BEWARE.. THE SOUTH LONDON LOVER BOY ── joseph joestar & caesar zeppeli
summary: you and your best friend find out that you've been dating the same person for the last month content warnings: inspired by raye's song of the same name. modern au and they're in florence bc is my fav city of italy, joseph is fucking dumb in this one, this was meant to be smut but i got lazy
Walking the streets of Florence at night with your english boyfriend having his huge arm around your waist is a dream come true. You just had dinner at a nice restaurant and now you were looking for a good place to dance and make out outdoors.
“JoJo, baby, I love this song!” you said, walking towards a group of people dancing and holding drinks. You took his hand, dragging him with you. Your body pressed against his, his arms wrapping around your waist instinctively and yours going to tickle the back on his neck.
He wasn’t the best dancer in the world, but feeling the warmth of his body against yours was enough to make you all giggly and happy. It’s been a while since you had a real boyfriend, your mind was always occupied by the stupid crush you had on your best friend, having Joseph completely gone for you was the best sensation ever.
“D’you want something to drink, darling?” he asked after the song finished, his mouth close to your ear as he spoke.
“Yes, please,” you nodded, your throat dry from the salty pasta and dancing. “Just vodka lemon for me, baby.”
“I’ll be right back,” he said before leaving, not forgetting to kiss your cheeks and give your ass a squeeze before heading into the bar.
You looked at him as he disappeared with the people, a big smile in your lips as you turned around in your heels to sway with the music. At that moment you spotted a broad back and a blond hair that you recognized a little too well.
“Caesar?” you asked tentatively, your voice louder than the music.
You were right because he turned around instantly, his eyes lightening up after seeing you. It’s been a few weeks since you and your best friend saw each other for the last time, he had to leave for a work trip and it got longer than expected.
“Oh my god, cara, I missed you!” he said, his voice also louder as he caught you in a big embrace, one hand in your back, the other in your head. He was taller than you by, at least, a head.
“I missed you too, idiot, you didn’t even text me that you were back!” You giggled against Caesar’s chest, squeezing him back just as tightly. His cologne was the same as always, that sharp citrusy scent that always made you feel safe and a little nostalgic at the same time.
“Work trip turned into a whole adventure, you know how it is,” he laughed, pulling back just enough to look at your face, his hands still on your shoulders. “But I’m back now, and Florence looks even better with you in it. Where’s my favorite girl been hiding?”
You bit your lip, unable to stop the huge grin spreading across your face. “Right here, actually. I’m… here with my boyfriend tonight.” You couldn’t help the little excited squeak that slipped out. “He’s grabbing drinks for us. You have to meet him, he’s so sweet and tall”
Caesar’s smile stayed bright for half a second longer, then something in his expression flickered. He tilted his head, pinching your sizes. “Boyfriend? Since when? You didn’t tell me anything, you traitor!”
Before you could answer, the bar door swung open again and there was Joseph, pushing through the people with two plastic cups in his big hands. One had the clear vodka-lemon fizz you asked for, the other looked like his usual whiskey-coke. He was wearing his typical dumb and charming smile, eyes crinkling at the corners, until his gaze landed on you… and then on Caesar standing right next to you.
“Ah, look, there he is,” you waved your hand at Joseph
Caesar’s face dropped, his arms fell from your shoulders, eyes going wide. The happy look he had two seconds ago completely vanished. “Joseph?” he said, voice suddenly sharp even over the music.
You blinked between them, heart doing a weird little flip. “Wait… you two know each other?”
Joseph handed you your drink without really looking at you, his stare glued to Caesar. “Caesar? What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were still in wherever the hell that long trip was.”
Caesar crossed his arms, jaw tight. “I got back two days ago. And you… you’re here with…” His eyes flicked to you, then back to Joseph. “Her?”
Joseph scratched the back of his neck, looking genuinely lost. “Yeah? She’s my girlfriend. We’ve been together for like… a month now? Why are you looking at me like I kicked your dog or something?”
Caesar's expression was priceless, mouth slightly open, eyebrows arched and looking between you and Joseph.
“But Joseph we’ve been dating for a month as well,” Caesar points out, showing his palms in confusion.
“Yup.” Joseph just nodded, taking a sip of his drink.
“What the fuck,” you whispered, then a little louder. “What the actual fuck, JoJo.”
You stared at Joseph, your drink almost slipping from your fingers. The music kept thumping around you, people laughing and dancing like nothing was wrong, but the three of you were frozen in this tiny bubble of pure chaos.
Caesar looked like he was about to explode. His face went from confused to straight-up furious in half a second. “What do you mean ‘yup’? You’ve been dating both of us? At the same time? For a whole month?”
Joseph blinked slowly, the dumb charming smile still half-there like he thought this was some kind of joke. He took another sip of his whiskey-coke, shrugging one big shoulder. “Well yeah. I told you both I’m bisexual, didn’t I?”
You felt your jaw drop. Literally drop. The vodka-lemon suddenly tasted sour in your mouth.
Caesar let out a short, disbelieving laugh that sounded more like a growl. “Joseph… you absolute idiot. Being bisexual doesn’t mean you get to cheat on two people at once!”
Joseph’s eyebrows scrunched together, genuinely confused now. He looked between you and Caesar like you were both speaking another language. “Cheat? Who’s cheating? I’ve been honest with both of you,” he turned to you with those big puppy eyes, “I said I swing both ways. So I’m dating a girl and dating a guy. That’s bisexual, isn’t it?”
You pressed your hand to your forehead, feeling a headache coming on fast. “JoJo, baby… no. That is not how it works. Not even a little bit.”
Caesar’s arms were crossed so tight his knuckles were turning white. He looked ready to punch something, probably Joseph’s stupidly handsome face. “You told me you wanted something serious. You said I was special. And then you go and get a girlfriend behind my back? Without even mentioning it? That’s not being bi, that’s being a cheating little shit!”
Joseph’s smile finally started to fade, replaced by real bewilderment. He scratched the back of his neck again, his huge arm flexing under his shirt. “But… I wasn’t behind anyone’s back. I thought you’d both be cool with it. I thought bisexual meant I could have one of each. You know… balance.”
You and Caesar just stared at him, completely stunned into silence for a long second. Your heart was hammering so hard you could feel it in your ears.
Caesar was the first to break. He ran a hand through his blond hair, letting out a sharp breath. “Joseph… how are you this dumb? I can’t even… Dio mio, I want to shake you until your brain starts working.”
You stepped closer, poking Joseph right in the middle of his broad chest with one finger. “You told me I was your girlfriend. Just me. You never once said ‘oh by the way I’m also seeing Caesar at the same time because I’m bi so it’s fine.’ You made it sound exclusive, JoJo! That’s why I was so excited to introduce you tonight!”
Joseph’s face went a little pale under the colorful lights from the street party. He looked back and forth between the two of you, mouth opening and closing like a fish. “Wait, so you guys aren’t… okay with sharing me?”
Caesar made a strangled noise. “Sharing you? Joseph, I swear on my nonna’s grave, if you don’t stop talking right now I’m going to throw you in the river.”
You couldn’t help the tiny hysterical giggle that escaped you, even though you were just as mad. Joseph looked so lost, standing there all tall and muscular with his drink in hand, like the concept of monogamy had never occurred to him.
“Baby,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady even though you wanted to scream, “being bisexual just means you can fall for men or women. It doesn’t give you a free pass to date two people without them knowing about each other. That’s still cheating.”
Joseph’s shoulders slumped a little. He set his cup down on a nearby table, rubbing his face with both hands. “Shit… I really thought I was doing it right. You both make me happy and I didn’t want to choose. I figured since I like both, I could just… have both.”
Caesar stepped right up to him, poking him in the chest too, though his finger looked smaller against Joseph’s build. “You don’t have both without asking, you moron. That’s not how relationships work.”
You nodded, crossing your arms to match Caesar’s angry stance. The three of you were drawing a few curious glances from the dancers nearby, but you didn’t care. “Exactly. So now what, JoJo? Are you gonna keep being a cheater, or are you gonna apologize and figure out how to fix this mess you made?”
Joseph looked between you two again, his usual confidence cracking. For the first time that night he actually seemed to realize how badly he’d screwed up. His voice came out quieter than before. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you guys. I just… I’m really bad at this stuff, aren’t I?”
Caesar huffed, but some of the fire in his eyes softened just a tiny bit. “Yes. The worst.”
You sighed, bumping your shoulder against Caesar’s in silent solidarity. Even though you were furious, seeing Joseph look so genuinely clueless made something in your chest twist. Your stupid crush on Caesar was still there, flickering under all the anger and now everything felt tangled and messy in the best and worst ways.
“So…” Joseph said slowly, rubbing the back of his neck one more time, “does this mean we’re all breaking up? Or… can we talk about it?”
You glanced at Caesar. He glanced back at you. You took a deep breath. “We can talk, if Caesar’s down.”
“I am,” he said instantly. “Your apartment’s closer, let’s go there and talk calmly.” He gave you a quick look from the corner of his eyes, after all these years knowing him, you knew the look of his eyes. He wasn’t planning to talk at all, the anger in his eyes was substituted with lust.
The walk back to your apartment was quiet, Joseph kept stealing glances at both you and Caesar, his big hand brushing yours every few steps like he was scared you’d disappear. Caesar walked on your other side, jaw still tight, but every time your shoulders bumped he didn’t pull away.
When you finally pushed open the door to your little place, the warm lamplight spilling over the couch and the messy stack of books on the coffee table, the tension snapped into something softer. You kicked off your heels with a sigh, toes sinking into the rug. Joseph closed the door behind him, suddenly looking shy in a way that made your stomach flip. He was so tall he almost had to duck under the doorway, and now he was standing there twisting his fingers together like a nervous kid.
Caesar dropped onto the couch first, spreading his legs a little as he leaned back. His blond hair was still messy from the wind outside. Joseph stayed standing for a second, then sat down right between the two of you, close enough that his thigh pressed against yours and his other one touched Caesar’s knee. He rubbed the back of his neck again, that same nervous habit, and his voice came out quieter than you’d ever heard it.
“I like you both so so much,” he started, eyes flicking between you and Caesar. “Like… a ridiculous amount. I know I messed up badly tonight.” He let out a small laugh at himself, cheeks going a little pink. “But I don’t want to lose either of you. So… would you two maybe be down to try being together? Like, properly. If you’ll still have me after I acted like such an idiot.”
Your heart was beating so loud you were sure they could hear it. Caesar turned his head slowly to look at you, bright eyes searching your face. His voice was low when he asked, “Cara… are you down for that?”
You didn’t even have to think about it. The crush you’d buried for years was right there and Joseph’s dumb, sweet honesty was making it impossible to say no. You nodded, biting your lip to stop the smile from taking over your whole face. “Yeah. I’m down. I want both of you too.”
Caesar’s mouth curved into a relieved grin. “Then I’m in.”
Joseph’s whole face lit up, he looked between you two again, then leaned in first toward you. His big hand cupped your cheek so gently, thumb brushing your skin, and he kissed you soft and slow, you melted into it, tasting the faint whiskey on his lips, your fingers sliding up into his hair. When he pulled back just enough to breathe, Caesar was already there, turning Joseph’s face toward him with two fingers under his chin. Their kiss was deeper, a little rougher, like all the leftover anger was turning into heat. You watched them for a second, cheeks burning, before Joseph reached for your hand and tugged you closer.
Then it was all three of you.
Caesar’s lips found yours next, familiar and warm, the citrus scent of his cologne wrapping around you like a hug you’d missed for weeks. Joseph’s mouth moved to your neck, pressing open kisses along your skin while his hand rested on Caesar’s thigh. You gasped softly into Caesar’s kiss when Joseph nipped at your collarbone and the sound made both of them groan.
You shifted on the couch, ending up half in Joseph’s lap and half leaning against Caesar’s chest. Hands were everywhere, gentle but eager. Joseph’s huge palm slid up your back under your shirt, while Caesar’s fingers tangled in your hair, tilting your head so he could kiss you deeper. Then Joseph leaned over and kissed Caesar again, right above you, their mouths brushing together with you caught sweetly in the middle.
It felt like the whole world narrowed down to the three of you, breathing the same air, hearts racing together. Joseph pulled back just enough to whisper against your lips, voice all husky and shy at the same time, “God, I wanted this so bad. You two are everything.”
Caesar chuckled low, pressing a kiss to your temple before catching Joseph’s mouth once more. “You’re still an idiot, JoJo.”
You laughed softly, the sound turning into a happy sigh as you kissed Joseph again, then turned to kiss Caesar, the three of you trading sweet kisses that kept getting warmer. Clothes started to loosen, fingers tracing skin and the night stretched out.
a/n: the hardest part of this was writing ceasar's name correctly
