An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Characters: Coran (Voltron), Pidge | Katie Holt, Shiro (Voltron), Keith (Voltron), Lance (Voltron), Sendak (Voltron), Antok (Voltron), Hunk (Voltron)
Final Day of Klangst Week.
Suffer.
Idk what time this'll post but I'm hoping it does what I want and posts at 2 like usual.
I don't think you guys know how disheartening it is to post something that I might take weeks to do on here (and I'm sure you all know I really put my heart into whatever I make), and then find it on Instagram where it's doing much better- like thousands upon thousands of likes- but I'm getting none of it because I haven't been credited. I'll post something and think it's not doing well because no one's interacting with it or something, I don't know, but then I'm sent a link to the same work on Instagram and it has amazing numbers but no one knows who wrote it.
I know it sounds stupid, but this is so totally frustrating to me. Therefore, please be a decent person and
ASK FOR PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WORK !!!
I'm not mean or scary so don't hesitate to send me a dm asking if its okay to do something. I may say no, I may say yes but you need to ask first.
Also if you ever see anything with my username on it anywhere, please please let me know. I'd greatly appreciate it !
Keith could hear them screaming. Their voice are full of anger, fear, and rage. They were screaming,
"Monster!"
"Freak!"
"Hybrid!"
"One of them!"
"Evil!"
"You're going to kill us!"
"Animal!"
"Off the team!"
Keith knew they were yelling at the Galrans, they always did. But the worst part was; they were screaming at him. They were afraid of him. Keith looked down at his skin and it was a violet purple. Keith looked back at his friends faces. They all look disappointed in him.
"Get out of here, Galra." Lance said, his words like poison. Keith felt the tears run down his face as Lance pointed his shotgun at him. He didn't even move when he heard the trigger and felt the final blow hit his chest.
——————————————————
Keith woke up with a yelp, bolting upright. He felt the tears running down his face as he swayed backwards, only to be caught by two ice cold hands.
"WOAH, Keith!" Lance's panicked voice ran in his head. He looked up to see Lance's worried expression to match his tone. Keith felt the tears in his eyes and threw his arms around Lance, crying softly into his chest. Lance was shocked for a moment, but quickly began to soothe the younger Paladin.
"Hey, Hey. It's okay, Keith, it's okay. It was just a nightmare. You're fine." He began to rock Keith back and forth to calm him down. His face burned against Lance's skin, which was usually a little cold. Lance sat Keith up and felt his forehead, wincing when he felt the burning heat coming off it.
"Jesus, Keith, you're on fire." Keith's stomach churned as he put his arms around his sides. He leaned his head against Lance's shoulder blade, not realizing or caring about how open he was being. That was, until, he realized his ears were up. He quickly shoved himself off of Lance and forced them down.
"Keith...?" Lance moved his hands to grab Keith's and ease them down, but Keith jerked back, eyes wide in fear.
"Woah, easy, Keith. It's just me. It's Lance. Calm down." Lance tried to get Keith's hands down again, but Keith started gripping his ears. Lance grabbed Keith's hands and held them down, moving them to under his knees and holding Keith's face with his hands.
"It's okay, Keith, it's okay. You're okay. I need you to focus on me, okay? Can you do that?" Lance rubbed Keith's face soothingly, sensing that something was really wrong. Keith broke out into a cold sweat and his eyes were searching everywhere for something to focus on, but they were so lost. The poor boy was breathing heavily and he was shaking.
Lance realized what was happening right then and there.
"Oh shit... okay, Keith, I need you to breathe, okay? In and out. In and out." Keith wasn't following what Lance was saying and started trying to get his arms back. He was pushing and pulling and kicking at Lance, but he stayed there and took the blows. He eventually grabbed Keith's hands and rubbed them soothingly, trying to ease his panicked state.
"Keith, it's okay, you're okay. There's nothing to worry about. You're fine. I promise you, nothing is going to happen to you." Lance tried to remember what his mamí told him to do when his sister ever had a panic attack while they weren't there, seeing as he was the third oldest and she was the fifth. Count to ten... was it count up or down? Lance didn't have much time to figure that out because Keith started hyperventilating.
Up or down, up or down... screw it. Lance thought.
"Keith, I want you to count to ten for me. Can you do that?" Keith was shaking and his eyes were looking everywhere. Lance held his face and moved it towards Lances so he could look at Keith directly in the eye. His eyes were fevered and they looked dulled, like the life was being sucked out of them.
"Keith, it's okay. I'm right here. Focus on me and only me. Count with me, ready? Focus. Breathe. Count with me, okay? One..." Lance waited for a response, and after a minute, Keith slowly started to speak.
"O-one..."
"Good. Come on, keep going. You got this. One, two..." Lance said. Rubbing Keith's hands comfortingly.
"T-t-two-o.... O-o-o-o-n-n-n-n-e-e-e... t-t-t-t-w-w-w-w-o-o-o-o-o.... t-t-t-th-th-th-th-r-r-e-e-e-e-e... f-f-f-f-fo-fo-o-o-o-U-u-u-r-r-r... f-f-f-f-I-I-v-v-e-e-e-e...S-s-s-si-si-six-x-x... s-s-s-se-se-se-v-v-ven-n... e-e-ei-eight-t... n-n-ni-nine-e... t-ten..." Lance sighed as Keith finished counting. He smiled at Keith, but noticed that his hands were still shaking a little. His teeth were chattering and his face looked flushed. Lance pressed a hand against Keith's forehead, and Keith moved into it.
"My god - Keith you're on fire. Here, lie down." Keith originally protested, but he couldn't fight it once he practically collapsed against Lances chest. Lance blushed for a second, but quickly realized how exhausted Keith was and eased him back down onto the bed. Lance got up to grab a washcloth to put on Keith's forehead, but he felt a small tug on his jacket, like one of his siblings used to. He turned around to see Keith turned to face him, his hand lightly pulling on Lance's Jacket.
"D-don't leave..." Lance looked down at the younger Paladin and felt pity; he'd been keeping up this, "I'm okay" act for so long and now it's starting to hurt him.
"Okay, bud. I won't go anwhere." Lances it's back on the bed and Keith motions for Lance to lie down with him. He did so, and soon, Keith fell asleep. Lance smiled at how adorable Keith looked. His defined jaw, his bangs lightly sticking over his face, his lips paled and slightly opened. He looked beautiful, and his ears made him look all the more adorable. Lance smiled and pet Keith’s head as he fell asleep.
Maybe this makes him a masochist, but he actually likes the pain he gets. Well, only the physical kind. He’s use to that more than the other kind. It helps to remind him he’s alive, and it's something he can push away with the help of adrenaline. But the other kind of pain? He absolutely hates it.
There are two kinds of pain. The physical, and the emotional. With emotional pain, he’s absolutely powerless. It’s no secret that Keith isn’t the most sociable one in the group, which often usually leads to him being left behind and clueless when it comes to social cues. So, to avoid getting hurt and pushed aside, he stays away from social situations.
At least, that was until he started falling in love with a certain blue eyed moron. Whether Lance knew it or not, he helped in bringing Keith closer to the group and helped him find his place with the rest of the team.. It had taken Keith a while to discover that the feelings he felt around Lance were actually making him giddy with affection and not urging him to punch his face whenever Keith came into contact with him. He had realized his feelings for Lance when he came back to team Voltron after his time with the BOM to rescue the real Shiro, but the moment Keith actually fell in love with Lance was the day when Lance had thrown himself on top of Coran to save him, and had ended up severely injured due to the explosion that happened. The moment Keith offered Lance his hand to help him up, he hadn’t felt the same whenever those eyes of his looked at him.
Keith wasn’t the only one feeling these things either. Lance had started falling in love with him too, if the stolen moments they had when they were alone together was anything to discern from. In fact, it was Lance that had made the first move and kissed Keith the day they were all rushing towards their lions for a mission. Once everyone had left to their respective positions for battle, Lance had grabbed Keith’s arm and pulled him to a stop. And before Keith could have said anything, Lance had pressed his lips against his in a light and short kiss before he pulled away, smiled and said “ Go get ‘em, Samurai,” before leaving a very red faced Keith behind.
That was also the day everything went wrong. One of the Galra fighter ships had knocked Blue around hard enough that all that could be heard from Lance was a sharp cry of pain, the kind of pain that the others would have felt even without their lions linking them to each other.
Everything had been a blur for Keith from that point. He remembered maybe blasting through the fighter with Red’s beam. He remembered rushing Red towards the Blue lion that lay motionless in space, not a peep heard from Lance himself. Someone must’ve brought Lance’s lion inside the castle, he just couldn’t remember who because next thing he knew he was rushing to the Blue lion’s cockpit. He remembered Lance’s body slumped over in his pilot's seat, Allura rushing him to the healing pod, blood spilling down his unconscious face from a wound that couldn’t be seen on his head. Then he remembered waiting for what had felt like hours by the pod, watching Lance’s still frame behind the glass, and he remembered the joy and relief he felt when Lance emerged from the pod, groggy and muttering something about a headache. Hunk had been the first one to hug him then, before Pidge joined in while Keith had stood near them shifting awkwardly on both feet.
But most importantly, he remembered the look on Lance’s face when he saw Keith looking at him. His face had twisted to one of tired annoyance as he huffed and tilted his chin up, his brows furrowed and his lips turned down into a frown. “What are you looking at, mullet?’ Keith remembered him saying. After more probing and question asking from Allura and Coran, they decided that Lance had lost a good chunk of his memories of what had happened for the past six months. Including everything that had happened between him and Keith. Including the kiss.
Allura had reassured the team that Lance was bound to regain his memories, that his brain needed a moment to catch up to the fact that it was healed and not bruised like it had been when Lance was in the pod.
“ Still,” Allura had said, her brows furrowed in concern as she looked over Lance’s medical data. “ We mustn’t reveal much to him, or else his mind might overload from the amount of information it’s trying to restore. At best, I’d say we can only tell him that he’s missing his memories.”
Still, the days that went by was hell for Keith. Instead of the fond looks he had grown accustomed to seeing Lance send him, he found glares instead, as well as intense stares. He had started flirting with Allura again, something he hadn't done in a long time since he started flirting with Keith instead. But Keith had powered through, wanting to be patient with Lance until his memories returned.
But today had been the last straw. They had just finished saving a planet from the Galra and were being treated to with a party in their honor.
He had hoped to get to hang out with Lance a little, just to talk about whatever topic came to his mind at that moment. But instead, he found himself stuck in a corner unable to move as he watches Lance flirt shamelessly with a small group of alien girls who do nothing to mask the obviously interested looks they’re giving him. He watches as Lance particularly favors one girl out of the rest, the girl looking strangely similar to that Nyma chick they had met ages ago.
Guess Lance had a type when it came to alien girls. The only difference between this girl and Nyma is that she has blue eyes and a dark shade of blue for hair - if that was even hair - while Nyma had been blonde with violet eyes.
Keith frowns at the sight before bringing his attention to the strange alien drink in his hand that leaves his brain feeling fuzzy. Kinda like alcohol.
He likes that, so he drinks more of it. Anything to stop the pain he feels blossoming in his chest. He can see the disapproving stares he's getting from Shiro, but at the moment he can't seem to be bothered by it. Not when Lance is leaning closer into that girl’s space with secret smiles he's seen Lance use on him.
Keith brings his cup to his lips only to find it empty, so he relocates to a counter that rests against a corner away from Lance, layered with more drinks. With a new drink in hand, he decides to leave the party and just….roam the Palace. To clear my head , is what he thinks but really he just wants to be far far away from the party where Lance is busy flirting away with that girl.
Keith isn't sure how long he’s gone, or how long he’d been away from the party before he decides to head back. Shiro’s bound to be wondering where Keith is, so he’d better hurry back before he gets a lecture that’s even longer than the one he's sure he’ll get for ditching the party to roam. Thinking of what excuse he’ll say to Shiro that’ll avoid that pity look, he turns a corner he's memorized in case he gets lost and stops short, his breath hitching in his throat and the half empty glass in his hand slipping from his fingers to crash on the floor. He stands there wide eyed, jaw going slack as he watches the guy he loves lock lips with the girl he’d been flirting with moments before at the party.
The sound of the cup crashing on the floor is enough to reel Keith back from his trance, as well as gain the attention of Lance who pulls away from his very heated make out to look at Keith with an equal amount of surprise. Clearing his throat, Lance tilts his head to gestures behind him as he speaks, his cheeks burning red whether it be from the kiss or from being caught and by Keith no less.
“Hey man, mind giving us some privacy?”
Keith has some trouble forcing the words out through the lump that has formed in his throat. Finally managing out a mumbled apology before he ducks his head down and hurries away from them, walking back the way he came to find another path back to the party.
He can barely process where his feet take him as the image of Lance and that girl together replay over and over again in his head like some kind of movie scene from hell, his heart dropping down to his stomach and that pain in his chest blooming once more. His throat feels constricted and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that he's about to cry but there’s no way in hell he’ll cry at a party full of strangers. He’d wait until he’s in the privacy of his own room. Not wanting to stay there at the party any longer, much less in the Palace, he speed walks to where Shiro is standing chatting away with a few of the planets natives before turning to see Keith heading towards him.
“Hey, Keith!” Shiro beams cheerfully at his foster brother, not having noticed the depressed aura lingering around Keith as he makes his way closer. “I was just telling stories about Voltron’s adventures, if you’d like to tell any of your own….” He trails off, a small frown forming on his lips as he takes note of the way Keith's jaw clenches. “Keith? What’s wrong, are you okay?”
Keith only clears his throat before muttering a response, his head still ducked down. “I’m not feeling too well, so I was gonna head back to the castle and get some rest if that's alright with you.”
Shiro’s eyebrows furrow in concern, his gaze raking over Keith’s slumped figure. He did seem tired, but it also seemed more that just that.
“Yeah, okay. No worries, go on and rest up.”
Keith mutters a small thanks before turning to head away until Shiro’s voice stops him.
“He’ll get his memories back Keith. Don’t give up just yet, give it time.”
Keith is quiet for a moment, his back stiff and his fists clenched. Damn it, Shiro. “Thanks.”
And with that, Keith rushes out of the Palace and to where his lion sits patiently waiting for him. He hops into Red and flies her back to the Castle of Lions. His fingers tap restlessly against the controls, his eyes stinging a little with the promise of tears. Red sends a soothing purr to his mind, a purr so deep it vibrates his entire being. That’s what seems to push Keith to the brink. Red takes control and drives them to the castle where it looms above the planet with Coran on board. Since Red is taking the lead, it doesn’t take long until Keith breaks and pulls his legs up onto the seat, hugging his knees to his chest as hot wet tears slide down his cheeks.
He muffles his cries with his arms as he buries his face into them, his shoulders shaking from the force of his anguish.
Seeing Lance with someone else like that hurt much more than he thought it would. He’d felt emotional pain before when his dad left and Shiro disappeared. But he's never experienced a heartbreak quite like this. His heart feels as if it's tearing in two and he can feel the lump in his throat grow bigger, causing strangled gasps to leave him as if he were being suffocated. He feels sick, the tears making his cheeks feel moist and icky. The worst part is that there's nothing he can do about this either. The only thing he can do best is just wait.
You know that meme? The 15 minutes late with a Starbucks?
Yeah that’s me, only it should be 84 years late with a frape.
Either way, here’s my final piece for the @klangst-week! It was so much fun doing this, even if I didn’t participate from the start! Big thanks to the awesome people that made this a thing <3
*****
Getting to know someone takes time, effort.
Getting to know Lance McClain takes a whole more than that.
That’s not to say that Lance is a broody mysterious character straight out of an otome game.
No, Keith thought, quite the contrary. Lance was the most sociable person he’d met, always greeting everyone with a grin and bright eyes. Besides, it was Lance that initiated this..thing between them in the first place.
It started on a lazy summer day of their first year in university, Lance flopping down besides Keith on the grass, beckoning him about the book he was reading.
Halfway through that year, Lance slipped his way into Keith’s everyday life, fitting himself into Keith’s routine.
By the end of the first year, Keith realised Lance found himself in his morning thoughts and his fitful rest’s dreams, a feeling meddling at the pit of his chest that he’d yet to acknowledge.
He’d start to notice little things about him, things that urged him closer to figuring out the unsolved puzzle that was Lance McClain.
There were little tell-tale signs that made Keith think there’s more than what Lance shows, each speck of expression or gleam of eyes hiding something deeper, something perhaps the sun-kissed boy may not have known himself.
Everyone knew Lance was a flirt. It wasn’t so much a rumor but a fact, he’d turn and wink at girls, lean in and compliment guys, people he found attractive. There was this mischevious grin on his lips everytime that gave Keith’s stomahc a run for its money whenevr he caught glimpse of it.
Yet each time someone returned the sentiment; each time a girl would giggle and wink back, each time someone would lean in and attempt to flirt back, Lance would falter, eyes widening before he looked away, fixating his gaze on the ground and finding ways to slip out of the conversation.
A person at the bar would offer to buy him a drink and Lance would freeze, mehcanical smile on his lips before he tore his gaze away from them, stammering an apology, rejection ready on his lips. Keith raised an eyebrow each time he bared witness to the sight but said nothing, figuring perhaps the person wasn’t Lance’s type. He ignored the sense of relief flooding his chest each time.
He caught sight of the persnon behind the mask sometime during their second year of university, a lazy winter day cold enough to find the two boys lounging in Lance’s room, Keith sprawled out on his bed, a book in hand, whilst Lance sat beside him with his computer on his lap, anxiously refreshing their school webpage.
Keith tried to calm him down, tell him that his exam results wouldn’t come any faster even if he kept refreshing the page. It calmed Lance only for a moment, just enough time for Keith to return his attention onto his book despite the darkness setting outside, before a sharp intake of breath interrupted his focus once more.
He peeked up to find Lance quivering, a hand over his mouth whilst his eyes widened.
A look at the computer screen let Keith know that the exam results were, indeed out.
He tried to console his friend, tell him it’s not a big deal, an exam like that can just be retaken at any time and is no reason for him to be so upset, but all words fell on deaf ears, Lance’s head shaking in defiance with each quiet reassurance.
“I’m never going to be good enough am I.”
The words felt like a stab to Keith’s heart, the knife plunging and sitting still in the middle of his chest.
Lance’s voice shook as he uttered them, eyes looking to Keith only for a moment before he shut them and begged the shorter boy to leave, to leave him alone to collect himself. Keith reluctantly did, not wanting to invade on Lance’s privacy but not wanting him to be alone nontheless.
It was a wake-up call, a moment that haunted Keith for days after. He’d go to bed thinking of the cloudy day, of Lance’s face, illuminated only by his computer skin, skin taunt and expression weak, vulnerable. Keith felt like he overstepped his bounds, like he’d seen something he wasn’t meant to, heard something not for his ears to hear.
Yet the sight never left his mind, and neither did the constritcting feeling in his throat. He started to wonder if thinking this much about another person was normal. If the twisting of his stomach everytime he saw Lance was to be expected, if touching the other boy, even ever so casually, should cause his fingertips to burn and his face to flush.
He realised it half way through their second year of university, on a night where a bright grin contrasted with gleaming eyes haunted his dreams.
Keith was in love with Lance.
He didn’t know if the realisation hurt more than the feeling itself.
*****
The days always felt longer, lazier, at the end of each academic year.
Second year was drawing to an end, and so was Keith’s patience.
The moment he realised his feelings he swore to keep them under wraps, not wanting to push Lance away, not wanting to lose a friend.
They were walking around campus, the streets empty at this time of evening, the sky tinting pink and the air getting colder, Lance burrowed into his jacket whilst Keith nonchalantly sipped on his cold coffee.
“You must be made of freaking ice, I swear.”
“Hey, it’s you that gets cold at a gust of wind.”
“Well excuse me for being Medittaranean! I’d like to see your American ass get used to 40 degrees Celsius, only to come here and be told that 20 degrees are considered to be warm! Warm!”
Keith huffed a laugh at his fluhed expression, the tip of Lance’s nose reddening.
“It’s been two years, three almost. I’m surprised you’re not used to it yet.”
Lance shook his head, mumbling something about how he’ll never get used to this dumb weather and the like, before he fell quiet, comfortably walking beside Keith before he started to hum a soft tune.
Keith took a moment to really look at the boy beside him. His half-lidded eyes, the tinted sky as his backdrop, casting shadows onto his sharp cheeks, lips pursed whilst he hummed and hair tousled by the wind.
Lance turned to look at him and his heart stilled the moment blue eyes locked on to him, stopping his hum in favor of giving a small smile to Keith, one of the ones that stole his breath away and made it all the more harder to keep the words begging to push their way through.
The moment Lance said his name, he knew he couldn’t keep them to himself no more.
“Please date me.”
It wasn’t exactly what he had in mind, the way he’d name the swelling in his chest, but he’d settle for it, being the first thing that came to mind.
He turned to meet Lance, taking a step close.
“Lance. I’d-I’d like you to date me.”
He noted the way Lance’s eyes widened, smile stuck in place awkwardly before he shut his eyes and laughed, bringing hands to hold onto his stomach.
“Geez Keith”, he muttered between huffs of laughter, “Please don’t joke like that. You had me going for a second!”
Keith stared until Lance calmed, hands shaking.
“What if I’m serious?”
The smile was now long gone from Lance’s mouth, eyebrows furrowing before he tore his gaze away from Keith, looking down to his shoes.
“Don’t joke like that Keith. It’s not funny.”
“I-I’m not-”
“Really, stop. You shouldn’t say things like that so half-heartedly. You’re lucky it’s me you said this to,” he grinned at that, eyes still looking down and away from Keith, “since I can take a joke, but if it was anyone else they might not appreciate it you know?”
His fists shook, his eyes burned and his chest hurt, each breath felt like he was swallowing water into his lungs.
Was that what this was to Lance? A big fat joke? He didn’t even have the patience to hear Keith out, realize that he was being sincere?
Did he not even have the courage to look Keith in the eye?
He thought back to all those times at the pub, or down long corridors, the way Lance shied away from unwanted attention, how he’d look away. Look away the same way he did right now, evidently uncomfortable with the situation.
This was Lance’s way of rejecting him.
He clicked his tongue, throwing his nearly-empty coffee cup down and into the ground between them, the action forcing Lance to look up and into Keith’s expression.
Keith said nothing, even as he felt the tears slip away and run a course onto his cheeks. As a last act of defiance he turned onto the heel of his shoe and walked away, leaving Lance behind.
This is what he was to him.
He was nothing but a joke.
*****
For two weeks, Keith had no contact with Lance.
In two weeks, Keith realised how big of a part Lance had in his life.
He’d instinctively look to his phone, expecting another emoticon-filled message to pop up his screen, only to find it empty, save for a few worried texts from Pidge and Hunk.
The first day he locked himself in his room, crying until his eyes hurt and his head ached, the numbness of it all catching up to him.
The second day Shiro barged into his room, his brother and roommate pulling him up and letting him vent to him, handling his fits of rage and tears the same way he did since they were kids.
By the third day Allura took matters into her own hands, visiting the two boys and all but forcing Keith off of the couch and into the shower, urging him to take a shower and just get out of the house, take a breath.
He returned back to his classes on the fourth day, sitting at the row farthest away from the front, knowing Lance woud be sitting somewhere in the third or fourth row due to his bad eyesight. The empty sit beside him felt uncomfortable to see, reminding him of what he’d lost by opening his damn mouth and uttering words he promised himself not to.
The remaining of that first week flew by, pushing Keith into a new routine, one he had hoped to never see again. He’d finish class and head home, politely refusing Hunk’s advances and messages to hang out (knowing fully well who else would be included in said plans), sending Pidge a message to let her know he wasn’t in the mood for any gaming tournaments anytime soon.
He ignored the looks Shiro gave him, the older boy knowing not to push the situation when Keith was still so hurt, so vulnerable.
He didn’t just lose a crush. He lost a friend, a person he cherished, someone that sneaked their way into his daily life and turned everything upside down, smiling as they did.
Lance had impacted each part of his life. Now he had to remember what it was like to breathe wihtout the scent of the ocean around him.
By the end of the second week his heart felt like lead; it was still there, it was still functioning but it felt heavy and hollow, a shallow beat there and just enough to sustain him. He hated it, the way he had gotten so used to Lance, the way he let himself become.
“So, what did you want to talk to me about?”
Keith grinned to himself. Had he finallly turned insane? Was he hearing Lance’s voice in his head now?
“Straight to the point aren’t you?”
He halted, wondering what that second voice was.
He was just on his way home, taking a shortcut through the back building of the campus’s library when he heard them.
Following the sound he found an allway opening to the back door of the library, two figures standing across each other in it.
A peek inside alerted him of who it was.
Lance was there, leaning against the wall of the alley, hands folded and a leg propped onto the wall, a man with thick long hair standing tall across of him.
“I thought you’d know the moment I told you. I mean, you know what this spot is famous for don’t you?”
He heard Lance laugh, the sound ringing in his ears.
“I don’t know Lotor. A famous murder scene? I mean, we’re literaly in an alleway.”
The name rang a bell in Keith’s mind. Lotor, that third-year Lance sometimes hung out with.
“Not quite. Apparently it’s a hotspot for hook ups. Something about the library ignites romantic feelings I suppose.” Lotor shrugged.
“Uh-huh. And we’re here because…?” Keith saw Lance’s shoulders tensing, taking a more protective stance.
“Because we were in the library a moment ago and I thought it to be the perfect spot to ask you to..” he halted, bringing a hand to rest on the wall by Lance’s head, “to ask you to go out with me.”
Keith’s stomach sunk. His mind all but yelled at him, saying how he shoudln’t be here, eavesdropping, how he’ll only regret it after. Yet something in his gut told him to stay there, see how things paned out.
He trusted his gut.
“L-Look” Lance started, voice stammering, “I appreciate the sentiment but, I’m-I’m not interested.”
“Why not? We’ve known each other for a while, I know you’re single, and coincidentally so am I.”
Lance turned, looking down and shying into himself.
“I’m just...I’m just not interested. I’m not looking for a relationship.”
Keith heard Lotor hum before Lance interrupted him.
“Or a ‘no strings attached’ thing either. Don’t look at me like that, I know you were gonna say that.”
Lotor laughed and stepped back, raising his hands in defeat.
“Fine, fine. I was half serious anyway. Still, I deserve an explanation as to why not, don’t I?” he cooed, his british accent rolling the words.
Keith dared a glance when a moment of silence ensured, seeing Lance turn away with one hand cradling the other.
“I’m just-I don’t want a relationship.”
Keith winced at the sound of that.
“I don’t deserve one. Not when-”
Lance’s voice broke off, hiding his face into the sleeve of his jacket.
“Not when I screwed it up with the only one I wanted.”
Lotor put a hand through his hair and sighed.
“It’s about that boy you kept hanging out with isn’t it?”
Lance remained silent.
“Ah, this is seriously anti-climatic. Did you fall for him? Is that it?” Lotor sneered.
Keith felt his heartbeat in his ears.
“You love him.”
“Even if I do-it’s too late.”
He heard shuffling and immediatly run away, using his athletic build to flee the scene as fast as his legs could carry him.
”You love him.”
He heaved, lungs failing him from the jog or the shock, or both. He wasn’t sure.
”Even if I do-it’s too late.”
It hurt, his legs ached, his stomach was ready to flee his body, a profound headache wrapping his head tight like a rubber band.
Sleep it off, he urged himself, Just sleep it off. I’m just tired. Just tired.
He tried to ignore the sound of Lance’s voice breaking, pounding in his ears.
****
By three in the morning, when sleep had yet to come to him, he had had enough.
The scene kept playing and replaying in his head, each word of the conversation leaving him in a deeper state of confusion than before.
His headache wouldn’t seem to stop, leave him be.
He needed answers, and he needed them right now.
With a start he got off of bed, still dressed in what he wore that morning, and grabbing his jacket from the hanger he stumbled his way to the front door.
He needed answers. Even if they hurt, even if the truth wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
He needed answers.
He needed to see Lance.
****
He knocked on Lance’s door until his knuckles hurt, all but pounding on the wood until he heard the boy inside groan a bitter ‘I’m coming’, followed by a slow shuffle.
Lance opened the door, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes until he took a look and halted, taking in Keith’s disshelved state.
“We need to talk.”
Lance let him in without a word, eyeing him like a feral animal.
He took a look around the room. Lance’s computer was open and sitting atop his bed, a carton of cigaretted beside it.
“Were you sleeping?”
“Does it matter?”
Keith shrugged.
Lance was defensive. He was leaning across his desk, arms wrapped around himself.
It hurt, hurt to know he was the one causing him this discomfort, to see the distance between them, wondering if there was a bridge to cross through.
If there ever was one.
He sighed and plopped down onto Lance’s bed, sitting at the far edge of it.
“How..how have you been?”
Keith looked up when he was met with silence.
Lance raised an eyebrow at him.
His eyes were rimmed with dark puffy circles, skin dry and hair messy, a state Lance would screech and call horrendous under any other situation, never allowing himself to look like that.
The answer was evident enough.
“I was...I was thinking about what happened.” he ripped his gaze away from Lance, focusing on his hands resting between his thighs instead.
“Lance I was serious. It wasn’t a joke.”
He heard Lance’s shaky inhale but refused to look at him, fearing what his expression would betray.
“Hearing you say that it was...it hurt. It hurt a lot. You just-you mean so much to me. Denoting what I feel for you down to a prank felt like you were ignoring my feeligns for you.”
He gulped, raising his head to meet Lance.
“I meant it. I lo-”
“Please don’t say it.”
Lance’s arms were folded over himself, his eyes shut, tears trickling down. In the faint of the night and the tiredness of it all, it looked like streams of stars down his cheeks.
“Please don’t say it. If you do I-I’ll get my hopes up.”
Keith stood, coming to a stop across Lance.
He didn’t say anything, only leaned close and waited, eyes never leaving Lance’s face.
If he did, he’d never hear what Lance had to say. What his words wouldn’t ever convey.
“I’m not-I don’t want you to want me Keith. I don’t deserve you, never going to be enough and-you deserve the freaking world, no, the whole universe and I just-” he broke down, now sobbing, eyes still shut tight.
Keith brought his hands to cup his face, catching tears with his thumbs.
It was gone. The mask he had been seeing for so long was long gone, replace by just this.
A boy far too vulnerable, a boy that had kept his defenses up for so long that he didn’t know how to cope without them.
“I never expected anyone to want me. Not in any sense. Hunk was my first friend and I pushed him away so much at first because, why would he want to hang out with me? I was a moody brat and he was literal sunshine.” he whispered when his sobs halted, momentarily, voice still shaky.
“I tried being more cheerful so that I’d deserve to hang out with him and others, and so that people wouldn’t look at me weird and-it worked. I was happy it did. I still felt sad often but just hid it until I became happy again.”
Keith nodded but remained silent, letting Lance compose himself before he continued.
“Then I started just, hitting on people. It was like a joke y’know? I never expected anyone to flirt back or anything. Why would they? It just-” he stopped, breath heaving.
“It freaked you out?”
Lance nodded.
“Why would anyone want to be with me?”
Keith wanted to answer, say a million things, list the reasons Lance was perfect, worthy of love and all the care in the world but the boy carried on, bringing a hand to meet the one cupping his face.
“Then I came here and met you and just...God. You’re perfect, you know that?”
He tried to hide the flush on his face, thankful for the darkeness of the room and for Lance’s half-lidded eyes.
“I just wanted to be near you. Falling in love with you wasn’t-it wasn’t an option. You’re just, you’re a freaking galaxy, this perfest cluster of atoms and-you’d never want to be with someone like me. I can’t see why you would. So that day...that had to be a prank. There was no way you could be serious, I-”
“But I was serious.”
His voice was firm, louder than the hushed whispers from before. It made Lance reflectively look at him, eyes widenign.
“You keep saying you don’t deserve this and that, but why? Why wouldn’t you?”
Lance’s lips quivered and Keith wasted no time in brining a finger to his lips, stilling the evident complain that was to come.
“You’re fucking perfect. Even with your stubborness and insecurities, you’re just...you’re you. You’re this totally self-less, wonderful idiot that deserves so much more than what you think you do, you got a heart bigger than your body and you work hard even if you refuse to admit it and-and I love you. You don’t get to decide wether I do or not, but just know that I do. I love you and-and I hope you love me too.”
Lance looked at him at that, Keith’s eyes adjusting to the dark by now, letting him catch sight of the shocked expression.
He brought his forehead to meet Lance’s, hadns still firm on by the sides of his face.
“Lance. Do you love me?”
“I-” he breathed, “I do.”
Keith smiled.
“Will you date me?”
“I’ll fuck it up Keith.”
“No you won’t.”
He leaned in, kissing Lance’s forehead.
“You’ll get bored of me.”
“Never.”
He kissed his cheek, tasting tears as he did.
“But-”
“Do you want to? Do you want to?”
“...Yes.”
“Then that settles it”, he huffed, bumping his nose onto Lance’s, “I’ll prove to you I can’t ever get bored of you.”
“I love you.”
He paused, lips parted.
Keith hadn’t said that. He hadn’t. Which meant…
“I love you. I-I’m sorry, I wanted to say it for so long and just-” Lance choked back tears, his nose crinkling as he did, “I love you, I really, really fucking love you.”
Keith laughed, bringing a hand to the back of Lance’s head, pulling him close.
“Idiot.”
He kissed him at that, the knot in his throat finally releasing him from its’ hold.
“You can say it as many times as you want. Just know I’ll say it back everytime. Forever. Until you get bored of me.” he said when they broke off.
The light from the computer screen was long gone, only the stream of moonlight streaming between them.
Lance huffed a laugh, bringing his hands to Keith’s waist.
“You’re the idiot. I’ll never get bored of hearing it.”
“Good”, was all Keith said before a pair of lips clashed back onto his, and he’d never felt more at home than he did in that moment.
****
“Keith, are you asleep?”
He hummed, feeling fingers twisting and curling into his hair.
With a bleary gaze he found Lance’s face beside his, the hand not nestled on his side toying with his hair.
“I’m sorry.”
Keith stared, pouting at the words.
“I needed to say this before, but never got the chance to. I’m sorry for what I said. About…it being a joke. And for hurting you. Sorry.”
He laughed, kissing the worry off of Lance’s lips.
“It’s alright. I’m sorry for throwing my coffee on your shoes.”
Lance gasped, a teasing look in his eyes.
It must’ve nearing morning, if the light through the window was anything to go by.
“I forgot! I forgot entirely about that! Keith Kogane, your royal ass ruined my favorite Converse shoes!”
Keith huffed, burrowing his head into the pillows.
“Shush. I’ll get you another pair on your birthday.”
“That’s not the same! They’re my favorite shoes!”
He groaned, turning back to Lance and shutting him up with a kiss.
“Is that enough compensation?” he teased, wrapping his hands around Lance’s waist.
Lance said nothing but pouted, unable to hide the flush of his nose.
“I love you. And I hope you’ll learn to love yourself too.” he said after a while, not certain if Lance was asleep or awake, the boy’s face nestled into his chest.
“Maybe I will. Not immediatly, not right now, but...slowly.” he felt him reply, not lifting his head to meet Keith, though he already knew what expression the taller boy must’ve been sporting.
“And...I love you too.”
It was far from perfect. They were both still far too vulnerable, insecurities gnawing at their feet, threatening to swallow them whole with every opprotunity.
Yet Keith didn’t feel afraid.
Not when they were together.
Not anymore.
*****
Sorry for any syntax/grammar errors, my pc crashed three times while writing it and i had to re-write it each time, so didn’t have time to proofread/edit TuT
The castle was still gunning down the last of the enemy ships. The battle raged on, but for Keith, none of it mattered. He stared at the Black lion in shock. It had taken a direct hit from the laser cannon. It drifted in front of him, in the antigravity of space, eyes dark and a hole punched clean through the head. Like a hole puncher through paper.
It had all happened so damn fast. One second he was beside Lance, taking down the enemy and feeling cocky, and the next, Lance’s raw, guttural screams were echoing in his skull.
There was a faint chattering on the com link. It seemed muffled and unreal, but the voices were recognizable. They were talking, Keith realized. His crew mates. Talking to him. Words and sentences. Keith numbly switched off the com link and stared. Then he noticed something.
Black’s mouth was wide open. She must’ve used her last bit of conscious will to do that. And if her mouth was open…
Keith leaned forward and looked around frantically. Where was Lance? Had he floated out of the cockpit, or was he still inside? Was he injured badly? Was he… Keith ended that line of questioning before he could break down. Then he spotted Lance.
Lance was floating outside the Black lion, a good hundred meters away. His helmet seemed intact, but even from a distance, his warped chest plate was evident. Could Lance even breathe? What if his ribs had been crushed? Had the melting chest plate burned his skin? Keith took a shuddering breath and turned on the com link. Hunk’s voice immediately filled his ears.
“-’s not talking to us, we don’t… we don’t know how Keith’s doing.” Hunk sounded rough and froggy, like he was holding back tears, and Keith felt a stab of guilt.
“Hunk, I’m okay,” said Keith, his own voice rough and exposed. “But Lance definitely isn’t. He’s outside of Black, and his suit is in rough shape?”
“Just how rough are we talking?” Pidge’s voice was hard and sharp, like shattered glass on the sidewalk. Keith swallowed hard and switched the com link to only the main castle.
“I’m gonna go get Lance. Allura, the pods treat burns, right?” He heard Allura’s sharp inhale.
“Yes Keith, I believe they do. Just get Lance inside right now.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Slowly, Keith flew Red over to Lance’s floating form. Lance looked even worse up close. His limbs hung beside his body listlessly, and his head drooped to the side. Keith had never seen him so still and lifeless. Red opened her mouth, and Keith gently pulled Lance inside Red. Sensing that he couldn’t focus on anything else right then, Red turned and flew them towards the castle. Keith gave her a silent thank you and turned his full attention to Lance.
The first thing Keith did was remove Lance’s helmet and check his vitals. He pressed trembling fingers to Lance’s jugular vein, and nearly fainted from relief when he felt Lance’s heartbeat beneath his warm skin. Feeling a thrill of hope, Keith moved on to his breathing. Puffs of air from between Lance’s lips tickled his palm, so Lance was still taking in oxygen. Keith leaned against the wall and, like he’d done before, took Lance into his arms and cradled him. No matter how hard he tried, his eyes kept returning to Lance’s sunken chest plate. Keith closed his eyes and listened to the soft humming of Red’s computer system and Lance’s slow, deep breaths. He listened as Red flew them ever closer to safety.
“Keith, how is he?” Allura’s warm voice buzzed in his ear.
“Alive, thank fuck. But we’ll have a better idea of how he’s doing once we get his chest plate off.”
“All right. Practically all the ships are destroyed, so I’ll lower the barrier and let you bring him in. Hunk and Coran, tow in the Black lion. Paladins, to the castle! We’re making the jump.”
When Keith brought Lance into the hangar, Kolivan was there to meet him. Kolivan scooped up Lance like he weighed nothing and carried Lance to the healing pods, Keith trailing behind him. Once they arrived, Kolivan carefully cut Lance’s chest plate open and peeled back the dented metal and the under layers of clothing.
What lay beneath was a mass of scarlet, blistered skin where the laser beam had warped the metal. Some of Lance’s shirt couldn’t even be removed, as it had stuck to to the fluid seeping from the burns. Lance had pushed Keith away from the right side, so his right shoulder had taken the brunt of the blast. The skin there was pale and tough, and the sight made Keith feel like he’d been kicked in the chest. Pale skin after a burn was never good. Darkening bruises marked his neck and chest. Kolivan looked up at Keith.
“My knowledge of human anatomy is limited. How severe are his injuries?” Keith opened his mouth to answer, but found he could make no sound. His vision began to swim and he braced his hands on his knees so stay steady. Kolivan “hmm”ed and stood up.
“Can you stay here with him while I retrieve one of the Alteans? They know how to handle this better than I.” Keith nodded stiffly. He vaguely heard Kolivan’s retreating footsteps but his mind was too busy focusing on every little detail of Lance’s injuries. The blister on his collarbone had burst and was weeping clear, watery fluid. The skin on his shoulder didn’t change colour when Keith pressed a finger to it. Even more worrying, he’d been knocked out for several minutes now. Keith cradled Lance’s head on his lap and tried to focus again on Lance’s breathing.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up.. Coran’s unusually grim face looked back at him.
“He really took a hit, didn’t he?” Keith swallowed and nodded. Coran knelt down to inspect Lance’s injuries. He surveyed Lance’s burns and bruises. He clicked his tongue a few times when he saw Lance’s shoulder.
“Well, the good news is, it looks like the laser didn’t hit him directly. Very close, but not quite. However, he will need extensive time in the healing pod, and I must prepare him for stasis. Keith, I’ve got to ask you to leave now.” Keith started to protest, but Coran held up a palm.
“I need to be able to fully concentrate on the task at hand. That’s easiest to do when I have no other people around to distract me.” Coran made eye contact with Keith, and Keith was taken aback by the amount of pain he saw in them. “I care about Lance too. So I want to make sure I do this right. Go rest for now - I’ll let you know once he’s in the pod.” Keith nodded. Coran knew better than almost anyone what to do.
Keith made his way to his room in a daze. When he opened the door, he collapsed onto his bed and couldn’t hold anything back anymore. His fear for Lance’s safety, the confusing mix of feelings he held for Lance, the affection for Lance that he could finally acknowledge was there, his grief over Shiro that he’d never really processed - it all came rushing out in a flood of tears and heavy sobs. Why had he been so cold towards Lance before? Why had he gotten himself pinned but the enemy? And why, why did Lance always have to rush in and help him? Someone passing by the door could’ve heard, but Keith didn’t care. He clung to his pillow like a lifeline and buried himself under the blankets and slowly, very slowly, drifted into unconsciousness.
————
Keith woke up many quintants later to a knock at the door. He blinked his still damp eyes and groaned, electing to ignore it But the knocking became louder and so insistent that Keith couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there anymore. Pushing back the bedsheets with a growl, Keith stomped over to the door and yanked it open. Standing outside, fist raised mid-knock, was a concerned looking Pidge, overshadowed by a teary-eyed Hunk. Hunk carried a tray of goo cookie in his hands. Pidge looked up at him.
“Keith, we want to talk to you. We heard you crying last night, and we know this must be hard on you,” she said. Keith frowned.
“Well, I think it hasn’t been easy for any of us.” Hunk and Pidge shared a knowing look, and Hunk sighed.
“Keith, as much as you pretend to hate Lance, we think it’s quite the opposite.” Hunk gave him a sad smile. “It’s cute, actually.” Keith blushed furiously. He seriously considered slamming the door in their faces, right then and there. But Hunk continued. “Pidge and I care about him, too. He’s my best friend.” Pidge nodded.
“Yeah, he’s like my goofy older brother. So you can talk to us about him, if you want.” Keith pinched the bridge of his nose. He wasn’t thrilled that his secret was out - mortified was more like it - but maybe he did need to talk to someone about Lance. Someone else who cared about Lance as much as he did. Anything to avoid another night of crying so hard he couldn’t breathe.
