ℒ𝑎𝑚𝑏 ˚‧｡⋆
𖦹 synopsis: matt meets a broken and confused girl and is forced to take care of her, when he acts out harshly and pushes her away, will he be able to save her a second time?
𖦹 warnings: memory loss, blood, confusion, isolation, loneliness, breaking and entering, use of guns (by matt) to threaten reader, yelling, wounds - head wound, chest wound, nose bleed, matt is lowkey really mean, gun violence, crying
𖦹 wc: 4k
𖦹 NAVIGATION // ALL AUS 𖦹
LAMB
Tiptoed wandering and humming; a song she didn't know the name of.
Sweat lined her forehead, she thought, wiping to see its redness. It didn’t indicate danger like it would have before.
The branches helped for balance, while the twigs on the forest floor sent sparks of pain up her legs from her bare feet. She winced each time, not attempting to consider an alternative.
She was glad to be rid of all the foliage, pushing past the last layer of greenery to see the stretch of land. White layers upon layers was all she could see. It was good that time wasn't something she could process, for anyone else would’ve turned back when confronted with what looked like endless miles of snow.
MATT
It was likely he had over-romanticised it. Seclusion. It felt like comfort at the time but was now infested with mites of loneliness. Matt also had a bad case of the inability to admit when he was wrong.
Some days it was a little nice to bathe in all the pity he had for himself, getting the concerned, “are you okay?” messages from family. Just enough to remind himself he existed.
Nothing else really existed out there. Any animals that braved the open fields were quickly shot down, becoming simply a warmth in Matt's stomach after dinner. On particularly bad days, he swore he could taste their loneliness, turning into nightmares where he was the same animal he shot down.
Matt chose never to read too much into it.
The scene in front of him didn't add up.
Footprints - not track marks. Snow tinted with blood.
Matt scanned the area but as was typical, there was nothing.
He didn't know if he should be scared for himself. It wasn't usual for there to be ambushes this far out, no one could make it this far without enough equipment that would take up so much space you'd lose stuff trying to commit a robbery. It was unheard of - but so was what had appeared on the floor in front of him.
Aimless wandering felt like the only productive thing he could do. Looking out for tracks, blood, listening out for snaps or any sign he was looking for something real.
It truly was aimless - finding nothing but the growing shadows of the trees as the sun set.
He scuffed off the bottom of his shoes mindlessly, not noticing all the anomalies surrounding him.
Matt didn't notice the partially open door, the cold wet feet prints on the smooth kitchen floor. He didn't notice the opened cupboards, opened drawers. The one thing he did notice was the sound of soft snoring, finally firing up his instincts upon realising the intrusion in his house.
Her eyebrows were furrowed in her sleep. Tense, as if concentrating to ensure the blanket covering her would do its job to warm her. Apparently all Matt was capable of doing was looking around - staring at different corners in his room, begging for something to tell him how to handle this situation.
The rifle was heavy over his shoulder, the weight drew his instincts towards it. He gripped it securely, yelling out ‘hey’s to wake up the stranger. With her still laying still, he poked her form with the end of the barrel - not enough to hurt but enough to disturb.
The eyes opened delicately, staring up at Matt with a lot less fear than he was expecting.
“Get up.” He commanded, gun pointed at her face.
She sat upright, moving the blanket in a way to ensure it still provided her with the warmth it was supposed to.
“What are you doing here?” his tone remained harsh.
Matt watched as she stared blankly. Not even confused, just feeling and knowing nothing.
He groaned, irritated. “Stand up. Fully, all the way.” he mirrored the movement he wanted with the gun, intending to intimidate but clearly not doing so.
She stood straight, flattening out her clothes as an attempt to look respectable. She let out a small cough, covering her mouth as she did.
For a reason Matt really couldn't wrap his head around, he was the stunned one - yet he was also the one aiming the gun at her face.
“Did you take anything?” she was zoned out, face looked as if she assumed he wasn't even talking to her. “Hey! Did you steal?”
This time she met his eyes, shaking her head ‘no’. Matt scanned her frame, not seeing any obvious lumps from objects he thought could be hidden in her clothing.
Matt gestured his head towards the front door. “Go.”
The girl followed his gesture - looking over but not budging. He used the side of the rifle to push her in the right direction.
She only wobbled a little, looking - well not looking with any emotion really.
“Get out!” he couldn't maintain his anger, voice coming out in an irritated voice he’d more likely use if his brothers were being annoying - not trying to get an intruder to leave his house.
She eventually understood - finally. There was a vague attempt to grab the blanket before stepping away, Matt forced out a sharp ‘no’ to get her to stop. Her mouth formed a frown, holding her arms to her chest protectively as she walked slowly to the front door. She occasionally looked back, checking to see if Matt was still behind her.
She stood to the side of the door, looking down at her feet - refusing to let herself out.
Matt sighed loudly, reaching past her for the handle to pull it open. The cold breeze came rushing past them into the house, the girl looked up at him, a slight begging in her eyes for the first time.
“Out.”
All she did was stare. Stood aimlessly in the snow that had settled on his front porch, holding herself for warmth; and staring.
Matt refused to wish he had more sympathy for her. Regardless of this, he hesitated - holding the door open for just another couple seconds. He commanded her to go once more, then slammed the door between them both.
Matt let out a groan and wiped at his face aggressively. It didn't feel like he had done the wrong or the right thing.
Air left him once again, before he scurried around the house to put away his things. His steps felt louder now, reminding him he was alone. Reminding him that a moment ago, he hadn't been.
Once again, he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. He headed back to the kitchen, planning to occupy himself with food.
He noticed something he hadn't before - crumpled up tissues scattered all over the marble surface. At first, he marched forwards irritated, yelling out ‘I knew it’ internally. He expected her to leave some kind of mess or problem and look - here it was.
The ‘half’ victory didn't last long, seeing the red stains covering the tissues.
Oh he was a fucking idiot.
He practically sprinted to the door, grabbing his coat on the way. The air rushed inside again - before his attention was brought to his feet, seeing the same girl resting against the wall of the house.
she really hadn't wanted to go - staring at him a little confused.
“Uh, you bleeding?”
She didn't move much, hand hesitant but moved slowly towards her head. He knelt down next to her, ignoring the wet patches forming on his jeans from the ice. Matt held her head delicately, cautiously moving her hair to reveal a gruesome line on the side of her skull.
He sighed (again) ignoring the guilt creeping up his throat. Placing his arm around to support her back, Matt walked her back inside.
As soon as her feet touched the inside floors, she pulled herself out of Matt's grasp and ran to the couch. Pulling the cozy blanket back over herself, she finally smiled.
“You need to wash.”
She met his eyes for a split second, before pulling the material up to cover herself fully.
“C’mon, I'm trying to help. It could get infected, your hair could get like stuck in the dried blood-” she comedically grimaced at his words, “i- exactly, uh, bath or shower?”
A lack of response - again.
He began filling the tub, worrying about how quickly the bubbles had started to form - he’d poured a little too much soap in out of stress.
The girl was filling with growing anxieties, Matt's emotions mirroring into her. He began rambling, asking if she knew how to have a bath, how to clean, how to dry, how to change - as much as he didn't want to come across condescending, he’d much rather explain in case she didn't know, than have to monitor her every move.
Matt made up the bed in the spare room, he laid out clothes, put the blanket she clearly loved over the sheets and left her some warm soup on the side table. He wasn't used to being the kind of person that did things for other people, especially not to this extreme.
There were so many aspects he didn't know about this girl, regardless, she was hurt. He still refused to enjoy it, sighing deeply as he chose to give her all these things.
After a while waiting on the couch, he heard the upstairs floorboards creak, enough to tell Matt she had left the bathroom and headed to her room - the spare room. She didn't come out after, so he assumed she’d headed to sleep. He wouldn't let himself care enough to check on her.
He woke up to his face being prodded.
Matt jolted back, forgetting all of the events of the previous day until he saw her face. She also seemed shocked, probably due to his frantic reaction.
“What?” he spat out.
“‘M hungry.”
This time Matt had the non-verbal reaction, at least for a second. “You talk?”
She nodded, a little phased by the question.
“Right. Well,” he sighed dramatically. “Jesus.”
Matt pulled himself out of his bed, running his fingers through his hair while he searched for a shirt to put on. He turned back to find her snuggled in his warm covers, eyes innocently following Matt's movements around his room.
“Wha- get out, you have your own bed!” he whined, sighing over and over as per usual which made her laugh softly.
She sprinted out of the room and by the time Matt had left it too, she was standing in the hallway with her blanket wrapped around her. Matt rolled his eyes, gesturing his hand out for her to be the first to walk down the steps. He followed not too closely behind.
“No, I'll do it!” he whined like a child possessive over his toy.
“I wanna help!” she mirrored his tone, earning the millionth eye roll she’d received from Matt.
The front door pushed open, the sound of the wind filling the room. Upon seeing who it was, Matt groaned into his hands and wiped his face. He could barely handle one disturbance let alone handle three.
His brothers stepped in, laughing at a probably unfunny joke and clumsily set their things down.
The girl was now increasingly uncomfortable, choosing to hide behind Matt and grip at his shirt.
Chris was the first to notice her, eyes darting from Matt's irritated expression (which was very typical) and the girl's anxious standing position.
“Matt? Uh there's a girl behind you.” Nick followed Chris' eyes upon hearing his words.
“I’m clearly aware.”
The brothers waved timidly, giving small ‘hi’s to not spook her too much. She waved back, finally smiling a little and taking a mental note of the similar looks the three of them shared.
“Whats her name?” Nick spoke up gently.
Matt sighed and preoccupied himself with making breakfast, now for four people. The girl didn't answer the question either, seemingly upset over Matt's anger that refused to settle down.
Nick and Chris shared confused expressions.
The bottom floor of the cabin had an open plan. Meaning as Matt worked in the kitchen, there were no walls in between to prevent him seeing and hearing what was happening in the front ‘room’.
The three more cheerful people sat on the couch together, making enough jokes that the girl was now comfortable with their company.
Her eyes often darted to see what Matt was doing - most of the time his expression was tense as he treated making pancakes and waffles like it was the most serious task a person could do. Other times, they locked eyes and she noticed the hint of sadness in his eyes. As was his favorite defense mechanism, he didn't let it last long, face turning away hurriedly each time.
“So, when did you uh, move in?” Nick wanted to ensure she felt fully included but also knew that Matt would refuse to answer these questions.
She didn't respond - nibbled at her lip out of nervousness as she looked to Matt for support. He had finally finished in the kitchen, heading over to the couch as he carried two plates at a time.
“She’s not staying.” he spoke up roughly. His actions contrasted the harsh meaning of his words, handing her the first plate of food. It held perfectly cooked pancakes and half a large waffle, while the plate he handed to Nick had the messier pancakes and no waffle to be seen.
“Does she have somewhere else to go?” Nick spoke with half a mouthful of food.
Everyone looked over to the girl, who rested the plate on her knees atop the blanket and ate timidly. She shook her head ‘no’, making Nick and Chris turn to Matt in a mix of disappointment and anger.
“If Matt kicks you out, you can stay with us if you want? We live together but we have a spare room you could stay in. As long as you need.” Nick focused on the matter at hand, making sure she knew she had somewhere safe she could be.
“Yeah and we’re nicer.” Chris scoffed, insulting Matt but still muttering a ‘thank you’ when his brother handed over the breakfast he had made.
“Obviously no pressure, but the offers there.” Nick added.
“Good.” Matt muttered, placing himself on the patch of floor closest to the girl, preventing nicks knees from bumping hers.. To the girl, if felt defensive, making her again confused on Matt's refusal to admit he cared about her wellbeing.
She dragged the fork over her food, entirely grateful for it but her body had closed up from both embarrassment and sadness.
They hugged each other goodbye, the girl clung onto Nick for a few seconds too long but he didn't mind. He rubbed her back soothingly, reminding her of the offer he and Chris made earlier.
The house was uncomfortably quiet when they left - they seemingly chose to head off earlier than intended due to the amount of tension between everyone.
She fiddled with her fingers on the couch, knees pressed to her chest.
“So what is your name?” Matt broke the silence, weirdly much cheerier.
She shrugged dismissively. A mix of still being upset and genuinely not knowing.
“You don't know?”
Her head shook in agreement with the question.
“Well, pick something.” He placed himself in the space next to her.
“I- i dont know what.”
“You can pick anything. Within reason, I guess.”
“You pick for me.”
“No, I can't do that. It's a personal thing.”
“What would you pick - for yourself?”
Matt thought to himself for a second, staring down at his lap. “Wow, I guess it is hard.” to that, she finally let out a small laugh. “What feels like you?”
“Something confused and scared.”
Matt gave her a sympathetic expression before resting his head back on the edge of the couch, staring at the ceiling instead.
“Matt?”
“Yeah?”
“Thats your name?”
“Yeah? Why?”
“I didn't know.” she spoke softly, “until your brothers said.”
he paused for a second, somehow a little offended. “I guess I didn't think we needed to get personal.”
“I’m not upset-”
“And look, you won't tell me yours.”
“W- i don't know mine!”
“Why didn't you go with them? They said you could go to theirs.”
She blinked away the growing warmth in her eyes. “I like it here.” She fought back as much as she could.
“But it's my house! My home, my food, my bed, my fucking blanket and you’re using all of it!”
She ripped the blanket off herself, practically throwing it into Matt's lap as he merely sighed. She hurried to the kitchen, putting on her boots that still had drops of her dried blood on. Covering herself with her coat that she didn't have a memory of buying, she stormed out the front door, slamming it behind her.
All Matt did was sit himself up, holding the blanket in his hands more gently than he’d ever spoken to her.
He didn't budge from his spot, eyes locked onto the door. He waited for her to come back, assuming she would, assuming he hadn’t messed up as bad as logic would tell him.
Time passed quicker than it felt, while Matt felt like he’d been waiting years.
Now he thought back to how she got here. By chance, hopeless wandering, dripping blood. She could've died. She would've died especially if Matt had fully kicked her out like he initially planned.
He couldn't escape the image of the wound on her head. He’d lived in that area for years now and had never managed to get himself in enough trouble that he got wounded like that.
He focused back on the floor - she left the same way she came in.
What if he’d doomed her to relive the fate she had the day before?
She left the same way she came in.
Matt hurried to gather clothes to keep him warm, loading his rifle too. Worst case scenario, he had to use it, he thought.
The wind smacked snow into his face, freezing the tip of his nose. A hat covered his ears, which probably would’ve fallen off from the cold without it. She definitely hadn't dressed warm enough. Layers upon layers and matt was still freezing.
The snow seemed to endlessly crunch under his foot. Hoping and hoping to reach the forest she was most likely hiding out in.
There were sounds he didn't recognise. Yelling, loud thumps or bangs or something, just the sound of attacks he couldn't put a name to. Then there were gunshots - that he recognised.
Matt's legs moved for him, sprinting despite the heavy weight he was with everything he wore and carried. He wanted to tear all of it off him, desperate to reach her faster. He had been naive to think the worst case was he had to use his gun when in truth it would be that someone else used their own on her.
He stopped in his tracks when he saw her, Matt panted pathetically to regain his breath.
She was stumbling down the path, face down to watch her feet and ensure they walked as they needed to. The girl held her side, blood pouring out from the gaps between her fingers. She finally looked up, meeting Matt's eyes and he could see a glint of recognition in hers. Now Matt could see the blood running from her nose, her face beginning to swell rapidly.
He finally ran towards her, frantically taking off his own coat to place over her. She stared up at him a little dazed - maybe she didn't recognise him? He really had no way to be sure while she was in a state like she was.
The way he supported her frame didn't really help at all, resorting to carrying her close to his chest instead.
The cold relentlessly bit at him, but he ignored it. He marched forwards, he had to. She pressed her face into the crook of Matt's neck, seeking warmth and eventually falling asleep.
The snowy surface made walking difficult, feeling like trying to run under water. After a mile, his house was finally in view. He looked down at the wounded girl he carried, noticing the blood refusing to stop spilling. He should’ve covered the open wounds first - he should've done all of it differently.
Matt choked down his sobs, realising he didn't want to accept how wounded she truly was, as it would mean looking at what he had caused.
Matt laid her down by the fireplace, rushing to grab her blanket and a pillow. He covered her gently, cradling her face in an attempt to wake her up.
“Hey, hey, c’mon, you need to wake up.” he spoke in a tone that seemed calm, which he obviously wasn't.
She finally opened her eyes, blinking gently at Matt. Now that he was one step more satisfied, he rooted through the cupboards for things to help her wounds.
He patched her up, cleaning the wounds, applying pressure and covering them up. He delicately used a damp cloth to clean up her face, trying to ignore the way her eyes burned into his skull as he did so. When he had finished, he met her eyes again.
She was pale. Too pale.
The fire was still on, but he placed the pillow then the girl herself onto his lap, hoping to provide just a little more warmth.
His breathing hadn't been steady for hours, still hyperventilating as she laid still in front of him. Matt wiped the hot tears that were still streaming down his face, the only comfort he received was her eyes looking up at him. He hadn't failed completely miserably as long as she was there, wounded but healing.
Matt rested his back against the footstool in front of the couch, trying to relax himself. He had too much adrenaline - energy he should’ve had way earlier to prevent this extreme of a result.
He woke up to his face being prodded. This time it felt much more comforting.
“You look messy.” she stated blankly, clearly unaware of the dark bruising forming under her eye and the leftover blood under her nose that Matt had clearly missed.
He laughed a little - he wasn't the one that had a near death experience. “Doesnt matter.” he mumbled.
She messed around with his hair, fixing it to look more respectable. Matt watched closely as she did, feeling a heavy lump form in his throat. Guilt was chewing him inside out.
“I’m sorry.” he whispered delicately, as if it was a secret. “I’m so sorry.”
She stopped her attempts at fixing his hair, feeling as if it was in the same place it started.
“I never wanted you to get hurt, I just can’t deal with people like you can. Like my brothers can.” he felt water brim his eyelids, "I just got too used to my own place, to being alone and I guess I assumed people didn’t want to be in my space anymore. And then you needed it and I was an asshole about it - and I'm sorry. Really.”
“Matt?” he blinked a little confused, watching as she leaned to whisper in his ear. “Its a little late for apologies.”
She stayed still for a moment, enough for a confused ‘what?’ to hurriedly leave his lips.
As she leaned back, the moment Matt expected to meet her eyes, she was gone. Like she wasn't there in the first place. Maybe she hadn't been.
Matt still felt the weight of her in his lap, looking down to see her even paler than before. His hands shook as he reached down, checking her neck for a pulse. He shifted her off his lap, finding her arm and checking her wrist for a pulse.
The silence in his home had never felt so heavy.
He gripped her shoulders, desperate to shake her awake. He continued his efforts, ignoring the rivers streaming down his face and ignoring the pathetic wailing he let out while he cried for her to wake up.
None of his attempts worked. Clearly he had lost his chance to help her.
Some mistakes can't be undone. Now Matt felt like he was one himself.
©mi-co-uk
