For the ask game, brujay where it was one sided before and after Ethiopia but only perceived one sided afterwards.
I've always had a head canon about Jaybin having a crush before the Joker got him but that love changing drastically afterwards.
Because I read in a fic once that Bruce loves Jason so much that he would have sex with him if he ever asked and it has haunted me since (can't remember which fic sadly)
Loving reading all these asks btw ❣️
THIS IS THE PEAK FLAVOR OF BRUJAY. one-sided pre-death turned to an absolute clusterfuck of feelings after Jason comes back. i've read a couple of fics with that concept because. god it's so fucking good. it's the best way for Bruce and Jason to sleep together, in my humble opinion.
i think before his death, Jason knows it's just a childhood crush. he's been on the streets to know what kind of men like teenagers, and Bruce categorically isn't one of those men. Bruce has always been strictly professional and fatherly toward Jason. so sure, it's a blow for the feelings to be unrequited, but Jason is almost relieved Bruce isn't that type of man because it means for once, he's safe at home and can relax around Bruce. Bruce probably notices the crush too, Jason stares openly and gets bashful when Bruce compliments him. but Bruce regards it as a hero worship sort of thing, and he keeps a careful distance, expecting Jason to grow out of it once he settles into living with Bruce. it's an innocent thing to both of them, just teenage hormones. Bruce loves Jason platonically regardless of it. but then. well. Jason dies before he could outgrow the crush and with everything else, it's the last thing on Bruce's mind. he wants to remember the good, innocent parts of Jason. he almost manages to forget about it.
Jason coming back is an unsteady thing. Bruce questions every part of it. (after all, Jason already faked Bruce out once during the Hush plot. Bruce has reason to be doubtful) so everything Jason says, everything he does, is under deep scrutiny for Bruce. anything could be a manipulation tactic. i think when Jason expresses his love this time, Bruce doesn't immediately believe him. sure, he distantly remembers Jason's old crush, but the way Jason expresses love now is different. it's rough, violent, and possessive. and to be fair, Jason is mostly using it to taunt Bruce and drag out his guilt. because he doesn't expect a world where Bruce could reciprocate his feelings. Bruce won't even acknowledge them, accusing Jason of lying and being sick in the head for thinking that's a funny joke. it's part of their dance back and forth, parts of Jason that Bruce won't acknowledge because they're not neat and easily digestible. Bruce doesn't want to admit that his dead son is now a killer. he doesn't want to admit that Jason could like him romantically because somehow, Bruce will turn that into his own failings. he didn't raise Jason right, didn't set clear enough boundaries when Jason was Robin. he didn't keep Jason alive long enough for the childhood crush to fade and now, it's become something twisted and unsightly Bruce doesn't know how to face.
Bruce's own feelings would be... slow and complicated. he loves Jason, that's unquestionable. everytime they run into each other though, everytime they fight and Jason taunts him more and more, that love feels different. Bruce would lay awake at night, wondering if Jason is getting to him. how he's letting Jason change the love inside of him. the memory of Jason from before is slipping through Bruce's fingers, making Bruce wonder if Jason was always like this and Bruce just didn't see him that way. Bruce would distance himself from the rest of the Batfam. if he can develop romantic feelings for Jason, who knows what feelings could arise for the others. he has to hold them all at arms length, emotionally. and the problem is, Bruce doesn't even know how to define his love. calling it strictly romantic is... wrong. part of Jason is still his son. his sidekick. it's a tangled mess of feelings that Bruce doesn't know how to face. he's not sure if he fully reciprocates Jason's love. at the very least, he doesn't reciprocate in the way that Jason loves. Jason's love is possessive to the point of obsession. he wants Bruce all to himself and they both know it. they also both know that will never happen. Bruce will always have other loved ones (both romantic and familial) that he can't deny and Jason will never fully come first. and since Bruce doesn't return that intensity, and he keeps wanting to change Jason, Jason assumes it isn't reciprocated at all. he's basically accepted it.
i think Bruce would admit his feelings on accident. he knows it's a deadly thing if he admits his love to Jason. how it could make Jason so much more violent and likely to target Bruce's family. so he's doing his best to keep it under wraps so Jason doesn't know. Bruce knows even if he admitted his love, they wouldn't work together, so it'd just be needlessly cruel for Jason to know, in his view. he thinks he's protecting Jason. but during another fight, Bruce accidentally says it. and the whole world just stops for Jason, because this isn't something Bruce would joke or lie about. he can see the regret in bruce's eyes for admitting it, and Jason wouldn't know how to feel. should he be angry, excited, in shock. so it just stops Jason in his tracks. Bruce expected explosive violence from Jason finding out, but instead Jason is just stunned and sitting in silence. almost looking like his old self, for a moment. even though he believes Bruce, Jason still needs proof. he still asks Bruce to fuck him, to prove it. to make it real. no matter Bruce's feelings, Bruce never would've fucked Jason by his own will. but he'd do anything for Jason. anything for the chance to bring Jason back. he loves Jason, that much is true no matter how tangled that love is. so, he gives in and does it for Jason. he fucks Jason in some grimy warehouse, bring Jason home, and then fucks him again, properly in a bed with aftercare. for a moment, the fantasy is almost real. Bruce has the hope that Jason is fixable, with Jason pressed against him, warm and pliant after sex.
of course it doesn't last. Jason wants more and more from Bruce, more than Bruce is willing to give. their love devolves to screaming and more fighting. sometimes their fights end in fucking, sometimes they don't. it's volatile either way. Jason has threatened just about every person close to Bruce under the sun, and none of it gets bruce to break and give more. even in love, they're always chasing each other and trying to get something the other can't give. they both know what the other could be capable of, if they were willing to change. and that's what makes it all the more frustrating. Bruce knows Jason is capable of kindness, he's seen it in Jason before. and Jason knows what kind of weapon Bruce could be if he just let go of his morals. it's so close for both of them, but in the end, neither of them get what they want. doesn't stop them from crawling into each other's bed, though. they will always seek each other out. need each other. that weird fucked up love you can't put a name to.
