against medical advice — lohen x reader, suggestive/NSFW (18+ only), drabble
summary — for all you've done with lohen, you've never sent him to the emergency room because of it. there's a first time for everything, you suppose.
themes — humor, modern!AU, taking your boyfriend to the ER, established relationship, implied sexual situation, a splash of explicit content related to said sexual situation, embarrassed!reader, minor comedic chatter from nurses at the end
WC: 1093 ♡ (one of author's personal favorites)
You were mortified. Lohen, on the other hand, was having the time of his life.
“So what brings you here?” the nurse asked.
“Well—.”
“—he had an accident,” you said immediately, your face burning. “He, um. I think his hip…got dislocated.”
The nurse’s fingers clacked into the keyboard as she asked, “Do we know what caused the dislocation?”
“Heh,” Lohen said with a grin on his face that was much too cocky for the situation. “My girlfriend—.”
“—he was out in the yard, working!” you exclaimed over him. “I think he tripped! Yep!”
Lohen’s eyes languidly rolled over to yours. The smirk on his face made your cheeks burn ten times hotter, your pulse pounding in your ears. For a guy who should have been experiencing some of the worst pain of his life, he sure looked smug about the whole thing. That certainly didn’t make it any easier for you to talk to the emergency room staff.
“Okay, we’ll get him into an exam room while we wait for the doctor,” the nurse said. “I’m assuming he needs a wheelchair?”
“Nah, I’ll just cling to her,” Lohen replied, waving his hand. “It’s her fault anyway—.”
“We’ll take the wheelchair.” You grinned from ear-to-ear, elbowing him in the stomach. “Won’t we, Lohen?”
He snorted. “Fine.”
“What are you doing?” you asked, your eyes narrowed.
“Taking a pic to commemorate this,” Lohen answered, phone in hand. “It’s not every day you end up sending me to the ER, Bun.”
Your hands curled into fists on your legs. Feeling awkward, and extremely responsible for the situation at hand, you muttered, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize I was…that it was that rough.”
“You should tell the doc that, when she comes around,” Lohen chirped. “I’m sure she’ll understand. Besides, isn’t honesty, like, a super huge policy in these medical type places? Judgment free zones and all that?”
“We are not telling the doctor that,” you argued. “If you do, I will die. Do you hear me, Lohen? I’ll die.”
“You’re so dramatic,” he answered with a laugh. “I’m sure they’ve heard way worse than a guy whose hip dislocated ‘cause his girlfriend rode his thigh too hard.”
The memory of it hit you like a freight truck. The way you had rocked your hips back and forth over the smooth, hairy surface of Lohen’s thigh; how he had kissed his way up your neck with those hot lips of his; and how you had tilted your head back, moaning shamelessly as you rocked and rocked and rocked; and then—.
Pop!
…And the unfortunate curse that Lohen had blurted because of it.
“Honestly, it felt kinda good,” Lohen said, grinning from ear-to-ear. “I’m sure we coulda popped it back in at home, too, but you’re just a scaredy cat, aren’t ya?”
“I already dislocated your femur,” you groaned into your hands. “I didn’t want to fuck it up by trying to put it back.”
“Oh, you worry too much. I totally trust you, Bun!”
“I have zero experience with this! Zero!” you sputtered. “It’s easier—and safer—to leave it to the professionals!”
“Pft.” Lohen hid his giggle behind his hand. “Okay, Bun. Whatever you say.”
You sighed. Relaxing back into the rigid plastic chair, you anxiously turned to the door. As long as Lohen kept his mouth shut, you would both get through the evening just fine. No one needed to know what truly brought him there, and they certainly didn’t need to know that you had any part in it.
Yet when the doctor came in, her white coat grabbing your nerves by the throat, your words were spewing the truth before you even realized it. She wasn’t even halfway through introducing herself when you interrupted her.
“I’m so sorry,” you said quickly, your words leaving your lips in a flurry. “This is my fault. We were getting intimate, and I wasn’t paying attention, and then I was gonna cum, so I closed my eyes because it felt really good, and then I—.”
“Woah, TMI, Bun!” Lohen exclaimed, his eyes wide. He was much more concise when he said, “She rode my thigh and my hip popped out of place.”
“Ah,” the doctor said, adjusting her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “I see. Well, you certainly aren’t the first patient I’ve had this happen to. How’s the pain?”
You blinked, your jaw hung low. The absolute lack of judgment in the other woman’s voice had you stunned into silence. Lohen gave you a knowing smile before answering, “Not bad at all, really. Maybe a seven out of ten?”
“...A seven out of ten is quite severe. Would you like pain medicine?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
“Well…alright.” The doctor glanced your way. “You’re his girlfriend, I’m assuming?”
Your ears burned. “Yeah.”
“Nice to meet you. We should probably be able to relocate it without anesthesia, if your boyfriend can tolerate it. If we’re having issues, we’ll have to consult our orthopedic surgeons. It shouldn’t take all that long.”
That was it? No admonishment for your mistake? Not even so much as a giggle?
“Sounds great, doc,” Lohen chirped.
“Since your pain’s well controlled, I’ll just order some anti-anxiety medications in case you need them. If either of you need anything else, please give your nurse a call.”
With that, the doctor was gone. It was just you and Lohen again, sitting in silence.
That silence quickly filled with his bubbling laughter.
“Shut up!” you whined. “God, I’m so fucking embarrassed!”
“Hey, you…! You’re the one who went and said all that!” he laughed, his eyes budding with tears as his chortles interrupted his own sentences. “So fucking funny, I…! I can’t!”
He leaned his head back, laughing so hard, you were sure everyone in the hall could hear it. With a groan, you held your head in your hands.
“Aw, don’t worry about it, Bun,” he said, wiping a tear away with his index finger. “As soon as they pop my hip back in, we can go home so you can dislocate it again!”
You let out a pained wail.
“Lohen, I’m gonna kill you!”
“Do you think we should bring him the domestic violence form?” one of the nurses whispered to the other.
“Ha!” the older man answered. “That’s how I know you’re single, kid. Trust me—that’s a healthy relationship if I’ve ever seen one.”
“But, sir…you’re divorced.”
“Pft! If my wife dislocated my hip during sex, I probably wouldn’t be!”
As the older man’s laughter filled the nurse’s station, the others rolled their eyes.
a/n: i saw some meme where someone was like "imma ride X fictional character's thigh so hard his hip dislocates" and i figured that just the kind of thing that a good bunny does to her lohen 😏 badum tsss (gets shot) anyway, if you liked this silly drabble, please consider leaving a heart! (˶>⩊<˶) ♡ reblogs and comments appreciated! if you would like to be tagged whenever i post lohen x reader, please check my rules here! thank you! i was tagged! what did i miss? you've been bad, lohen wip, suggestive (340+ notes) masterlist | ask | ao3 | more of this pair
