Help: A Wolfstar One-Shot
Remus Lupin hated Sirius Black.
He hated the impulsivity of what Sirius did. He hated that Sirius had betrayed him. He hated that deep down, Sirius thought he was a monster too. But at the end of it all, he simply hated Sirius Black.
He wanted to scream, or to cry, but he couldn't even speak. It had been three weeks since the incident, and he hadn't spoken to anyone since.
Not Lily. Not James. Not Peter. Hell, not even his teachers. But he definitely hasn't spoken to Sirius, who was the reason for all of this. Sirius Black had broken him, and that was the end of that.
Remus went through his days as normal. Well mostly normal. In the morning, when he would usually throw a pillow at Sirius's bed to wake him up, Remus just went to take a shower.
At breakfast, when he would usually sit next to Sirius, he sat next to Lily, who gave him a quiet comfort (she was never told what happened). Sirius was nowhere to be found.
Classes were the only time he actually saw Sirius. He wouldn't admit it, but he spent a lot of his time studying Sirius. The bags under his eyes were darker, his skin paler, his eyes no longer bright. He looked like the dead. But Remus told himself it didn't matter. He hated Sirius Black and nothing could change that.
It was never as simple as that.
Remus knew that Sirius's nightmares were back. He knew that Sirius usually put up silencing spells, but one night he forgot them. And when he heard the whimpers, the cries, the screams, he wanted to help him. But he couldn't, so he listened to the heart-breaking wails all night.
Remus knew that Sirius ate in the kitchens instead of the Great Hall. And he knew that Sirius never ate enough. He wanted to slip food into Sirius's stuff himself. But he couldn't, so instead he left a note for the house elves, asking if they could maybe force Sirius to eat a bit more.
Remus knew that Sirius was hurting himself. There were new scars and bruises, and he hadn't home. So he had to be doing it to himself. Remus wanted to hold Sirius in his arms, and whisper, "It's going to be okay," over and over and over again. But he couldn't, so he watched the scars and bruises form with tears in his eyes, threatening to fall.
And Remus Lupin knew that he never hated Sirius Black. He just hated that he couldn't.
So, one night, after a particularly great win at the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw game, at a party, Remus did something no one expected; he got up to sing karaoke. He searched the common room for Sirius, seeing James losing himself in a make-out session with Regulus, Peter and Lily staring at him expectantly, and finally Sirius, sitting by Marlene and Dorcas, and who was trying to not look him in the eye.
Remus gripped the microphone tightly, and hoarsely began to sing the song he chose:
Help, you know I need someone, help"
Sirius looked up, not daring to wonder if the song was about him, yet still wanting to know. But Remus was now lost in the song, his eyes closed, not giving anything away.
"When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors"
Sirius was now lost in the memory of the first time he had seen Remus Lupin. He was in the Great Hall, eleven once again, and had just been sorted in Gryffindor. He was watching the sorting, trying not to cry, but when Remus was called, something struck in him. He wanted to be friends with this sandy-haired boy with amber eyes and scars literring his skin.
"Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me, get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me"
Sirius was brought back to the present, and saw that Remus was now staring right at him, still singing hoarsely, tears in his eyes. Sirius wanted to hug him, hold him, touch him, anything... But he held himself back. Remus was too good for him.
"And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like I've never done before"
Remus walked towards Sirius, who was sitting on the couch, and kept singing. Sirius looked nervous, antsy, as if at any moment, he would get up and run. Remus practically straddled Sirius's lap, making sure he couldn't run. And he kept singing, staring Sirius straight in the eye, so that Sirius could see as each tear fell.
"Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round
Help me, get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me"
The world outside the two of them had vanished. Remus was close enough to Sirius to kiss, but he continued singing, and Sirius relaxed for the first time in weeks, losing himself in Remus's eyes.
"When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors"
Sirius wanted to kiss Remus, but he wasn't going to make the first move. He didn't feel like he had the right. So instead, he silently begged for Remus to kiss him.
"Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round
Help me, get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh"
As soon as the song was over, Remus's lips crashed into Sirius's, the kiss forceful and yearning and well, wet. They were both crying, either from everything that happened or from the song or from finally kissing, it didn't matter.
Remus broke away from Sirius so that only their foreheads were touching now, and whispered "Help me..."
Sirius looked away, now realizing that everybody was staring at them, but not caring one bit. All that mattered was Remus and what his answer would be. He spoke softly, saying, "I can't, Remus... I can't because I need help too."
Remus leaned closer to Sirius, so he could whisper in his ear, "Then we'll help each other."
