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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 𞋓 ⠀⠀⠀ ✿̲ ⠀⠀⠀ ə𝖽ꪱ𖫰𝗍 ⠀⠀⠀ ❚ ⠀⠀⠀ ⡴
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ + there's a really long explanation after "keep reading" if anyone is curious about the thought process and choices made.
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⠀⠀⠀Misaki ⠀⠀—⠀⠀ "He's filthy,"
⠀⠀⠀Daisies, purity, innocence, joy. ⠀ Sunrise, hope, growth, the light scares the dark. ⠀ "You have a good heart" note on his heart. ⠀ Hands in the light, it seems like the upper hand is going to take the lower one, I saw this as Misaki finding Saruhiko. ⠀ A lot of windows with people living their lives, HOMRA, a community for misaki. ⠀ A person with a chest shining when misaki shows his HOMRA tattoo, proud, hope, home. ⠀ Sun on his HOMRA tattoo, life.
⠀⠀⠀☇ ⠀ Overall: ⠀ the insults serve as a defense mechanism against a sense of unworthiness. It's a desperate act of projection; by attempting to bury his own love towards Misaki. There is an attempt to drag him down into a desensitized emotional space where it feels possible to exist in a world without Misaki. The attack on Misaki's goodness comes from a fear of the loss of beauty and a brightness beside Saruhiko.
⠀⠀⠀"Disgusting,"
⠀⠀⠀"Words I wish I had said," a closed envelope because saruhiko couldn't express his feelings. ⠀ Earphones, basically disintegrated on Misaki's face becauseSsaruhiko talks about breaking amps due to misaki sharing their song with the world instead of keeping the privacy of earphones, Heart on his heart, love. ⠀ Swan, love. ⠀ Dead flowers, decay of a relationship, not very recognizable on purpose because Misaki wasn't realizing that. ⠀ Two souls kissing, love, again.
⠀⠀⠀☇ ⠀ Overall: ⠀ the word "disgusting" masks an overwhelming devotion. Emotions are perceived as something grotesque when they remain unspoken and trapped. The destruction of shared privacy, the earphones, is born from jealousy, yet beneath the cruelty, the connection remains an agonizing affection that is simultaneously craved and detested.
⠀⠀⠀"So ugly,"
⠀⠀⠀Petals around blocks, there's beauty even on the most unusual places. ⠀ "Seen this angel?" / Angel wings, about the ethereal beauty of angels. ⠀ "Everything is better with you. Everything has been better since you," a note that appears on Misaki's face, but the opacity is lower. The content of the letter saruhiko couldn't deliver.
⠀⠀⠀☇ ⠀ Overall: ⠀ This represents cognitive dissonance. The word "ugly" is spoken while Saruhiko subconsciously perceives an ethereal beauty in Misaki. The low-opacity letter represents a truth fading from reality; a confession buried under layers of spite. Calling Misaki ugly is an attempt to stay blind to a light that forces an acknowledgment of Saruhiko’s own darkness.
⠀⠀⠀Saruhiko ⠀⠀—⠀⠀ "I'm sure,"
⠀⠀⠀Ripped antlers, ripped by force, leaves great trauma and stress. ⠀⠀ An aim on a deer on saruhiko's heart, killing peace and innocence ⠀⠀Aim on saruhiko's head, he's the deer. ⠀⠀Sacrificial lamb, a false one; acceptance, willing, wishes to sacrifice himself by pushing others away. ⠀⠀Decapitated lamb on a plate, surrender.
⠀⠀⠀☇ ⠀ Overall: ⠀ the narrative changes from Misaki to Saruhiko because it's not about "him," not about lying to himself that Misaki is bad, it's about "I," I'm sure. I am sure.
⠀⠀⠀Saruhiko sentences himself to isolation. The ripped antlers and targets symbolize unresolved trauma weaponized against the self. The role of a martyr is adopted by him, but it is a hollow one that solves no purpose besides reinforcing a belief of being fundamentally unlovable.
⠀⠀⠀"I'm ugly,"
⠀⠀⠀"The triumph of venus," personification of craziness. ⠀ "Eve after sin," fragility of humanity, it's also said that Eve and Adam started feeling embarrassed about being nude after the sin. ⠀⠀Pomegranate, too much effort, messy. ⠀⠀Dead butterflies on his HOMRA tattoo, fragility, decay. ⠀⠀Arms with a lot of handcuffs, feeling trapped in HOMRA, he doesn't fit in, but misaki is the only one he knows and think he needs.
⠀⠀⠀☇ ⠀ Overall: ⠀ nudity is one of the purest, most vulnerable forms of oneself, it’s something that can bring profound discomfort too; being perceived in a raw form is to be judged. A belonging that couldn’t be sustained. Saruhiko views himself as a mismatched piece of another’s world, handcuffed by dependency and disgusted by one's own reflection. Only feeling whole with Misaki since he can’t fill his life by himself.
⠀⠀⠀"Disgusting,"
⠀⠀⠀Rotten strawberry, decay, neglect. ⠀⠀Dead flower, impermanence. ⠀⠀Fingers burning on candle flames, the thought of needing to stay at HOMRA to be beside Misaki consuming him + self-harm tendencies. ⠀⠀Goosebumps, "your kiss," love for Misaki still clinging onto him. ⠀⠀Bed frame with numbered days, again, about his everyday repetition of thinking he needs to stay at HOMRA to be beside Misaki, even while not fitting in there. ⠀⠀”Cara Thayer & Louie Van Patten,” seemingly an unnamed painting. What they said describes it better than I could: “One of our goals has always been to paint with the intention of the finished work resembling that of an individual painter. In trying to find a common inspiration with each other, we discovered that it is very difficult to define who you are to another person and explain your feelings with any kind of consistency, let alone authenticity. When you attempt to define yourself with conviction, you can easily attach yourself to an unsustainable perspective. Furthermore, as our lives are driven by self-definition, what we understand to be authentic is constantly in flux, regardless of intention. In our work, we have become interested in these ideas being personified in paint. What is the face of self-mythologizing? What is comfort? Can the counterfeit be as effective as the real thing? Or is something like comfort simply defined by how we define ourselves? These are questions that we feel are better suited to be asked with paint, rather than words.”
⠀⠀⠀☇ ⠀ Overall: ⠀ stagnation. Staying is painful, but leaving is unthinkable since Saruhiko has no purpose without Misaki. There is a loop of building a cold persona to survive the fact that identity has become dependent on someone else. Love has turned toxic, clinging like a phantom sensation while he feels left to rot in repetition.
⠀⠀⠀"And filthy,"
⠀⠀⠀”Heart of seven sorrows,” grief and pain. ⠀⠀Dead flower, impermanence, "all flesh rots." ⠀⠀Weeping angel, profound sorrow.
⠀⠀⠀☇ ⠀ Overall: ⠀ “filthy” is no longer an insult for Misaki because Saruhiko knows deep down that he’s the one who views himself that way, that word only fits him, never Misaki. He is destined for decay. The grief of finally losing Misaki is absolute.
⠀⠀⠀"For sure,"
⠀⠀⠀Trust issues, betrayal. ⠀⠀”The wounded angel,” will be purely based on your interpretation since there's no information on this painting. ⠀⠀"He left," he did. ⠀⠀Sacred decay, beauty in decay.
⠀⠀⠀☇ ⠀ Overall: ⠀ abandonment is the end of their problematic and needy relationship. This is a point where Saruhiko breaks, but also a part of his and Misaki’s healing journey, necessary for them to deal with their questions and move on.
⠀⠀⠀As the video progresses, the locker sits on the corner, it contained the unspoken trauma, but it opens in the end, a surrender to the beginning of a healing process. Everything can be interpreted however you want, though.
