Another ficlet that’s too short to post on Wattpad
TW: arguing, yelling, cursing each other out, slightly toxic relationship
We met in October.
The wind blew softly across the park. I was sitting on the bench under a tree, and a leaf fell. You caught it before it fell on me and smiled.
I wasn't in the best mood.
"Uh, can I help you?"
He grinned. "I caught the leaf for you, are you gonna say thank you?"
The boy on the bench rolled his eyes. "No, I don't see any particular reason to."
His eyes glinted mischievously. "Well, this leaf," he dangled it above the boy's head, "was about to fall on your head. There could have been bugs that would get in your hair, but because of me, they never reached you," he said.
The boy sighed. "Well, thank you, I suppose."
"Thomas Jefferson."
The boy's lips curved into the hint of a smile. "Alexander Hamilton."
And two weeks later, we were dating.
We weren't the healthiest couple. We loved each other, of course, but we were often at oddswith each other.
"Are you serious? This obviously wouldn't work, how could you ever think that?"
"Because it makes sense, asshole!"
"Stupid bastard, of course it doesn't!"
At times, we bordered on toxic.
"Can you even get one thing right?"
"Thomas, I'm sorry, I've just never done this before-"
"Of course you haven't." The subtle jab at his past not going unrecognised.
Mean.
"How the fuck do you expect me to do this? You're a fucking moron if you think anyone can!"
"Oh yeah? You're one to talk. Never know how to do anything, idiotic piece of shit!"
Manipulative.
"Fuck you!"
"C'mon, Lex, you know I love you." Tender phrases coating the harsh insults in sugar-sweet honey. Drawing him closer, almost in a trance.
"You love me."
Of course, there were tender moments. Enough to keep me wanting more.
"Lexi, baby, I love you.."
The boy continued to cry in his arms.
"Shh... it's ok... everything is going to be alright. It'll be fine."
It wasn't.
One day, you came home exhausted. I was, too.
"Jesus, the assholes at work barely know a single thing... anyways, did you make dinner, Lex?"
"No, I work the same schedule as you."
"Well, yeah, but you work from home. You never show up at the office."
"That doesn't mean I have to do less! I can't make dinner every night just because I'm home!"
"You could at least try to care!"
"I do, you just don't care until I don't do something for you!"
"Asshole, I do way more for this relationship!"
"You do not! I do the work-"
"SHUT UP!"
Sometimes I wonder where it went wrong.
Did I do something? Were we just never meant to work out?
That was the first time you'd ever yelled like that.
We cooled down and apologized.
Maybe if we'd done that more it would have worked.
"Alexander."
"Yes?"
"I'm leaving."
"What?"
"I'm sorry."
And you were gone.
I could never understand what brought you to that point, why you left.
It was best for both of us, I suppose. Anyone could see that we weren't right for each other.
And yet.
I still missed you.
Is that right?
You'd done so much. I wasn't completely innocent either.
But the next day, I came to work.
"Thomas?"
"Alexander!"
The boy turned back. "Never mind, enjoy your makeout with Madison," he spat.
The door slammed shut.
Why am I thinking about this now?
All the ups and downs of our time together, the good and the bad, the way we'd fight and make up, an endless cycle of hurt and love.
I like to think you loved me, at one point or another. I certainly did, the whole way through.
I'm thinking about it because today is the exact day we met, and I'm sitting on the exact bench that I was on that day one year ago.
Do I forgive you? Do you forgive me?
Will you come meet me?
Will you not?
I'm not sure which I want more.
Alexander pressed send.
He sat on the bench for several hours afterwards, waiting. No one came.
He checked his phone. Nothing.
He sighed, leaning back against the bench.
A leaf drifted down, vibrant and carefree, landing on the top of his head.
Five minutes passed.
He stood up, brushing the leaf off, quickly and easily, and left.
Brought to you by NF's Notepad.
I’m not sure what to think.
For a while I didn’t write this type of thing because I saw no reason to. I’m normalizing it if I write about it.
My attitudes have softened since then, but I’m still not sure what to think about this.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 5/?
Fandom: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Characters: Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson, Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Philip Hamilton, James Madison, Aaron Burr, John Laurens, Hercules Mulligan, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Charles Lee, George Washington
Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Alexander Hamilton, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Gay Thomas Jefferson, Past Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Dead Philip Hamilton, Dead Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Mentioned James Madison, Sad and Sweet, Jamilton - Freeform, Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Modern Era, Self-Esteem Issues, Hurt Thomas Jefferson, Anxiety Attacks, Separation Anxiety
Summary:
CHAPTER FIVE
Three years ago, Alexander Hamilton lost his wife and son to a car crash. Ever since, he has been at his worst. He's lonely, angry, and comes bearing a drinking problem. He has PTSD from his past, and is now left traumatised by the cruel event that took his family from him, too. Overall, he's a mess.
One year ago, Thomas Jefferson lost his best and longest friend, James, to suicide. He's left scarred and alone with abandonment issues. Thomas too, is a mess.
Thomas works at a bar that Alexander frequently visits, and upon several visits, he begins to notice that things aren't going well for the strange man. He approaches Alexander on his night off, and they spark an unexpected friendship that blossoms into more. Something really worth treasuring.
2,3,13,and 22 for the drabble asks with Jamilton please
2. Can you shut up for five minutes, please???
3. He’s been gone for quite a while.
13. Get out of the way before I murder you.
22. I don’t know why I married you.
A n g s t
-
Thomas held his hands over his ears. Alexander’s words didn’t faze him. They had been in an awful argument for... well... he’d lost track of time. He could even remember what it was about!! But he just wouldn’t shut up!
“Are you even listened anymore!?” Alexander yelled.
“I’m trying, but you keep yelling so loud that it feels like my eardrums burst! Do you never realise how loud you are!? It’s just always shouting, shouting, shouting-“
“Can you shut up for five minutes, please???” Alexander interrupted and Thomas’ face went pale. His eyes read, ‘are you being serious!?’ Yet he said nothing.
Alexander was standing in the doorway. Thomas silently tried to walk past him. Alexander did not move. “Get out of the way before I murder you,” he hissed before barging past him. Alex watched his walk and sighed.
-
“He’s been quiet for a while...” Alex said into his mobile, listening for noise upstairs.
“Dude, I’m your best friend, and you know that means I will always be honest with you,” John’s voice came over the speaker, “but, you’re in the wrong, this sounds like your fault.”
“You’re right, I need to apologise.”
“Bye, Lexi!”
“See ya, John.” Beep.
-
“I don’t know by I married you,” Thomas whispered as Alex leaned in the doorway of their bedroom. It was painfully obvious he’d been crying. His cheeks were stained, and his eyes were bloodshot red.
“Tommy, I-“
“Don’t. Just.... shut up.”
Alexander walked into the room softly, sitting down next to Thomas on the bed. His hands were in a basket on his lap. Alex hesitated before reaching out and grasping one of his hands. Thomas didn’t react, but didn’t tug his hands away either.
“You know... I really love you. But... sometimes I wonder why,” Thomas started quietly, oh so quietly. “I wonder why I had to fall for you. And then I remember it’s because you’re so bright. You always know what to say... just not when to say it...”
“I-“
“This is one of the times you shouldn’t speak.” Thomas commanded. “You’re so smart and cute and your personality... god...” he sighed. “You’re just... a massive asshole.”
Alexander chuckled gently.
“But goddamn me if I love you...” he mumbled again and finally squeezed Alex’s hand back.
“I love you too.”
“I know you do.” Thomas smiled.
“And I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. Me too,” he stopped tensing. “I... I didn’t mean what I said,”
“Neither did I, I never want you to shut up.” Alexander nodded solemnly.
It was pretty common to find Jefferson and Hamilton fighting. Actually, it was more common to find them bickering than getting along. It was just how their relationship seemed to work. But there was a difference between a good-natured debate, one might call it bickering, and an actual fight.
Either way, it typically ended in a good and intense fuck. That’s just how they’re relationship seemed to work. And it worked rather well. Despite appearances, Hamilton and Jefferson made a wonderful couple. When they weren’t bickering, and even when they were, they hared an intense love that was unshakable.
Unlti one day one of them pushed too far.
Hamilton’s chest was heaving as he sucked down oxygen from his latest rampage. His hard expression only faltered lightly when he saw Jefferson's face turn cold. The slight rise of chin as Jefferson straightened. “Fine,” was all he said a he turned on his heel and left, leaving Hamilton alone with his victory.
A victory that left a hollow place in his chest. He knew he pushed too far and too hard. There were lines that shouldn't be breached and he’d crossed the line again. Why did he always seemed to cross lines?
He could straighten it out. Hamilton could fix this, right?
But he was right. He couldn’t apologize if he was right, that would admit being wrong.
Still, the way Jefferson silently closed the door on his way out seemed so...final. Hamilton would see him at work tomorrow and they could work this whole thing out and everything would back to the way it was.
***
“Thomas!” Hamilton called, picking up speed to catch up to Jefferson’s long and quick strides.
“Leave me alone, Hamilton.”
“Come on, Thomas, we always move past our arguments.”
Jefferson didn’t deign a reply, simply kept walking. “What is this? The silent treatment? What are you, five? Don’t be such a child.”
Thomas turned a corner and Hamilton followed. “Go away. I can’t stand your miserable presence so close.” Jefferson stopped in front of a desk, “Hey James, got some paperwork for ya.”
“My favorite,” James drawled sarcastically, clearing a space for Jefferson to set it down.
“See ya later, Jemmy.”
As they walked away, Hamilton pulled on Jefferson’s sleeve. “What, you’ll talk to him and not me? What’s gotten into you?” Hamilton could see Jefferson’s jaw clench. Finally a response, this was good.
“How do you think I feel? I’m pissed!” Thomas snapped and the office quieted around them. Hamilton stepped in front of him, forcing him to stop walking and jammed a finger in his chest
“You’re being an asshole.”
Thomas scoffed and stepped around him, his hand setting on the cool doorknob of his personal office. “Goodbye, Hamilton.”
Hamilton crossed his arms. “Goodbye? How eloquent. Couldn’t come up with something better?”
“It’s over between us,” he answered, closing the door behind him. Leaving Hamilton to stare at the wood.
“Wait, what?”
“Should’ve kept your mouth shut,” Burr said easily as he walked past. “Too late to apologize now.”
HERE’S THE FINALE GUYS HOPE YOU ENJOY IF U DO PLZ RB IT HELPS A LOT THIS TOOK ME OVER AN HOUR
DEDICATED TO MY WIFE @styxetal AND MY PLANT @styxxandersss
[part one] [part two] (part three)
Every jab, every taunt, every insult and every time he was ignored put silky petals in Thomas’s throat. Alexander came from a less fortunate place, causing him to dislike those who flaunt their riches and spend it on useless gimmicks, meaning he despised Thomas. Every time Thomas pretended to step on his foot, break something of his, or anything else of that matter, he would ‘reimburse’ Alex. But Alex would always shove his money back, saying “I don’t want your damn charity”.
Thomas didn’t get it. He was rich, famous, attractive. He could give Alex a much better life, pay for all his textbooks and the part of his tuition scholarships don’t cover. That was good enough for his ex-girlfriend. Yet here Alex is, constantly arguing with Thomas over the smallest things. Criticizing his glamorous choices of coffee, his fancy collections of watches that could pay for the student loans of half the kids in the state. Even called his choice of fashion ‘too flashy’ and ‘tacky’.
He knew what was happening to him, from the countless movies and television shows he’s been it based around it. He knew the consequences, he knew the options. He had the money to hire a private operator to keep quiet if needed. Yet, the very idea of forgetting about the person he loved was disgusting to him.
It was easy to hide at the beginning. Walk around with a handkerchief, spit out a few petals here and there. It was always worse when he hung out around his old campus, inevitably coming across Alexander, and when that happened, everyone knew shit was going to go down.
Today was different. Today was February nineteenth, the day Alexander’s mom died. Of course, Thomas was not one to know this, in fact, nobody did except Alex’s closest friend, John. This was not a day for Alex to be confronted. On this day, all Alex wanted to do was be left alone.
Thomas didn’t want that. Thomas came across Alex more than once in the hallways, and was curious as to why he didn’t strike up a debate. All Thomas needed was for Alex to pay attention to him. Just a little bit. And attention is what he got.
“You look terrible.” Thomas called to Alexander upon seeing him for the fifth time in the past couple hours. When he didn’t get a response, Thomas continued. “What, no comeback? No ‘yeah well you look like shit every day’ statement in your whiny ass voice?” To this, Alex clenched his fists, still looking at the floor, John at his side, shooting Thomas a glare.
“Pathetic.” Thomas held out his hand in front of him, tanzanite ring glinting a royal blue in the light. “You could’ve at least had the decency to give me a response. Guess your whore mom didn’t teach you better manners.”
Everyone in the hall stopped dead in their tracks. Whoever was there that day could unanimously agree that when Alex turned around slowly, the atmosphere seemed to darken tenfold, and the look on his face was the scariest shit they’d ever seen.
Alex dropped his books and started swinging wildly, and nobody had the courage to stop him. Between throws, he screamed at Thomas.
“Don’t you fucking dare speak about my mother like that!” He caught Thomas’s watch with his fist, snapping the catch, causing the watch to fall to the floor with a loud clunk. “At least she loved me, which is obviously a feeling nobody will ever have for you!” Alex dug his chipped fingernails into the skin next to Thomas’s eye, and dragged them down his cheek, leaving raw flesh exposed in four lines.
“Your friends are only there because you’re rich and famous, just like your girlfriend was!” Thomas felt warm blood run over his lips and drip onto the sleeves of his fur coat.
“Nobody loves you and nobody ever will!” Alex landed the final blow between Thomas’s ribs, and fell into a heap, sobbing uncontrollably, John comforting him. Thomas covered himself with his coat and hurried out of the college into a chilly winter scene.
There was a small stretch of woods next to the campus grounds, which is where Thomas spent the next hour. He didn’t suffer many physical injuries from his encounter with Alex, but the blood-soaked snow surrounding him would say otherwise. Thomas was on his hands and knees, violently coughing up blood and, of course, nearly complete Begonias.
Your friends don’t even care for you. These words kept ringing in Thomas’s head. They’re only there because you’re rich and famous. In a way, Thomas always knew this was true. Your girlfriend just cared about publicity. Thomas never loved her anyways. Nobody loves you and nobody ever will.
The last thing Alex said to Thomas hurt the most, and it was the one Thomas couldn’t get out of his mind. It became louder and louder the more difficult it was for Thomas to breathe. He felt like he was hundreds of feet deep in the ocean waters. He couldn’t hear anything. The air he was breathing felt thick. He felt pressure on his chest, on his lungs. He couldn’t control his body.
Thomas was quivering, heaving, coughing. He didn’t know where his mouth was getting all that blood. He didn’t know where his lungs kept getting those stupid, stupid flowers. He would cough up one, only to feel the need to cough again, leading to another flower. Beautiful flowers of the darkest hues and values rested in a cluster at Thomas’s hands, enough to make five bouquets. One after another, he crushed the flowers between his palms, burying them under layers of snow and dirt.
The blood only flowed faster, and the flowers only got darker. Tears streamed down Thomas’s cheeks, stinging the scratches given to him by his beloved Alexander. The wind whipped at his face and chilled his damp, stained clothes. Thomas’s fingertips were tinted blue and his breath fogged in the cold. His jeans were thoroughly soaked through and his boots were rendered useless, but Thomas couldn’t feel any of it.
As dawn broke, Thomas couldn’t carry his head anymore. As the world went black around him he fell face first into a bed of bloody flowers, and Thomas Jefferson would have to suffer no more.
what would thomas' reaction be when he found out alexander died?
if musically and jamilton thing I feel like Thomas would feel like a piece of him was missing, the person he always had beef and fights suddenly gone, won't come back
his life is now better, he always wanted it,, right?
