless. Nothing could be compared; nothing was as intense as the feeling of loving and being loved. She loved. She loved too much and that was ultimately what broke everything; She loved too much and neglected herself. Many said that you give up a piece of yourself if you loved unconditionally – y/n had given everything and was left with nothing. The end came stormy, almost destructive, leaving her with nothing. Emptiness.
She swore to herself; Never again. Never again would she love so much. Never again let a person get so close to her. Never catch fire again because she won't stand the burning. Never again. It was like a mantra that she sang in front of her, as she stared out the window in the dark of her room, trying not to feel reality.
But life was not as hoped it would be. It was played by its own rules, in which you were just a small figure in a big, endless stream. Suddenly she was swept away and came across someone who, for the second time in her life, tore the ground from under her feet and dragged her into the storm.
-
Time: 5:24 PM
Uncertainly, her fingers buzzed over the chat. All good intentions were gone, just at the moment when she had to gather her courage. She had her episode again – stronger than ever. Everything in her contracted convulsively. Why couldn't she jump over her shadow even at that moment? Why did she put so many obstacles in her own way? He was different. He was not the man who had destroyed her life at some point back then – Jaebeom was different. He was so much more than she could put it into words. y/n finally wanted to confess to him that what lays on her tongue at every conversation, at every meeting and at every glance and was ready to just break out of it.
She wanted to tell her best friend that she loved him. Finally, after all those years of not wanting to admit it. In which she labeled the tender feelings that grew in her over and over again as mere friendly feelings. She finally wanted it. She wanted to love him, but there was a problem; how would she know that he felt the same way? Most likely, he didn’t, and she would ruin with her confession what she was so attached to – their friendship. Y/n was caught in a dilemma, and nothing would help, but to finally take her courage and risk it.
Could she endure it, when he rejected her, and everything would change? Everything she appreciated so much about him then would be dissolved as they drifted apart and there was nothing left of the warmth; a horror scenario.
But what was she supposed to do about these stormy, even urgent feelings that completely captured her thoughts, made her imagine surreal things and clouded her perception? She was no longer herself – not for a long time.
Jaebeom, with those deep eyes that she could look into for hours, had her heart in his hand. Unconsciously, he pressed harder and simply deprived her of the ability to live normally with his closeness. She was so hopelessly in love.
Y/n had to write to him. It was now three weeks in which they had no more contact – it didn't seem like much, but for the young woman it was the world. Each of her nerve cells was tense and not a day went by when she didn't wish to shout it out to him, so she had to make a cut. The young woman needed time to think. The whole weeks boiled down to only one thing – her confession.
So, the young woman had been sitting in front of her smartphone for an hour and camped in the chat of Jaebeom and her. And then when she suddenly saw the online sign, she closed all the windows in shock and threw her head back, staring at the ceiling. She was so hopeless.
Then it had to bring the new day, on which the courage hopefully was coming back. Now it was over. She couldn't. She decided to watch her favorite series, escaping the endless overthinking. The young woman had her day off and since she had nothing to do anyway (and of course wanted to avoid the confession).
She jumped off her sofa, wanted to prepare her favorite tea before she snuggled up in the soft fabric of her couch. The well-known sound of raindrops at her window made her pause. It hadn't rained in a long time. In the small kitchen, she turned on the kettle, but she had to turn on her small lamp beforehand – the sudden rain came with a storm that had suddenly darkened the sky.
No matter what she thought of, it was always Jaebeom. Always him. She felt transported back to the time when she loved someone so much and was shattered by it. She didn't want it to take the same course. y/n didn't want that with him. He knew about it; knew how much she suffered from her relationship at that time. He was always there. His warmth was always there, but at some point, that was no longer enough for her and now she was sitting here, listening to the old kettle, which hissed and chuckled – she found peace in the sounds associated with the rain. The tranquility.
Something about this situation led to an inner peace. Perhaps it was the finite rain that drummed against her windows, drowning out their own racing heartbeat.
A knock on the door tore her out of her thoughts and made her pulse race. She hated it when the doorbell rang or knocked because she wasn't expecting anyone. Silently, she stopped, hoping that whoever was standing outside the door would leave.
It knocked again. The kettle was ready, but her muscles weren't moving. Who the hell knocked on her door? y/n had no contact with any neighbors, and she did not expect any packages. She had only a few friends who knew that she didn’t like it, when they showed up unannounced.
Another knock. She got scared. Who was so intrusive that he was still standing at the door after the first knock? She tried to make quietly sure of this and crept to the door on her cuddly socks.
Only a quick glance through the spy was enough, so she unlocked the door with a racing heart. It was Jaebeom, completely soaked. He stood in front of her. After weeks she saw him again and he looked desperately through the black strands which fell wet in his face. He had been outside in that weather. Reality hit her hard.
"Oh God Jae – come in right away." She scurried him, but he stopped as if he was rooted. She had forgotten their lasting silence for a moment. "I have to ask you something and after that I will never bother you again y/n."
She wanted to answer, wanted to ask how he came up with the idea that he was going to bother her, but nothing came from her lips. Silently she looked at him, clawed into the door frame to keep her trembling hands in check. "Did you notice my feelings and stay away from me because of it?"
"Huh?", it escaped first, since she had not yet processed the question properly. What kind of feelings? She didn't understand anything at that moment. Her brain wasn't working properly, even though she had spent hours searching for the right words before.
"You have already understood me y/n.", it has escaped him louder and more urgently than he had in mind. He was standing in the middle of the hallway, where the neighbors could hear everything. Jaebeom dripped the hallway full.
"I don't know what you mean Jae – I stayed away from you for another reason," she defended herself, completely ignoring the fact that the older man had just indirectly confessed his feelings to her. "Please come in first, you'll catch a cold," she said caringly and dragged the young man by his wet sleeve into her apartment.
"What reason?"
The question had to come, of course. It could not be avoided. The best moment to finally let it out. He was here now and yet she was struggling. She looked at him in despair before turning around. "I'll get you new things that I still have from you – wait a minute."
y/n had no way to leave, because she was stopped by the black-haired man, who suddenly pulled the young woman backwards into his arms. Immediately she got wet, the moisture immediately ran through her clothes, and she should actually be cold – but inside she glowed. "Jaebeom?"
"I love you, y/n. For so long. I can't suppress it anymore. I know I'm destroying our friendship, but I can't", he nuzzled against her sensitive ears, and everything turned up in her. Had she just really heard that? He reciprocated their feelings? Was she dreaming?
"I'm so sorry that I'm destroying the friendship... Don't hate me, please." From his lips came a plea and it made everything in the young woman pull together. He had probably suffered as much as she had in the whole time. He had the same fears as her. His grip on her upper body loosened and finally y/n acted on her own. The young woman turned to him and looked up at him. As if in slow motion, she pushed the wet strands out of his eyes, watching him as he closed his eyes at the gentle touch. A moment of silence in which everything went slowly. Every touch was felt.
"I could never hate you, Jaebeom," whispered the young woman, the rain in the background synchronized with her words. Her fingertips ran over his cheeks, over his chin, on which the beard stubbles cavorted. Delicately her fingers ran over his full lips and very easily the elder returned the pressure against her fingertips; it tingled.
"I avoided you because I felt the same way. My love for you was too strong and I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship."
Jaebeom opened his eyes, looking for confirmation of these words in her eyes. The confession hit him deeply, shook him and he suddenly let himself fall in front of the young woman, clutching her legs while she heard him sobbing quietly.
"And I thought you were loathing me. I – I'm so happy."
y/n let herself sink down to him, pulled him bumpily into her arms – she didn't care that she herself was getting wet. That didn't count now. She wanted to be close to her love. Tears of joy ran down the young woman's cheeks as Jaebeom clung desperately to her. God, he loved her so much. For so long he had suppressed these feelings and was almost broken by them.
Now it was like a dream. He never thought that his hasty actions would lead to them finally coming together. His heart had acted on its own. y/n was now in his arms.
The quiet rain sound and two heartbeats at one were her favorite sound from now on.
Summary: You’re asked to be a part of your best friend’s wedding. But you just can’t watch him get married to someone who isn’t you.
Word Count: 201
“I’m in love with you,” you barely manage to squeeze the words out, your insides twisting just as much as your intertwined hands. “I’m so in love with you that it hurts.”
“(Y/N)...” Jaebeom frowns, eyes softening at your obviously distressed figure, ut you shake your head, silencing him before he can continue.
“I appreciate the thought, but I can’t be your best man or whatever it is.” You laugh wetly, rolling your eyes up to the sky and willing yourself not to cry. “Congratulations on the wedding, though.” You knew that at some point in your life, you would have had to deal with losing the love of your life to someone else, but it doesn’t mean it hurt any less.
Jaebeom sighs, cocking his head. “Would you at least come to the wedding?” His tone is hopeful, not understanding the pain his request would bring.
You can barely choke back your tears, laughing despondently. “That’s a tall order, dude. I don’t know. Probably not.” You offer him a weak smile, knowing it isn’t convincing at all. “Tell Ayeon I sent my well wishes.”
And for the first and last time, you turn your back on your best friend.
Pairing: Im Jaebeom x Reader | Genre: angst & fluff | Warnings: brief mentions of previous miscarriage | WC: 1.2k
Request: Oh okay! I will request then, I am to blame part 2. where the wife gets better and maybe a new pregnancy and a small baby girl as a happy end? 😃
part one
It had been three years since your miscarriage. Three years since you had broken down and Jaebeom had finally convinced you to get some help to deal with your loss and your grief. To move forward with your life and your life together and continue being there for one another. As promised, Jaebeom was there every step of the way. He drove you to every therapy appointment, came in if you asked him and stayed in the waiting room if you didn’t. He was patient with you; never pushed to quickly get better or move on. He was the model husband that any woman would want to have during a time like this.
It took a year before you finally started to feel like yourself again. To finally stop blaming yourself and start to move forward little by little. Now, it was three years later and you were getting back your sense of normalcy. Jaebeom was extremely proud of you and seemed to be more in love with you than ever.
The past few weeks you had been sick in the morning, and a little weak during the day. You started to have odd cravings such as pickles and peanut butter or a random urge to eat a whole jar of olives. You knew these signs, it had happened to you before and you couldn’t help but worry. You were terrified; terrified that your worst nightmare was about to happen all over again.
You didn’t say anything to Jaebeom at first. You wanted to go to the doctor and be absolutely sure before you went about this again. So, a few weeks later you were sitting in the doctor’s office, squeezing your hands together until your knuckles turned white. A knock at the door snapped you to attention. The doctor walked in, lab coat so blindingly white in the fluorescent lighting that you squinted your eyes a little.
“Congratulations! You are, indeed, pregnant,” Your mouth fell open and you had a mess of emotions running through you. Happy, sad, fear, excitement, anxiousness, “I know,” The doctor cleared his throat as he continued and sat down on his stool with a smile, “That your last pregnancy was a lot. That it was hard. We’re going to do everything we can to help you through this one. To make this one as successful as we had tried to make your first one.”
You only nodded, still to many emotions for you to form a coherent sentence. The doctor smiled gently, “Don’t worry. This is your miracle baby. Your rainbow baby,” Those words made your eyes tear up and you unconsciously placed your hand on your stomach. You vowed then and there that you were going to do everything you could to bring this baby to term.
Going home, you paced around to decide how to tell Jaebeom. You didn’t know how he would feel about it. Would he be happy? Sad? Mad? Just as terrified and excited as you? You didn’t have much time to swirl around your thinking because Jaebeom was now walking through the front door and calling out for you.
His brow furrowed when you didn’t respond and he walked further into your home to see you nervously pacing. He sighed, worried that today had been a bad mental health day for you. In truth, he is partially right, “Baby? What happened?” He walked up to you, placing his hands on your hips to hold you still.
Your glossy eyes stared at him and he was ready to whisk you away upstairs and hold you to his chest the minute the first tear fell, “J-Jae,” you stuttered and he nodded, patient as ever, “I-I’m pregnant,” You practically whispered.
You watched his face go from relief to shock to happiness. He picked you up and spun you around, a large smile on his face and his eyes turned into crescent moons, “That’s wonderful news, baby!” He set you down, staring lovingly down at your stomach and gently rubbing it.
“I’m scared, Jae,” You murmured and he pulled you into his arms, running his fingers gently through your tangled hair.
“I know, baby. Me too. But this is going to be okay. We’re going to be okay, no matter what happens,” He looked deep into your eyes and you nodded, knowing that no matter what, you’d get through this together. Always.
Your surprise had led to Jaebeom becoming much more clingy and protective than usual. He wouldn’t allow you to leave the house unless someone—or him—were with you. He even considered getting you a wheelchair instead of having you walk around everywhere.
Finally, you had put your foot down. You knew he was just trying to keep you and your baby as safe as possible. That he was nervous and scared, especially the closer your due date came, “Lim Jaebeom!” You groaned in frustration as he walked you down the stairs. He only raised a brow at you, “I can walk perfectly fine!”
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “I know, I know. I’m sorry.” You couldn’t help but to let out a giggle before it turned into full-blown laughter. Just seeing him so flustered and looking so helpless for absolutely no reason made a smile come to your face.
“J-Jae,” You said in between breaths, wiping a few tears from your eyes, “You’re adorable. But I’m fine, really.”
He smiled at you and then chuckled, “I guess I have been a little overbearing, huh?” You wrapped your arm around his neck and pecked his lips.
“You? Never,” You teased.
He rolled his eyes and just as he was about to speak, your eyes went wide as you felt a warm sensation in your lower area, “U-Uh, Y/N?” Jaebeom asked, looking you up and down, “Are you okay? What happened? I’m calling an ambulance!” He went to run back upstairs for his phone but you gripped his wrist, stopping him.
“My water just broke,” He looked at you for a moment before realization hit him and then he started talking a mile a minute.
“The baby! It’s coming! I’ll grab the hospital bag! Did we even pack a hospital bag? What about food? Can you eat?! What should I do?!” He looked at you in terror and again, you couldn’t help but break out into laughter.
“Nothing, baby. Absolutely nothing. Yes, I packed a hospital bag. I’ll eat ice chips, just in case. All I need you to do is have the bag in the car and be ready to leave for the hospital when I tell you,” He nodded, taking a deep breath.
This was it, it was happening.
A few hours later
Sweaty and gross and utterly exhausted, the nurse placed your baby girl in your arms. Jaebeom stood at your bedside as you cradled her, a smile taking over your face and she slept peacefully.
“She’s beautiful, just like her mother,” Jaebeom murmured as he kissed your forehead. You smiled up at him, grabbing his hand with your free one and squeezing it.
“She has your nose. And your hair already,” You giggled lovingly.
He hummed and the two of you spent a few minutes just gazing down at your miracle baby, “Did you decide on a name yet?” Jaebeom asked. You nodded, smiling up at him.
“Soon-Bok.”
He smiled lovingly at the two of you; his two girls.
