No Tumblr, your ship week sucks ass and only has mid shit. If I don't see anything DeadLavender, Expensiveleather, Honeycocktail, Jantonio, Tombstone or Rosa x Spencer related then I DON'T want to think it exists you complete asshole!
explaining jantonio to @vacantgodling and i made a diagram to explain my specific interpretation of these character dynamics. aka the correct version because i understand them perfectly
//Another one of the prompts from this list! Took me a bit longer to get back to these than I thought it would, but I finally finished another one! This is for the prompt ‘needy’, focusing on Jack. I originally planned to write this about Jack being touch-starved, but the idea occurred to me and I wanted to run with it asdfjkl;
As a disclaimer, I myself am not an amputee and I have never dealt with phantom limb pain! I did my best to research into the topic as much as possible so I could write it respectfully, but I’m more than willing to listen to any feedback on this part anyone has to offer!!!!
This particular oneshot takes place before Tony officially joins the polycule in the main ‘verse!
Phantom Limb Pain isn’t something that’s unusual for Jack. Since he had his leg amputated a few months before, it’s been a fact of life, cropping up now and then. Some days are certainly worse than others.
Today definitely counts as one of those “worse than others” days.
It starts when he wakes up and feels a familiar burning sensation, an itch in a limb he no longer has. It feels like his skin is prickling, yet he knows that if he looks, everything will be fine physically. The air is cold, which makes his bones ache on top of his shooting phantom pains.
When he showers that morning, he tries to follow the advice he read online, the kind that usually works to stave off the pains when they’re particularly bad. He runs warm water over the scarred stump of his knee, rubs his leg with shaking hands, and takes deep breaths. It helps, at least a little bit. At the very least, it helps enough that he can still put on his prosthetic and go to work.
As he lies there in bed, he takes a deep breath and sighs, running a hand over his face. This isn’t anything he isn’t used to, even if it isn’t constant.
His phantom pains aren’t always there, but he knows that they’ll only get worse the more he tries to ignore them.
--
It takes three hours after he gets to work for him to realize that coming in may have been a mistake.
Each step feels like pins and needles shooting up into his phantom limb, and more than once Jack has to stop himself from reaching down to scratch at the stump. At this point, Jack is practiced enough at dealing with pain that he can keep it off his face and force a pleasant smile while interacting with customers, so it isn’t a problem.
It isn’t a problem, until it is.
He’s directing one of the new part-timers, Leslie, on how to clean the drink machines, when he absently reaches down to massage his leg. When he touches his leg through his ratty jeans, the pain increases nearly tenfold and almost makes him collapse. He barely stops himself from crying out.
“Are you okay?” Leslie asks, frowning at Jack in concern. Jack forces a thin-lipped smile.
“I’m fine,” he says. “I’m just… gonna go sit in the back. Can you take it from here?” Leslie nods, and Jack immediately half-walks, half-limps to the dry storage closet.
Once he’s inside, he flops onto a box at random and, with shaking hands, rolls up his pant leg. Looking at his leg, it doesn’t look any worse than usual, the smooth scars standing out starkly against his lightly tanned skin. However, Jack can’t escape the feeling that his leg is not only there, but that it’s heavier than usual, burning and stinging all at once.
“Hey,” a voice says, distracting Jack from his thoughts. When he looks up, he sees Tony standing in the open doorway, brow furrowed in concern and mouth turned downward in a frown. “Leslie said you were back here. Everything alright?”
“I’m fine,” Jack says, the words tasting like lies in his mouth. It’s clear Tony doesn’t believe him, as his frown deepens as he steps into the dry storage closet and shuts the door behind him, giving them some privacy.
“Is it your leg?” Tony asks softly. Jack doesn’t answer at first, but soon he feels another lightning bolt of pain strike him and the words come tumbling out.
“It’s fucking stupid,” he says, “but… yeah. It’s my leg. My fucking leg that’s been gone for months now and it still feels like it’s there, and it fucking hurts, and nothing I do seems to make it go away.” Tears are beading at the corner of Jack’s eyes, and he almost laughs as he lifts a hand to wipe them away.
Jack doesn’t notice at first that Tony has knelt down in front of him, but when he does he almost jumps. Thankfully, Tony doesn’t call him on it.
“It’s not stupid,” Tony says gently, hesitantly. “What happened was traumatic, and your brain is just… trying to process it the best way it can.” Jack snorts.
“I know how it works,” he says drily. “You don’t need to explain it to me.” He pauses, sighs, and looks down at his leg again. “... Y’know, I’ve been looking into it, and I found some tips online that are supposed to help, but it feels like nothing really does, at least not long-term.”
“Is there any medication I can get you?” Tony asks. “We have some Tylenol somewhere, I think.”
Jack thinks about it for a minute, and then he nods. “Y-Yeah, it couldn’t hurt to try. I-I mean, it’s more of a psychological thing, but sometimes Tylenol helps a little.”
“I’ll get you some, then. Have you talked to your therapist about this?” There’s no judgment in Tony’s voice, only concern, and it’s enough to make Jack want to cry again.
“I’ve tried,” he says with a sniff, “but I never really know how to explain it.” He’s been seeing a new therapist lately after Dr. V mysteriously disappeared, and though they’ve made progress he still never knows how to actually talk about anything that bothers him.
Tony watches him for a moment, then he carefully gets to his feet. “Alright, I’ll go get you some Tylenol. When I get back, if you want, you can talk to me about it.” He smiles a bit sheepishly. Jack tries not to think about how nice Tony’s smile looks. “I mean, I’m no therapist, but maybe talking can help at least distract you.”
“... Yeah, that’d be nice,” Jack says. Tony nods and steps out, leaving Jack alone for the moment.
While he’s gone, Jack starts massaging his leg again, taking deep breaths to try and relax his muscles. It helps the pain subside, just a little, and by the time Tony returns Jack at least has stopped shaking. When Tony steps inside again, making sure to close the door behind him, he’s holding a glass of water and two small white pills.
“Here,” Tony says as he sits on the box next to Jack, “I figured you might want two for now.” He hands Jack the glass of water and the pills, and Jack takes them quickly.
For a moment, the two sit there in silence, then Tony speaks up again.
“So,” he says, “see any good movies lately?” Jack is caught off guard by the question and snorts out a laugh, and when he looks up he sees Tony grinning at him.
“Really?” Jack shoots him a wry smirk. “We’re making small-talk now?”
“I’m just curious!” Tony says a little defensively, but he’s still smiling. “C’mon. You and Jerry watched the new Matrix movie, right? What’d you think?”
Jack is very aware of what Tony’s doing, but he decides not to call him on it and starts rambling away. For the most part, Tony just listens, watching him with a soft, indulgent smile on his face.
As he talks, Jack becomes less and less aware of the pain in his leg. Whether it’s the medicine working, or he’s just feeling more relaxed, he isn’t sure, but as time passes he starts to feel better. It’s not completely gone, but it feels more manageable now.
After a while, Tony puts a warm arm around Jack’s shoulders and draws him close, and Jack is startled a little out of his ramblings. He looks up at Tony with confusion, and in response he receives a sheepish smile.
“Is this okay?” Tony asks.
Jack thinks about it for a moment.
“Yeah,” he says finally, shifting so he’s resting his head against Tony’s chest. “Yeah, I think this is okay.”
TW: TFTGS Spoilers (especially for volume 1 and 4), profanity, Minor Tony x Jack, corny angst and unsettling vibes? It also takes place in the last chapter for TFTGS Volume One so yeah
I remember the last time I saw Tony. Or Antonio. And for some reason, I felt odd about it. I couldn't help but miss him. And the most ironic part about it was that he wasn't dead, and I wasn't at fault for him leaving me. Which made it hurt more. No, I wasn't the one who magically made him go like she did after the car crash. I didn't even make him hate me or anything. Rather it was the opposite, and that made me feel terrible and all sick inside. I don't know how to describe it, it's some very terrible guilty feeling that couldn't really be put into words. A suffering so deep that it would make what that one Pain deity the Dark God told me about feeling more like a stuffed animal was being thrown at you in comparison.
I know that I probably shouldn't feel that way. I think any normal person with common sense could go and lecture me about how I wasn't as close to Tony as I thought I was. But he was my only real best friend at the time, the only one that gave a shit about me after she left town. He cared about me in some way, even if we weren't close to being considered best friend territory. I still appreciated him for what he did in some way. He's been here longer than any part timer in any way, he's been with me through the bad times and the decent times. He was very important to me. And in an odd way, I loved him. Before Jerry or Rosa, there was just Tony. He clearly meant something to me, and hopefully other people in the gas station (but to be fair, I doubt anyone in this town really appreciates anything in this town besides meth or the Bible. I would be shocked if they did appreciate anyone who works at the gas station).
The day he left me was the day where the owners called me because Vanessa was a no-show. I was going to update my blog at home but they desperately needed someone working at the gas station this instant. And since I'm the only full timer I had no other choice but to get back to work. So I called Deputy O'Brien up for a ride and then I was dropped off for nine more hours at the gas station with my laptop and my backpack of books as always nowadays.
As expected, no one was there when I arrived. The most recent part timer decided to just clock out and leave the store unattended so people and raccoons could steal from it again. That was mildly annoying, why couldn't anyone be some sort of decent help?
Either way I got myself ready for a new day and settled in with a new book to get into, a novella I didn't steal at all from the hospital about Dinosaur Werewolves (people will come up with anything if it seems cool to them). But then a sheet of paper fell out and flutter down on the floor as soon as I opened up the book. I reached down and picked the paper up and found out it was a handwritten note. I immediately read it as soon as I stood back up.
"Hello,
Sorry if this bothers you. I really mean it when I say no offense. But I think you might have overlooked something. Also, I want to tell you that sometimes the truth more bittersweet then it is scary.
Sincerely,
-Your biggest fan"
What the fuck?!
There's my biggest fan again. This time instead of being strangely helpful like the last few times he was... I don't know. Either way it was concerning. Very, VERY concerning. How could you not say that about a person who managed to sneak a note into a book you got just today?!
I reread it at least five times to get a good grip of what I was seeing. I then reread a single line that stuck out the most to me.
I think you might have overlooked something.
What in the world is that supposed to mean?!
I then put my book away and then pulled out my laptop. The first thing I checked was my inbox.
I had about four thousand unread messages and that number was steadily growing. I somehow knew exactly what I was looking for. I did a search for the phrase "plot holes," and then I found the message within a minute of the search.
"Plot holes" by GundamSwing88.
"Hey, I wanted you to know that I've found some plot holes in your story..."
The message was three pages long, listing sixty perceived "plot holes." I'm not going to list any of them because I don't believe any of these were really plot holes. And GundamSwing88 and I have different definitions of what a "plot hole" is.
But one part of his list really stuck out to me. And I'll show it here:
"18) I thought the gas station didn't sell fresh stuff. What about the cookie dough?"
"What about the cookie dough?" I repeated to myself.
Why the Hell did I even mention Cookie Dough in the blog to begin with?! I know for a fact we don't sell cookie dough because it's fresh and we don't sell cookies that are not prepackaged. So why do we have a box of them in the walk-in cooler?!
I then immediately thought of the time Marlboro and I stacked all the Kieffer's we killed together and shared a drink. Antonio walked in, acknowledged us and then grabbed some cookie dough from the walk-in cooler before leaving without a word.
What the Hell was Antonio doing with that cookie dough?! And why am I feeling like this was super important and I should have probably looked into it long ago?!
That's when I decided to pick up the store phone, turn on the egg timer and dial the owners. I should have had this conversation about them a long time ago. But it was better late than never, given what I was finding out more and more now.
It didn't take a second for one of the owners to answer.
"Nnnyellow?" Asked Pops, one of the grumpy old owners. The other was his wife Mammaw. None of us knew their real names. They preferred the employees here to use these names. Either way they were pretty ok bosses.
"Hey, Pops, it's Jack."
"Did something happen in the store again?"
"No... Not that I know of,"
"Did a red light start flashing above the cash register?"
What was he talking about?! "What? No. Why? What does the right light mean?!"
"Oh it's nothing. Never mind. Forget I even mentioned it."
"Okay."
"So What's happening then? You only call when something's happening."
"Nothing's happening. I just wanted to talk to you about Antonio."
"Who?"
"One of the part timers."
"Jack, we have a lot of part timers. You have to be a little more specific about this guy."
"He's the one who comes into the gas station three times a day. You know, the former prisoner from that work relief thing last year?" There was a very long pause. One that's too long for me to not get nervous about. I eventually had to break the silence. I sighed. "Hello? Pops? You still there,"
"Jack, why don't you close up shop and take the rest of the day off?! You deserve a break."
My Oh-Shit Radar was setting off alarms like crazy.
"Why?! You just called me over here from a day off," I asked.
"No reason Jack. Don't question it, just go and close up shop before getting out of there. Don't worry about paying the call either, we'll consider this on the house,"
"Is everything alright?"
"Jack you need to leave the gas station right now-"
The line went dead.
I took a few seconds for my brain to realize what type of situation I was in.
Something's happening. Something very bad and terrible.
I took a deep breath and put the phone in the receiver. I took a second to set them up under my armpits before trying to get out. I only made it out of the counter right as Tony kicked open the front door and walked inside.
I immediately took notice of how different Tony acted in behavior and looks. His clothes are all messed up and show that he put them on too quickly, his hair was extremely unkempt, his cross necklace was gone. And he didn't even bother hiding his holster which held a pistol. He was sweating a little bit and shaking in some sort of fear. And to make things worse... He looked like he was about to cry.
He was barely hanging emotionally by a thread. And when he looked at me it seemed to have a look that showed that he was ashamed, guilty. He looked like he committed some great sin and just wanted to repent in some way. He looked at my face and then rested his hands on his cheeks rubbing them to the point his skin was growing red a little bit. I haven't seen him in such... Distress. Not even since the whole situation with Kieffer.
I then began to connect the dots. The reason why Tony probably felt that way compared to the other situations was probably because he wasn't genuine about it like he was now. Was he?!
Was he lying to me this whole time?
I didn't know, and I didn't want to find out.
We both stood there, staring at each other in complete silence. After a bit I thought it would be a good idea to break the silence a little bit.
"Hey bro," I said in an awkward voice. "How's it going? Are you ok,"
"Jack..." Tony said, trying to be calm and collected. But that was growing a little harder. "I need to tell you a lot of things. Ok? It's important,"
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck-
"Okay."
"Not here, in the cooler,"
"What's wrong with here? And why should I listen to you when you have a gun and you're all... Emotional!"
Crap, I think I made this worse for me.
I could feel the emotional sting hit Tony for a couple of minutes. The egg timer made a loud ding sound that made both of us jump a bit before Tony looked at me and put the pistol back and away.
"Look, Jack, I know I look crazy ok? I get it, just... Please listen to me ok?" Tony said, I couldn't tell if he was trying to calm me or himself down. He was just pleading his soul out every time he spoke. I wasn't sure what to do. Sure this was my friend and not some killer or monster but... He was also in a very dangerous state. "I can put away the gun and then we can talk. Hell, I'll even give you the gun if you want. Just please listen to me. I need to talk to you and we don't have much time, I just need to tell you the truth ok?"
I was still worried to Hell and back. But all I could really do now was just follow what he was saying. I wasn't sure I had any options left. So I just nodded along.
"Ok, let's go to the cooler," I said, walking to the cooler. I didn't lose any eye contact with Tony, I was staring him down like a hawk. "Also, don't give me the gun Tony. I'm not a gun guy,"
Tony rubbed his eyes with his hand and said, "Thank you... I'll try to calm down. Can I have some coffee please?"
"Dude, you already have coffee for free here. Plus you have a literal weapon and I don't so..."
Do I even know what I'm saying and who I'm talking to right now?!
"Ok, I'll just go and do that then," Tony muttered with a sniffle and a lack of confidence in his voice.
I went into the cooler and waited for Tony. He immediately went over, took ten minutes eating a bag of off brand Doritos and washing it down with coffee and some bootleg Dr. Pepper called "Dr. Pain Gravy". He then put some money in the cash register before he went in the cooler.
Tony calmed down a lot but he was still antsy and visibly upset. Luckily he still kept his cool for a bit. He took a deep breath and exhaled before he went straight to the point.
"Jack... I know this is going to make you upset but I lied to you... A lot," Tony said, his voice sounding a little sick. I was shocked, really shocked. I wasn't sure if I was mad at him or not. As whatever is going on was melting my brain a bit. "I'm not a part of a prison relief program. I'm not even employed here, I'm just a spy monitoring this place,"
"I think I know," I said. Why was I so calm about this?! I have every reason not to be! "We don't sell cookie dough here yet I saw you grab some not too long ago,"
"Yeah, the people who hired me gave me that so I could blow up the gas station whenever the time was needed, I never really did though. Kind of wasted it in the woods," Tony said, analyzing every single movement I made. Those eyes of his, I couldn't tell if I was supposed to be scared of him or just filled with pity for him when I saw that expression. This felt... More heavy than anything else on the gas station. And I was in several life or death situations before. And met a Dark God not too long back. "I never liked plastic C4 anyway,"
"Are you associated with Benjamin then?!" I asked.
"No... He was just a moron. At least he did things by himself unlike me," Tony muttered out. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Did that mean all the times I've seen him upset or around was just... A lie? An act? It was a great act for sure but... I kinda felt betrayed by that. "They always made me do this y'know? They make me go and do these assignments. I can't stand it. I don't know why I even did this, you're probably never going to forgive me for that. I don't blame you,"
He thinks I hate him... I swear to the Dark God he thinks I hate him.
"What organization are you working for then?! Who's making you do these assignments?"
"The Liskov Institute."
"What the Hell is the Liskov Institute?!"
"I can go for hours explaining it. But all you really need to know is that they're some top secret government organization that monitors anything related to the paranormal. Especially places like the gas station. And they want to monitor you out of all places because they have some interest in you,"
I think I was going crazy. I had to be, there was no way I was hearing this right.
"Why the fuck would they have any interest in me?!"
"Jack, you made a blog documenting the events of the gas station in public. You've been very prominent in the Liskov Institute's investigation of this place. And you've interacted with the entity we've been talking to directly and then posted it on your blog," Tony explained, trying not to cry again. He was... I don't know how to describe him. He was hurting in some way I couldn't understand that much. "I just got a call from my superiors before heading in here. They want me to kill you because you are 'compromised' to them."
"Are you going to kill me then?" That question felt wrong. It just felt extremely wrong.
"FUCK NO," Tony yelled at the top of his lungs. By this point tears were flowing down his eyes. But he still kept his cool in some way. Even if he probably didn't have a reason to. He gently grabbed my shoulders, gripping them like it was his only moral support. "Don't even say that Jack. Just don't... I am not going to do such a thing. Not after what we've been through together,"
"Jack. I hate working for that terrible organization, it's the biggest regret I ever have so far. I hated doing all of this, the lying, killing all the Kieffer's, all of it. I feel completely ashamed by it. I don't think I've ever did anything good, or had some sort of connection to anyone. I don't have friends or family, you are the only one I have left. When I talked to you I just felt... Attached, like very attached. Sure you were kind of weird and an idiot sometimes but I was too. But you had something that made me want to be there for you, to protect you from all of this. I'm sorry I lied to you. I just want you to know that all the things I did were in some way of keeping you ok without being too controlling or weird,
"I'm just going to be on the run and make them hunt me down instead of you. I've already begun sabotaging their operations and posting classified information on the Internet. I just hope they ignore you over me,"
I felt a mix of empathy and anger come into my body. I was upset, not at him at all. Sure Tony was a liar and some agent. But he didn't want to hurt me or have me get hurt. He didn't want any of this, he was choosing me over his whole job, his life.
He was willing to lose everything for me, a man who couldn't sleep and was just hopeless.
"Are you crazy?! You're going to get yourself killed!" I said, Tony was a little shocked by my outburst. I was also shocked by my outburst. "Why are you trying to do all of this?! I won't be here for long! You don't have to do this,"
"You don't have fatal familal insomnia Jack,"
For some reason I wasn't shocked that he knew my condition. Given the cameras and everything he admitted to do.
"You're wrong, I have a doctor helping me with it and everything, besides you-"
"I don't have a choice Jack! Ok? Even if you believe that you'll die tomorrow I won't let them kill you!" Tony was basically yelling at this point on the top of his lungs, eyes blurry as he looked at me. "I don't want you to die ok Jack? I just don't... I wouldn't live with myself if they killed you. I've already let them take from me and other people. I deserve to be chased across the world for the things I've done, not you. You're my favorite person man, can't you see that?"
He was basically digging his fingers into my shoulders. But I didn't care, all I did was just... Frown and feel my face becoming wet all of a sudden.
That was when Tony sniffled and pulled me into a very warm and wet hug. It felt kind of gross as Tony and I were both sweating really bad, but it felt very comforting too. I leaned into him, wrapping an arm around him as he just buried his face on the top of my head and just let it all out there. My hair was drenched with his tears but I didn't care. I just closed my eyes and let the gravity of this situation sink in.
Tony managed to hold me pretty well despite how upset he was, he even managed to keep my crutches close so I can walk away after this was done. Tony's grasp just felt familiar and comforting. It was like when your friend or Mom hugged you. Just someone who just cared about you a lot..
I couldn't really handle that, I always kept myself separated from other people in a way. I already knew that my time was limited and I thought having more people to care about me would be a waste of time and would hurt anyone involved. So feeling this sudden sign of affection just... Made me almost lose it too.
Eventually Tony just stopped crying, his tears dried up a little bit as he still held me. He then just said something that I would probably never forget to my dying day.
"I love you Jack," he said in a way which made me believe he meant it. I knew for fact there wasn't any lies in that. "I love you so much,"
"Thank you," I said back. "I forgive you,"
I wasn't afraid anymore. As I said those words to him. I felt a worse feeling.
I felt grief, he was going to go. To leave me for some suicidal task. I was at fault for it.
I looked up and noticed that Tony's eyes were closed. It looked like he was about to kiss my forehead. But he opened his eyes and stopped. I felt a wave of disappointment hit me, followed by confusion on why I was so disappointed that Tony didn't kiss me.
He gave me a squeeze before pulling out a handkerchief to dry my hair out. He then helped me with my crutches before walking out of the cooler. I followed him out of there as well, closing the cooler door as I went along.
"I'm going to leave now, I'll be out of town for a long time. I'll try to get back in contact with you when they quit going after me. Which is probably going to be unlikely," Tony said to me. "I talked to Jerry before I went here too, he's going to keep you safe when I'm gone,"
"Why Marlboro?!"
"I know he's not the best choice but I trust him more than anyone else around here. I think he's pretty capable despite him being well... Jerry. I hope you stay out of trouble and are ok Jack. I have to go,"
"Goodbye Tony," I said weakly.
"Goodbye Jack, I hope I see you on the other side,"
And just like that, Tony was gone. He walked over to the front doors and left. That was the last time I have ever seen Antonio.
I didn't know what to do or think besides... Damn it. I just saw my only best friend go and leave because he wanted me to be safe. I couldn't help but feel something just left with him too. I to this day still couldn't tell you what that was. All I know was that it was important and Tony had it.
I then remembered the other line that was stuck out to me in the letter my "biggest fan" gave to me.
I want to tell you that sometimes the truth more bittersweet then it is scary.
Those words played through my mind like a broken record multiple times. Along some lines from a System of a Down song I heard from the radio a couple of times.
Realize you're blind
And we're out of time
I went over and sat on the chair behind the desk for a couple of minutes, writing down something on the back of some receipt a customer left behind. It was just a bunch of chicken scratch reminding me that all of this was my fault. Not too long after that Jerry/Marlboro went into the gas station with a beer in his hands. He immediately went to me all happy and upbeat. I couldn't help but feel a little bitter about that, but also a little happy too. I wished I had more of Jerry's attitude sometimes.
"Heyo," he said, taking a swig of his drink before looking at me. "How's it going?"
"Tony came into the store, he told me everything," I told him.
Jerry just frowned and said, "Oh, ok. Was it ok?"
"No,"
"I'm sorry about that Jack,"
"It's fine," I said, not seeming to mean what I say. "Can you do me a favor and hand me a drink too? I think I need it,"
"Sure thing!" Jerry said. "Coming right up,"
And then Jerry went into the cooler, leaving me to question what I should do with my life right after all of this. I looked at the top of the desk, sighing as I took my book and began reading it. But even with the book I still couldn't stop thinking about Tony. I still couldn't stop thinking about him to this day.
