➳ Genre: slice of life, hurt/comfort, real-life bittersweet
➳ Words: 1.1k
➳ Warning: mentions of parental and societal pressure, insecurities, reader being told that she doesn't deserve to cry, seeking professional help
➳ A/N: I've been experimenting with different writing styles and structures, so hope you enjoy this, too.❤️
Sometimes, you felt like you were living someone else’s life. Not in the sense that this wasn’t your path because this was what you were supposed to do - at least, according to your parents -, but because it felt like despite everything you had achieved, this life just didn’t feel yours.
You graduated top of your class from a prestigious university, worked at a multinational company that paid well, had good benefits and was reputable in its field, and you had a flat to your name thanks to your parents’ money. You had everything one could need, and if you looked at your life through the rose-coloured glasses that society handed out to high-achiever eldest daughters like you, it would seem perfect. Perfect from the title to your name, the roof above your head, the clothes you wore and the circle of people you called friends.
On the other hand, in silent moments on cloudy days between meetings when you looked out of the window and saw people running up and down the streets, you wondered where they were heading and whether they were happy with their lives.
Sometimes you spotted students in their school uniforms, girls laughing and chatting between themselves, randomly doing dance challenges in the middle of the street, and a pang appeared in your chest. An aching and throbbing pain that seared a hole into your heart.
You had never had that.
Sometimes you spotted parents holding their kids’ hands, holding them above a poodle or hugging them tightly.
You had never had that.
Sometimes you spotted guys giving bouquets of flowers to their girlfriends, saying i love yous without opening their mouths and embracing each other without question as if they understood each other without words.
You had never had that.
You had so many things, but a lively, carefree childhood, loving parents or a good relationship wasn’t one of them, and you started questioning whether the way people measured success - by job title, the company you worked for, the place you lived in and the clothes you wore - was right, or maybe you were the odd one out that you started thinking that everything meant nothing if it meant nothing to you.
You could never get back your childhood, you knew that, and it was like a wound that you tried to cover up with a plaster, but you kept opening it and it kept bleeding out.
You could never change your family, you knew that, and it was a constant reminder whenever you went back home, and wished the instant you stepped inside the house that you could come back.
You thought that you could get a loving partner and you deserved it at your age, but maybe you didn’t because Koga Yudai was just too good for you in every sense of the word. At first, you didn’t even think that he was looking out for you because you couldn’t believe that anyone would do it for you, but then, you started noticing that he was always there, he was always kind to you and went out of his way to help you out.
“Why are you being nice to me?”
“Why wouldn’t I be nice to you?”
“I don’t deserve it.”
“Why wouldn’t you deserve it?”
“I just… I just don’t.”
Yudai didn’t leave it at that, and if anything, he just worked harder to prove to you that you deserved his kindness. He was not only kind, but attentive and selfless and full of life. He was like a light in the pitch black darkness, the only star in the midnight sky and the only one you felt like wouldn’t be able to break your heart.
But you were afraid that you would break his.
“You might regret this.”
“Why?”
“Because you know me. I have my issues, and when things get hard, I close off instead of opening up, and you might not always be this patient with me.”
“I would rather regret it later than regret not being with you now.”
And so you got together. It all felt like a lucid dream, being cared for, being pampered, being loved unconditionally - even when you were moody, even when you messed up something at work, even when you didn’t feel like going out on a date. Sometimes, you were suspicious that it was all an act, that he would leave one day and say that it was all just a game for him, or an experiment to see if you were really as broken as you deemed that you were. He didn’t leave even when you felt like he should because you would want to leave yourself.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? It’s all okay. You just pushed the container and it spilled. It’s no big deal.”
“I keep messing up, and I keep crying. I’m sure you think I’m crying over nothing.”
“It’s all okay, alright? You cry because something wants to come out. You have to let it. It’s all natural.”
“But… I don’t deserve to cry.”
“Who told you that?”
“My father.”
“Well then, I’ll be the one to tell you that it’s okay to cry. You know how I even cry over dog movies, right? It’s totally normal. You deserve to cry, okay? No matter how small you think it is.”
“Okay.”
He kept showing up, taking care of you, tending to your love. He reached out a hand to hold onto, lent a shoulder to cry on, gave a piece of his heart and let you keep it. Step by step, you learned how to let it, how to let him do all these things for you, and how to love him back. You were clumsy, flimsy, messy, wobbling and falling along the way, but you kept going. Sometimes, it was one step forward and two steps back, but you kept moving. Eventually, you learned to reach out for him, and afterwards, for professional help.
“I’m so proud of you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Half a year ago, you were a completely different version of yourself, and now, look at you! You let yourself cry during the movie, and didn’t want to cover it up.”
“It was a sad movie.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I know.” “And…”
“Hmm?”
“You’re right. It’s a big thing.”
“It is. We should totally celebrate it!”
“You’re so silly.”
“But you love me that way.”
“I do.”
“I love you, too.”
And that’s how you opened the heart that was once closed, and that’s how he mended something that he didn’t break.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this story of mine! Let me know what you think!
Header taken from the 'Samidare' MV
If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for &TEAM or for other artists, consider signing up for my taglist here.
genre. angst. maybe werewolf au but not rly.
warnings. crying. separation. blood mention. kissing. i know very very little abt &team's storyline so this is def not accurate.
pairing. k x fem!reader.
wc. 945.
request. no.
a/n. this ending scene from firework always had my brain spinning since i first watched the mv. i wanted to make a fic out of it for the longest time. if i knew the lore more then i might know what's going on in that scene, but i just took the random inspiration i was getting from the vibes.
You opened your eyes when the moon was half an hour from being at its height. Shrugging off Taki who was sleeping on top of you and carefully stepping out of the huddled pile of the rest of the boys, you made your way over to the shoreline and waited.
It didn’t take long for him to walk up next to you. You wanted to look at him, but you kept your gaze on the water, too afraid that you’d break if you took even one look. The air was heavy and cold, and the pit in your stomach only grew as the seconds went by.
“Yudai.” You finally broke the silence with a whisper, and turned your head to look at him. You immediately wish you hadn’t.
No, it wasn’t from the dried blood on his hands or the messy hair that made him look even more attractive than he already was. It was the wetness on his cheeks; the tears that had already escaped his eyes to slide slowly down until they hit the sand.
“I just don’t think it’s safe anymore.” He whispered. His voice was choked up and a little raspy.
“W-we were doing fine, though. We were holding on.” You tried to argue with him, but you knew it would be of little use. The past few months had been less than ideal, especially for the younger boys. You just couldn’t think of accepting whatever Yudai was suggesting.
“We weren’t— We aren’t. We’re not okay, Y/n. You know we’re not.” He let out a heavy sigh and brushed the tears off his cheeks. “I can’t keep asking Yuma to go on food duty. He flinches if he even sees a bug. If we keep this up, they’re all going to be traumatized. I don’t want them to live like this.”
“I know. But don’t you think it’s too extreme? Isn’t there any other way?”
“No one is going to mess with you once I’m gone. You know they’re only after me in the first place.” He reasoned. You knew he was right. He was always right— always sensible while you were selfish.
“I don’t want to go on without you.” You said, a single tear slipping out.
He looked away from you, back at the water lapping at the shore and the moon shining brightly against the sand.
“I’ll find you again. Once I get them, I’ll find you again.” He muttered. You reached for his hand weakly. You knew you shouldn’t. Any amount of contact with him would make it a million times harder for both of you, but you couldn’t stand it. You couldn’t stand being right next to him and not embracing him; not touching him in some way, providing any comfort that you could. You knew he desperately needed it.
He didn’t shake off your hand, which was what you were most afraid of. The fact that he still held you with the same warmth simultaneously made it better and so much worse. You weren’t sure how you would survive for any amount of time without him.
“What if you can’t find me again?” You whispered your worry aloud and Yudai squeezed your hand. His hand was cold despite the warmth of his love. His fingers were practically icicles and the dried blood still stuck to them didn’t help. You didn’t mind the cold or the blood. All you wanted was one last chance to hold him.
“I will find you. I promise.” He assured you, resting his forehead against yours. A tear fell from his eyes and landed on your cheek. You reached up one of your hands to cup his face.
“I’ll wait for you. Even if it takes 10 years, or 20, or 50— I’ll still be waiting.” You promised him back.
He nodded, silently agreeing that he would also wait for you. His breath was cold hitting your lips; so cold that the thought of hypothermia crossed your mind. But you knew you had no time to ask about it or to worry. You had seen him get through worse; a bit of exposure to the chill of the winter wouldn’t be the end of him.
Though his lips were cold, the kiss was warm. You hoped it warmed his body as much as it warmed yours. It spread from your heart to your stomach and up your neck to your head. You felt light as if you were floating. The dread that was weighing in your stomach for so long lessened as you thought of his promise.
This wasn’t the end. It was just a pause. He was going to find you again.
When he broke off the kiss, you knew you didn’t have much time left, so you pulled him close into your arms for your last hug. He hugged you tightly, as if you were the one disappearing and not him. And as soon as he started pulling away again you wanted to cry, or pull him back, or try to think of a better solution— anything to not watch him walking away from you.
But you stayed silent. You had already been selfish; wanting one last touch, one last hug, one last kiss. You should have let him go without the promises and without the tears. Watching him disappear before your eyes, giving you one last look before escaping into the trees was like a stab to your heart. You dropped to the sand in tears. The hurt seeped into every part of your body, an ache, a stab, a lurch; it was overpowering.
Surely, the pain would be bearable if you had only loved him less?
( 🚋 ) SYNOPSIS . . . after a heated argument with K, little did you expect that the last time you’d see him would be at his departure, after leaving you in silence for days.
( — ) PAIRING . . . best-friend!k x gn!reader FT. EJ &TEAM
( — ) WARNINGS . . . INSPIRED BY THE MOVIE “20TH CENTURY GIRL” (sorry guys), k and reader kinda frustrating ..
( 🚋 ) NOTE . . . Hi!! Super late Sorry!! but originally this wasn’t even gonna be angst if i be honest … but train station … 20th century girl … so yes!!! also pretend the pics above give christmassy vibes LMAO it js seemed right to keep it like this and yes i can hear u quivering miles away Ms Sonata 😊
Once again, and unsurprisingly, K had missed yet another hangout. You really tried waiting and being considerate, but not even him in sight. Seated alone in the cafe with two drinks you bought with your own money, frustration grew. The plans had been made two weeks prior, and despite K's assurances, he was nowhere to be found.
Unable to bear it any longer, you navigated to your contact list and pressed on his icon, hoping for an explanation. Anxiously biting your nails, you waited through two beeps until he answered with a casual, "Hello?" Your scoff was loud enough for him to hear, a response to his nonchalant greeting after ditching another hangout without any warning.
"Again?"
"Huh?" Did he genuinely believe he had the right to question you after what just happened?
"Are you serious right now? You just missed another hangout, K." His mumbled apology reached your ears, sounding like he was cursing himself for even forgetting. "Damn it—I'm so sorry, YN. Can I make it up to you tomorrow?"
"You've got to be kidding me." You couldn’t help the anger slowly rising in you. “I’m here, waiting in the cold for you just to not show up again?” The hot air escaped your mouth as you scoffed. “You know, you shouldn’t suggest ideas for a winter hangout if you’re just going to not appear.”
"It—it just slipped my mind! I'm sorry," K explained, but you weren't buying it. You've let him slide too many times.
“It just ‘slipped out of your mind’? We planned his hangout 2 weeks prior—you even promised to show up today! Do you think I’m really going to buy that bullshit?”
“I know, I shouldn’t have done that but—”
“You say this all the time. What the hell have you been doing?”
“Listen—I just…” You could hear him trail off, as if restraining himself from saying more. What could he be hiding that's so important? “I’ve been busy.”
“And so have I? But I've always spared time to hang out with you and show up to everything you schedule. And suddenly you can't show up to something we both agreed on? K, you're slowly becoming distant with me.”
“It's not like I'm trying to!” He lowered his tone, recognizing his anger taking hold. “I just couldn’t do it today. It’s just—it’s not something I can tell you that easily.”
“I'm your best friend, what the hell do you mean?”
“I—I can't say. Not right now.”
“You really have to be an idiot if you think I'm gonna believe that. This friendship can’t work if you’re like this.” You pushed your hair back in frustration. "I get it, you're busy. But this is a pattern, K. A pattern I can't keep ignoring," you stated firmly.
"I know, YN. I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you," K continued apologizing.
"I've heard enough apologies, K. You're not the only one with a busy life," you replied, frustration evident in your voice.
"Please, just give me another chance."
But the more he apologized, the more irritated you became. "I need some space, K. Figure out what's going on with you. We'll talk later."
“But YN—”
“Just leave me alone, will you?” You angrily said, clearly sick of his pleading. “You clearly have no problem doing so, it seems like, anyways.” Without another word, you hung up, leaving K with the dial tone and a realization that he screwed up real bad.
And you’ve made it your goal to make him feel how you felt every time he ditches you.
DAY ONE. K attempted to act as if everything was okay, anticipating that you'd eventually give in and talk to him as you always did. Little did he know, you were determined to make him feel the weight of his actions—even if it felt harsh.
“Hey YN,” he greeted, met with your silent response.
“You need help?” you simply shook your head.
“Wanna go together?” He tried once more, but you walked away without a word.
Undoubtedly, a sense of guilt crept in, but the memory of that night kept replaying in your mind, fueling the anger you harbored toward him. K seemed to notice the shift, creating awkward moments and growing distant—much like that regrettable day.
You didn't care; in your eyes, it was deserved.
DAY THREE. You're enduring the silence longer than you initially thought. Ignoring him, refusing to even cross paths, felt strange considering how inseparable you used to be. School had become a bit dull without him, but you were determined to hold out for a week…right?
“Are you seriously not going to talk to him?” EJ asked, straw twirling between his fingers. “You're really creeping me out.” He says, as if you aren’t supposed to be the one creeped out by him instead for drinking an Iced Americano during the first days of winter.
“What do you mean?” you blew onto your cup, closing the lid back to take a sip of your coffee.
“You never hold grudges like this—what's up with you?”
“Okay...but he messed up.”
“Did you hear him out?” EJ maintained eye contact, sipping his drink. “Not blaming you or anything, just wondering.”
“Well…no.”
“YN…”
“Well—if he wanted to, he would’ve reached out by now!” you tried defending yourself, but he was already sighing.
“You’re both too stubborn, aren’t you guys?” EJ shook his head, smiling a little. “Give him another chance—oh look, he’s right there,” he pointed, making you whip your head around, only to turn back to EJ when your eyes accidentally met.
“I have to go,” you hurriedly grabbed your bag, saying a quick goodbye. “Thanks, EJ!”
“YN, your drink—” But you were already running off, footsteps following closely behind. You wanted him to reach out, yet here you were, fleeing and feeling like a loser. But facing him seemed unbearable in your current state of embarrassment.
“YN,” a familiar voice called out, a hand on your arm, pulling you toward him. His warmth had such a contrast from the chilling weather today. You turned around, finding K with a serious expression. “Can we please talk?”
You wanted to be petty. For some reason, having K reach out first, you weren't going to make it easy for him. “I don't think there's anything we need to talk about.”
“Can you stop being like that and just talk to me?”
“Like what? Just some lame excuse about why you're missing time with me?”
“It's not useless—” K scoffed, running his free hand through his hair, locking eyes with you. “Do you really think I'm just here to tell you the same stuff I've been saying all the time?”
“So you've been lying?”
“That's not what I'm trying to say—”
“I've heard enough.” You tried to pull away from his grasp, but he held on, disappointment evident in his eyes. “YN, what is so hard about sparing a minute of your day? Why is it so hard for you to fucking listen?”
You took a deep breath. “Me? How about you, huh? Have you ever listened to me? Do you think you have the right to say that to me with all this shit you’re doing to me?”
“YN—”
“Here’s your answer then. Because I've spent so much time waiting for you to explain, and you only choose to do it now.” You give him a stern look. “I’m tired of hearing your bullshit—your constant, useless reassurances when you clearly don’t keep your word!”
“I'm tired of waiting for you.”
“YN! Please–”
You turned on your heel, determined to walk away and put an end to the conversation. As you took your first steps, a part of you hoped he would chase after you, while another part was tired of hoping for something that seemed uncertain.
K stood there, conflicted. He debated in his mind whether to let you go or chase after you once again. He longed to. He longed to reveal everything to you. Yet, was it the right moment? Were you even in the proper state of mind to even grasp onto his words? Letting out a substantial sigh, K pivoted, reluctant as he was, and proceeded to walk away from you, leaving you both to walk on two different pathways.
DAY FIVE. K hasn't been showing up to class for the past two days. You felt guilty – you didn't know why, but you had this nagging feeling that it was somehow your fault. EJ quickly picked up on your changed demeanor, his face reflecting concern. As you walked home together, he blurted out, "Did you say goodbye to him?"
You turned to him, confusion etched on your face. You had no idea what EJ was getting at, and he wasn't sure if you even understood the gravity of his words. "Say goodbye to who?"
"To K...?" he hesitated, confirming his suspicions when your expression shifted to one of shock; you were completely unaware. EJ wished he could vanish on the spot.
"EJ, that's not funny." You looked at him, not seeing his joking face he’d usually have. “You’re joking…right?”
"Well, I'm being serious. I'm not the type to joke about that."
“Why did I have to say goodbye?”
“He’s leaving today, YN. Did he not tell you?”
“Can we please talk?” You didn’t hear him out.
“YN, what is so hard about sparing a minute of your day? Why is it so hard for you to fucking listen?” He wanted to tell you something important. It was your fault.
“YN! Please–” It was your fault. All yours. No one to blame this time.
“You mean like…right now?” You looked at EJ, hoping you still had time to make things right with K. With glossy eyes, you could see his hurt expression, knowing what you had put yourself through. “Yeah. About to leave at the train station nearby.”
“I have to go.”
“YN! Be careful; you might get hurt–” You didn’t care. You didn’t care if you were going to get scrapes on your legs, you didn’t care if EJ was yelling your name—nothing could hurt more than losing a best friend that you didn’t leave off on good terms.
You ran as fast as you could, disregarding the chill in the air and the sting in your lungs. The train station came into view, and there he was—K, standing with a suitcase, staring into the distance. Your heart raced as you approached him, a mix of relief and fear coursing through your veins.
"K!" you called out, breathless.
He turned to you, surprise and uncertainty flickering in his eyes. "YN? What are you doing here?"
"I... I heard you were leaving," you panted, trying to catch your breath. "I had to see you before you go."
He sighed, his gaze dropping to the ground. "I messed up, YN. I messed up big time, and I'm sorry."
"Let's talk about it," you urged, reaching out to touch his arm.
"I thought it was too late for a conversation," your heart shattered upon hearing those words. "But it was my fault anyway. I should've been truthful with you."
"Quit blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault—it was mine. I should've been more empathetic." Tears threatened to spill over as you maintained intense eye contact with him, your insides twisting with emotion.
“I didn’t mean to avoid you,” K began, his eyes searching yours for understanding.
“I know I messed up too,” you admitted. “I should have listened instead of shutting you out. I should’ve not said those things to you either.”
He nodded, a sad smile playing on his lips. “We both made mistakes, didn't we? But, let’s not worry too much about it—we’ll get over it like we always do. I’m leaving for a while, but I don’t want us to end like this. I care about you—damn, I even like you, YN," he said, causing you to gasp a little. "I’m sorry if this is too sudden—I just don’t know if I’d be able to tell you this any other day."
As you stood there, absorbing his unexpected confession, the reality of the situation sank in. "K, why didn't you tell me earlier?" you questioned, a mix of emotions clouding your mind.
He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I was scared, afraid it would ruin our friendship. But now, facing the distance, I couldn't hold it back any longer."
“K—” The train's arrival interrupted your conversation, and K looked at you with hopeful eyes. "I'll be back, YN. Let's talk when I return, okay?" he pleaded.
You nodded, and he pulled you into a hug, and for a moment, it felt like everything might be okay. “You should go,” K whispered, releasing you from the embrace.
“Take care, okay?” you said, holding back tears.
“You too, YN. I hope we can figure things out when I come back,” he said, a mixture of hope and uncertainty in his eyes.
"You promise to come back?"
"You know me. Who am I to fail to keep my promises—well, besides about the hangouts," he joked, attempting to lighten the mood. You smiled, finding comfort in his smile. "Then can you promise me on this one, and try not to break it?"
"I promise," he extended his pinky finger, waiting for you to interlock with him. Once you did, the warmth of his hand—similar from last time—transferred to yours, making it such a bittersweet moment. He brought his hand closer, kissing the side of your hand. "Hope that wasn't too sudden."
He smiled at your blushing face, releasing your hand. He had noticed how little layers you were wearing—did you really run like this just to see him? Taking the scarf of his neck, he wrapped it around yours, looking at you lovingly. "I'll do something sweeter next time. See you later, yeah?" You nodded, and he finally carried his bags to the train.
As K stepped onto the train, you stood there, gazing into his tear-filled eyes. How badly he didn’t want to cry in front of you. Waving, you declared, "I like you too, K!"
His heart warmed slightly. "I can't hear you," he teased, as he would've done by your side. Smiling, you shouted, "I like you so much!"
The doors closed, and you glimpsed K crying. Witnessing his tears always tugged at your heartstrings, and your own tears flowed uncontrollably. The train started moving, and as K disappeared from view, you stood there with tears streaming down your face. The reality of his departure hit you hard. "Come back soon," you whispered to the wind, as if it could carry your message to him.
Your heart felt heavy, and you couldn't shake off the overwhelming sense of loss. As you wiped away your tears, you realized how much K meant to you and how the abrupt end to your argument had turned into a farewell.
Walking away from the train station, you carried the weight of mixed emotions. The confession, the unspoken feelings, and the promise of a future conversation lingered in the air. Most importantly, the emptiness lingered, but the promise of a reunion kept you going. Determined to make things right when he returned, you whispered to yourself,
yes of courseee i have been looking forward to writing yudai angst sdjhfdjkhskfhjk something about him screams angst i swear
lingering; andteam k
prompt; #13 "you weren’t pretending when you kissed me that night… but it feels like everything after was."
pairing; idol!k x reader
wc; 0.8k
pls reblog and like if you liked the drabble!
looking for moots <3
cheers,, hannah
kpop drabble masterlist | prompt list #1
the memory of that kiss haunts you. it wasn’t the first, but it was the last that felt real.
that night, under the stars, it was just the two of you. no cameras, no schedules, no crowds pulling k away. just the quiet hum of the city below, and his lips pressed against yours like they had something to say. his hands cupped your face like you were fragile, like you were something to be cherished. you remember the way he looked at you right after—like you were the only person in the world. like everything in that moment was right.
but everything after feels wrong.
he left for his tour the next day. another country, another stage, another part of his dream. and you… you were left behind. you understood the distance, the hours of practice, the need for him to pour everything into his career. you knew what you signed up for when you let yourself fall for him. you knew that being with an idol meant sacrifice—long stretches of silence, stolen moments in dimly lit hotel rooms, watching him on tiktok more often than seeing him in person.
but that kiss had felt like a promise. that you mattered, that he would find a way back to you.
the days stretched into weeks, the texts became shorter, the calls more unlikely. he stopped talking about when he’d come back. the exhaustion in his voice every time you spoke became more evident, like he was dragging himself through every conversation, barely able to give you what was left of him. you tried not to mind, tried not to let the growing space between you swallow you whole.
but it does.
now, when you scroll through the pictures of him online, you wonder if that version of him ever really belonged to you. the fans get more of his smiles than you do. they get the excitement, the laughter, the spark in his eyes that used to light up when he saw you. you’ve convinced yourself that you’re just an afterthought, a distant memory he no longer has time for.
you’d never doubted him before. not like this.
you replay the conversations in your head, trying to pinpoint the moment when he began pulling away. when it became routine for him to cancel plans, to avoid mentioning when he’d be free again, to let hours—sometimes days—go by without a word. you told yourself he was busy. you told yourself that it was temporary.
but deep down, you wonder if the problem isn’t just that he’s busy, but that he’s stopped wanting to come back to you.
it’s a thought that’s hard to shake, especially late at night when the silence is the loudest. you turn over in bed, your phone screen lighting up the room, and you stare at the last message he sent. ‘sorry, another late practice. miss you.’
miss you. those words used to mean something. now they feel like a formality.
you type out a reply, delete it, type it again. your fingers hover over the send button. you want to ask him if he’s still there, if he’s still with you, if the promises he made in the quiet of that night under the stars still hold any weight. you want to know if he’s pretending now, going through the motions because it’s easier than telling you the truth.
you want to ask him if that kiss was the last time he really felt something for you.
instead, you lock your phone and drop it on the pillow next to you. maybe you’re overthinking it. maybe this is what love looks like when you’re not the center of someone’s world.
but you can’t stop the ache. the cold emptiness that stretches out where his warmth used to be. the way you find yourself questioning every small thing, every text, every missed call.
maybe he’s not pretending—maybe he’s just exhausted. maybe he’s lost in the whirlwind of his own life, and he doesn’t have the energy left to love you the way he once did. maybe this is just a phase.
or maybe you’re not in his orbit anymore.
the realization makes your chest tighten. you don’t know when it happened, but the distance isn’t just physical anymore. it’s something more, something deeper. and you’re scared to confront it. scared to ask the question that’s been haunting at you because you already know the answer.
you weren’t pretending when you kissed me that night… but everything after feels like a lie.
it’s a thought that lingers, heavy and unspoken, as you pull the covers up and curl into yourself. your phone remains silent, and for the first time in a long time, you don’t wait for it to light up.
Warnings: somnophilia, intercourse, oral (f recieving), kissing, groping, being drunk (not while having sex), creampie
Word Count: 1.206
A/N: So.. not only am I back, but Kinktober is happening... Surprise! hope you enjoy!!
-💌-
“It’s just me baby. Don’t worry. Just give me a moment and i’ll join you.”
Fuck. It was happening. finally. It was finally happening and in order to fully enjoy it you had to be asleep.
K had only arrived nineteen minutes ago. he spent the first 2 changing into his pijama as fast as he could, fully knowing that after what he was going to be executing he wasn’t going to have the strengh or will to even move. The next 5 minutes he prepeared you. He slowly nagged the blanket away from body and then pulled your bottoms out making only the most necessary movement in order to keep you in your dream. Reassured that you had not been disturbed he opened your legs enough for his body to fit on top of yours. Then he saw your heat and the excitment he felt in his guts grew to the point he couldn’t feel his legs.
“Tell me anything you want pretty girl, i’ll make your dreams come true.” Between small and big kisses, bites and exhilirating touches K whispered to you as he looked down at your eyes, an insignificant 6 centimeters from your burning face. The amber mood loosed all sense of sensability and tightened the love string between you. And so you answered with no hesitation and all the confidence in the world.
“I want you to fuck me when I sleep.”
You phisically felt his breathing stop. And then you saw him chuckle in nervousness at the fact that of all things this is the one you wanted the most.
“I know how you look at me in the mornings.. or at night when you think i’m not awake.” How much more perfect could you get for each other? You shared the same kinks even without discussing it. “Wouldn’t it be hot? Showing you how much i trust and love you by letting you use me even when i’m at my most vulnerable?” And as you said that with the most innocent bambi eyes you closed the gap to gently kiss him.
“let’s do it then.”
“Fuck, I love you.” And he took the dive. K’s index finger approached your welcoming wetness and bent down to kiss and lick your clit. That’s how he spent the next 8 minutes. As much as he wanted to go all in and make you cum on his mouth and fingers and knew the payoff for both of you would be better with his cock in you so he slowed down at every stir of yours, taking it as encouragment to make you see stars later on.
Even if you didn’t consciously know just how wet you were, your subconscious made it clear to your body to feel every touch of K’s and your slightly parted lips and irregular breath told K it was now or never. After all it had taken you to vocalize his desire and he did not want to let you down. You were enticing by nature but the innocence of the sleeping body, the fragil peace of your features when you laid on his bed - it sent him places.
He positioned himself on top of you after pushing his hair back, transfixed on the moment you were about to live, the gift you had given him, just like the first time you had made love. With admirable patience he grabbed himself and slid his girth into your pulsating hole. It took a few seconds for his body to adjust to the new sensation and he rushed to check for any signs of distress on you, none of which were found.
K started moving in you, little breaths of his fanning your nose. The silence of your dark room only disrupted but the slapping skin and rustling of the bed sheets. His thrusts went in crescendo as the pleasure did too, his doe eyes fighting the urge to close. With his short and quick movements then came the unrestlessness, and with as much composure as anyone would have in the moment, his right hand went to your head to caress you through your sleep. Soon enough he balanced himself on his right forearm to sneak under the big t-shirt of his you slept with to hold your left tit with his hand, not daring to squeeze too much and risk waking you up, however, you were starting to really whimper and ocasionally move a little.
“Y/n” K whispered through his fucking “y/n I wish you could see how beautiful you look like this. You’re the prettiest. You make me feel so good. always”
At this point it was getting more and more difficult to hold anything in. This was beyond overwhelmed, his mind could not process any thought, his instincts had fully taken the wheel, and he risked it all: he placed the softest cloud-like kiss on your lips.
He wanted to be like this forever, your pussy filled with his cock, hands all over you and faces intoxicatly close, but he also wanted you to awakelly enjoy what he was giving you. The universe seemed to answer and in that moment your head moved, along with a microscopic expression of discomfiture. You were waking up.
“It’s just me baby. Don’t worry. Just give me a moment and i’ll join you.”
Fuck. It was happening. finally. It was finally happening and in order to fully enjoy it you had to be asleep.
The hormones in your body were rushing all over, your body was burning in both lust and confusion. Needless to say your mind took a little more time catching up but seeing K’s face was enough for you to know everything was alright. And feeling his hands on your head. And chest. And the pressure between your legs.
“Koga” You whimpered without even meaning too. A part of you wanted to go back to sleep as it was the entire purpose of what was initally going on but that was too far back in the past now, you were completelly awake and very close to the edge. “I’m gonna cum.”
K was now pistoling in and out of you. There was no controlling his natural instincs and you loved it. “Y/n!” He moaned. He was giving you his absolute all, he had even placed one of his hand on your hip to steady your body. The pleasure you were both feeling was beyond and the tears in your eyes made you feel like in a haze. His situation wasn’t much different, he was going to cum in your core any moment now. “Cum for me baby. Let me feel it.”
“Are you gonna cum in me?” You asked him as you held his face in your hands, wanting to feel him even closer and get some stability from the shaking his force caused.
“Fuck. Always.” He said before leaning in for another kiss, this one much rougher, almost anything but a kiss. He lost all battles when it came to finishing in you. “I’m cumming too baby.”
Four thrusts later and it happened. You were cumming, harder than what you both thought was ever possible, while looking in each other’s eyes.
genre/cw | friends-to-lovers, idol au, trainee au, crush, crying, body shaming, mention of physical abuse, featuring &TEAM
wc | 1.6k
notes | none
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
“Five, six, seven, eight, left, hop, turn around, no! Y/n you’re doing it wrong,” the dance instructor scolded.
“Sorry Mrs. Yang,” Y/n bowed her head. She glanced around to see that all the other trainees were watching her intently, causing her to flush unintentionally.
Mrs. Yang sighed deeply. “If you want to debut, you’ll work on the choreography twelve hours a day! Do you hear me?” She crossed her arms.
”Yes, Mrs. Yang. I was busy, I-“
”Your excuses mean nothing to me,” she scoffed. “You either debut with Hybe or you don’t debut at all. I doubt any other entertainment company would train you. You’re not even worth the time.”
“I’m sorry,” she closed her eyes tightly and bowed her head. She couldn’t even bring herself to look up. “I promise to work harder.”
”You best do so,” she sighed angrily.
Just then, the clock chimed. It was break time.
”I suppose I’ll see you all tomorrow for your monthly evaluation along with Mr. Won. You’re dismissed,” she said, gesturing them all to leave.
All of the girls picked up their duffel bags and exited. But Y/n was stopped.
”Y/n,” Mrs. Yang called.
Y/n squeezed her eyes shut before turning around. “Yes?”
“Start eating less. Your gaining weight, I can see it in your face,” she frowned. “Minyeon and Jinri never had trouble with their diets.”
Oh how Y/n hated being compared to the other girls. Especially regarding weight.
”Yes Mrs. Yang,” she whispered, tears stinging her eyes.
~~~
K smiled to himself when break time came. As a part of the pre-debut group &TEAM, he had a lot on his plate. Breaks were lovely. But he also did a little happy dance on the inside at the thought of seeing his crush, Y/n. The two had known each other for two years, ever since Y/n was street casted. They weren't exactly friends though. Heck, they never really did anything but acknowledge each other's existence. But he saw her around enough to develop feelings for her. She was the brightest, kindest, cutest person he knew. How was he to admit it? Maybe soon. But not just yet.
"Y/n!" EJ waved Y/n over to sit with his members.
She shyly brought her lunch over, which consisted of spicy ramen, and sat between EJ and Yuma, the only two she really knew in the group.
"I should introduce you all. Guys, this is L/n Y/n," Yuma announced, and they all greeted her warmly. "Y/n, this is Fuma, Harua, Jo, Taki, Maki, Yihsiang, and K," he explained.
"Hi," she waved.
"Nice to meet you Y/n. I hope we can be friends," Taki smiled.
The rest of the members said kind things to Y/n, yet K remained silent. In truth, he wanted to officially meet her on his own, not with Yuma's help. It would be a terrible first impression on his crush, at least in his mind.
The clock chimed yet again, signaling it was vocal and rap practice time.
"See you later," Maki waved at her as he and the guys left to their respective rooms.
~~~~~
Y/n collapsed on her bed in her apartment room and sighed. Her back ached terribly as she stretched. It had been a long day. Sitting up, she glanced at the mirror on the wall. She played with the strands of her messy hair and squished her cheeks, seeing how chubby they really were. And they weren't, at all. It was simply Mrs. Yang scolding Y/n every chance she got. And while Y/n didn't understand her reasons, she had grown used to it by now. Used to being humiliated in front of her trainees. And while known of these rude comments and scoldings were true, they got to her head. "What am I doing wrong," she whispered to herself before breaking down in tears.
It was another night of listening to depressing music as tears streamed down her cheeks.
~~The Next Day~~
"Bro just tell her! I'm sick of seeing you give her puppy eyes 24/7 and not saying anything!" EJ frowned. "And I'd bet she likes you back. I mean who wouldn't? Look at you," he teased.
"I'm not completely sure. I really want to tell her. I just don't know how," K admitted.
"It's not like you're getting down on one knee with a diamond ring for heaven's sake! Just find a time when you're both alone with an hour or more to spare," EJ suggested.
"Okay. Thanks EJ," K fist bumped him before going up to his room.
He immediately began surfing the internet using key words: confessing to my crush. And after an hour, he had a long list.
"Okay. Be expressive, be confident, compliment her, and don't bore her. Get straight to the point," he spoke just above a whisper as he kept reading the short list over and over.
~~~~~
It all seemed like a good idea until the time actually came. He stood at the door to Y/n's practice room, unable to open the door.
"Just do it!" EJ shouted from around the corner.
"I'll kill you if you mess this up for me!" K seethed.
With a newfound confidence, he knocked on the door. But when it opened, a crying Y/n brushed past him and went down the hall. He stood there, confused, dropping his list on accident as well. He decided to follow her for about a minute. And just when he was about to give up, he heard sniffling in his own vocal practice room. He opened the door and saw her, curled up into a ball, leaning against the same wall K had always used for physical support on the bad days. He quietly closed the door behind him and knelt beside her.
"Hey, you okay?" He asked softly.
"I'll never be good enough K," she suddenly spoke. "I don't even deserve to be here."
His gaze softened. "What? Of course you do! You're so talented Y/n."
"Mrs. Yang she... she," she choked on her own words.
"She what Y/n?" K became curious.
"She told me to leave the company, and that I'm not good enough to follow my dreams," she explained.
K could tell she was hiding something still. "What else? Just tell me the truth Y/n, it won't hurt you."
"She got angry with me so she... hit me. She pushed me to the ground and my wrist is most likely fractured," she cried.
"What?!" He exclaimed, quickly getting up and running to the other side of the room. He opened a cabinet and brought out a shoulder sling. "Here," he helped her put it on, clasping it behind her back. "Try not to move too much, okay? I need to speak to Mr. Kim."
She nodded in response as he quickly exited the room.
~~~~~
"Mr. Kim?" K knocked on his studio door.
"Yes K?" He looked up from his desk with a smile.
"Mrs. Yang needs to be fired. She pushed one of your trainees, Y/n to the ground and told her to leave the company," he explained, breathing heavily. "She's no good for the company."
"I'm sorry that has happened. I'll deal with it as soon as I can. Thank you for telling me K," he smiled again before going back to his work.
~~The Next Day~~
Y/n loved having Mrs. Yang gone. She felt much more free. And her replacement, Mrs. Kwon, was an angel. Strict enough to be a good dance instructor, but as sweet and understanding as they come. But she had someone to thank for it.
"K?" Y/n knocked on his apartment door. It soon opened and she smiled at the occupant. "Hey."
"Hey umm, would you like to come in?" He gestured to his couch area, and she accepted with a nod and a simple "thank you".
They both took seats next to each other before she spoke. "I just wanted to thank you for yesterday. You have no idea how grateful I am that she's gone now."
"You're welcome. Nobody deserves to be treated the way you were."
"Yeah," she smiled, before falling into silence. It looked like she still had something she wanted to say, and K read her mind.
"You're probably wondering why I showed up at your practice room yesterday, so I might as well get straight to the point," he took a deep breath. "I think you're cute and I uh... I've had a crush on you for like a year now. I was wondering if you wanted to go out?"
"Wow, I was going to ask you first," Y/n laughed.
"You were?"
"Yeah, I guess you were oblivious to my obvious stares in the past year."
"I guess I was," he chuckled.
~~~~~
Had K not had the bravery to confess, he wouldn't have been where he was right now. Sitting on top of his car, watching the sunset, with his girlfriend's head on his shoulder. "To think, today would've been our second anniversary if I said something right when I knew I liked you," K sighed.
"At least we have each other now. Better late than never I say," Y/n picked her head up off his shoulder to see his eyes. "And I for one, wouldn't have it any other way."
"Make it two," he smiled, before planting a short and sweet kiss on her lips.
you close the door of k's house with a bang. you flinch at the loud sound it makes. k looks back as well, a little confused.
"are you alright?" he asks, stopping in the hallway.
you weren't quite alright, homework, hobbies and the pressure of doing well in school were weighing heavily on you.
k didn't know a lot about this pressure you felt, but he knew there was something up. he figured if you wanted to talk about it you eventually would.
"i am so exhausted," you mumble, "sorry for slamming the door."
"let's go inside and sit down, you look like you're about to fall apart any moment now." he half-jokes. he pulls the door open and waits for you to enter the living room before closing the door behind you.
"sit down," he tells you, "i will make some tea."
you plop down on the couch, your head resting on a pillow. k likes having you over to hang out and rest. k knew it was the only way for you to get a break from everything.
"everything okay?" he shouts from the kitchen, checking up on you.
"if you don't hug me right now i might fall apart," you reply with a chuckle.
"i'll make the tea as fast as i can!" you laugh at his remark and sink into the couch. all your worries seem to fade away when you enter this house.
"tea is done! i'm here to hug you so you don't fall apart," he says. two mugs of tea are in his hands as he quickly jogs over to you.
with a clink he sets the mugs on the table and he immediately sits down next to you.
you hold up your arms, waiting for his hug. k's arms wrap around your waist and you wrap your hands around his. the embrace warms you up and you feel light, like all the pressure has been lifted up by k.
