#jamilton au

[intheyeofahurricane]

really lazy mind games art

[honeybeelilac]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 5/? Fandom: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler Characters: Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson, Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Philip Hamilton, James Madison, Aaron Burr, John Laurens, Hercules Mulligan, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Charles Lee, George Washington Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Alexander Hamilton, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Gay Thomas Jefferson, Past Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Dead Philip Hamilton, Dead Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Mentioned James Madison, Sad and Sweet, Jamilton - Freeform, Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Modern Era, Self-Esteem Issues, Hurt Thomas Jefferson, Anxiety Attacks, Separation Anxiety Summary:

CHAPTER FIVE 

Three years ago, Alexander Hamilton lost his wife and son to a car crash. Ever since, he has been at his worst. He's lonely, angry, and comes bearing a drinking problem. He has PTSD from his past, and is now left traumatised by the cruel event that took his family from him, too. Overall, he's a mess.

One year ago, Thomas Jefferson lost his best and longest friend, James, to suicide. He's left scarred and alone with abandonment issues. Thomas too, is a mess.

Thomas works at a bar that Alexander frequently visits, and upon several visits, he begins to notice that things aren't going well for the strange man. He approaches Alexander on his night off, and they spark an unexpected friendship that blossoms into more. Something really worth treasuring.

[glass-snake-writer]

Unplanned Attraction

Chapter 2: Negotiations 

A/N: (Can also be read on my ao3)

“Why the actually fuck would I agree to that?” Alex spat out with a scowl. His eyes glared at Thomas with a now empty tub of his ice cream clutched to his chest. Looking down at it briefly Alex added, “Also, you’re buying me a new pint of ice cream.”

Sending a silent prayer for strength Thomas pleaded, “Hamilton, please just hear me out!” Alex slumped into Thomas’ desk chair with a huff. Thomas felt his face twitch in annoyance, but he let it be. It wouldn’t be good to piss Alex off at the moment.

Waving his arm Alex drawled, “I’m listening.” Thomas had to stop himself from pacing around the room. He racked his brain for what to say to him. There had to be something, anything, that could get him to agree to this plan. Maybe he could find blackmail from Lafayette and use that to get him to agree.

His mind came to a halt as he realized what he’d have to do. He knew that it would work. Hell, Alex knew it too. The real question was if Thomas was desperate enough to do it. Would he let his pride take a hit for this?

Sucking it up Thomas begged him miserably, “Alexander, I’m willing to do anything! Tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it. As long as you fake date me, I’ll do whatever you want!” He tried to convey how important this was to him. Alex looked shocked and a bit flustered. Flustered over what, Thomas had no idea. His roommate no doubt thought he wouldn’t actually do it though. It left him looking lost and Thomas felt nervous. Who knew what he’d want in exchange for helping Thomas.

“Um,” Alex finally managed to stutter out, “I want you to agree with my proposals in debate.” The shorter man’s hands fidgeted in front of him nervously.

Confused Thomas asked him, “That’s it? Is there anything else?” Alex’s eyes darted around the room as he thought about it. This was almost uncomfortable for him to watch. He’d never seen Alex this unsure about something. Not even when he’d been metaphorically backed into a corner.

“You have to edit my personal projects for the rest of the year as well and not be a dick about it.” Alex concluded, his voice a lot firmer than his first attempt. It put Thomas a bit more at ease to hear.

“Hamilton,” Thomas said with a raised brow, “that’s barely anything. You do know I’m rich as fuck right? I can buy you practically anything. Like a new laptop, the one you have physically pains me to look at.” That apparently was not what he should’ve said. Alex’s face grew angry and his hands balled into fists.

Through gritted teeth Alex seethed, “I don’t need your fucking money! So take it and shove it up your ass!” Honestly, Thomas should’ve known better. Alex was a prideful man, and he didn’t take well to other people buying him things. He’d seen him give John and Lafayette enough shit about them buying him things. Still, maybe he could sneakily buy him that laptop. It would save him the pain of looking at it.

“Fine, don’t take any of my money then. Anything else you want?” Thomas drawled with anger thick on his tongue. Alex remained in the same position as he decided what he wanted to say next.

“Nobody ever knows about this besides us.” He said. Unable to hide a wince Thomas hoped that the shorter man was too distracted to notice. There was no such luck for him though. Alex’s gaze pierced through him as his eyes narrowed.

“Someone knows?” The man asked slowly. His face was red and there was anger but… there was also worry in his eyes. It was an intense expression and one that was directed straight at Thomas. It left him squirming on the inside and made him want to look away.

Gulping Thomas nodded his head quickly. In a flash Alex was in front of him with a hand gripping his arm tightly. He kept his fingernails from biting into Thomas’ skin, which he really appreciated. Still, it was a very firm grip.

“Who? Is it Lafayette? I swear to god, if you told Laf, I’m going to kick your ass.” He hissed. Wincing at his tone Thomas looked to the side. This close his face was so intense, more intense then he ever saw when standing farther away. All that burning passion was really something to see.

“No, it’s James. He knows, not Laf.” Thomas managed to mumble. Immediately Alex’s hand loosened and fell to his side. Warmth radiated from the spot on Thomas’ arm that left him confused momentarily before his attention shifted.

Slumping forward a bit Alex sighed, “Of course it’s James. Thank god. It’s all good, no need to panic. Laf doesn’t know. Jesus Christ.” It was obvious that he wasn’t actually talking to Thomas. He was actually very confused about how much he didn’t want Lafayette to know. The man was good friends with both of them after all. So what would really be the harm if he had told him? Something to ask about later then.

“Okay,” He continued while shaking his head slightly, “since you told James, I get to tell John.” That left a sour taste in his mouth for some reason but he ignored it. Why shouldn’t Alex tell his best friend, he’d told his? Well, technically James told him but whatever. So he nodded his head in agreement.

“Does this mean we have an agreement then?” Thomas asked cautiously. Running a hand over his face Alex let out a groan. A beat of silence followed between as he waited for Alex’s answer.

Finally he grumbled out, “I guess we do. God, I’m gonna regret this, aren’t I? Scratch that, I already do.” At those words, Thomas felt himself relaxe. This whole situation had wreaked havoc on his nerves for far too long.

Letting a grin spread across his face Thomas shot back, “Too late to turn back now darling!” At that, a blush spread across the other man’s cheeks like wildfire. The reaction made him ecstatic. It was always so fun to fluster Alex.

“Motherfucker, don’t call me that ever again!” He snapped. Any effect was lost with the intense nature of his blush. It was honestly pretty cute.

“Oh honey,” Thomas purred, “this is all part of the boyfriend experience! You’re gonna have to get used to this, seeing as it’s what you signed up for.” The blush on Alex’s cheeks grew as horrified realization crossed his face. There was another emotion that flashed in his eyes, one that looked familiar somehow, but Thomas couldn’t place it.

Tentatively Thomas asked him, “Hey, something wrong?” Dropping his gaze Alex started to chew on his lip. Warning noises blared in Thomas’ mind at his reaction. Something was very wrong and he had absolutely no clue what.

Breaking the silence heavy in the air Alex told him, “It’s not that big of a deal. Just, you know, thinking about how John’s gonna want to have some words with me about this.” Thomas knew that wasn’t the whole truth. For whatever reason, Alex wasn’t going to tell him what was really up. He’d never known Alex to stay silent about something that made him uncomfortable. When they were in Virginia he’d try to figure it out. They’d be spending almost all their time together after all. Eventually he’ll get some actual answers.

Deciding to let the subject drop for now Thomas said, “Anyway, after you get done talking to Laurens, we can practice a bit.”

Blinking in confusion Alex asked, “Practice? What do you mean?” The man looked completely lost. It was as if he’d walked into a conversation halfway through with no context.

Giving the man an unimpressed look Thomas deadpanned, “What, did you think we were gonna show up to meet my family and act all awkward about being affectionate? I want them to think we’re actually dating Hamilton.” The blush that had just faded not too long ago came back with a vengeance. His mouth was slightly parted, as if grasping for something to say. The expression made him smirk and caused him to feel a warmth in his chest. Seeing Alex speechless never ceases to make him feel warm and fuzzy inside.

“I gotta go talk to John.” Alex said before rushing out the door. Thomas stared at the door blinking before shrugging to himself. He’d go make himself some tea and relax for a bit. Everything had pretty much been smoothed out for the time being. It left him feeling pretty good.

[midnigtartist]

He was just trying to be a good husband

[thetexts]

night two.

warning: drunkenness; alcohol mention

thomas’s car is right there. right at the curb. and his keys are right there in his pocket, he can feel them. at least he’s pretty sure that’s his car. he can’t read the license plate from where he is. can’t quite tell what kind of car it is, either, but he’s almost positive it’s his. he’s almost sure that’s where he’d parked it.

why is he standing outside again?

oh, right. alex.

that’s also the reason why he’s not driving home at this very second as well. very specific instructions.

second night in a row, and he comes to the conclusion that he’d been wrong about how many drinks he’d had. it feels worse. he can barely even think straight this time, and he isn’t sure if he could form coherent sentences if he tried.

he stands under the blue glow of the sign hanging over the door, leaning back against the wall. he’d take a step forward so that alex could see him when he pulled up, but he’s not sure if he can walk straight.

away from the noise and crowds of the bar, this feeling isn’t fun or comforting anymore. not at all.

the same parking spot is open, alex notices, almost as if waiting for him. as if the whole world knew this was coming except him. keeping it secret, waiting for him to arrive and do this all over again. he pulls in, sliding off his seat and stepping into the street. just like yesterday.

and there he is, leaning against the wall. he walks over to him, not quite registering what's going on and yet understanding absolutely everything at the same time.

"hey, it's me again. my car's where it was before. i'm just going to drop you off and i guess i could walk back and drive your car to your apartment? or you can get it tomorrow morning." he shifts his weight on his feet. it doesn't feel like he's talking to thomas. just a tall stranger. a man leaning against a wall who he would normally avoid encountering.

thomas turns, eyes wide, breaking into a wide smile.

“alex.” again, his voice barely sounds like his own. even more so than last night. “you know, you are, like…the best person in my life right now.” his smile drops, as if attempting to shift to a more serious demeanor. “i mean it. you are the best person.” his words tumble from his mouth in a flood of barely distinguishable syllables. the smell of vodka clings to the air, strong on his breath.

his heart sinks, it kills him to see him like this. what's he going to do? obviously his bullshit care didn't do anything last night.

“glad you're happy to see me. c'mon it's really late, we gotta get you home.” his voice almost fatherly, or like an older brother. he doesn't feel comfortable speaking like this but he knows if he talks to him sincerely he'll break down crying. he's not too great at this whole see-the-person-you-love-hurt thing. even though he's the one who started it.

“home?”

it takes thomas a minute to connect the word to its meaning, and another minute to process a visual image of it. he glances back, through the propped-open door of the bar. somewhere inside, glasses clink together in a toast, followed by loud cheers. he furrows his brow in confusion, turning back to face alex. “but i’m fine here. it hurts less here.”

hurts. what hurts? why did he say that? he strains to remember, though he knows he came here to forget.

alex feels hollow, like a shell. empty, almost. “yes, home. you're not safe here and you can sleep at home. i'm only taking you home because you can't take yourself, and it's extremely late. i care about you and i don't want you hurting yourself. do you know how late it is?”

the tone of his voice disgusts him, like the sound of some over-protective mother. it's the only voice he can use to handle the situation, anything else would pass through thomas's brain like nothing.

he shakes his head and glances down at his shoes, squeezing his eyes shut and opening them back up again. “are you mad at me?” his voice is low, mumbled, barely audible over the muffled din from the bar behind them. he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and his fingers scrape against his car keys; how easy it would have been just to drive home.

“no, i'm not mad,” he sighs, “i just don't want you here. i'm sorry i'm acting so strict it's just—”

god, he wishes he could just start over, change what he said and how he said it. he can't help himself, he's confused and he's not sure how to control it.

“i don't want you to feel hurt. i know you are and that's why you're here. i just want you to be safe, and i know you'd rather be here than in your apartment, but i need you in your apartment so you don't get sick again, or hurt yourself trying to drive back. i'm not mad. i'm sorry i made you think i am.” words spilling out of his mouth almost too quickly, trying to sound less fake. more like himself, who he wants to be.

thomas looks back up, quiet for a moment, trying to process everything alex had just said. “okay.” his voice breaks, and he clears his throat, trying again. “okay. we’re going home.”

he dismisses the ache of trying to remember what it was he’d been so intent on forgetting. there’s no room for it in his flooded mind. his vision dips, swimming, and he sways slightly on his feet. reaching to hold one hand to his head, eyes shutting. “fuck.”

"it's okay, i'll walk you to my car. it's not far." he places his hand on thomas's arm. “when you get home we can get you water, okay?” he's starting to feel light headed, as if he's not actually there but completely disconnected from his body. the world seems to be spinning around them and he isn't sure why. he closes his eyes for a moment, shaking his head and opening them again. nerves.

he nods, reaching for the car door to lean against as they approach it. “okay.” something surfaces in his mind from the previous night— water, a glass of water, alex’s bathroom floor. he struggles to piece it together. “best person in my life,” he repeats mindlessly, the words barely registering in his head.

“here, watch your head.” alex opens the car door, allowing thomas to sit down on his own. he closes the door behind him, walking over to the other side of the car.

he begins to wonder if he's just dreaming. if he fell asleep on his couch and he's remembering pieces of last night. he sits down in the drivers seat, turning the key and pulling out of the parking spot. he turns onto the main street, turning left to get down to thomas's house.

thomas lets his head loll back against the seat, eyes falling closed, the motion of the car feeling much faster than it actually is. slowly, more memories find their way into his head— this car, the stairwell, alex’s front door. memories from last night.

he pauses, eyes opening. the stairwell, alex’s front door. that’s something else. that’s not just last night. he fights to remember, but every drunken ounce in his body screams at him not to, and he shakes his head slightly, frowning. from the window he catches a glimpse of his apartment building— home— rapidly approaching, less rapidly as the car slows to a stop in front of it. the familiarity of it is welcoming, warm in a sense, and he instantly reaches to open the car door.

alex gets out of the car, walking over to the other side just in time for thomas to stumble out.

“alright, could i have your keys so i can open the door?” he asks quietly, holding onto thomas's side. slowly walking towards the front of his apartment building.

“wh- oh. keys. right.” thomas’s hands reach for his pockets; both at once, he’s forgotten which one he put his keys in. he finds them in his left pocket and fishes them out with slightly trembling hands, nearly dropping them before handing them to alex.

“thanks.” alex takes the keys and unlocks the door.

he brings him to his apartment, switching the keys between his fingers and unlocking the door.

“okay, i'll take you to your room and i'll get you some water. do you need anything else?” he looks up at thomas directly for the first time all night. his eyes are lost, dropped down as if he's been crying for hours.

thomas looks back at him, eyes meeting his, and almost breaks down right then and there. he shakes his head, toying with the hem of his shirt to keep his hands from shaking. “no, i just— i need to lay down.” his words slur together, the result of both exhaustion and drunkenness. his knees give way, buckling, and he grabs onto alex’s arm to steady himself. “god, fuck.”

“shit-” he pulls thomas close, wrapping his arms around him. “can we walk to your room?” he asks softly, holding him up. he can't quite tell if thomas is able to move or not. “you're too big for me to carry, buddy-o,” he jokes, pushing him up. he knows now isn't really the time for jokes but he can't help but try and lighten the mood.

thomas laughs grimly, holding on to alex like a lifeline. “uh. yeah, that’s- probably best-“ he stammers, voice breaking off. his head aches, and his legs feel numb.

he takes a breath, afraid to attempt to walk. “wish you would. carry me. wish it was that easy.” another breath. every moment seems to take hours. “jesus, help— help me out here.”

“just try and use me as a human crutch until we get to your room, okay? it's right there.” he steps back, holding thomas tightly.

“right. yeah.” christ, had he forgotten the layout to his own apartment? he blinks, as if it could clear the blur from his vision. he clings onto alex, taking shaky steps towards his room, counting down the steps it would take him to get there. four, three, two, one, and he attempts to reach for the doorknob, turning it and weakly pushing the door open. as if proving something to himself. as if it helps at all.

the door swings open and there’s that strange twinge at the back of his mind, like he should be remembering something he’s not. he curses alcohol and everything about it.

they inches toward thomas’s bed every step cautious and after a hesitant moment alex lets go of him, letting him sit down.

"okay. you lay down and i’ll get you some water. give me a second."

he steps back out of thomas's room and into the nearby kitchen. he looks up at the cabinets, the feeling all too familiar. he goes through them, unsure of which one has the glasses. he finally finds them, and fills one with water. he brings it back to thomas's room, holding it up to his hands.

and in the three minutes it had taken for alex to come back, thomas remembered.

gradually, not all at once. he’d left the door slightly open behind him, he notices as he lays back- that’s something. slightly open like it was then (then, not when, he’s realized this is real, this happened). and then? then what?

he’d opened the door. carefully, quietly, and-

he remembers.

everything.

tries to tell himself everything’s okay now, he’s forgiven him, but his drunken mind is hearing none of it.

his heart plummets, stomach knotting itself over and over again. only vaguely aware of alex re-entering the room. he stares straight ahead of him, his face stone cold.

“you broke my heart.”

alex’s head goes cold, looking straight at thomas, bringing the glass back towards himself.

“i—”

he chokes, as if thomas drinking again wasn't enough of a reminder. his eyes dart down, trying to keep himself from crying. he turns his head, if he was ever at a loss for words it was at this moment. tears begin to roll down his cheeks, his hands tremble, setting the glass down on the night stand.

“i should go.” he looks back at thomas. “i don't think you want me here,” he continues, glancing back at the door.

“just go.” it’s as if he’s talking to himself. voice barely above a murmur, his eyes glazed over. he can’t cry, but his chest aches as if he’s been punched; his throat’s tightened up, head going numb.

his mind is screaming at him— (but i forgave you! tell me why i forgave you! tell me what you said, every word, i need to hear it again—) but he says none of it. the air conditioner hums from the other room, the only exception to the silence that had fallen over them.

and finally he feels tears welling up in his eyes, quietly streaming down his reddened face.

“please.”

alex nods, his throat burning from trying not to sob. speechless. wanting to explain himself. to try and remind him of everything that's happened. he doesn't want to fight him, more than anything he wants him to be happy, but he knows that's not going to happen. god, just—

go, alexander. leave his apartment, go on.

he steps back, barely able to keep himself upright. nearly falling to his knees. he turns, stumbling through thomas's bedroom door. his breath speeding up, turning the doorknob and stepping outside. the air is surprisingly cold. his whole body shaking, he pushes himself outside the building.

back inside thomas covers his mouth with one hand, sniffling, his breathing staggered and completely out of his control. sliding down against his headboard, shoulders heaving, every inch of him shaking uncontrollably. this whole night is his fault. his own damn fault he started drinking again, let it take over him, let the alcohol speak for him, put words into his mouth-

no. he’s fine. really.

he tells himself that. he tells himself he’ll explain all this to alex in the morning and hope to god everything’s okay.

he has this under control.

it’s not a problem.

the car door slams shut behind alex.

staring into space, he finally breaks down, sobs uncontrollably rattling his body. he hits his head down onto the steering wheel of his stupid fucking car— stupid fucking words and stupid fucking tears. he takes his phone out of his pocket and throws it down onto the floor of his car, kicking it to the passengers side.  shut up alexander, that's all you had to do. shut your big fat fucking mouth. why can’t you can't do that? maybe it's because you're a fucking idiot.

he takes the keys from his pocket, his hands shaking as he starts the car and begins driving back to his apartment.

thomas considers reaching for his phone. calling alex, begging him to come back. the low hum of the air conditioner is no company, and he’s completely and utterly alone in every sense of the word.

(help me get through this. / of course.)

can he even stand to see him again tomorrow? three times now he’s had to deal with him drunk, and that’s three times more than thomas had ever intended. he’d meant to hide that part of himself. because maybe acting like it wasn’t there would make it go away.

he rolls over onto his side, numbness flooding his mind, tears staining his cheeks.

he was right. he’s crashing. dragging alexander with him. and there’s nothing he can do about it now except ride it out.

but it’ll work itself out. of course it will.

after all, it’s not a problem.

[scullyswritingblog]

Will Never Love Again

A fic for my wife @styxetal based on her ‘filthy rich’ au also hanahaki because wHy nOt 2n1 bby

(part one) [part two]

Pain. Pain ripped through his stomach, needled in his throat, tore at his mind. His lungs ached with every breath, his eyes burned at the bright lights he couldn’t seem to get rid of. This wasn’t how it always was. He normally could bear the pain, but upon seeing the two of them..

Alexander couldn’t bring himself to take another look at the cheery couple, plastering their photos around social media. They looked so.. so happy, as if they didn’t need anything other than each other. Something he would never get with him. 

He was a fool. How could a handsome, famous and wealthy person ever fall for a struggling, sloppy college student such as himself, who was born poor? Impossible.

 Alex choked, sitting with knees drawn to his chest, surrounded by petals. Dark red petals littered the floor. Coughing violently, he spat out a carnation. Alex gave a silent chuckle. Crimson. Like all of the others, it was a deep shade of red. Dark red carnations. A symbol of deep love and affection.

It didn’t bother Alex that he was never going to be the one at his side. He saw it coming, from when the first petals appeared on his tongue upon seeing Thomas strut down the street. He’d just hoped that he would’ve been noticed. At least once.

But alas, there Thomas was, posing with his new girlfriend. She was attractive, popular, everything that Alex could only dream of being. She seemed perfect for him, like they were meant to be. 

Alex was suffering, and nobody knew. Nobody knew about his migraines, his difficulty to breathe. Nobody knew about the real reason he kept rushing to bathrooms during class, or why he avoided Thomas so much. He pushed too many people away because of this, this disease. 

He needed a solution, and he needed it now.

Alex looked up. This was the place, he was sure of it. Hanahaki Hospital. Flowers of different shapes, colors and designs were painted on the inner walls, and red carpet lined the floors. A doctor peeked her head out a room with a clipboard.

“Is there a Mr. Hamilton here?”

“T-that’s me…”

“Come in and we’ll begin the operation.”

[kuroshin-sama]

ummm so i really love @styxetal 's AU of jamilton i was wondering if there's a fanfiction/book on them ?? cause i would love to read it <3

[modern-and-married-jeffmads]

Mr. Jefferson welcome hooooome