Hurt very little comfort, TMA 200, Major Character Death, Discussion of the Lonely, No Beta we Kayak Like Tim
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The eye had closed, the panopticon was falling, and Martin Blackwood was once again all alone. There was a small part of him that wasn’t too surprised; he always thought that he would die alone, yet another tribute to the loneliness that had fed even him.
For a while he had forgotten that- a warm voice pulling him from the fog promising the rest of their days together. A promise broken for the good of so many but seemingly not for the two who had carried the weight of it all.
Martin wanted to scream- wanted to tear himself apart and lay waste to this final monument to all that had taken so much.
But doing that would mean that meant he would disturb where Jon laid in his arms. For a moment Martin convinced himself that Jon was just sleeping. Eyes closed and his face more serene and calm than the young archivist had ever been, but Martin knew it wasn’t true. Jon didn’t sleep with his eyes closed. Jon was gone.
Martin wanted to scream at the prone man. Ask him why Jon had pulled him out of the lonely, why he chose Martin to love him, why he had Martin bury the dagger in his heart, why he has chosen Martin among anyone else. But nothing came out.
“Oh, my Jon” Martin breathed, glasses fogging. Lifting the archivist’s too light form Martin splayed his love across his chest, Jon’s head against Martin’s beating chest like Jon had done for Martin countless times. On the nights after the lonely when all Martin could dream was mist and sea salt, Jon had pulled his partner back from the edge; hummed the song his grandmother used to sing to him as a boy until and waited until the smell of sea salt left the room.
Holding Jon in his arms, Martin clawed his way out of the fog. His last moments would not belong to the lonely, they would belong to Jon for as long as they had. The walls and floor cracked and crumbled with ear numbing sound, like thunder trapped against plaster and stone. This is not how he would spend his last moments.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine” Martin began, voice hoarse and lungs filling with dust.
“You make me happy-“ Some of the dust had started to settle on Jon’s face and hair, it seemed to show where every crease and line on his face lay as his hair turned a powdery white. Martin would never know what it would be to grow old with his love “when skies are gray.”
“You’ll never know dear, how much I love you” Martin sang, his voice dwarfed by the sounds around him, seeming to steal all the voice from his lungs. Pulling Jon in one last time, Martin pressed a kiss to his now cold temple.
martin could not fathom making a choice that would make him lose jon, because they always had each other. even if jon hated him, he was a constant in martin's life through the horrors™. and it hurt him when jon was able to think of a plan that would take him away from martin, because he thought jon didn't feel the same about him. he thought jon didn't need him, like everything else in his life
jon hated himself, he blamed himself for ending the world and felt like no punishment would be enough. he wanted to lose martin because he knew it would hurt more than anything in the world. he felt the exact same as martin, he just hated himself so much he felt like he deserved that unimaginable loss
they make me so ill :( they are so in love to the point that the idea of losing each other is the most painful thing in the world. they doomed another universe because it meant they kept each other. they died together because it meant they kept each other
No you guys don't understand. I may have ranted about this fic before but I'm fucking doing it again. Knowledge is Power (But Love Won't Hurt) by SupposedToBeWriting has fixed me. Trauma? Gone. I'm gonna call my therapist and tell them no need for any more sessions because I've found the answer. And that answer is Jonathan "single father to autistic little girl" Sims. Yeah you heard me right. Get ready for a 31 chapter, 156K words slow burn wherein Martin Kartin Blackwood dresses like the straightest gay man at the family barbecue, Finding Nemo is a really emotional plot point and Gerry Keay and Martin bond over Mommy Issues. Get your "Jon Is The Most Stressed Man Ever" fix here. It's got everything that tma is too cowardly to do - healthy communication, trans Jon and Martin and aroace Gerry. Please go read it, I promise it will change your fucking life.
