❝ My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue. All's well that ends well to end up with you.❞
☙ Loving, losing, hurting, learning, healing, forgetting and forgiving: all things they had to learn to do in this long journey to be together. If now everything was fine, it hadn’t always been that easy. Love is just a fragile flame that could blow out at any second, and it’s not easy to keep it alive between all the ashes and the pain. But they had found out that even if life’s full of ups and downs and can get rough, all’s well that ends well to end up with the people you love.
Or simply how Jaehyun, Johnny, Taeyong, Yuta and Jade got together.
pairings: suh johnny x lee taeyong x nakamoto yuta x jeong jaehyun x oc
general tags: getting together au, college au, roommates au, enemies to lovers au, childhood friend to lovers au, strangers to lovers au, established relationship, relationship negotiation, polyamorous relationship, bisexual characters, emotionally repressed characters, fluff, angst (temporary break-ups, mentioned past abusive situation and traumas*), emotional hurt/comfort, smut, humour (if you squint)
*Read the single parts’ warnings for more details because there are going to be some delicate topics, they won’t be explicit and heavy but they’ll be there since they’re part of the characters’ backstories. Mostly will be present during parts 3 and 4 of the series.
overall words count: < around 100.000k
playlist
taglist: @nz06s @thelmathinks @leighsoo @adorejaehyn @fersuh | if you want to be added comment under this post
ADD YOURSELF TO THE TAGLIST
☙ part 1: marigold | jeong jaehyun x oc |
☙ part 2: ixora | jeong jaehyun x oc x suh johnny |
☙ part 3: daffodil | jeong jaehyun x oc x suh johnny x lee taeyong |
☙ part 4: anemone | jeong jaehyun x oc x suh johnny x lee taeyong x nakamoto yuta |
☙ part 5: tulip | jeong jaehyun x oc x suh johnny x lee taeyong x nakamoto yuta |
☙ part 6: under summer sky (original one-shot stand alone, taking place after part five)
☙ part 7: wrapped in red (Christmas special stand alone)
☙ part 8: la dolce vita (sub!jaehyun summer special one shot - most recent)
☙ christmas must be something more | smutmas series (NEW)
a/n: got one request for their backstories and as always I got carried away and turned it into something bigger nobody really asked for, but when I started writing, I realized that one piece was too much to read in one shot. Also once I came up with their stories I just couldn’t crumple them all together in a 5k story that barely did justice to what happened. I hope this won’t let down the person that requested this and you’ll like it. As I said before, there are going to be some serious themes but you already know it ends well, so the angst shouldn’t be too angsty. It’s just going to be a roller coaster of emotions (as you can see from the playlist even though I know nobody listens to it). The parts are in chronological order and are connected to each other. I inserted the two one-shots here just to have everything in one place but of course those two have no plot and you can read them without the rest.
A/N: All this poly amour talk so I did it, bfs JohnJae- Not long at all, so no word count.
While u wait for the return of yuyong anon;
ㅡ Genre: Flooff
ㅡ Teaser: Boyfriends Johnny & Jaehyun come back from a quick errand to find their precious little girly sound asleep.
“Ass-” Jaehyun chortled, elbowing Johnny as the two of them stumbled through the doorway, the door clicking shut behind them before a shrill melody followed, the door locking itself behind the visitors.
Jaehyun called out your pet-name affectionately as he kicked off his shoes.
The laughter between the two boys about their prior friendly quarrel vanishing as no reply came.
“Where’d she go?” Johnny questioned, peering into the kitchen before restocking the fridge with a few snacks, noisily crumpling the grocery bag.
Jaehyun’s bottom lip jutted out childishly as his quiet steps padded from room to room in search of your familiar figure.
“Is she sleeping?” Johnny finally questioned, quietly attempting to close the heavy door of the refrigerator.
The door to your bedroom was ajar, the fan humming lowly.
Jaehyun softened at the sight of your limbs strewn across the sheets, cheek nuzzled into the satin pillowcase.
With ease, Jaehyun carefully crept towards your sleeping figure, removing his jacket in the process. Gently, he dropped it at the foot of the bed before maneuvering toward the side.
Footsteps neared, undoubtedly belonging to Johnny. With a soft grin, Jaehyun turned his attention toward the door, holding a single finger to his lips as Johnny’s fluff of familiar hair peered through the ajar door. His wide eyes which were once curious now shrunk, crinkling at the corners as he grinned at the sight.
“She fell asleep fast-” Johnny whispered, stepping through the doorway.
It was true, they’d been at your pad only thirty minutes prior- Gawking at your lack of tasteful snacks, thus sneaking out for a grocery-run.
“Isn’t she cute?” Jaehyun ogled, dropping his hand to the sheets as he placed a knee upon the mattress.
“Don’t wake her-” Johnny interrupted.
“I won’t,” he promised.
Carefully, Jaehyun climbed onto the sheets, settling himself beside you.
Your soft breaths were audible and his sparkling eyes flickered from your slightly parted lips to the soft apple of your cheek.
Johnny, unwilling to be the odd one out, joined the two of you, tightening the already limited space. He was less tactful than Jaehyun and a lot more clumsy, the sudden dip in the mattress causing you to let out a groggy hum of acknowledgment. You shifted into a fetal position, willing your visitor to spoon you.
Unsure of which boyfriend occupied your bed, your tired eyes parted, taken aback as your sight fell upon Jaehyun before you. He crooned at the sight, his signature dimple showcasing itself before your gaze was obstructed as he tucked your face into his chest lovingly.
“You’re so cute,” he admired, his hand slipping from the nape of your neck to your cheek, his feet entangling with your own.
“You need to broaden your vocabulary,” Johnny teased, his chest coming in contact with your back before his hand snuck between your waist and the sheets, his other looping over to pull you into an embrace.
“How so?” Jaehyun scoffed gently, fingers igly toying with your hair.
“Adorable,” Johnny offered, “All you ever say is ‘cute’...”
Johnny snuggled closer, his words becoming muffled as his warm nose affectionately met the nape of your neck, taking a deep inhale.
“Precious even-”
Suddenly, the doorbell rang, three sets of ears perking. Simultaneously, both Johnny and Jaehyun’s heads arose. Jaehyun’s eyes narrowed playfully momentarily before his arm shot out in unison with Johnny’s. A fist and fingers parted, rock and scissors... Jaehyun with the unfortunate pair of scissors. With a low groan, he abandoned you, quickly padding from the bedroom to answer the door.
Frowning at the lack of previous warmth, you struggled to turn in Johnny’s arms. A few eclectic sounds escaping you as your situated yourself to face your other boyfriend. His familiar gentle grin welcomed you before his embrace tightened. His cheek met the pillow, forehead pressing to your own gently.
“Is this all you did while we were gone?” he teased quietly, “Hmm?”
You dare not play his endless games and instead snuggled into his chest to avoid answering him, knowing he’d call you a lazy little girl.
“You had a package delivered,” Jaehyun mentioned upon his return, “Hey-”
He chortled in disbelief as he saw you didn’t wait for his return, instead snuggling into Johnny.
Feeling playful, he clamored onto the bed before dragging you from Johnny’s grasp. You let out a yelp as he hoisted you over his shoulder, running from the bedroom. You couldn’t help the excited giggle that escaped you as you clung onto the thin fabric of his shirt, watching as Johnny marched from down the hall.
warnings: smut, unprotected sex, dom / sub dynamics, threesomes, oral (m&f receiving), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, fingering, shower sex, kind of double vaginal penetration (with fingers), minor size kink, use of sir and daddy (like once), angst, fights (lot of swearing), minor mentions of past abusive family (nothing physical, just psychological), implied homophobia (a minor character gets kicked out of the house, that’s it)
word count: 27.459k
taglist: @nz06s @thelmathinks @leighsoo | if you want to be added comment under the masterpost of the series
a/n: Sooo, here’s how it all started. Hope you’ll like it. Feedback is appreciated as always.
One year later.
The turntable was spinning in the living room, filling the house with Cigarettes After Sex’s music. The wind was blowing from window to window, keeping the house cool on that night in May.
“You should’ve been a chef, Johnny,” Jade said after praising Johnny’s food for the nth time that night.
Jaehyun rolled his eyes at her exaggerated expressions and jokingly said, “babe, it’s a shrimp, not an orgasm.”
“Close to that,” she mumbled after chewing another bite.
“Damn, getting replaced by a fish, Jay, that’s bad,” Johnny joked, grabbing the glass of wine while looking at his friend.
“That’s all your fault, I’ve been seeing you more in these last months than my mom all my life.”
“But who’s here cooking for you when you come home after a long day at work?” Johnny winked with a teasing smirk on his face.
“Yes, male wife Johnny for the win,” Jade chanted, grabbing the glass, and raising it to do a toast.
“I can be your male wife, too.”
“But you’re always out in the evening.”
“Not my fault the kids have school all day and are only free in the afternoon.”
“Do you hate having your best friend around you?” Johnny asked, faking a pout.
“I don’t mind. I’m just saying that you’re charming my girlfriend with delicious food, and if you keep going on like this, you’ll charm me, too.”
“Great, that was exactly my plan, so I can’t wait to blow your mind with the dessert.”
“Tell me that’s not an innuendo…” Jaehyun begged, looking at him with a disgusted expression.
“Who do you think I am? Using sex to lure you? No, just my amazing cooking skills.”
Jade laughed when Jaehyun breathed a sigh of relief and then asked, “you really have known each other for so long… You never slipped apart?”
Jaehyun shook his head first. “Nope, don’t ask me how, never. Some fights here and there, maybe sometimes we would talk a little bit less, but then we always found a way to go back together as if nothing ever happened.”
“Yeah, it just… flows, I guess,” Johnny added, smiling at Jaehyun who was already beaming at him.
“That’s something you should cherish, it’s rare to have a person that’s so present in your life.” She had Amita, but they’ve known each other just since high school, and yet she couldn’t imagine a life without her. She didn’t like to go back to those times, but Amita had basically been the only light she had back then. But knowing someone since you were born is a completely different thing and losing them could be so painful.
“I think we do, he’s always the first to like my photos when I post on Instagram.”
Jaehyun rolled his eyes at his joke and then threw him a napkin. “And he’s always the dumbass of the duo.”
Jade snorted. “Acting as if you’re any better.”
“Ah! One for Johnny, zero for Jaehyun,” the older teased, pointing a finger at him.
“Why are you siding with him? See that I can’t trust you,” he complained, but Johnny and Jade simply high-fived each other and winked at him.
Jaehyun scoffed. “You could’ve bought some more, by the way,” he said, referring to the food.
“They are expensive, love. I have to save money to open my own studio, I can’t go around buying shellfishes for you and your lady.”
“You eat them too. If somebody hears you, they’ll think you’re like our butler.”
“And if we could afford one, we wouldn’t be in this house.”
“Nah, it’s nice. Definitely better than the first one you had together. That was hell on earth,” Johnny noted, looking around. It wasn’t much bigger than the other; had a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom, and just one bedroom, but at least everything worked. “You have a functioning elevator, that’s all you could ask for.”
“Yeah, but the landlord wants to raise the rent and if I don’t start to get bigger gigs we’re over,” Jaehyun huffed. Working as a model was a living hell. He still wasn’t on the level to get big bookings with important brands, so he had to stick with small projects, usually with starting photographers that always paid (a misery) two months later. And so, he had to go back to teaching little kids while he occasionally photographed too.
“We’ll be fine, if everything goes as planned, I should get an animation project, it will pay more than the usual commissions.”
“You sure you don’t need help?” Johnny asked.
“No, don’t worry,” Jade reassured.
“Just get ready, maybe we’ll start to be like parasites in your house when they’ll throw us out of this,” Jaehyun joked.
“Jaehyun!” Jade screamed from the living room, running to their bedroom where Jaehyun was just getting changed after a day out.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” He asked, worried she hurt herself, but when she jumped in his arms, he realized it must have been something good.
“I got the job!” She exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear.
“Oh my God, I told you they would choose you,” he said, spinning around while holding her in his arms.
“I started to lose hope when they didn’t call me yesterday,” Jade admitted when he gently put her on the ground again.
“You have to be positive babe, you can do so much, you’re amazing at your job.”
“Yeah, but this is something I never did. I was afraid they wouldn’t consider me for the lack of experience.”
“And yet you’ll be making the animation for this kid’s book.”
“What if they come out ugly? I have to create all the characters, and everything.”
“Just imagine you’re doing them for our kids, and they’ll come out amazing.”
Jade chuckled. “A little bit too soon, don’t you think so?”
Jaehyun shrugged. “I said imagine, not let’s have one right now,” he replied before trapping her lips in a kiss.
She mumbled something in the kiss, but Jaehyun didn’t pull away, instead, the kiss got more heated, until they had to part ways to breathe. “This is not a ‘let’s not make kids’ kiss, Mr. Jeong.”
He laughed, tugging her hair behind her ear. “You know how much I’d love to, but we can barely make it at the end of the month ourselves, so a kid is not what we need.”
“Agreed,” she smiled. “I’ll just make up one in my head to help me with this project.”
“Like Pinocchio.”
“He was crafted in wood and then started talking, that always crept me out a little, to be honest.”
Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “You’re so not romantic, God.”
“No, I’m honest. If you bring a doll at home and she starts walking around, it’s horror, but if you make a doll yourself and he goes around causing troubles, it’s cute, poor wooden boy he just wants to be a real kid.”
“There’s so much more than just that, but what can I expect from someone whose favourite movie is The Grinch?”
“Leave the Grinch alone, he was a victim.”
“You have a thing for villains, that’s what it is.”
“He’s not a villain. And even if he was, it’s not my fault villains always have more valid points than heroes.”
“I hope you won’t side with the villain even in this kid’s story,” he joked.
Jade shrugged. “Unfortunately, I didn’t write the story.”
“Good, less traumatized children on earth.”
Everything was going fine between them. They couldn’t complain about anything. Jaehyun started to be more booked, and his popularity was rising. Jade’s book did well, and the income had been great, and many other projects came with that.
They always lived in the same house, but it was fine. It was only them, and their little place. Nothing was missing and nothing was going wrong.
But midnight talks are dangerous, they seem harmless and playful but between a laugh and another, they can lead to something that will turn the tables around. And that’s exactly what happened that night of June; one talk led to something that would’ve changed their relationship forever.
Jade and Jaehyun were laying in bed, they had just finished having sex and for some reason, the conversation drifted to their sexual fantasies.
“Oh, I can’t believe there is nothing that you want to try,” Jaehyun said, standing on his side to look at her.
“I don’t know, I think we already do everything that I like,” she replied with a small frown on her face.
“I bet it’s something too controversial to say and you think I’ll judge you.”
“That’s not true, I just… never really thought about something.”
“Never? Not a single wild thought running in your mind?”
“I mean, how wilder can we get?”
“We’re not that wild,” he replied, fingers tracing the skin of her arm.
“Oh, acting as if you didn’t just blow my back two minutes ago.”
“I’m not talking about doing it rough, I’m talking about kinks. Something more than just overstimulation or edging or calling me sir, you know.”
“Oh,” Jade whispered when a sudden thought crossed her mind.
“Oh?”
“Maybe I have it.”
A smile crept on his lips, curious to know more about it. “Oh great, what’s that?”
She gulped and then turned around too, to stare at him in the eyes. “I’m not sure you’d like that.”
“Oh, God, how terrible that is?”
“I just… don’t think you’re a big fan of the idea.”
“But that’s the point, we can always try it out, and then if I don’t like it, we’ll stop.”
“It’s more complicated.”
“You’re starting to scare me. Knives?”
“What? No,” she exclaimed, turning up her nose.
“Roleplay?”
“No, I don’t want to act in bed.”
Jaehyun furrowed, trying to think about what could be that terrible. “Then what it is? Somnophilia?”
“No, thanks, not a fan at all.”
“Then what’s worse than that?”
“Threesome…” she whispered.
“What?” He asked, voice coming out higher than expected, and head snapping up.
“I knew that. I knew you’d get mad if I told you.”
“No, I don’t know if I heard right.”
She rolled her eyes and sighed loudly before repeating. “A threesome, Jae.”
“Oh,” he gasped, realizing he didn’t hear wrong.
“See, you’re mad.”
“No, but… why?”
“It’s just an experience, I… you said we could talk…” She pouted, already regretting her confession.
“Okay, let’s talk.”
“It’s not because you’re not enough. I just, I like the idea of being the centre of attention for more than one person. And for how dirty it sounds, I kind of think I’d enjoy more than one pair of hands on me.”
Jaehyun nodded slowly. “With a man or woman?”
“I don’t care, either is fine.”
“Have you…have you ever seriously fantasized about it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Pictured yourself with two people at once.”
“Mh, yeah… I mean, I remember it started when I found out erotic audios ages ago,” she started saying, trying to fight the embarrassment of telling him what got her off.
He furrowed. “Audios?”
“Yes, don’t shame me. They help me get off much more than visual porn.”
“Oh, and you heard one about a threesome, I guess?”
“Well, to be honest, it wasn’t a threesome, and I’m not going to go into details, but the whole point is that imagining being with more than just one person really turned me on. Being stimulated in every way possible at the same time, having more hands roaming on my body, more kisses, just…more.”
“And I can’t do that? I mean, if you want to try double penetration, we can buy a dildo.”
“But I don’t want a dildo, it’s not about the sex itself, it’s about… contact? Connection? I don’t know how to explain it, I… I might also have a super small size kink, okay,” she whispered the last words, feeling heat creep on her face.
“Oh, it keeps getting worse.”
“Hey! You said you weren’t going to shame me.”
“I’m not. I mean, I get it too, I like seeing you trapped under me and all that, but why am I not enough?”
“Is not you not being enough, is just wanting something more. Something different.”
“And do you, I mean, have you thought about somebody?”
“I never really thought about that, also because I don’t think I’d be able to have sex with someone I’m not comfortable with. Not a threesome at least and not when the other person is you.”
“What’s wrong with me now?”
“Nothing. But we have chemistry, we know each other, we need someone that will make us both comfortable, someone that can fit in our dynamics well.”
Jaehyun furrowed. “Wait, so you want to do that for real?”
She hesitated. Now that he brought the thought out again, she was tempted to say yes, but the look on his face said it all. She didn’t want to ruin their relationship for sex. “No, I think it’s probably just going to be awkward, also we don’t have somebody that gets us both, so no. It’ll keep being fun in fantasy.”
“Are you sure? Maybe we could try those swingers –”
“No,” she stopped immediately. “I’m not fucking with a complete stranger, I don’t like the idea of a threesome just to find some genitalia to have fun with, I’d buy sex toys for that. I like the chemistry, the idea of three people that have to work together, the tension.”
“Oh, so you really like it,” he mumbled, trying to hide the sadness in his voice. The insecurity from his past jumped back on his neck again, even if he tried to push them away.
But she shook her head and caressed his cheek before smiling fondly at him. “No, Jae, it’s just a wild thing. We don’t need a third and I don’t want to find it.”
“Wow,” Johnny cheered, walking around Jade, “look at you,” he praised eyeing her up and down.
“See,” she smiled, doing a pose to show her sparkling golden dress, “just for you.”
Johnny laughed and pulled her in to hug her and kiss her cheeks and then looked at Jaehyun.
“Wow, you look great too, man,” he complimented. “And not to praise you because I love you but you two are always the hottest couple everywhere you go.” He winked at them before wrapping his arms around their shoulders and walking toward the small bar in the middle of the gallery.
“And you’re always between us,” Jaehyun replied, rolling his eyes.
“Leave them alone, Johnny,” Amita said, shaking her head before walking over to her friends and hugging Jade who slipped out of Johnny’s hold.
“I just want everybody to know that I have the hottest friends.”
“You should be bragging about our project not them,” Amita replied, hugging Jaehyun too.
“So, can we have the privilege to see the photos with their creators, or are you going to let us wander all alone?” Jade asked, intertwining her arm with Amita’s.
“We’ll show you around, also because your boyfriend offered his face for some of these,” Amita winked back at Jaehyun as they started walking following the path.
The gallery wasn’t super big, but they had a lot of photos to show. It was a project Johnny and Amita did together, mixing photography and graphic design to play with textures, shapes, writings, and much more. It was late so there weren’t many people around and they could enjoy every single print. And now there was only the last room left: shapes and bodies.
Jade was lost admiring a black and white picture; a naked body was laying on the floor, with just a string of light lighting up the side, everything else was covered in darkness but on the lower stomach, there was laid a white calla, that drew all the attention there. It was named ‘Re-birth’.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Johnny affirmed, coming up to her side, one hand wrapping around her waist. She looked down for a second, shivering at the contact of his fingers on her skin, and then hummed, bringing her attention back to the photo.
“Why it’s called rebirth?” There was an explanation written on the side, but she wanted to hear it from him.
“Because we tend to forget that we can heal,” he replied.
“I still don’t understand. Why is the flower placed there? Why not somewhere else?”
“Because the womb is the place that carries life, but sometimes the only life we have to bring out is our own,” he explained, looking down at her. “Come here, closer,” he said, pushing her gently nearer to the print.
He raised his fingers and pointed to the string of light that lit up the body.
“You see all these scars? They probably will never heal. Fire is not gentle, at all. It’s a miracle she’s even alive. But she is alive, she’s not just a survivor, she’s alive. Now, that’s breaking professional confidentiality, but she told me that the day she lost her family in a fire she lost herself. And just a few months ago she started to see the light again.”
“So, the flower is her rebirth, she’s giving life to a new version of herself.”
“Yeah, kind of. I don’t think we can be brand new, but I believe we can heal. See, she’s barely there, and the light on her body is fading, all the attention of the photo goes to the white flower, to the new beginning. But at the same time, she’s always going to be there. You can’t run away from your past, sometimes. No matter how much you’d love to.”
Jade snickered bitterly and her tone sounded almost mad. “Oh, so you agree with the thought that scars make us who we are and we can’t ever delete them.”
“Because it’s true.”
“No, I don’t want to be my past self.”
“You’re not your past self,” he sighed, turning her around and resting his hand on her shoulder. “But you can’t delete your scars; you can’t erase the pain you felt. It will always be there. But sure, you can move on. We’re talking about flowers, right? You can choose to plant the right flowers on the ashes so they’ll grow and then you’ll be able to have an even better garden, or you can stay there, and keep your piles of ashes.”
“Or you can leave.”
Johnny raised a brow. “Can you, though?”
Jade snickered. “Of course, it’s not easy, but if you work hard, you can do that.”
Johnny nodded. “But can you really leave and be free if you’re still carrying the baggage of what hurt you with you? One thing is leaving from a place with a sting in your chest because you’re going to miss it, and another is leaving with a pain in your chest given by everything you’ve suffered there.”
“That’s not true.”
“The problem is never the place, Jade. You can run away as far as you want, but you will always take your body with you.”
“But I didn’t hurt myself.”
Johnny furrowed; he had sensed the conversation was more personal than what she wanted to let out, but couldn’t inquire now. “But others did. And if you never heal your wounds, they’ll keep bleeding, here, in Paris, in Dubai, and even on the moon.”
Jade felt tears at the corner of her eyes and had to drift her gaze from Johnny.
“What’s going on?” Jaehyun asked, reaching the two and Jade simply shook her head before excusing herself to the bathroom.
They both followed her with their gaze and then Jaehyun glared at Johnny who was still looking in her direction.
“What have you done?”
Johnny shifted his gaze to look at him. “Nothing. Is she… alright?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.”
“No,” Johnny said. “I mean, she never told you anything about her past?”
“About her past? No, she never brings the topic up.”
Johnny hummed silently and then fixed his suit. “You should go check her up.”
Jaehyun was still confused and wanted to know what happened but instead, he walked to the bathroom. He knocked on the door waiting for an answer that arrived later.
“It’s occupied.”
“It’s me, Jade.”
“Oh,” she mumbled, “I’ll be back in a minute. Wait downstairs,” she said, hoping he would listen. A painful groan left her lips while she tried to calm herself down and don’t scratch her fingers more; they were bleeding for fuck’s sake. A painful nervous habit she had since she was a teenager, at first, she thought it was dermatitis acting up again, but it turned out it was just stress. She washed her hands and then opened her purse to grab the hand cream, she didn’t have anything else with her, and maybe that was going to help.
“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked.
God, why couldn’t he just listen?
“Yes, I’m almost done,” she screamed, waving her hand so the cream would absorb faster.
She rested on the sink with her palm and took deep breaths. And when she raised her head and faced the mirror, a lonely tear dripped down her cheek.
She wasn’t that person anymore, right? She had left everything in the past. She was safe now. Nothing could go wrong. Not when she worked hard to have her own house, paid with the job she studied hard to get, with a lovely boyfriend who supported her.
She had healed. Or maybe she was just good at hiding her fucked up coping mechanism and fears.
She took a deep breath and tried to fix herself, pushing all the thoughts in the back of her head. Maybe Johnny was right, but it wasn’t about her. She was different, she didn’t need professional help to get over anything. Her scars weren’t bleeding anymore even if she never took care of them. It was fine.
Everything was fine.
“I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” Johnny whispered, standing at her side. They were now out of the gallery and were waiting to eat something at a pub. Jaehyun and Amita were standing a little ahead of them in the line and were chatting with each other about something she couldn’t understand.
“You didn’t say anything wrong. I just needed to pee,” she lied, smiling at him.
Johnny narrowed his brow. “Your lipstick,” he then pointed out.
She furrowed, tilting her head in confusion. And when his thumb brushed against her lower lip, she felt her heart stop for a moment until he pulled away.
“Now’s better,” he smiled, winking at her.
She was tempted to touch the portion of skin he had just brushed but Jaehyun’s stern gaze made her snap out of the trance real soon.
“Why do you take a lot of nude photos?” She asked out of nowhere and cursed herself because how the hell was that the first question that popped in her brain now?
“They’re not that much but, to answer your question,” he stopped, his intense eyes glaring at her up and down, “I think bodies can tell so much if you know how to read them.”
She furrowed. “How?”
“I never take nude pictures of people that don’t have stories to tell me. Of bodies that don’t speak. Of skins that have no traces of having lived.”
“How can you go from being a total clown to being so philosophical?” She joked, trying to light up the tension that she was feeling rising inside of her.
“I take my job seriously. Is so easy to tell a wrong message with a photo; they don’t say anything and at the same time they have to tell everything.”
“So, you let bodies do their jobs?”
He shrugged. “Bodies don’t do anything.” She narrowed her brows, trying to follow his explanation. “Bodies are just shells; we give them importance. I don’t care about them, I care about what the owner has to tell me.”
“So, you care about words?”
“Yes, but the words that their bodies tell.”
She threw her head back and exhaled loudly, “you confuse me.”
“Funny, because you’re an open book right now.”
“A what? My body is talking to you?”
His eyes drifted on her for a second, and then he wet his lips by running his tongue on them. “Your body is louder than what you think, Jade. But I can’t listen to it.”
“What are you implying?”
“Nothing,” he shrugged before leaning forward and telling Jaehyun what he wanted to order. He then changed the topic again. “That photo hit close to home.”
She scoffed, shaking her head. “You don’t know it.”
“It spoke to your heart, not your brain. Your brain doesn’t want to listen, and I get it, we have to pretend to carry on. But our hearts hurt, and they crave our deepest needs.”
She sighed. “I asked you one single question and you turned it into this.”
“I answered you. Do you know how vital body communication is? How much we transfer to people without even noticing?”
She nodded. She knew damn well, and unlike him, she hated that. Body language was treacherous, and she always tended to overanalyse it. If Johnny was good at reading bodies, she wasn’t at all. It would only lead to her brain taking dark paths that led to her most insecure thoughts.
“Bodies are amazing when it comes to taking photos, they can be all you want them to be. And I’m not talking about editing after, I’m talking when you’re on set. What you want to show, how you want to show it. Is it a body or a violin? Are those veins or paths in the earth? Are those flaws or just signs that we’re all human?”
She gulped and then found the courage to look up and stare into his eyes. “And what’s my body saying?”
“You’re nervous,” he said. “And you’re never nervous with me, so you’re hiding something.”
“Pft, shut up,” she said, trying to hide the way she was feeling with a light chuckle.
“Something you don’t even know what you’re feeling.”
“I’m not nervous with you, you’re one of my best friends. So, it’s clear you don’t know how to get me,” she joked and then scratched her neck.
Bingo. Johnny thought, and a small smirk curled his lips.
“Give me the chance then.”
She widened her eyes, lips trembling as she grabbed the drink that Amita offered her before she and Jaehyun started walking to a table. “Do you want to have me naked in your studio?”
“I don’t need to have you naked but if you’re interesting enough I could gift you your own ‘re-birth’ photo.”
“No, thanks.”
“Jaehyun can come with you if that’s what scares you.”
Her eyes scanned him. He was serious. Too serious for her own sake. So, she gulped and then turned around, trying to shake the weird sensation she was feeling in her bones.
Whatever it was, she knew it wasn’t going to lead to anything good.
One week had passed and Jaehyun couldn’t get peace of mind.
He wanted to bring the conversation out again. Try to give her what she wanted; it was only fair for all the things she had been willing to try in bed for him. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to make the first move.
A part of him was kind of excited; it had to be funny, right? People wouldn’t have threesomes if they were a terrible experience. And also, he was pretty sure he had found the right person. Sure, he still didn’t ask but God, how do you bring it up? He couldn’t even go to his girlfriend and tell her he had changed his mind, how could he do that with somebody that wasn’t even part of the relationship?
“Jaehyun.”
“Ah,” he screamed, jumping on the spot. “You scared me.”
“You were zoning out, again,” Jade said, waving a hand in front of him.
“Sorry, sorry,” he replied, running a hand over his face and then between his hair.
“Are you okay?”
He took a deep breath and then shook his head. “No, yes, I mean no. Okay, listen, I don’t know how to tell you, but I changed my mind.”
Jade felt her heart sink in her chest as she grabbed the table to ground herself somewhere. “You want to break up?”
“What? No, God, no.”
“Oh, shit, you scared me,” she screamed angrily at him, fighting the urge to punch him.
“Johnny.”
She furrowed, tilting her head, not getting what Johnny had to do with them. “Johnny? Are you okay?”
“Yes, I want Johnny to be our third… you know for that.”
Jade widened her eyes and gulped. Was that a joke? A test to see if she was too excited at the idea? Because she was. A lot. Johnny didn’t even cross her mind when they first talked, but now that he was bringing him up… well, he was perfect.
Anyway, she tried to act as if the whole idea wasn’t already making goosebumps show up on her skin. “I thought we moved on from that.”
“I just couldn’t stop thinking about it, the other night, at the gallery.”
“Why?”
“Because you were so hot, and he is too, and he kept flirting, and a part of me wanted to slap him, but the other… the other just travelled places, and I thought that you were comfortable with him too.”
Of course, that night that shook her up and down. That night when Johnny kept teasing her without even noticing. That night when she felt like shit because she couldn’t help but take her eyes off of him.
“I don’t know,” she mumbled, shrugging. “I’m fine like this.”
“But… you wanted to.”
“I don’t want you to do that just because I wanted to.”
“But it’s not. You were right, it’s about the person. I would never do that with anybody else, but Johnny, well, is Johnny.”
“Are you sure?”
Johnny was pretty much confused by whatever was going on that night. It was just another Friday night, and he was like usual at Jade and Jaehyun’s place, but something felt different. From the way the two were dressed —they never dressed up so much when he was coming over— to the flirty words that escaped their lips the whole night.
He raised a brow while staring at Jade who was laughing at something that Jaehyun had said and bit his bottom lip, trying not to let his eyes travel down her collarbones. But the pretty golden necklace that shined against her skin distracted him, and he found himself wondering if she really was as soft as she seemed to be.
Then he raised his gaze and locked it with hers, he briefly noted that Jaehyun wasn’t there anymore, and then he felt her foot graze his knees. His lips curled in a sly smirk, and his eyebrow raised as to silently ask what sick games she was playing that night.
Jade smirked back, brushing the falling strand of hair behind her ear, and took a sip from the glass. Her foot still playing with him under the table and eyes silently flirting with him.
When Jaehyun came back into the room, he snapped out of his trance and coughed.
“The food’s amazing,” he said, praising Jaehyun’s skills and shifting on the chair, confused that Jade not only was still touching him under the table but was still looking at him like that.
“Not the best thing you’ll have tonight.” Jaehyun winked, smiling at him. “If you want to, of course.”
Johnny chuckled lowly, gaze passing from one to the other. They were flirting. They were doing this with a purpose. But Johnny wasn’t one that liked to be left out of the fun.
“Oh, really? Is it something I’ve never tried before?” He asked, resting one hand on the table, and another one went underneath, grabbing Jade’s ankle, catching her by surprise. “Is it something sweet?” He looked at Jade as his hands started caressing the skin of her leg, so fucking soft just like he imagined.
“The sweetest thing you ever tasted in your life,” she answered, resting her elbows on the table to lean in closer, offering her chest with no shame now.
And Johnny’s gaze couldn’t help but fall there, but then he snickered and looked over at Jaehyun. “I don’t know, not sure I’m in the mood for something sweet.”
Jaehyun chuckled, shaking his head. “Always so fucking hard to please.”
Johnny shrugged. “Well when you offer something great, you can’t let me down. Also, I’m your guest, guests should always be pleased and pampered.”
“Then you might want something spicy?” She asked, pulling her leg away from him and getting up from the chair to reach behind him. She lowered, lips brushing against his neck. “Something hot, burning hot. Something you won’t forget.”
Johnny’s eyes locked into Jaehyun’s, to see if all of this really was okay, but when the other simply wet his lips, he couldn’t do anything but keep pushing. “I don’t think you’ll be able to do it,” he teased, turning his head around. Their lips were almost brushing, and Jade could feel her heart beat ten times faster in her chest.
She smirked, pushing away the way he made her feel weak and powerless. “Then test me,” she whispered and then tilted her head to point at Jaehyun, “test us.”
Johnny smiled when his friend reached him too and shook his head, pushing his chair back with his legs so he could look at them both. “What games are you two playing?”
“I thought you got it by now, John,” Jaehyun teased, cocking his head to the side.
“Oh, I do, I just want to make sure this won’t be something we’ll regret,” he explained, standing up and taking a step forward to reach them. “Because I can give you an unforgettable time if you let me.”
Jade smiled, looking up at him, and then her hand brushed against his. “We won’t regret it.”
He smiled, nodding, and then turned to Jaehyun. “And you, jealous boy?”
Jaehyun scoffed. “I want this too, and also, keep in mind that it’s just one night.”
Johnny hummed. “Oh, then if it’s just one night we better hurry, I don’t want to waste a one-time occasion,” he said, grabbing Jade’s hand and pushing her toward the bedroom, waiting for Jaehyun to follow.
Once they reached the room, Jaehyun closed the door behind him and walked to the bed where Johnny and Jade were standing.
“I hope you have great stamina, angel, because I don’t think we’ll be very nice to you,” Johnny said, fingers tracing her curves through the dress, already making her shiver. “I guess that’s what you want, right?” He turned around, looking at Jaehyun briefly and then going back to her.
Jade nodded and Johnny immediately cupped her face. “I haven’t even touched you yet. I don’t accept whimpers as a response before the first two orgasms.”
Jade gulped. “Yes, sir.”
Johnny chuckled, looking back at Jaehyun. “Sir? So, this is how you do?”
“Problems?” Jaehyun asked, raising a brow, and pulling his hand off of her face to replace it with his own.
“No. Other things I have to know before we start?”
“I’m down to pretty much anything, but peach is the safe word if anything makes me uncomfortable.”
“Fine, let’s see how far I can push you then,” Johnny smirked before pushing her down on the mattress.
“We can push her, Johnny.”
“Instead of fighting, can you kiss me?” Jade said, looking at the two men hovering over her at the end of the bed.
Johnny crawled on the bed and trapped her lips in a kiss that left her breathless. Her hands locked in his hair and tugged roughly, making him moan in the kiss. Johnny’s kisses were different than the ones she was used to; he was more patient, taking his time to taste her deeply.
And when they pulled away, she had no time to do anything that Jaehyun was attacking her lips. His kisses: messy, needy for more, hungry as if he was going to lose her at any moment. She pushed him closer by his neck and moaned against his lips when Johnny started trailing kisses down her neck and collarbones.
Jaehyun pulled away and let his hands travel down, pushing down the dress, exposing her chest.
“No bra?” Johnny teased, staring at her hard nipples.
“Surprise,” she chanted, beaming at him.
“Isn’t she pretty?” Jaehyun asked, cupping her left boob, and starting to play with her nipple, making her moan lowly.
“Oh, she is,” Johnny praised. “Bet she looks even better without this dress on.”
“Want to show Johnny how pretty you are?”
Jade nodded before grabbing the hem of the dress, pulling it over her head, and then falling again on the mattress, now completely displayed at their eyes.
Johnny smiled, taking her body in. He couldn’t deny he found her hot because he always did. But he knew she was off-limit, he wasn’t a dickhead like Minhyuck; he definitely wasn’t going to fuck their friendship up for a woman. But he still had eyes, and the view in front of him was even better than he expected. Her thick thighs somehow were even softer and plumper now that weren’t hidden behind her clothes, and he couldn’t help but imagine his nails digging into her skin while going down on her, making her squirm and moan.
“Speechless?” Jaehyun teased while his hands trailed down to play with her sensitive spot through the laced panties while staring at his friend who was clearly eating her out just with his eyes. “Or are you eager to see more?”
Johnny didn’t answer, but Jaehyun didn’t need an answer, he wasn’t going to let him be the one in control that night anyway. So, he tugged the panties away, ripping them, making her gasp.
“Jae!” She exclaimed, glaring at him. But the stern gaze from her boyfriend made her drop her attitude. “Sorry, sir.”
“Good girl, let’s be good in front of our guest, okay?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Spread your legs more for us, love,” Jaehyun instructed, resting a hand on her knee. “So wet, already,” he teased as soon as she opened her legs, showing them how desperate she already was. Smooth pussy glistening with cum.
“Guess this is my dessert,” Johnny said, leaning down between her legs, pushing her knees up. “Can I have a taste?” He asked, breath fanning right over her wet cunt and eyes locked into hers, staring at her like a hunter looks at his prey.
She hummed and then remembered his words, so she replied, “yes, please, make me feel good.”
A sly smirk curled his lips before he dove down. She was expecting him to start roughly, but instead, he was taking his sweet time even now. His tongue was moving slowly up and down, almost as if he was tasting her. Then his lips wrapped around her clit and sucked, making her roll her head back and moan loudly.
A content smirk bloomed on his face, and he kept moving like this, big hands cupping her thighs and squeezing just enough to make her shiver at the touch.
Jaehyun was staring at the scene, and a strange sensation filled his body. It was weird seeing his girlfriend with another man, yet he couldn’t seem to be jealous. Not even when she seemed to enjoy this so much. It was almost nice being able to fully take in her expression of pleasure. Maybe it was just because it was Johnny, and he trusted him more than anybody else. Maybe it was because he was good and knew exactly what he was doing and even looked so fucking hot right now, head buried between her legs, devouring her as if he was worshipping her.
But he couldn’t just watch, he needed to touch her, too. So, he moved on the bed and started kissing her, trapping her sinful moans in his mouth.
“Fuck, taste so good,” Johnny praised against her folds, making her writhe under him, “even better than what I imagined.”
“Johnny, please,” she moaned, staring at him through half-lidded eyes now that Jaehyun pulled away from her face to kiss and suck her nipples, adding more to the stimulation.
“Please what, angel? I can’t understand what you want.”
She groaned and clasped her thighs around his face when he sucked with more strength on her clit, and his hands started moving on her thighs and belly up to the other boob Jaehyun wasn’t taking care of.
“More,” was the only thing she could mumble, already lost at the sensation. It was even better than what she imagined, and they barely started, but it just felt too good to have so much attention on her, so many hands on her skin, so many eyes looking at her with lust.
“Like this?” Johnny asked, pushing a finger past her entrance while staring at her.
“Yes, fuck,” she whimpered, nodding, and bucking her hips, trying to make him move in and out.
“Stop being so greedy,” Jaehyun ordered, hand pressing against her stomach, pushing her down. “You don’t want Johnny to think you’re desperate, right?”
She denied with a swift movement of her head, but her walls still clenched desperately around his finger.
Johnny slapped the outside of her thigh, making her yelp, and then said, “words.”
“No, I don’t,” she stammered, looking at them with pleading eyes.
Johnny snickered. “I thought it was going to take some more time to break you, and yet, here you are already.” He started moving his fingers and then lowered again, lips and tongue working on her making her squirm under him.
“Johnny, please,” she moaned, trying to rise her hips, but Jaehyun kept pressing her down while his mouth wrapped around her boobs, torturing her nipples, and leaving kisses and small bites on the soft flesh.
“Want to come, pretty angel?”
“Yes, please,” she pleaded.
“So soon?” He teased, stretching her pussy by adding another finger.
“Johnny, please, please, I’ve been good.”
“Can you take more? I don’t plan to make tonight end anytime soon.”
“Yes, I can take it, I promise, I’ll be good.”
Johnny looked at Jaehyun to ask him if she could take much, and when he nodded, he said, “come then, let’s see if you can really take more.” He started sucking her clit again as his three fingers moved faster inside of her, and soon after, she came, moaning and locking her fingers in Jaehyun’s hair as she pushed him even closer to her body.
After she came down from her high, she stared at the two men in front of her who were now completely naked, and gasped. She was used to Jaehyun’s body, but she had never seen Johnny completely naked before. Her eyes wandered up and down on his toned chest, arms, and legs, and her mouth watered, craving to touch every inch of his skin. Already anticipating being pressed under his body and seeing his muscles flex. And then her eyes landed there… Johnny was big. Not like she wasn’t used to Jaehyun, but Johnny was longer, and he wasn’t even lacking in girth. She gulped and looked up at him, who was smirking proudly, and seriously wondered all of a sudden if it had been a good idea.
“What’s wrong, princess? Scared you can’t take it all?”
She shook her head and supported her upper body on her elbows to look at him better. “I can. Don’t underestimate me.” But honestly, she wasn’t sure at all.
“Then prove it to me, come here and have a taste.”
Jaehyun coughed, catching their attention. “A little bit selfish tonight, don’t you think so?”
“Oh, sure, somebody’s dying for attention,” Johnny joked while his thumb caressed her cheek. “Go and take care of him. Show me how good you really are.”
She nodded and crawled to Jaehyun who was standing at the feet of the bed.
“Finally,” he said, brushing her lips with his thumb to part them open, “you know I don’t like to be left out, love.”
“I know. I’m sorry, sir.”
Jaehyun nodded with a smirk on his face before pushing two fingers in her mouth, and she immediately started sucking them, just like he wanted. “Then make it up, babe, and suck my cock.” He pulled out of her and started pumping his hard dick up and down before resting a knee on the mattress at her side and then pushing her down on him.
Her lips wrapped around his length, and she started bobbing her head up and down without breaking eye contact with him. And Jaehyun’s hand firmly took hold of her hair and guided her in the movements.
Johnny moved closer to have a better look, and for a second, her eyes drifted to his face just to go back at Jaehyun when he tapped her cheek to remind her to stay concentrated on him.
“Babe, you have to make up to me.”
She hummed around his cock and kept staring at his eyes. Her breath faltered when his hand reached her neck and gently wrapped around it, not squeezing but just staying there to caress her skin.
“I don’t know if I should ruin your pretty face,” he whispered, thumb caressing her cheek. “Or be good and let you still look like a pretty doll for him.”
She whined, not able to speak since he held her on his dick but felt a rush in her veins at the idea of Jaehyun face fucking her in front of Johnny.
“What do you say, babe?” He asked, pulling her off of him, letting her breathe again.
“Fuck my face, sir, please.”
“Oh, are you sure? You really want to show him how wild you truly are.”
“Yes, please,” she begged and then looked at Johnny who was staring at them with lust-filled eyes.
“Then let’s show him,” he said and then moved her in the same position, but this time gripping her hair harder, moving along his cock as he pleased.
“Fuck, so good,” he moaned as he thrust into her mouth, but not fast and rough like he was used to when they would do this, his strokes were slow and deep almost as if he wanted to feel it completely. “Look so fucking pretty with your lips wrapped around my cock.”
She smiled with her eyes and tried to concentrate on her breathing as she took every inch of him.
“But I wonder how you’d look sucking Johnny’s off,” he said, turning around for a second to face his friend that seemed impatient for that moment. “I think he’s dying to know.” Jaehyun pulled out of her, making her gasp for air, and then took a step back. He lifted her face and kissed her roughly, making more of a mess on her face, and then pushed her in Johnny’s direction. “Show him what you really can do,” he whispered and then walked away, she had no time to see where he was going that Johnny was already making her face his throbbing dick, suddenly reminding her again of how big he was.
She swallowed and then moved on the mattress to find a comfortable position again and all four seemed to be the best.
“Hi, angel,” Johnny cooed, fingers under her chin, caressing her lips and smearing the mix of cum and spit on her face. “Open your pretty mouth for me?”
She did as told and waited impatiently for him to come closer and push his dick into her mouth. When he reached the back of her throat, she whined a little, but Johnny’s gentle caresses on her cheek made her relax and concentrate on her breathing and the sensation of his heavy length on her tongue.
“Shush, you’re doing so well, angel,” he praised before pulling out a little and then thrusting back in.
When Jaehyun’s hands touched her ass, she jumped at the contact, suddenly being brought back down to earth. “Jumpy, baby?” He asked while his fingers gently caressed her ass and made her moan around Johnny’s length. “It’s me,” he whispered against her ear. “Just us, right? We don’t want to add anybody else,” he joked, looking up at Johnny who was still slowly moving in and out of her.
She shook her head for what she could and then cried around Johnny when Jaehyun’s fingers slipped into her pussy again.
“What’s wrong?” Johnny asked, pouting at her. “You promised you could take more, you don’t want to let me down, right?”
She mumbled a barely understandable ‘no’ and the two men snickered. “Good,” Jaehyun said, sitting up straight, “then prove it to us.” And with that, he entered her with his throbbing dick, making her arch her ass up.
“Always so wet for me,” he praised, wrapping his hands around her waist to push her back and forth on his length with each movement making her gag on Johnny’s dick more.
“Taking my cock so well, pretty angel. I think I might get addicted to this,” Johnny retorted, bringing the attention back to him.
Jaehyun snorted. “No, you won’t. Have fun for tonight, because it’s not going to happen again.”
“I can still dream about how her lips feel around me, right?”
“Yes, you can dream,” Jaehyun replied with a smirk on his face, starting to move faster inside of her.
Johnny pulled out of her to make her breathe and she took advantage of it to talk. “Please, can you stop it and just fuck me?”
“See, you’re making her wait when she’s been so good for us,” Johnny said before tapping against her mouth again, waiting for her to open up and take him in again.
Jaehyun rolled his eyes but ignored him and simply started moving fast. She closed her eyes while she tried to keep sucking Johnny off even if the pleasure was overwhelming, not that she was doing much since Johnny was moving in and out of her mouth as he pleased.
“Fuck, you’re so hot, your lips feel so good,” Johnny moaned as he started moving a little bit faster, afraid he was going to push her over her limit.
“She won’t break,” Jaehyun reassured him, sensing his hesitation. “She can take it. Right, baby?”
She hummed around Johnny’s cock, sending vibrations that made him shiver.
“If you say so,” Johnny said before pulling away. “Take a deep breath, angel, and keep your mouth open for me, won’t you?”
She nodded and then let her mouth hang open, jaw relaxed to let him have full access.
“Fuck,” Johnny groaned when he started speeding up and her watery eyes looked up at him.
“See, I told you,” Jaehyun said, hands roaming on her body as he kept thrusting into her hard, making her moan and whimper, lewd sounds muffled by Johnny’s dick. “She can take so much. Such a good girl for us.”
Jade rolled her eyes and whined feeling on the edge of coming again. She never imagined it would actually feel so good and now she felt overwhelmed with emotions. Jaehyun’s hands on her body, Johnny’s hand wrapped at the base of her neck, their moans, the sounds of their skins slapping together, the mess they were both making out of her. It was all too much that it made her head spin so fast that when the orgasm washed over her, she didn’t even have time to warn them, to ask them if she could and she didn’t even try to hide it.
Just when Johnny pulled away, making her breathe and cough, trying to fill her lungs of air again and she heard Jaehyun’s disapproval click of the tongue, she realized she had fucked up.
“Babe, seriously?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to. No, don’t pull away,” she whined when Jaehyun slipped out of her too and she tried to sit up, but Johnny held her right there. “Come back here, I can come again.”
“Oh, I don’t really care if you will,” Jaehyun replied, kneeling in front of her, and then he chuckled. “Look at you, a fucking mess,” he mocked, wiping the mess of spit and pre-cum off her chin. “Open up,” he ordered and then pushed some of it back into her mouth. “Swallow.” And she did, pleading eyes looking up at him. “Good girl.”
“What do we have to do with you?” He asked, standing up.
“Fuck me, please. I’ll be good this time, I promise,” she mumbled, trying to don’t sound too desperate.
“I don’t know, you said that also before and yet, look at you.”
“No, please, please,” she begged and tried to sit to reach him but Johnny’s hand on her shoulder pushed her further back down, head against the mattress.
She whined and tried to look up at them but before she could say anything Johnny spoke, “I want you to ride me.”
“W-what?”
Johnny scoffed. “What? Two orgasms only and you already don’t understand what we say to you?”
She shook her head and then mumbled, “no, I – I do, sorry.”
“Then come on, get up and ride my cock. Show me what you can do.”
She got up as soon as he moved his hand away from her shoulder and sat on the bed, waiting for him to lay on the mattress.
“What’s wrong? Scared you’ll have to use some muscles?” He teased, resting a hand on her waist as she sat on his lap.
“I can do it, I’m good at it,” she said, even if she knew that in that position wasn’t going to last long. Not after two orgasms at least.
“Then show me, I won’t repeat another time,” he ordered, squeezing her flesh to make her lift her hips and grab the base of his dick before she started to push it past her walls. She was wet and already stretched from Jaehyun, yet when he was fully in, she felt the air getting cut from her lungs.
“Thought you could take it?” Johnny teased, hand moving to cup her ass and squeeze it, making her clench around him.
“I can, just — fuck, give me a little bit of time.”
“A little bit selfish of you to ask for time when you already came twice and we didn’t come once for the whole night, don’t you think so?” Jaehyun remembered her before his hand wrapped around her waist and he started moving her up and down on Johnny’s dick.
“Fuck,” she moaned, rolling her head back. “I can do this alone,” she whined, looking back at Jaehyun.
“Then fucking do it and don’t complain,” he whispered in her ear before pulling away and sitting next to them to enjoy the show.
She glared at him briefly and started bouncing up and down with more strength, feeling herself getting stretched with every movement. Feeling him so deep inside. And his hands firmly touched her curves, while Jaehyun intensely looked at them, lazily pumping himself.
“Fuck, look at how good you are at this,” Johnny praised, wetting his lips as his eyes wandered on her body and then stilled right where they met, her pussy slapping down on him with every bounce, generating obscene sounds as their skins connected and her wetness dripped down his length to his balls. “So pretty, so soft,” he moaned, cupping her boobs, making her whine louder.
She rolled her head back and let her mouth hang open, feeling her thighs already get tired due to the fast rhythm of her movements.
“Johnny, please,” she mumbled through moans.
“What, baby? You said you could take it. Said you could fuck yourself on my cock.”
She groaned and then let her head fall over, hands resting on his shoulder for more support, without answering. She couldn’t do it. It was too much. Too good. And she felt herself getting too lost in pleasure to even set a steady rhythm.
Johnny scoffed at her and then flipped her over without a warning, making her snap her eyes open in surprise. “So selfish, you can’t even do as a little favour. Guess now I’ll have to fuck you hard and rough.” She opened her mouth to complain but Johnny didn’t give her time that he was immediately pushing her body higher from the mattress and thrusting into her hard and fast.
So, she laid there, rolling her head back, squeezing her eyes shut, nails digging into the flesh of his forearms, and letting him rail her mercilessly.
“Fuck, ’s too much,” she blabbered, feeling tears at the corner of her eyes.
“No, babe, you can take it. You will take it,” Johnny replied, letting go of her legs to trap her under his body, hands planted at the sides of her head on the mattress, their chest brushing together as they both breathed heavily.
Jade let out a cry as she felt another orgasm approach, but she knew she couldn’t slip twice on the same mistake, she couldn’t come so soon.
“Look at me, angel,” Johnny ordered, forcing her to open her eyes. “Crying? Is this really too much? Want me to stop?”
“No,” she almost screamed, wrapping her legs around his waist to keep him there. “No, please, I — I, fuck, like it.”
“Of course, you do, that’s what you wanted since the start, right?”
“Yes, yes, shit,” she slurred, feeling herself being dragged into another world by now.
“Look at you, love, you’re a fucking mess,” Jaehyun teased, hand caressing her cheek and she was remembered they weren’t alone and that of course Jaehyun wanted one round too. “Shh, pretty girl, don’t cry. You’re taking him so well. Fills you up so good, right?”
She nodded, turning her head to the side just to look at her boyfriend and kiss him. She was now a stammering mess, no chance of talking, no chance of letting them know she was close. But Jaehyun knew her, he knew her so damn well that he could read her body even if he wasn’t the one fucking her.
“Oh, poor baby, wants to come, doesn’t she?” He cooed with a mocking tone.
Jade simply nodded, pleading for the release with broken moans and whimpers and watery eyes. “Fuck, you feel so good,” Johnny moaned. “Want to feel you more but, God, your pussy’s sucking me so good, so fuck, wet.”
“Then come for her, she’s been good.”
“Where — where do you want me to come?” Johnny asked moving one hand to push her leg closer to her chest.
“In-inside please, come in me, fuck,” she begged with a string of voice. Johnny almost growled at the request and then lifted her legs up, thrusting deeper and faster sending her over the edge with an explosive orgasm as he came inside of her, filling her up to the brim, cum dripping down on the sheets and between her thighs. “Fuck — fuck, that was good,” he panted, strokes slowing down and head resting against hers. He let go of her legs and caressed her cheek. “You’ve been so good for me, so, so good.”
She smiled tiredly and then whined when he pulled out of her. She felt empty. But the sensation didn’t last long ‘cause Jaehyun was on top of her. She looked up at him with tired eyes and he smirked. “You destroyed my pretty baby. But she’ll take more.”
“No, I —”
“You will take more, right?” He stopped her, glaring at her. “I’ve been on the edge the whole night because of you. You put yourself in this situation and now you’ll take the consequences. I’m giving you time to take deep breaths, come on.”
His hands travelled on her body and then he spun her around, face down and ass up. “And now let me fuck you good,” he whispered in her ear. A mocking chuckle rolled out of his mouth when her ass arched up. “Crying that you can’t do it and you beg for more.”
“Please, I need you,” she whined. Yes, she was tired but somehow, she still wanted more. There was something so electrifying about all of that, and she didn’t want it to stop anytime soon.
“And you have me. Fuck,” he moaned when he slipped inside of her. He rolled his head back, staying still for a second, just enjoying the sensation of being wrapped so perfectly by her wet walls. And then he started driving in and out of her, strokes slow but precise, aiming for the exact spot that made her head spin around while his hands rested on her ass and waist, pushing her back into him.
“’S good,” she moaned, voice muffled by the bedsheets.
“Yeah? It’s good being fucked over and over again, isn’t it? Look at all the cum dripping out of you. Want me to fill you up some more? Stuff you full of our cum?”
“Yes, please, please, sir, please,” she mewled, the fourth orgasm of the night so fucking close now.
“Then milk my cock, baby, squeeze around me, make me come,” Jaehyun ordered, slipping a hand under her body to play with her clit. A choked cry slipped past her lips, and Johnny caressed her hair, praising her and teasing her as Jaehyun kept moving mercilessly inside of her.
“That’s right, just like that,” he encouraged, feeling himself closer and closer to reaching his high. He had been on the edge the whole night, he really couldn’t last long. “Come around my cock, fuck. Come.”
And she almost came on command, clenching around him incredibly tighter that Jaehyun stilled inside of her, bursting white spurts of cum inside her cunt, mixing up with hers and Johnny’s. “Fuck,” he moaned and then collapsed over her. “You did so well, love,” he praised against her neck, leaving a small peck on her skin before slipping out of her and collapsing on the side.
“So, I guess my job here is done,” Johnny said, stretching his back and then running a hand over his head while he sat on the bed, looking back at his friends who were laying on the mattress.
“Don’t leave, it’s late,” Jade said, grabbing his wrist to pull him back down.
“We don’t fit here, and also, I don’t want to get between you two.”
Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “You are always between us and now it’s a problem?”
“But usually we don’t fuck.”
“Oh, come on, just stay here,” he said. “Keep her company while I go grab a wet cloth to clean her up.”
“Fine,” Johnny gave up and then laid down on the bed. “We made quite a mess,” he joked, looking down between her legs.
Jade chuckled and then snuggled closer to him. “We did. But thank you for accepting to do this. It would’ve been awkward if you weren’t into this.”
Johnny laughed. “Rejecting fucking with two hot people like you? I would be a fool for saying no.”
The thing with Johnny was supposed to be just a fun night of sex. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing was supposed to change after that. It was always going to be her and Jaehyun, and Johnny would still be their dearest friend.
Yet, things didn’t go as planned.
Jade didn’t quite know if she was going insane, if it was just in her mind, or if she actually felt something. But whatever it was, she knew she hated it.
Johnny never seemed to be the same after that night. Or worse, the problem was that she felt that Johnny stopped being the same for her long before that night.
It was all the evenings spent together, all the time they would go around town together, all the time that Johnny simply existed.
And now she didn’t know what to do. Not when she seemed to be the only one that had lost her mind. Not when Jaehyun was peacefully laughing with his best friend while they were playing games on the TV in their living room unaware of what his girlfriend was thinking.
She cursed inside her head. Why the hell he always had to come to their place? Why couldn’t Jaehyun stay at his for one? She wouldn’t have minded a night alone. But no, Johnny was always there, always. So much that not having him around almost felt strange.
And she hated herself for feeling whatever she was feeling. She didn’t want to give Jaehyun another heartbreak, also in the same exact way her ex did. But she didn’t know what to do. She was more than sure she still loved him, her feelings for him were never put to the test. She simply suspected she felt something also for someone else. But… was that possible? How can you love two people at once? And how can they accept it?
She shook her head, trying to push the thoughts out of her mind, and got up from the armchair to grab a glass of water.
“Are you okay?”
“What are you doing here? Weren’t you playing?” She almost screamed after hearing Johnny’s words.
“We just saw you run here; we were concerned.”
She turned around and saw that Jaehyun was there too, as worried as the other, staring at her.
She sighed and nodded, lowering her head, she pressed her fingers against her temple and put the glass back down. “I’m tired, spent the whole morning on the pc to work for a client and my eyes are burning.”
“Were we too loud?” Jaehyun asked, trying to grab her hand but she pulled away, shaking her head.
“No, it’s not your fault. I’ll just go to bed,” she said, walking around the table so she could reach the door without walking between them. They stared at her with a confused expression but didn’t ask anything. “Wake me up for dinner if I’m still sleeping,” she told Jaehyun, and then she turned around to face Johnny. “See you, Johnny.” And without waiting for an answer, she rushed to their bedroom.
She closed the door behind and rested her back against it, breathing deeply. What the hell was wrong with her? What was running in her mind?
She pushed the tears back and walked to the closet, opening it to grab one of Jaehyun’s shirt and put it on.
She had to get these foolish thoughts out of her mind. She was being a terrible person and was doing to Jaehyun exactly what she had promised she would never do.
She walked to the bed and got under the sheets, placing her head on his pillow, inhaling his scent.
It was just a stupid, purely sexual, crush. She was going to forget about Johnny soon.
“Why are you pissed?”
“I’m not, I just don’t get it. You moved into that house like two years ago, right? Why are you buying things just now?” Jade asked while they kept walking around Ikea. She had no idea why she had accepted in the first place, but she was alone at home, Jaehyun was out of town for a shooting, and had nothing better to do.
“Damn, already two years?” Johnny said, frowning while he stopped thinking for a second when he went living there.
“Yeah, old man.”
“Old man? I’m just two years older than you, sweetie,” he replied with an offended tone. She pushed him lightly, walking between the lamps, trying to think about what could’ve fit well in his living room. “You didn’t seem to mind while I was making you squirm and shake under me, though,” he whispered right above her ear, making her freeze in her spot and her heart skip a beat.
“Stop it,” she mumbled through gritted teeth. “Stop talking about that night.”
Johnny chuckled, walking past her. “This one is pretty,” he said, pointing at a golden lamp as if nothing happened.
“No,” she replied, shaking her head, going back there, “that’s horrible. Your living room is all black and white, that doesn’t fit.”
“See, I needed you,” he smirked.
Jade rolled her eyes. “You’re just testing me at this point.”
“If you loved me, you would’ve said it was cute.”
“No, if you love somebody, you’re honest with them,” she replied, checking the tag on a black lamp that fit the aesthetics of his place.
Johnny moved next to her and brushed her hair back, and then said, “so you love me.”
She widened her eyes and took a step back. “What’s wrong with you today?”
“No, what’s wrong with you,” Johnny replied before pulling out a blank paper to sign the code of the lamp she picked. “I always flirted with you, and you always jokingly flirted back,” he turned around, facing her again. “But now, one word from my mouth and you’re all flustered.”
Jade swallowed and pursued her lips together. Trying hard to look at him in the eyes and show nonchalance, she forced a laugh to slip past her mouth and then shook her head. “I just don’t want you to get strange ideas after what happened.”
“I don’t have strange ideas,” he said, intertwining their arms and dragging her around the store, entering the section of the bedrooms. “I wasn’t the one that proposed that. You, on the other end, seemed to be really into that.”
“It just was funny, you wanted me to don’t enjoy it?”
“Oh no, but I didn’t want it to change what’s between us,” he replied, and his voice was suddenly serious. No jokes, no teasing, just honesty. “Listen, I’ll be honest, I deeply care for you, okay?” Jade nodded, feeling her throat go dry, and suddenly she didn’t want to be that close to him, but couldn’t pull away. “But I also care about Jaehyun. And, as much as I don’t want to lose any of you, I especially don’t want to lose him.”
“Why would you lose him?” She asked, staring at the ground, suddenly not liking the turn this conversation was taking.
Johnny stopped suddenly and forced her to look at him. “You don’t look at me the same way you did before, and as much as I’d love to give in,” he admitted, eyes falling on her lips for a second, “I can’t hurt him just like Minhyuck and Minju did. I can’t give him the same kind of pain I pulled him out years ago.”
Jade didn’t say a thing but felt her heart fall apart in her chest. That wasn’t something she was expecting to hear today, but also, she never imagined it would hurt so bad.
“Trust me when I tell you, you have been the only light that shined on him after so much darkness, you saved him like I wanted to do, but never could. And I can’t get between this, I can’t lose him, and make him lose you, and also lose you.”
“You… you loved him?”
Johnny sighed, shaking his head. “I never said I stopped doing it.”
“Oh my,” she gasped, suddenly realizing how much more complicated the whole situation was.
“I can’t have you more than friends, but I’m happy that you two have each other. So please, let’s just keep being friends, it’s what’s best for all of us.”
She nodded, trying to push back her tears, crying in the middle of Ikea definitely wasn’t something she planned to do. “You do know I love him, right? I’m not like her.”
Johnny nodded, gently caressing her shoulder, and smiling at her. “I know, and that’s why I’m telling you not to hurt him.”
Jade tried to do what she promised Johnny, but she didn’t have much control over her emotions. By now, the more she tried to convince herself it was just a silly crush, the more her heart told her it was love. But she couldn’t wrap her head around it. How could that be possible? And most importantly, how was she going to fix that?
She knew Jaehyun wasn’t dumb. He had seen the way she had changed. He had noticed how she would always slip away every time that Johnny came over —less than usual— and she was also sure that that made him suspect even more. He had seen how many small things she started doing for him.
She felt guilty, and since she couldn’t prove how much she still cared for him with words and to herself in her mind, she tried to spoil him with other attention.
But that only made Jaehyun question more and more what was going on. She always loved doing small acts of service for him, maybe baking his favourite cake, or doing something she knew he didn’t like doing, or when she would play his favourite albums when he came back after a long day out. But now, it had all become too much. It was almost as if she was trying to silently ask for forgiveness for something she did.
Jaehyun didn’t want to overthink too much, probably he shouldn’t have, that was what his therapist would’ve told him —only if he went to therapy. But with the excuse of not having somebody that he had to pay to fix his toxic defensive mechanism, he didn’t care much about what was right or not.
He already did that once, and well, we all know what happened.
“Why is this the second time this week you prepare tiramisu for me?” He asked, leaning against the countertop, watching her dip the ladyfingers in the coffee.
“Why? Isn’t this your favourite?”
“Yeah, but you’re acting strange lately. What’s going on?”
Jade chuckled. “For preparing your favourite sweet?”
“Not only that, you’re doing so much for me.”
“Oh, sorry for taking care of you. Do you want me to stop?”
Jaehyun shook his head. “You’re doing too much lately.”
“Fine, I won’t do it anymore. I had just started anyway,” she replied bitterly, pushing the tray back and turning around to grab a cloth to clean her hands.
“See, you don’t get me and take it personally.”
“I’m not taking it personally, you’re getting mad at me because I love you, what the fuck.”
“I’m not mad at you, I didn’t raise my voice at you, or done anything of that kind,” he explained, his voice was calm and collected unlike hers, and yet, she felt targeted.
“But you are mad at me.”
Jaehyun furrowed. “How do you even know?”
“Your voice, the way you asked me that question, your body, everything.”
Jaehyun stared at her in shock. “I was just talking to you, I thought that was what you wanted in our relationship.”
“But I,” she huffed loudly, throwing the cloth on the sink, “talking is not getting mad at each other for nothing.”
“You started getting mad at me.”
She scoffed and then turned around. “Uh, sure, I did.”
“I wasn’t attacking you. I don’t know why you took it like that, but I wasn’t attacking you. I was just trying to confront you.”
“Confronting me because I do things for you?” She snapped, feeling tears at the corner of her eyes. “It’s always that, right? I’m too much. I try too hard, right? God, I never do anything right,” she groaned, and through the tears and the rush of the moment she accidentally made a plate fall to the ground and cut herself.
“Fuck,” she cursed, holding her hand.
“Don’t do that, let me see,” Jaehyun said, walking near to her, trying to get a look at her hand, but she pulled away, almost falling.
“No,” she replied sternly. “I’m fine. I don’t need help.”
Jaehyun looked at her. “You’re bleeding, Jade, please, come here.”
“I can do this myself,” she almost screamed, trying to walk out of the room avoiding the shattered porcelain.
“But you don’t have to, I’m here.”
“I always survived with no help. I can fix a little cut.”
“It’s not a little cut,” Jaehyun said, pulling her back into the kitchen.
“Leave me alone. I don’t need your help.”
“So, you can do things for me, but I can’t help you now that you’re hurt?”
“Oh, you’re right, I should let you help me so I can get mad at you for it.”
“I wasn’t mad at you. Why do you think people are mad at you when they try to talk? Why do you want communication so much but then you can’t take it?”
She looked up at him in disbelief, shaking, feeling her heart clench in her chest.
“I’m sorry,” he said, trying to hug her, but she walked past him swiftly and ran to the bathroom.
“Jade, please, can we talk? I don’t want to fight for something stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. I don’t know what to do, I just want to give you all I have, and I feel like I’m not doing enough, and yet here you are telling me I’m doing too much and, fuck,” she mumbled through tears, trying to grab the tools to remove the splinter in her palm. “I don’t know what to do, you’re the best thing that happened to me, and I don’t want to lose you, but I’m so scared, so fucking scared,” she cried, falling to the ground, giving Jaehyun space to open the door just enough to creep in.
“Hey,” he whispered, sitting down next to her. “Come here, don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, apologizing for something he didn’t even know about. And she wasn’t even sure she was going to tell him. Johnny was right, they couldn’t lose each other, and that was the best for everyone, pretend. But she had spent her whole life pretending, she wasn’t sure she could do it more.
“It’s okay, it happens. Maybe you’re a little stressed from work,” he reassured her, caressing her cheek, and that made her break down even more. He was so naïve, he trusted her so much, and yet she was feeling things for his best friend. The same story happening twice. “Let me see your hand, love. If the ceramic digs deeper, it will hurt more, and I won’t be able to pull it out.”
She showed him her hand and watched as he carefully took care of it.
“You know what my mom used to do when she had to remove splinters?” She shook her head. “She used to sing me a song, she had made it up, and she would ask me what I saw, but I used to answer seriously and she scolded me, saying that I had to travel far in my mind, picture I wasn’t there, and so I wouldn’t feel the pain.”
“And it worked?”
“It didn’t,” he laughed, “but I didn’t like to see her sad, so I would squeeze my eyes tight and purse my lips and pretend I didn’t feel the pain. And it was nice hearing her sing. I always forced her to sit down a little more, telling her that only her voice could cure the pain.” He smiled fondly after disinfecting the tweezers and looking up at her. “Was there something your mom used to do, or do you want me to sing you a song?”
She chuckled, trying to push down her throat the bitterness. “No, sing me your song, please.”
“Okay, but you have to close your eyes and travel far away from here. No cheating. When I’m done, I want to know where you went without me.”
She laughed but then closed her eyes and tried to think about a place she always wanted to go. And her mind immediately drifted to Paris; the Eiffel Tower, the Latin Quarter, the cemeteries, the bakeries, and when he pulled out the splinters, she didn’t feel much, maybe for Jaehyun it didn’t work, but for her it did. Maybe because she never had a moment like that with her mom, or maybe because she was so much in pain mentally that that was nothing, but it didn’t matter.
“Little, little, shiny stars, now come back here to your mom,” he finished singing. “Well, I’m not your mom, but that was the original line, you know, it made sense for us.”
Jade chuckled, before caressing his cheek. “I’m here, mom,” she joked.
“Great. The first time she did that, I thought it was magic, and I was terrified of being trapped there.”
“Oh, so scary.”
“Well, I always fantasized about being in the savanna surrounded by lions and other big animals, so I had all the right to be terrified.”
“Oh, you would go that far. I went for a safer option, instead.”
“Oh, really? Let me guess, Paris?”
“Wait, how did you guess?”
“You seem like the romantic type. I mean, I know you are a romantic type. It was either that or Venice, but I went for the most obvious.”
“Sorry, I’m boring, but I feel safer between baguettes than lions,” she joked.
“I was a curious kid, and I also grew attached to a little lion I had seen in a documentary. I had found out mothers in nature forget their children if they don’t keep up with them and I was emotionally devasted.”
“Yeah, so you decided to take the matter in your hand and directly save him.”
“Yes, I just wanted to bring him to my mom, she wouldn’t have left him behind. She would’ve protected him and cured him like she used to do with me, and he would’ve been happy.”
Jade smiled at him, and Jaehyun could bet there was sadness in her eyes, but as much as he wanted to ask more, he didn’t and simply smiled back at her.
“You had a great relationship with her,” she noted, shifting to sit better on the hard floor.
“I still do, I miss her like crazy,” he said, smiling sadly, “but I’m glad I didn’t leave for America with them. I wouldn’t have you.”
Her heart broke even more, but she forced a smile on her face.
“When the whole thing with Minju happened, my mom wanted me to go back with them. She insisted so much that at a point I feared she was going to drag me by my hair. But then she accepted my choice.”
“And what made you stay?”
“Johnny.”
Good. Fucking great. It just kept getting worse.
“You really care about him.”
“I do, he’s the only one that has always been by my side. I don’t know what I’d do without him,” he said, finishing the bandage around her hand and leaving a small kiss on her bandaged hand. “You should meet my parents, by the way. I’m sure they’ll love you.”
Jade felt her heart stop. “Mhh, no, don’t you think it’s too soon?”
“It’s been more than two years now; I think we’re okay. We are, right?”
“Yeah, we are,” she said, voice shaking. “But it’s a big step. I never met anyone’s parents. I don’t think I’m good at it.”
“They don’t bite. As long as you don’t hurt me, they are nice. But considering my mom didn’t kill the other two, I think she’ll go easy on anybody. Nothing worse than that can happen again,” he chuckled, getting up to put the things back at their place.
And Jade simply sat there, feeling even worse than before.
“Hey,” Jaehyun said, kneeling in front of her, lifting her chin with his fingers, “what’s wrong?”
She shook her head and shrugged. “I just, I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
Jaehyun beamed and left a small peck on her lips. “It’s okay. When you’re ready, you’ll meet them.”
She kissed him back, feeling tears menacing to drip down her face again, and then whispered, “I don’t deserve you.”
During July, Jade and Jaehyun took a week off and decided to travel around, they couldn’t go far or afford a proper holiday, but it was just enough to unwind from work and heart problems.
And it worked. Being on the road brought them back to their little Sunday trips they used to do during college, after the exams, when they could finally breathe again. They would get in the car and just drive with no destination.
And now it wasn’t much different, except for the fact they knew where they were going and mostly could at least afford a small bed and breakfast in Scotland.
But everything that’s good ends, and a week wasn’t enough to push somebody out of Jade’s mind. Or better, it had worked, but as soon as they got back to their everyday routine the weight on her chest was once again not making her breathe.
Then one afternoon, like a revelation, an article popped up while she was scrolling on the internet. She had been working on a project all day and was exhausted, so she decided to take a small break. Eating something, drinking a cold drink, and just seeing what she had been missing.
Right when she was about to lock her phone and go back to her job, an article caught her eye.
“Loving more than one person at the same time. What is polyamory?”
She hesitated for a moment, thinking it wasn’t serious, but then she clicked on it, maybe it was nothing, or maybe it was going to answer a lot of questions.
“Polyamorous people have multiple loving, intentional, and intimate relationships at the same time. Polyamory is a type of open or non-monogamous relationship that follows certain guidelines. Polyamory specifically refers to people who have multiple romantic relationships at the same time. It does not mean any type of open relationship that may include more casual sexual partners. In polyamorous relationships, each partner is aware of the other ones. Partners may also have relationships or friendships with each other.”
Jade’s eyes widened as she read through every line of that article and covered her open mouth with a hand. So, it was possible to love more than one person at the same time? And she wasn’t crazy or selfish for also loving somebody else.
She took a breath of relief as she felt her heart get lighter. It still was a terrible situation, but at least she might’ve found out something more. Now she had something to hold on to, she might’ve been poly all this time and simply didn’t know. Or was Johnny the only exception?
Deciding to dig into this once and for all, she searched more and somehow felt even more confused than before because she couldn’t give herself any answers.
“There are many ways to figure out if you’re polyamorous. Look back on your relationships. Are you able to be fulfilled by a single person, or do you frequently find yourself craving love and sex outside of your relationship? If it’s the latter, you may be polyamorous. If you feel capable of being in love with and committed to two people at once, you may be polyamorous.”
She read in another article, but the thing was that she didn’t fall for Johnny because she was missing something in her other relationship, she was happy and fulfilled with Jaehyun. And she never felt like she needed to crave love or sex outside of any of her relationships, not like she had many, but still. So why all of a sudden, she felt something for him? She was sure her feelings didn’t start that night, probably just made it worse, but surely it wasn’t just a sex thing. But why it never happened before?
The article, and many others she read, also said that it was possible to move from a monogamous relationship into a polyamorous one as long as the other partner was okay with it, and the key to success and making everybody comfortable was communication. But that didn’t bring her any joy. Jaehyun didn’t like to share, she knew it, and she couldn’t even blame him. She had no idea how he accepted the threesome, imagine a relationship where she wasn’t just his girlfriend anymore but his best friend’s also.
But, putting Jaehyun to the side for a second, and trying to at least pull herself together, she wondered if she could actually enjoy a relationship of that kind. Not only she had never imagined herself with two people, but she knew damn well how she felt about love, romance, and relationships.
It was hard for her to love somebody and try to balance between all the little fucked up toxic mechanisms she still couldn’t let go of. Not to be cliché, but she was a mess. And in the past, it was hard because she didn’t want to hurt others, so she always ended up hurting herself. And things with Jaehyun had been going oddly well, but could it still be the same even if he accepted this?
She sighed, running a hand through her hair, and sighed. “What if I fuck this up and then I found out I’m not made for this?” She asked herself under her breath.
She had found a small answer that only opened more and more questions that were running through her mind making her feel dizzy.
It was a maze with no way out, and she was going insane.
“I don’t know, she just seems strange, one minute she’s super clingy and then the next one it’s like she’s pushing me away,” Jaehyun huffed while he avoided a punch from Johnny. It was their gym day and for a while, Johnny decided to start boxing with him.
“Talk to her.”
“I can’t,” Jaehyun sighed, throwing a right and then bending to avoid the counterattack. “Every time I try to talk to her, she gets super defensive and says I’m attacking her when I’m not. The last time she had a breakdown, it was terrible.”
Johnny furrowed, and when he felt his brain starting to trail off, he called for a break. “You never fought before?”
“Well, after the stupid bickering at college, no? I mean, somehow, we’re always on the same track, and the few times that something happened, she wasn’t so defensive. I know she doesn’t like fights, she never tells me anything, but I guess they’re triggering, like a lot.”
“And she never told you why?” Johnny asked before drinking from the bottle while keeping his eyes on Jaehyun who was looking at the wall in front of him.
“No,” he sighed, shaking his head to throw his hair back. “I love her, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I feel like I don’t know her at all.”
“Just because she doesn’t tell you about her past?”
“I mean, I have to know why she’s like this or what hurt her so I can help her, right?”
“Or maybe you could just avoid doing the things you know trigger her without having a reason why.”
“But I already do. Trust me that I wasn’t attacking her, I just wanted to talk about something that’s lingering in my brain, but she thought I was attacking her. That’s why I think she’s hiding something.”
Johnny stared at him and then said, “about her past… or?”
“About everything. What if I’m unconsciously doing something that’s hurting her, but she won’t tell me because she thinks I’ll react badly? How do I make her understand that she can trust me with everything? I don’t want to jinx it, but I have hopes that this could last, so I need to know that I’m doing everything right. I can’t spend the rest of my life with her if she doesn’t tell me what’s going on inside her brain,” Jaehyun sighed. “And if it’s something serious and she doesn’t want to talk to me, she can go to a therapist, we’ll find the money somehow, I’ll do three jobs if that’s what it takes to help her.”
Johnny kept silent. He wanted to tell him that it wasn’t only that but didn’t. That was the pact, not telling him anything. But from what he heard from his friend, she was doing worse than he thought. How much into him was she? And how bad her past was?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to throw my negativity at you,” Jaehyun apologized, patting Johnny’s shoulder, and then walking back to the middle of the ring.
“Oh, no, I was just thinking. Maybe you should bring the therapist up, but in a way she won’t take it as an attack, you know.”
“I don’t know, I already brought my parents up and she freaked out.”
“You wanted her to meet your parents?” Johnny asked in disbelief. That soon?
“Why you’re making me look like I’m out of my mind? Yes, I’m serious with her and, I don’t want to scare her away, but I want my mom to meet her.”
“Are you sure?” He wanted to ask, ‘What if something goes wrong like last time?’ but avoided it for the sake of not getting punched to death.
“We’ve dated for two years, lived together for three, and now it’s the second place we have together. We have a great relationship; I don’t see what could go wrong.”
“But what if your mother makes some of her comments?”
“Like?”
“Like, when are you getting married, when are you having kids, and what if this scares her?”
“She won’t, she knows we’re young. The only reason why she wondered with my ex was because we had been together for five years and she was the one going around dreaming about our future together, right before my friend’s dick seemed better than everything we planned.”
“And are you sure she’s okay she’s not Korean?”
Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “Is this a nice not so nice way to encourage me to don’t make her meet mine?”
“I was just saying, I know your mom but never heard her concerns coming to the people you dated, and I don’t want it to turn into a terrible dinner for her.”
“It’s not happening anyway, she doesn’t want to, and I’m okay with it. But with everything that is going on, I can’t help but wonder if she doesn’t want to not because she’s scared but because she doesn’t love me anymore.”
“What the fuck does it mean you love him?” Jaehyun screamed, standing up from the chair and making it fall to the ground with a loud sound, making Jade shake a little.
“Please, can you sit, can we talk?”
“No, fuck, I’m not talking about you telling me you’re in love with my best friend, fuck,” he retorted, staring at her with a broken, yet angry, expression. His nostrils flared in anger.
“I didn’t say that. I said that I also love him, but I still love you.”
“That’s not fucking possible, I don’t care what an article on the internet says, you can’t love two people at once, what the fuck.”
“It’s not some article, please, sit and let me explain.”
“No,” he said. “You already did. You are polyamorous and found out just now, after staying with me for two fucking years, after I explicitly asked you for just one fucking thing, and that was don’t cheat on me and don’t hurt me the way she did. And here you are, for fuck’s sake, you did the same thing she did, but with Johnny, goddamn,” he slammed his fist against the end of the table and she hugged her body to stop it from shaking so evidently.
“I didn’t.”
“You didn’t? You didn’t? You just told me! Well, thank you, at least I didn’t have to come into my room and find your legs spread open while he was fucking you but don’t think that it hurts any less. God,” he screamed, hands locked in his hair as he pulled harshly.
“I didn’t cheat.”
“I don’t care. You love him, it doesn’t change a thing. You were the one talking about a healthy relationship, no fights, no cheating, and all those bullshits, and you are the one doing this to me,” he replied, voice stern but shaking from tears that were menacing to fall. “Bullshits! You knew that all along, you can’t not know that you are whatever the fuck you said you are and then, boom, all of a sudden find out.”
“Yes, have you ever heard it? Do people talk about it? Is it normalized? The only things that I’ve seen were sexual, but this is not.”
“This was all a fucking plan to get your revenge on me, wasn’t it? I made your first year of college a living hell I had to pay somehow, right?”
“What? You think I don’t love you? You think I would give you so much of me just for a joke?”
“Give me what exactly? Give me what, Jade? You never fucking opened up with me, you never told me anything about who you were before coming here to London. You barely tell me anything about who you are right now, I wonder if you even know who the fuck you are, and probably not,” he screamed. “You don’t want to love, you just want attention. What’s wrong? Was it missing at home? They didn’t love you enough and so you decided that you had to fuck other people up?”
“Stop, please stop, and don’t get there, there’s no need to bring that up in this conversation.”
“Oh no, there’s a reason because I’ve known you for three years and I have no idea about the person in front of me. Who are you?” He yelled. “God, I got fooled again. I really thought you were different, I thought I could trust you, I fucking let you in after I tried to push you away, I let you in, Jade, I didn’t even trust my shadow, but I trusted you.”
Jade started crying. “I didn’t play you, I loved you then, and I love you now. I can’t control who I love.”
“Well, then get the fuck out of this and date people like you, I don’t want to split you, share you, or whatever, but mostly I don’t like being lied to.”
“I didn’t know, and I swear I tried to push it away for so long, I tried to convince myself it was just physical attraction, but it’s not.”
“Great, then go and live your fairytale with him, not the first time I see this happening. You’ll be happy, trust me, you’ll probably be married in a year. I’m sure he’s into you just like you’re into him.”
“Don’t get mad at him,” she mumbled, daring to look at Jaehyun in the eyes. But seeing the anger behind them made her look down immediately.
He scoffed. “Sure. I should’ve gotten mad all the times he flirted with you right in front of my face, and instead, I had been a fool telling myself it was just his playful nature.”
“It’s my fault, not his, please.”
“Why are you defending him?”
“Because he didn’t do anything, he cares about you, and I don’t want to be the reason you two lose each other. I just wanted to be honest with you because I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. But please, he just wants what’s best for you. He doesn’t care about me, you are the person he cares about.”
“Fine, let’s put him aside,” he said. “So last time that was the reason why you took it so personally when I rightfully called you out for doing so many things for me. You felt guilty.”
“I was just trying to make you feel my love, I was terrified it wasn’t enough.”
“It’s not enough, I don’t care about a fucking cake if you’re in love with somebody else.”
“But I love you,” she repeated for the nth time, trying again to look at him.
“No, you can’t, you can’t, you’re going to get tired of one of us and go back to just one, and guess who it will be? Him.”
“That’s not how it works, you’re thinking this all wrong, we can work it out together. We overcame so much we can also do this.”
“No, you’re putting this on an emotional side so you can manipulate me into this like you always do.”
“I manipulate you?”
“Yes, playing the victim, telling me half-truths, and I always have to navigate in your brain and try to guess what the hell is going on because unlike you, I love you and I don’t want to hurt you. And I try to do my best to don’t do anything that makes you feel bad even if you don’t tell me anything. But you, I told you my fears loud and clear, and you decided to hurt me right there. You knew how much it still hurt from where she stabbed my heart, and you decided to do the same thing.”
She stared at him while tears filled her eyes and her sobs got louder.
“Don’t fucking cry. You’re not the victim here, don’t cry,” he almost groaned, feeling the anger rise even more.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“You had to think about it before. I’m not staying, Jade. I’m not going around making a fool of myself telling people you’re also Johnny’s girlfriend. I’m not seeing you twice a week because I have to share you like a kid with custody.”
“No, please, just listen to me for a second.”
“I already listened enough. You explained all that shit before arriving at the point, and I don’t care. If somebody believes they can be loved and love more people at the same time, well, good for them, but it’s not for me.”
“It’s just because you’re comparing it to cheating. Trust me, it’s not that bad.”
“You’ve never been in a relationship like that; who told you it’s not bad? And yes, you were drooling on my friend for all this time, and flirted with him, and fell in love with him, and I should be grateful and okay with it? Fuck no.”
“I —”
“I don’t care about what you have to say,” he said before walking to their bedroom.
“Don’t go. What are you doing?”
“Taking my shit, I’m not sleeping here tonight.”
“No, please, please, I didn’t want this to go this way,” she begged, trying to grab his hand, but he kept pushing away.
“What the hell were you expecting me to do? Throw a party? Call my parent and tell them I got fucked in the same way twice? Or call Johnny over so you can lock yourself with him in the bedroom and have your fun without me coming in your way this time.”
“You didn’t come in our way, stop saying this. I didn’t do what she did.”
“No, you did. But you’re even worse than her because she was a nineteen-year-old girl that, you know what, had all the right of being tired of a relationship that went on for five years, she could’ve avoided cheating, for sure, but we all fuck up. But you, you’re twenty-three, and you knew how much I was hurt by that, you decided to twist the knife in my wound, you decided to hurt me after I opened myself to you.”
She wanted to say it wasn’t the same but didn’t. He was sad and angry and probably even hated her. He wasn’t going to understand.
“You were completely cold-minded when you decided to shoot your shot, and you’re making me feel a type of pain I never imagined could possibly be felt. I loved you so fucking much, Jade, you have no idea how much I cared for you. I wanted this to be the one for us so bad, and you had to go and screw everything up.” He rolled his head behind, trying to push the tears away, but it was all useless. He didn’t want this to end like this. He didn’t want them to end. How could she hurt him like this? After everything they had been through? God, they grew up together so much in the last years, what they had was perfect, how it wasn’t enough for her? Why the hell he was never enough?
“That’s why you didn’t want to meet my mom, right? Well, better like this, I’ll avoid telling her what you did, not because I don’t want her to know what kind of person you are, but simply because I’d look like a fool. Not because I care about what she’ll think about you.”
“Why don’t you just try to give it a try? Maybe it won’t be that bad. It’s just Johnny.”
“That’s the fucking problem, it’s him, and I know him, and I also know how dangerous and charming he can be. When he’ll completely wipe you off of your feet, I don’t want to be there.”
“Don’t leave me alone,” she begged when he grabbed his bag and walked out of the room again.
“I thought you were a big girl, you didn’t need my help, right? You did so many things by yourself, guess you can sleep alone for one night.”
“It’s late, it’s dangerous,” she blabbered, trying to grab him by the jacket, but he pushed her away another time.
“You don’t care about me, don’t act like you do. And don’t worry, probably if something happened, it would be less painful than what I’m feeling right now.
She grabbed his wrist, but he pulled away. “Don’t touch me,” he groaned.
“Why are you treating me like that?” She cried through sobs, voice coming out shaky and messy.
“Stop playing the victim and start taking responsibility for your actions.
“I’m crying because I love you, not because I’m playing the victim, I don’t want you to throw us away because I care.”
“I’m not the one throwing us away, you did, because you have to search for more. Well, go fucking get it and leave me out of this.”
“Jaehyun,” she called, trying to stop him from going out.
“No, we’re over.”
Jade stared at the door for hours, crying and sobbing messily not caring about anything, just hoping he would come home, but he never did, just like he never answered her calls or messages, phone off and sleeping only God knows where.
She dragged her body on the couch to at least rest her legs and waited, and waited, but all the tears and screams tired her out, and she fell asleep.
When she woke up the morning after, the sun was already high in the sky. She cleared the sleep off her eyes and got up, looking for him.
“Jaehyun,” she called, entering the bedroom and finding him there. Back facing her as he kept moving around to get his things. But turning around, she noticed that the room was already half empty.
“What are you doing? Come on, you can’t be leaving for real,” she said, trying to don’t cry again.
But he didn’t answer, he was wearing a black hoodie, not caring about the hot weather, and didn’t say a single thing to her. She felt like passing out, being brought back to when she had spent her whole life going around the house asking her mother, ‘mom, what’s wrong?’ just to get no answer, silence treatment; the only thing she had grown up with.
“Jaehyun, please, talk to me.” Here it was again, begging and humiliating herself for attention, for an answer, for something, anything. That was the whole point of it anyway, making her feel stupid, and hurt her back, back at home for something she didn’t even do most of the time, and now for something she meant no harm.
When he pulled the zipper of a bag, she felt her heart ache; there was nothing else in the room.
“Where are you going? You don’t have a place to stay. You can’t live in the streets, we can barely afford this place.”
He stopped in his tracks, placing the bags next to the front door. “Number one, that’s none of your business. Number two, I do. And number three, find a new roommate.”
“But you’re not a roommate.”
“Here are the keys, I already talked with the landlord, I’ll sign the contract off directly with him, and then you’ll talk to him if you need somebody else to move in. I went to the kitchen before, grabbed the sets my mom gave to me, you still have plates to eat, though. My piano is going to Johnny, he’ll come to take it.”
“Is this all you have to say?”
He looked down on her, and she wanted to disappear; all the hate in his eyes was nothing compared to the hate she thought he felt for him when they first met.
“Yes, nothing connects us anymore. I don’t want to relate to a cheater.”
“Okay, you hate me, but can I at least know where are you going? Are you going to be okay?”
He chuckled bitterly. “Oh, look, you always care about people after you lose them, right? I’ll be okay, I won’t let somebody like you tear me down.”
And this time, when the door closed, she had no more tears left to cry, just a painfully aching heart.
Time flew for everybody but her and when September came, she still felt her ground shake under her feet. Because for Jade every single day felt like torture. She dragged her body out of the bed and forced herself to do things. She had to; the rent to pay all to herself barely made her make it at the end of the month, but she didn’t want to find a roommate or move out of there to go to a cheaper place. She had all the best memories there and were the only things left to hold on to.
She hadn’t seen anybody but Amita in two months. When Johnny passed to get his piano, she wasn’t home and told him she had left the keys under the carpet. He kept his distance too. He texted her that he didn’t hate her, but he needed to detox, and not seeing each other was the best thing they could do, he said it was because Jaehyun suspected they had done something behind his back, but she knew it was also because he was mad at her. She had promised not to tell anything and did it anyway, and as much as Jaehyun wasn’t mad at Johnny, she knew that Johnny was mad at her anyway.
And she had no news about Jaehyun. He had blocked her on every social possible. Cut her off completely, as if she never existed, and she didn’t know what to do.
Amita told her he was doing assumingly okay, at least that was what Johnny told her, but he didn’t say much. He had moved back to America, to his parents, and was working at his father’s company, that was all she knew.
And probably was better that way. No risk of running into each other in the streets. No risk of being under the same sky. Nothing. Just two complete strangers.
What do people say? Grasp all, lose all. Yeah, that was the lesson she learned.
“I know I shouldn’t bring him up, but I’ve never seen you this broken, Jadey,” Amita said, caressing her friend’s hand. “He’s not coming back, and you know it. And Johnny won’t come to you, either.”
“How are you always so sure about everything?”
Amita raised her head. “Do you want to know why?” Jade nodded.
Amita gulped and hesitated for a moment before letting the words slip out of her mouth, “They’re both seeing somebody else.”
Jade felt her heart break even more —if there was something left to break, to be honest.
“Oh, I’m so easy to forget,” she laughed sarcastically, trying to don’t cry even now.
“No, I just think it hurt all of you a lot, and they’re simply trying to go on.”
“It wouldn’t have hurt if he listened to me.”
“You know I never go against you, and I agree that he was harsh, but you knew that never on earth he was going to agree with that and react well.”
Jade shrugged, whatever. It was in the past, and the damage was done. To sleep at night with a clear conscience, now she slept with a heavy heart.
“Good for them, by the way. I hope they’re happy.”
“You can be happy, too. Maybe next time just tell your partner first?”
“I didn’t know. How many times do I have to explain it to you too?” Jade snapped, crossing her arms on her chest. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have dated him in the first place. I didn’t plan to fall for Johnny, too. I’m not such an asshole.”
“Why don’t you write him a letter?”
“Yeah, back to the middle age and sent it with a pigeon just so that he can throw it in the fire to keep him and his new partner warm this winter.”
“I’m sure he’ll read that.”
“Okay, let’s say he does, do you think he’ll write me back?”
“But at least you told him what you had to. He didn’t give you time to explain yourself with calm, so you’d give yourself the closure you need to move on.”
“Closure, move on, yeah, just to get hurt more.”
“Moving on doesn’t mean finding somebody else. Do something for yourself for once. Listen, I don’t like to go back there but you came all the way here to escape from the toxicity of your house and you’re just hurting yourself in the same way they hurt you. Allow yourself to make mistakes and allow yourself to learn from them, it’s not the end of the world. You don’t carry the weight of the whole world on your shoulders, and the sooner you’ll realize that he better it will be.”
“But that’s not the weight of the world, I just had to carry his weight and I failed.”
“Then write it down, let go of what you’re feeling. You’re alone now and you still try to hold yourself together like when you had to do it because you had to take care of your siblings and put on a smile for them. You’re still faking it as if somebody next door has surreal expectations of you. You’re still pushing yourself to the limit because you have to prove yourself to ghosts that are not here anymore and won’t reach you again.”
Jade rolled her eyes and sighed. “And writing a letter will solve things?”
“No, therapy will solve things but it’s a start, it’s better than nothing. It’s somebody to talk to when you have nobody to talk to, the good thing is the paper won’t judge you.”
“But it won’t bring him back, it won’t bring them back,” Jade broke down crying, resting her head on her arm against the table. “I had them both and just lost them at the same time. I’m so fucking stupid, I could’ve had it all. He wanted me to meet his mother and you have no idea how much he loves her and now I don’t even want to think about what he told her about me.”
“I’m sure he didn’t.”
“You didn’t see the disgust and hatred in his eyes that night, I broke him in the worst way possible. I hurt him so bad and here I am, crying because he won’t come back to me. I seriously just hope that whoever he’s with now loves him more than I ever did and won’t hurt him. He never deserved all the pain I gave him.”
“But it wasn’t your intention.”
“But I still did, the more I try not to hurt people the more I do, God, I’m horrible.”
Amita caressed her hair trying to make her calm down a little, but she let herself go to a silent cry.
“He was worried about me, he even, he even, God, he sang me the song his mother made just for him when he mended me for a stupid little cut I gave myself and you had to see how much love was in the way he treated me. Nobody ever treated me that gently, as if I was going to break in any moment, and that’s what I gave him back. And I lost it, selfishly I lost all of that love, and I don’t think I’ll ever find somebody so stupid to love somebody like me that much.”
Amita sighed, pulling her closer to her chest and letting her cry nonstop. She wanted to tell her that she wasn’t unlovable even if life made her believe that, and that she wasn’t only good at being used for people’s needs and then dropped. But didn’t say a thing, it was useless anyway. She never believed her when she told her that. And the only that was starting to make her believe she deserved all the love, the purest kind, had been Jaehyun, and now she had lost him.
“I just hope he’ll forgive me one day.”
“No, mom, I’m not coming over tomorrow,” Jaehyun sighed, swinging in his chair, fixing his glasses with a scrunch of the nose. His mom had passed by the company to drop her greetings after going out with some friends and hadn’t let him breathe since she entered his office.
“But why not?”
“I can’t. I told you, I have to go out,” he repeated for the nth time while his mother kept complaining, but the thing immediately changed after that.
“Oh,” she chanted, tilting her head to the side. “Like a date?”
“Yes, mom, like a date,” he replied, trying to suppress the annoyance in his voice and don’t roll his eyes. She was just worried for him, but sometimes it was just too much.
“And with that girl that came here the other day?”
“Yes, with that girl,” he rolled his eyes.
“Uh, uh, so it’s serious?”
“I guess,” he replied, shrugging. “I don’t know, I don’t really want to get too excited.”
“Scared she’s better than the other girl? What even was her name?”
“Mom,” he glared at her, breathing loudly.
“What? She got you running all the way here, not even Minju did that. I’m your mother, and I’m not buying that it simply didn’t work out. You were shattered when you arrived here.”
“I was shattered because it didn’t work out.”
“No, because something happened, and you don’t want to tell me.”
He huffed loudly. “You’re just paranoid, it wasn’t meant to be, that’s all. Why do you think about her? I’m here right now, aren’t you happy? And I’m seeing another person.”
She shrugged. “I guess. But why did you never make me meet her? Was it because you knew I would’ve said straight away she gave me bad vibes?”
“You can’t say that, you don’t even know her,” he mumbled, lowering his head, thinking about Jade for a second. He hated how much his mother brought her up because he just wanted to forget her, and it was working pretty fine, slowly but fine. “You would’ve loved her.”
“Oh, really?”
He nodded and then got up to guide his mom out of the door. “Yeah, but you won’t have to, so just think positive and focus on other things.”
“Like your new girlfriend being better.”
“She’s not my girlfriend, and I don’t want you to compare them, and please, can you just stop bringing her up? I don’t want to think about her.”
“You see, she hurt you.”
Jaehyun pinched the bridge of his nose. “I hurt her too. We both hurt each other, but that happens, I just need to move on.”
“Whatever, fine, I’ll just stick to rooting for you and your new flame, hoping she will be the one.” And with one last kiss on the cheek, his mom left.
Alone again in his office, he slumped on the chair and stared at the wall.
He felt like shit.
It had been two months, and nothing really changed. It wasn’t even about forgetting her, but it was about trusting other people.
His walls were so high up in the sky that he was sure nobody was going to make them fall soon. He had lost his dream job, lost his love, and lost his best friend. He kept in touch with Johnny, but they weren’t together, and Johnny wasn’t playful like before. They seemed like those friends that contact each other just because they have to, and he hated it.
Maybe he had a reason for hating her so much in college, maybe his instinct knew that she was going to lead to all of this, and yet, he decided to ignore it. Oh, how he wished they never met, everything would be different right now, everything would be better. Because not even the two years together were worth the pain.
He grabbed his phone and scrolled through the contacts, he had blocked her number too, just to avoid impulsive calls at night or other dumb shits, but not knowing how she was doing at all killed him.
He was doing it for himself, not checking the socials —he blocked her anyway— not asking Johnny or even Amita, who still occasionally commented on his photos, about her. But it was harder than expected.
He regretted all the harsh words he had said that night and the day after, how he left her so harshly and hurt her just to give her back a little bit of the pain he had felt. Because it didn’t make him feel better at all. He wasn’t sure it was still love, but he deeply cared for her, and he knew, even if she rarely said it out loud, how fragile she truly was.
He had caught her crying sometimes in silence, he had caught the small things she would do to keep herself together when she couldn’t fall apart in front of everybody, he had seen her smile drop when nobody was there for her at the graduation and she said that her parents were just really busy but had sent her the congratulations already.
He had seen how little love she had received all her life, and a part of him wondered if there was somebody out there giving her the love she craved.
Maybe her past was the reason why she wanted to be with more people at once? Maybe she needed to fill a hole in her chest with something that was missing. And as much as he still couldn’t wrap his head around it, he wished she had got what she wanted.
He knew Johnny started dating a guy he met on a set, so in the end, it didn’t work out with him either, and that kind of made him even madder. If only she lasted a little bit longer, they still could’ve been together. But if that was her true nature, somebody else was going to come between them anyway, so there was no point in dragging it any longer.
It was better this way, life was turning out fine, they were all getting what they wanted, just not in the way they expected it.
He locked his phone again and got up from the chair. He had to go to another company for a meeting and then he had to go home. Finally, a bigger house, but that felt so empty with just him inside.
“No, I’m just saying that if you wear shoes twice your size is obvious you’re going to fall at the first step,” Jaehyun laughed shaking his head at Hyuna’s affirmation.
“Nah, I think that was a nice way to call me dumb,” she joked, winking at him.
“I mean, that’s not a move I would consider smart…”
“See! You’re terrible,” she laughed before intertwining their arms together. Jaehyun was caught by surprise but didn’t pull away. It was somehow nice, just like her. “Also, in my defense, my mom called me in a rush to help her with groceries.”
“Oh yeah, the last-minute shoes of the groceries run,” he joked, staring at her.
Yeah, maybe not anytime soon, maybe not easily, but maybe she deserved a try. He simply didn’t have to jump into her without looking first, but one step at a time, she didn’t seem like a bad person.
“Can I ask you something?” They were now sitting on a bench in a square while eating ice cream.
“Sure.”
“Okay, first a confession. I had a crush on you since long ago, but I kind of gave up when your mom told me that you weren’t going to come back here, she said that not even the biggest heartbreak of your life made you run away. So, what happened?”
He chuckled; his mom was wrong because it had been the biggest heartbreak of his life that made him run away. “Is this part of the list of questions my mom told you to ask me?”
“No, I’m just curious, I promise.”
He nodded, even if he wasn’t totally convinced. “I needed to change air,” he shrugged. He surely wasn’t going to tell the truth to her because she wasn’t really part of his life and also because he didn’t want people to know what happened. “Had another pretty long relationship with someone and then when it was all over, I decided to just leave. I missed my parents, some old friends, just America.”
“It must’ve hurt.”
“No, not at all. Places can get suffocating after a while.”
“I was talking about the relationship.”
“That’s my mom on a mission.”
“No, I just want to talk, I think it’s important to get to know each other, so we can’t hurt like we did in the past.”
“It hurt just the right amount,” he smiled. Wrong. It had hurt like hell.
She chuckled. “There’s a right amount of pain?”
“Yeah, just that much that tells you that you cared for that person, and it hasn’t been just a waste of time, you know.”
She nodded. “And, do you plan on going back?”
“Why would I? I have nothing there.”
“So, I can sleep peacefully at night knowing you’ll stay here?”
Jaehyun sighed. “Listen, you wanted to be honest, and I’ll be. I like you, I mean, I can talk to you well, you’re smart, beautiful, and everything, but I can’t promise you my heart right now. I’m not sure I’m ready to let somebody in and I don’t know how much you want me to be with you, mentally, since the start.”
Hyuna chuckled, “you still love her, right?”
“No,” he replied. But in his heart, it felt like a lie. “I’m just hurt.”
“You’re contradicting yourself. Let me tell you how things are Mr ‘just the right amount’. It hurt like hell, you came here to forget her, but no matter how far you run, feelings don’t turn off that easily, and so here you are, trying to convince yourself you can move on when you know you can’t.”
Jaehyun sighed and lowered his head. As much as he didn’t want to agree, Hyuna was right. He missed her and he still loved her.
“But what can I do? I can’t go back there.”
“Is somebody stopping you? Is it so hard to make it work? And why don’t try? Look at me, I shoot my shot with you, it’s clear I’m not destined for you, but at least I tried, I won’t go to bed in ten years wondering what would’ve happened ‘if’, because I know what happened with that ‘if’. So go and get it, and remember, if you’re hurting, it can’t hurt more than it already does.”
“Don’t look at me like that, mom,” Jaehyun said while finishing to take his things and put them in the boxes.
“I’m not looking at you in any way,” the woman replied, getting up from the chair to sit on the bed and face her son. “I’m just wondering what happened.”
“You never changed your mind in your life?”
“Yeah, I did, only fools and dead men don’t change their minds, but I’d like to know why.”
“Why do you care so much?”
“I need to know you have a good reason to go back there and try to fix something that broke months ago. I just need to make sure you’re not doing it because you feel guilty.”
Jaehyun sighed and zipped the bag before moving it on the floor and sitting down next to his mom.
“You told me you feel when something is meant for you, right? And that also works for people?”
“Yes, and you feel that? Trusting your guts after what happened? I guess that it wasn’t a simple ‘it didn’t work out’, right?”
Jaehyun nodded. “No, it wasn’t, but I was blinded by anger, and I didn’t stop to think or listen to her, and I regret it.”
“It’s not just regretting. You know, when I would talk bad about her it wasn’t because I had bad feelings about her, I just wanted to see how you reacted, and I’ve never seen you get so defensive about anybody else, probably just Johnny, yeah, just him.”
Jaehyun laughed lowly, leaning his head on her shoulder.
“I don’t know what happened, and I don’t even want to know, I mean, yes, I do, but I’ll respect you,” she chuckled, making him smile too. “But it’s clear you still love her, and there’s no need to let our pride kill us when we could just be happy,” she sighed. “Our lives are already short enough, Yoonoh, they pass before you even realize and when you grow old, don’t look back and see a road full of regrets, they’ll haunt you at night, and by then you won’t be able to say sorry to a friend, I love you to a loved one, or simply fix someone that is broken, even yourself.”
“But what if they don’t feel the same anymore?”
“If you were a child, I would’ve told you that a little bird told me that everything is going to be fine, but I guess you don’t believe in that anymore, right?”
Jaehyun smiled, shaking his head.
“Then I’ll tell you I know that everything’s going to be fine.” She caressed his hair and then added, “so why are you going back there?”
“I miss them.”
“Them?” His mom asked, but not even with a lot of surprise in her voice.
“Yeah,” he whispered. “Them.”
It was strange being back in London and not having a speech ready for the talk that was going to change his life around.
It was just strange being back in London. And it was even stranger standing on Johnny’s front door. Jaehyun felt like he wanted to puke. He wasn’t even sure Johnny liked her anymore, or better, if he ever liked her in the first place. And it felt so selfish to be here and ask him to try again after he knew Johnny had just broken up with his boyfriend, but he had to try. Or at least, he had to talk, the three of them together, and try to fix what was fixable.
Jaehyun looked around back at the street and then gathered the courage to knock on the door. He felt like passing out when no answer came for at least one minute but then when the door opened Johnny was standing right behind it.
“Jaehyun?” He asked confused, rubbing his eyes; he was sleeping. “What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in for a second?”
Johnny furrowed and then, passing a hand through his hair, moved to the side. “Your mom kicked you out?”
“No, I live on my own and I’m serious.”
“Did something happen then? You said you never wanted to come back here,” Johnny asked, stretching. He fell asleep after lunch and didn’t wake up until he heard the knock on the door, it was quite late in the afternoon now.
“No, I just need to make things up.”
“With me? For what?”
“With you and Jade.”
Johnny furrowed and stared at him. “What do I have to do with you two?”
“You know what,” Jaehyun replied.
Johnny straightened his back and exhaled deeply. Jaehyun didn’t seem mad, but he still didn’t know how to feel about all of this. He had tried to push her out of his mind, knowing he had already caused enough trouble.
“You know I was dating somebody since two weeks ago, right?”
“And did you love them?”
“You really have the nerves to ask me that, God,” Johnny scoffed, throwing his head back and running his hands on his face. “But, luckily for you, the answer is no, or else I would’ve kicked you out.”
Jaehyun chuckled and then pressed his lips together trying to find the best way possible to start this conversation. “And her? Did you love her?”
Johnny breathed deeply. “Are you serious or is this a way to break with me too?”
“I’m serious, I just want to know before driving to her house and making a fool out of me because you don’t want to be in this.”
Johnny nodded and sat on the headrest of his couch. “I do, I think. I never let my emotions for her take over, she was yours and you were hers, and never in my life, I wanted to hurt you the same way Minhyuk did. I had told her to move on from me, that having each other in the way we had was enough, but apparently, for her, it wasn’t.”
Jaehyun nodded. It was nice to know that Johnny still did his best to stay loyal to their friendship. “Have you seen her lately?”
Johnny shook his head. “I had to avoid her, just like you did. I don’t know how she’s doing, Amita doesn’t tell me much.”
“Do you think she moved on?”
“I wasn’t the one dating her, you should know her more than me.”
“But how could I know?”
“And why would I know? The only thing we can do is try to see how she’s doing and talk to her.”
“I told her terrible things the night we fought.”
“You’re never too late to take them back, I’m sure she’ll understand. But are you really sure, Jae?”
“I can’t promise I’ll be good on the first try, but I’ll still do my best. I want to give us a try.”
From the corridor of the floor of their old place, the house seemed quiet. It was nine pm, so it was way too early for her to be asleep, but they hoped that she was inside.
Jaehyun rang the bell and they silently waited for an answer.
“Yeah, who’s that?” Came muffled from the inside after a while and they hesitated for a second. Johnny pushed Jaehyun out of the frame and then said. “Me.”
“Me? Really? What the hell?” Jaehyun mouthed from the side.
“You who?” She said before tiptoeing to reach the peephole. She blinked twice, thinking she was insane but then opened the door before receiving an answer.
“Johnny? What are you doing here?” She asked, staring at him trying to fix her clothes. She was a mess. Old gym pants, an ugly hoodie, and hair pulled in the same bun for the second day straight.
“Well, we have to talk to you.”
“We? Who’s with…” she stopped when Jaehyun came to his side, and she felt like passing out. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut and then opening them again. “Are you here to get your revenge?”
Jaehyun shook his head. “No, we want to talk. Like we should’ve done three months ago.”
She looked between them for a while, they weren’t supposed to be there, they should’ve left but maybe getting this over soon was the only solution. So, she moved to the side, letting them in.
The house was basically empty, more than it was when Jaehyun left, and they both wanted to ask why but didn’t. They had other things to do before.
“Have a seat,” she said, pointing at the table. “Want something to drink?”
“No, we’re fine,” Johnny answered for them.
She nodded and sat in front of them. “So, why are you here?”
“I can’t do this. I tried, I swear, I really did. I tried to push you out of my mind, but it didn’t work, and I know it hasn’t been that long, but I don’t see the point in suffering more if I know there will never be another one like you in my life. There’s no point in pushing the people I love the most out of my life just because they also love each other.”
Jade drifted her eyes from him to Johnny and then back to him. “What are you trying to say?”
“That I want to try again. I want to make this work. All of us together.”
Jade massaged her neck and looked around, not knowing how to feel.
“You’re seeing somebody else, right? I knew that,” Jaehyun said, a hint of sadness in his tone.
“No, I’m not seeing anybody, I have to… What made you change your mind?”
“You. I miss you two too much to at least don’t give it a try. I can’t promise it’ll be easy for me to fit in this new thing, but I want to try again.”
She hummed, still scratching the side of her neck and avoiding their stares. Oh, how badly she dreamed of this moment. How badly she wanted at least one of them back. And now she had them both, sitting in front of her, telling her they were willing to try to make things work. But she couldn’t. It was too late now, it was the wrong moment for them to be there. If only he never left, if only things didn’t crumble apart months ago…
“Anyway, I can’t be here.”
They looked at each other and then at her. “Why?”
“It’s you that can’t stay here, actually. I have another thing to take care of and I don’t have time for this.”
“But you have two of us, we can help you,” Johnny replied.
Jade shook her head. “No, you can’t, and I don’t want to drag you in this mess.”
“You put yourself in danger? Is somebody threatening you? Asked money to the wrong people? That’s why the house is empty, right?”
“No, Jae, no. It’s nothing of that kind, I just had to sell a lot of stuff but it’s okay. I have to do this alone, it’s not about you.”
“Jade, what’s all this noise?” When an unknown female voice resonated in the kitchen Jade’s widened her eyes while the other turned around to stare at a girl that seemed like the younger copy of Jade.
“Who are they?”
“Nobody,” Jade answered, standing up and walking to the girl. “You were sleeping, you have work tomorrow.”
“But I heard male voices, I thought it was him again.”
“No, now get back to bed, please. Also, don’t come out when you hear voices. What if it was him? You know it can be dangerous.”
“Who are you talking about?” Jaehyun asked, quirking a brow at her words.
“Nobody. Now leave, both of you.”
“No, we’re not leaving. I already left you alone once I’m not doing it twice.”
Jade shook her head feeling tears at the corner of her eyes. “It’s not the right time, really.”
“Who is she?” Johnny asked.
“I’m Diamond, her little sister,” the girl waved at him with a small smile on her face.
“Diamond, no, back to your room, now.”
“But they want to help, and we need help.”
“I don’t need help, we’ve been doing great.”
“Yeah, that’s why he’s threatening you,” she whispered, earning a glare from her sister.
“Jade, what’s going on?”
“It’s all my fault,” Diamond said, lowering her head. “My parents found out I’m lesbian and kicked me out of the house, I have nowhere else to stay. Not for now at least.”
“Diamond, they don’t have to know, they were leaving anyway.”
“No, they weren’t, I heard the conversation. They love you.”
“Love doesn’t matter, I have to take care of you, for now. Come on, let’s go to sleep,” she said, walking her to their bedroom. Once she made sure she was inside, she came back to the other two that were sitting on the couch.
“I told you to leave.”
“No, we’re not moving from here.”
“Who’s threatening you? And why?”
She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. They weren’t going to leave if she didn’t tell the truth, right? So, she sat down between them and started confessing.
“I can’t look after her alone, and my job doesn’t pay enough, I mean, I would have clients, but I feel like shit, and I don’t find inspiration anymore, so I had to drop. I found a job in a coffee shop, but it doesn’t pay enough. She was supposed to start college, and I wanted to help with it, but I can’t pay for her. I can’t do what I did for me another time with her,” Jade explained, breaking down crying. “And she had found a little job, but it’s still not enough. The landlord threatened to throw me out and in the middle of desperation, I asked the wrong person. And I couldn’t pay him back in time, so the debt keeps growing because he doesn’t want to give me time. And I don’t know what do to anymore, I can’t find money, not so fast and I’m… I’m afraid he will do something to me, or worse, to her.”
“How much do you own him?” Johnny asked, resting his hand on her knees to calm her down.
“It’s only one thousand five hundred pounds but he keeps raising it.”
“Did he beat you?”
Jade gulped, crossing her arms on her chest. “It doesn’t matter.”
“No, it does. Where?”
“Just a punch, I’m okay. I’m just worried for her.”
“We can help you with that,” Johnny reassured.
“No, I don’t want you to put your money in this.”
“We don’t want you to be in danger,” Jaehyun said.
“It’s not much, I made a fortune with weddings this summer, we’ll pay and then you’ll be able to breathe. And then we’ll see what to do with her. How’s she?”
“Are you sure? After everything I caused?”
“You didn’t cause anything, feelings are a lot, and we all were scared,” Jaehyun replied. “I shouldn’t have turned like this that night, and maybe we could’ve tried to make it work since the start.”
“But are you sure you’re okay with all of this? And also, with my sister? What if this situation just makes it more complicated for us and we’ll lose each other again?”
“I’m sure I’m not going anywhere,” Johnny smiled. “Always liked a little challenge.”
“I’m not leaving either no matter how rough this will get.”
“I wish I wasn’t so complicated. I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t leave her alone another time. I already left them in that mess when I ran away here. If I was there, probably this wouldn’t have happened.”
“You can’t blame yourself for something your parents did. You didn’t birth her, Jade. Raising them and loving them wasn’t your responsibility,” Jaehyun said, caressing her hair and pulling her close.
“I missed this,” she said, snuggling closer and reaching her hand out to hug Johnny too.
“Me too,” they said.
“But can we promise to each other we’re going to therapy as soon things get economically better?” Johnny joked.
“Yeah, I’ll be the first one to go there, have a lot of things from the past to fix. I’m sorry if I never told you anything, but it makes me really uncomfortable, and I just wanted to forget them, it also helped to not think that my siblings were still there.”
“We know, it’s okay. You can take your time if you want to tell us one day. For now, let’s focus on the present, okay?” Jaehyun reassured her, caressing her nape gently.
Jade nodded. “We don’t have a bed to stay in, she’s sleeping in our room.”
“It’s fine, we can stay closer here on the couch,” Johnny said, before wrapping his arms around them, making them giggle.
“Wait, weren’t you dating someone else?” Jade asked, all of a sudden realizing that they moved on, or well, at least tried.
“Well, guess what happened?” Jaehyun said. “Actually, I wasn’t dating her just yet, stopped everything before I could hurt someone else just to try to don’t think about you.”
“And you?”
“It didn’t work,” Johnny shrugged. “We wanted different things.”
“So, you’re both really sure about this? It isn’t just driven by pity or anything else?” She asked again. She was happy they were both there with her again, but she wanted to be sure they were in it for real. This wasn’t going to be easy and she couldn’t take another fall.
“A hundred percent sure, love. You said we should’ve tried to give this a shot, right? We’ll try. I trust us.”
“We always kind of worked as a trio, we can do it even romantically,” Johnny agreed, snuggling closer to her.
“I hope so,” Jade replied and then rested her head against Jaehyun’s shoulder while her hand intertwined with Johnny’s. “I don’t want to lose you again.”
“Hey! Don’t forget the lunch, I made it just for you,” Johnny screamed from his kitchen, peeking his head out to hand the girl her lunch box.
“You know that your food is going to be the thing I’ll miss the most when I’ll go to my aunt, right?” Diamond smiled, grabbing the box and leaning in to leave a peck on his cheek before rushing to the door.
“Don’t tell it to your sister,” he winked and waved her goodbye before turning around, meeting Jade’s deadly glare. “Oh, hi, angel, I made breakfast for you too.”
“I heard you, and I don’t like at all that you’re siding against me so much.”
“Oh, let her have her fun, as nice as your aunt seems to be I’m sure she won’t have two cool brothers-in-law like us to make her day better and to make fun of her sister with.”
Jade slapped his arm before pressing her head against his broad chest. “I hate you sometimes, you know.”
“Wow, romantic morning confessions,” Jaehyun said, walking into the kitchen to leave a small kiss on Jade’s forehead.
“She’s mad I’m her sister’s favourite,” Johny joked.
“Are you planning on stealing the whole family?” Jaehyun teased before walking to the countertop and then pouring coffee into his cup.
Jade glared at him, and he raised his hands. “Sorry, sorry, you know it just slips sometimes,” he apologized.
“Good,” Jade said, smiling at him.
“He’s doing better than what I had expected, though,” Johnny praised, glimpsing at him for a second before moving the pots off the fire.
“Yeah, I feared it was going to be much worse honestly,” Jade agreed before sitting on the chair.
“Thank you for the trust, I can always count on you,” Jaehyun glared at them.
They both laughed before leaning in to leave a kiss on his cheek. “It’s just that I wasn’t expecting this to flow so easily,” Jade confessed. “It’s not even all about you, I was afraid that after all that happened, something irreparably broke. And even if we didn’t fight, I was afraid of not being able to be in a relationship like this. I never had the best examples in my life, and I was afraid of falling into something just as bad and tiring.”
“But we’re here,” Johnny exclaimed, holding her hand on the table. “And we’re doing great. One month together and we’re successfully raising a child that’s not ours, paying the bills, buying groceries, and loving each other. I’d dare to say we’re almost better now than in college.”
“She’s not a child, she’s nineteen, Johnny, please,” Jaehyun complained, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah, but she’s not independent and she’s broken,” Johnny reminded him. It had been a month now and slowly everything was starting to find its own place. They had paid the man Jade had debts with immediately. But the place was too small for three people, especially since Jaehyun and Diamond weren’t close at all, and the three couldn’t sleep in the same bed. So, Johnny insisted they would move to his place, it was big enough to fit them all, and mostly they didn’t have to hear from that asshole of their owner that just kept rising prices for a hole. It was a risky and big first step, but it was the only solution. And spending much time together led all of them to open up, Jade was still quiet and didn’t say much, but with Diamond by her side, they had found out a bit more.
They were five, three sisters and two brothers. And their parents weren’t the best. They didn’t let out many details, and they didn’t push them out. Diamond wasn’t even expecting they would react that badly at finding out she wasn’t straight, but the thing that hurt her the most was the reason, ‘we have a reputation, we don’t want the whole neighbourhood to know we have a child like you.’
“She’s doing better, I hope she’ll react better than me,” Jade mumbled, lowering her head.
“They threw you out, too?” Jaehyun asked.
“No, but simply because they didn’t know I’m bi,” she said with a bitter laugh. “I kept it as a secret, nobody but Amita knew it, and well, the only girl I dated in high school, but she never told anyone. I left because I needed to live for myself, not for my family. Being everybody’s therapist, everybody’s punching ball, taking care of everyone, and nobody taking care of me. Being the oldest daughter in a dysfunctional family sucks.”
“So that’s why you never talk about them?”
“Yeah, even if there’s more,” she smiled sadly at him, “but I don’t want to talk about it now. It’s a beautiful day and the fridge is empty, so we have to go shopping.”
“My favourite types of dates,” Johnny rolled his eyes with a huff before standing up from the chair.
“Oh, come on, we’ll have fun. I also wanted to buy her some clothes for when she leaves.” Luckily for everyone, an aunt of theirs was willing to let her in. She had no problems with money and didn’t mind some company, and also despised their mom, so she was more than grateful to help the children she didn’t take care of. She was going to leave in a week, and hopefully find a stable place where to stay, work, and then start college next year.
“Then let’s go take a shower and then go out,” Jaehyun said, jumping off the chair and dragging Jade with him.
“Hey, don’t start without me,” Johnny screamed, putting the used dishes in the sink.
“We’re just going to shower,” Jade said, turning to Jaehyun who was looking at her with raised eyebrows and a smirk on his face. “We’re just going to shower, right?” But instead of answering, he grabbed her waist and held her on his shoulder, making her scream. “Stop it,” she laughed, reaching her hands out to ask Johnny for help but he simply laughed.
“For once that we’re together and have the house for ourselves you want to waste the opportunity?”
“I can’t wet my hair,” she complained.
“Trust me, your hair will be the last thing to be wet.”
“Jaehyun!” She screamed, slapping his back playfully.
But he just laughed and opened the bathroom door. “See, you promise a good time and he stops being an order freak.”
“The dishes can wait,” Johnny said, closing the door behind him before leaning in to kiss her.
“No,” Jade pulled away. “We’re brushing our teeth first and then maybe I’ll let you do what you want.”
Before she could even finish, they already rushed to the sink, fighting for the toothpaste and she rolled her eyes.
“You are like little children I can’t stand you,” she joked before grabbing her own toothbrush.
“And now, can we have fun?” Johnny asked, kissing her neck as soon as they were done.
“But let’s be quick, we seriously have things to do,” she said, and they hummed, “also, I’m not shaved.”
“Definitely not going to stop me,” Jaehyun said, playfully biting her neck. “And you know I don’t mind it when you’re natural.”
“Me neither,” Johnny replied, moving his hands to peel off her clothes.
Soon after they were all naked in the shower, while the water ran on their bodies —Johnny regulated the showerhead in a height that wouldn’t wet her hair and she was grateful.
“God, I missed you so much,” Johnny mumbled against her lips while his hands travelled on her body, occasionally brushing with Jaehyun’s.
“And you only had me once,” she joked, lolling her head back when Jaehyun’s hands crept between her legs.
“You’re addicting.”
“You two are acting as if one week ago you didn’t fuck in the car,” Jaehyun said, glaring at them.
“You were spying on us?”
“No, I was waiting for you to come home and when I went to the window, I saw your car there for fifteen minutes and the windows steamed up.”
Johnny laughed. “Okay, caught us,” he joked. “But it was our first date, and we couldn’t come here,” he defended, before spreading her legs more open —for what was possible since the shower wasn’t that big— and slipped one finger inside of her making her moan.
Jaehyun snorted, cupping her boob and playing with her nipple. “Bet it was your idea,” he whispered against her neck.
She hummed and then moved her hands to grab their dicks, starting to pump up and down. “Can you blame me? He looked so hot that night,” she replied, moaning both at the memory of Johnny and their hands working on her so well.
“Oh, no, just like I can’t blame him for not resisting you.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t tell us anything,” Johnny teased, moving his fingers faster inside of her, making her squirm and hold up on his arms.
Jaehyun narrowed his eyes and huffed, “I’m working on my jealousy, I’m doing this seriously.”
“Good boy,” Johnny teased, sending him a flying kiss.
“Call me a good boy again and I’ll punch you,” he warned, killing him with a gaze.
“My turn,” Jaehyun exclaimed immediately, moving her hand to the side to grab himself and line up at her entrance.
Johnny simply snickered, shaking his head, and then pulled his fingers out of her. “I’ll take care of you from the outside, I guess.”
“Whatever, I don’t care, I just want to come.”
“Mh, doing so much for someone that was whining about being in a rush and had thousands of better things to do,” Johnny taunted, wrapping his lips around her nipple, and sucking, making her push up against him.
“Exactly,” she moaned, “we have things to do.”
“You,” they said together.
She glared at them. “Exactly, I’m on top of a long list, so move.”
“At your orders, love,” Jaehyun said before parting her legs more and slowly sinking inside of her.
She rolled her head back against his shoulder and grounded herself wrapping her hands around Johnny’s arm, the other was still moving on his cock, trying to also give him the pleasure he needed.
“God, missed being inside of you so fucking much,” Jaehyun groaned against her neck, holding her up with his hands around her waist.
Jade moaned, “missed feeling you.”
“You two look so pretty right now,” Johnny commented, leaning down to kiss and bite her neck. “Do you like it?” He asked, moving faster on her clit. “Being smashed between us, trapped between our bodies. Finally having both of us.”
“Yes, fuck,” she moaned, already feeling pleasure overwhelming her. Now, that wasn’t the first time of them being together that she imagined, but it was better than nothing, right? And also life had already proved that not everything that doesn’t go according to plan is bad. “Love it so much.”
Johnny snickered and then cupped her nipple with his mouth, sucking harshly, making her clench around Jaehyun. “Your nipples are so hard, fuck. They’re begging for attention,” he mumbled against her skin before starting to play with her again while his hand cupped her other boob and Jaehyun pushed her forward with every stroke. Then he pulled away, and an idea sparked in his mind. With a smirk on his face, he kneeled on the ground, trying to find balance and before she could realize it, his tongue started playing with her clit.
A choked loud moan slipped from her lips as she snapped her eyes open and looked down at Johnny that was going down on her while Jaehyun’s cock filled her up. The sight was so dirty and yet so hot she couldn’t take her eyes off of him, no matter how shameful she felt right at the moment. Jaehyun looked over her shoulder and grinned. “Like it, baby? Like having his lips right where I’m stretching you wide?” She hummed in response, biting a moan back, and feeling herself getting closer and closer. And just when she expected that Johnny couldn’t do anything else wilder, she felt a finger slip in her walls right next to Jaehyun’s dick.
“Fuck, Daddy,” she moaned,
“Daddy?” Jaehyun asked, voice choked between a laugh and the pleasure of feeling his finger press against him.
“Shut up, Sir,” Johnny replied and then started pumping along with him.
“Is it good? Or is it too much for our pretty girl?”
“Is good, fuck,” she mewled, almost standing on her tiptoes as she tried to fight between keeping the balance and the pleasure taking over her body.
“Should I add another one?” Johnny teased, pulling his face away for a second just to look at her surprised face.
“I can’t — I can’t take it,” she mumbled, but her body betrayed as her pussy clenched harder around them and more cum dripped out of her.
Johnny smirked and then pushed a second finger inside and she rolled her head back at the stretch.
“Fuck, you look so hot from here,” he whispered before lapping at her pussy again without stopping moving his fingers next to Jaehyun.
“You should fuck her too,” Jaehyun proposed, and his words almost made her stiffen at the idea. “Put your dick next to mine. I’m sure she can take it.”
“No — no,” she mumbled, shaking her head and squeezing her eyes shut.
Johnny snickered, and then added another finger, eliciting a loud gasp from her. “Don’t worry, darling, we don’t have time. I won’t do it… for now.”
She almost groaned thinking about him doing that someday and a small part of her wanted to screw everything right at the moment and take him too at the same time, in the same hole. But she was close and they had things to do, they couldn’t give in to their darkest desires.
“I’m gonna — fuck, fuck,” she breathed out with a strangled voice. “‘s too much, I can’t anymore.”
“You’re squeezing me so much, fuck,” Jaehyun moaned, feeling her walls tighten around him even more, and Johnny’s fingers surely weren’t helping him.
“Come on,” Johnny urged them both to come. “You’ve been good.”
Jade hummed and then let go, feeling her toes curl as she came uncontrollably hard around Jaehyun’s cock and Johnny’s fingers, now coated in their cum.
“Open up, angel,” Johnny ordered once she was done riding her orgasm and he pulled out, offering his fingers to her. She parted her lips and then sucked on them, cleaning them completely.
Jaehyun turned off the water and she got on her knees to take care of Johnny’s throbbing boner. Her tongue circled his tip and then sucked hard on it, making him roll his head back and intertwined his fingers in her hair.
“Babe, please, just get me over with it,” he half begged half ordered through gritted teeth.
She hummed and then took his whole length into her mouth, cheek hallowing and eyes looking up at him.
Johnny felt like he could lose his mind when her hands cupped his balls and started massaging there, as if he wasn’t already almost close…
“Fuck,” he cursed, voice low and filled with lust. “I’m gonna come,” he warned, but she didn’t push away and instead started sucking harder, and in a few seconds, Johnny was spilling his cum into her mouth, finally getting an orgasm too.
She smirked when she pulled away and then he helped her stand up.
“Never again three in a shower, that was the worst idea we ever had,” she chuckled, turning on the water again to finally get washed.
“Do you even know what she likes?” Johnny asked, following Jade around the nth store of the day. They went grocery shopping already in the morning and then decided to directly go to the mall and have lunch and buy something for Diamond. They didn’t have anything that needed to go in the fridge anyway.
“I do,” Jade huffed, eyeing a shirt and a skirt with a squared pattern. “She loves this style.”
“You really raised her to be just like you,” Jaehyun joked, taking a look at the set she grabbed.
“She spent her whole teenage years stealing my clothes.”
“And do you think she would like this jacket I found?” Jaehyun asked, showing her a long brown blazer with a belt.
“Yeah, she’ll love it, and she needs something to keep her warm.”
“She’s just moving a little norther, she’s not going to Antarctica,” Johnny reminded her. She was so apprehensive…
“I know, but I still feel guilty, okay? I don’t even want to imagine what they have been through all these years without me, and the others are still there while I’m here —”
“Hey,” Jaehyun stopped her. “They aren’t your responsibility, and you need to heal before going back to help them.”
“Going back?” Johnny asked, raising a brow.
“Not going back to live there, but if she wants to at least keep in contact she needs to be fine. She never overcame anything, hence all the guilt she still carries with her.”
“See, two months without you and he became a therapist,” Johnny joked and Jaehyun pushed him to the side. “But he’s right, though. You did all you could, now you have to think about yourself.”
“You think I’m doing the right thing sending her to our aunt?” She asked when they started walking again to find some other things to buy.
“She has more money than you and more space than our place so yes, also she’ll be able to focus on herself and what she wants for her future,” Johnny replied. “Why are you smiling like that?”
Jade shook her head and lowered her head for a second. “Nothing, it’s just that… you said our place and that made me feel things.”
Jaehyun chuckled. “Feels strange, right?”
She nodded. “I don’t know, I was really afraid of losing everything after I had already lost you and now,” the smile that curled her lips made her stop for a moment, “now I have the both of you, we live together, I don’t have that asshole asking me for money and my sister will be fine. It seems surreal, I seriously couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
Johnny wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer. “Now you don’t have to worry about anything anymore, you have us by your side, and trust me, we’ll never leave.”
“Just think positively, there’s just going to be happiness in front of us.”
She smiled and squeezed Jaehyun’s hands and Johnny’s waist tighter. “I’m so lucky to have you two.”
