Voltron HC’s for my Humans Are Weird Lance-Centric Story
Lance became immune to most poisons because he wanted to be like Westley in The Princess Bride
Lance has worn heels, dresses, makeup, extensions, etc, multiple times
His sisters and brothers helped him learn the skills
Lance has learned how to fix engines, along with other basic/simple engineering skills, because of his brother Marco
Lance is an amazing chemist and knows how to make an impromptu bomb with sweat, a bobby pin and something made of glass, because of his sister-in-law Bella
Lance speaks practically every language to communicate with his friends
Lance can cook and bake relatively well because he helped his mother and grandmothers cook
Lance may not be Pidge’s level, but he is a white hat hacker who made money after being hired by multiple governments to make sure they weren’t vulnerable because his brother-in-law Theo dared he couldn’t
Lance knows how macgyver basically anything because of the many things he had happen with his cousins and siblings
Lance can use bows, throwing knives, darts, blowguns, and guns really well, as well as a sling and has a throwing arm of incredibly accuracy because of his father encouraging it (and a boomerang to honor his favorite character Sokka)
Lance knows juego de mani and limalama because Veronica told him to learn to protect himself without weapons and he wanted to make her proud
Lance can sew, knit, crochet, etc, because he wanted to help his mother and grandmothers and sisters
Lance is a disguise pro because of his sisters
Lance is amazing at acting and lie detecting because of his younger relatives and siblings
Lance can dance in practically every way, revealed through pole dancing and aerial silks, and Lance is so flexible Hunk insists he has no bones, all because he played Twister and limbo and refused to lose - and then took gymnastics and dancing classes when his aunt found out and paid
Lance has multiple service animals because his mind doesn’t work like others and he has various needs - each animal does something different
He had a boa constrictor for his anxiety, a parrot to tell him when he accidentally switched languages, a goose to make sure no one hurt his feelings (accidental or purposeful), and a small snake that they couldn’t identify that helps him focus
Therefore, Lance handles all animals extremely well and they automatically love him - several times, he comes back to the Castle with new animals that they can’t get rid of and have to take along
Lance has run and won three marathons so his older brother Phillipe would be motivated to exercise
Lance can swim, climb, and jump better than most people, including Pidge, Hunk, and Keith. He can only swim and jump better than Shiro - they’re matched for climbing, unless they’re in trees, in which Lance wins, because of siblings and relatives
Lance can eat Carolina Reapers without crying because of bets
Lance can sing and knows many styles, including opera - his voice is incredibly strong, and he is told to not sing opera unless there is something protecting other species from the volume - his family would sing together and he took lessons after his uncle started crying at his ‘angelic voice’
Lance is the best diplomat because he understands people and how to get them to loosen up and have fun, which causes them to accept his ‘pack-bonding’ and want to be his ally/friend - because everyone back home was family
Lance can storytell with the best of them because of his grandparents telling their own stories and him mimicking them as he told them about his day
Lance once broke his leg, sprained his wrist, dislocated his shoulder, and scraped himself up really badly because he fell down a steep hill on an island - a few friendly sharks and dolphins came together to help him make it back to home (Hunk’s home because he was visiting)
Caffeine does nothing to Lance - he can consume a gallon of pure espresso without dying or so much as twitching, and he won’t be affected at all. He cannot be addicted, and it’s because his uncle would give him coffee and soda as a little baby when his parents weren’t looking, but he came over semi-irregularly due to travel
Lance cannot get hungover and it takes a whole lot of alcohol to make him drunk. He’s gone to several open clubs, and gotten many drinks bought for him both normally and in a dress and heels - his family had competitions often and he participated from fifteen onwards and somehow was again immune for the most part
Lance can eat a whole pineapple on his own (it was a dare that he worked up to)
Lance can whisper at many different volumes and in many ways. He can also throw off his voice. Hide-and-seek tag was fun, especially in the dark where you could freak out whoever was it
Lance can flip knives and screwdrivers and such. He can also throw simple objects with deadly accuracy (pencils) because his brother came out as gay and was bullied, so he learned to flip knives and transferred that to school items, which then transferred to bullies finding their backpacks pinned by a colored pencil that was thrown nearly hitting their necks.
Lance can make a fire easily due to bonfires on the beach. He has no fear for it, and knows minor blacksmithing because him and Veronica liked to make things out of stuff they found on the shore.
Lance has cute hiccups and sneezes, like a little kitten, but only Hunk knows. Whenever someone sneezes or hiccups, Hunk gives Lance a look, waiting for the moment when the cuteness comes. It hasn’t… yet
Lance can do a million what if’s and figure out deep theories for each because his family got bored easily
Lance can mimic practically anything due to a combo of games with siblings and survival skills - and learning to screech in his sister’s ear
Lance can make up a million different swears because they weren’t allowed to cuss around the younger kids. He knows how to come up with the so fast that Pidge wonders if it’s another language for him
Lance is the most protective - Hunk is the only one who’s truly seen what he looks like in a rage (the Galra see - and their ship goes down before they can tell anyone - thank you Black Lion) - Lance will never lose someone in a crowd, and no one can kidnap someone around him - he spent years herding kids in crowded areas and saving them from creeps. He will never lose someone.
Lance is so empathic that he befriends several Galra teams and those eventually join the Blades - he watched his younger relatives fall down and had to kiss lots of boo-boos
He had so many female relatives, Lance knows how to handle periods better than some girls
Lance goes calm when scared - he had to handle whatever danger there was before it could hurt or affect his family - he supercalculates and becomes a supersoldier/assassin
Lance has the best intuition and every human learns this - he knows when something is low quality, when something or someone cannot be trusted, when something is wrong, etc. - Hunk vouches the first time when it’s just humans, and the second time (outside of a battle or something), the Alteans are forced to listen when the four other humans insist Lance should be trusted - it helped him avoid danger
Lance handles stress so well, he barely feels it. His adrenaline is completely on beck and call. He never told anyone but his family because no one else he knows of has achieved a mental switch to the adrenaline rush. He can use hysterical strength on command, but he’s only done it once before. He just goes as calm as when scared if he gets too stressed or if everyone else is too stressed
Lance is the best at grooming - thank you sisters
Hunk and Lance have tattoos and pierced ears (Hunk has a large traditional tattoo on his back); Lance has several tattoos on his center back (flowers and skulls and leaves) with some spreading outwards (vines with more flowers and stuff growing out) and has band tattoos on his shins and biceps; Lance has many piercings in his ears that no one notices unless he’s wearing earrings - his siblings took him to get the tattoos and piercings, and his mother took him to get the first piercings and his father the first tattoo (a small flower on his shoulder blade)
Lance is best at child games like tag and hidenseek because of his family
Sometimes, Lance speaks in such complex slang and metaphors that even Hunk barely understands him because he and his siblings and cousins wanted to speak to each other (gossip) without eavesdroppers
Lance cannot control his curiosity well because he had to explore things for and with his family and knew he could handle the situations if they went wrong
Lance loves cute things because of pets and nieces and nephews
Lance learned to talk backwards and can go silent for a long time without losing his voice because of dares
Lance has a high pain tolerance even if he hasn’t been hurt in a long time and it’s helped him (sharks and dolphin incident, saving Coran, just contributing to fight and help his family and friends even in pain) - however, he will likely be extremely dreamy when that happens
ONE DAY: Pidge makes a teleporter and manages to get a friend back on Earth to set up another. She also gets communications up.
Shiro talks with Adam (this is Adashi and Alluratt), and gets sent some official medals to show he’s a General because of all he’s done and been through.
Hunk’s mothers and sisters send him homegrown ingredients and some better tools.
Pidge’s mother spends half the time telling Sam, Matt, and Pidge off for leaving and the other half asking if they’re okay and then sends them each a care package.
Keith also talks with Adam and gets sent a knife “to remind you of home”.
Lance’s family takes an hour just introducing themselves to Keith (who Lance insists stays with since he said he didn’t have family - “you can share mine then”) and then spends a good many more telling about what happened; they send over a bunch of shoes and clothes and sewing/knitting supplies and chemistry supplies and etc so he won’t get bored and then Veronica asks him if he can ask Pidge if the teleporter can do it with living things.
She says it can, but don’t have anyone come because of the danger - Veronica sends Lance’s service animals and they all missed him so much and instantly like the team.
Maverick is the goose (*tell dad that joke with a straight face*)
Princey is the boa constrictor
Cleopatra is the unidentifiable snake
Maverick tries to peck Keith whenever he makes a rude comment on accident, so Keith starts learning what’s hurtful and how to rephrase his thoughts so they’re not as hurtful but still honest.
Princey loves Hunk and tries to hug everyone.
Alex imitates Coran’s voice and uses that from then on unless Coran is around then he’ll bark like a dog once to alert Lance that it’s the real deal - Alex knows that helping Lance is important and Coran helps Lance so using Coran’s voice helps a lot.
Pidge wants to know what Cleo is, but Cleo doesn’t leave Lance’s side unless necessary because he ‘disappeared’ for the animals.
The other collected animal assortment learn how to help Lance from his service animals and soon he almost always (except battle) has at least three other creatures besides his service ones following him and helping.
Lance took drama class and was in the play put on by the class, but worked backstage as stage manager (was on the floor and used his intuition for lights and sound and stuff)
For the drama club play - he was the lead almost every time no matter how many times he suggested someone else might be better.The one time he wasn’t, he was the love interest (he was Mais Merian instead of Robin Hood)
He always got special recognition when backstage and that time as the interest despite him nominating literally everyone else
Lance has met Mothman - that’s all he tells Keith and co, but he used to get together every Saturday night for stargazing with Mothman and a lovely sasquatch, and they kept in touch when he left for the Garrison; Veronica helped them and let the cryptids know that Lance was okay after communicating with the Paladins.
Mothman was named Emilio by Lance and nicknamed Em. The sasquatch was named Alli.
Lance has been “adopted” by packs of wild animals several times and not always packs. He once was pushed by a bully over the edge of the crocodile enclosure at a zoo (bully just pushed, didn’t mean to make him go over) on a school field trip when he was twelve. They couldn’t get the crocs to give him back til his abuelita came over with a chancla and scolded them until they gave the boy back.
He was allowed back into the zoo for free so long as he helped when the animals were cranky or needing shots because they were always calm around him.
He befriended every animal.
Rosa the gorilla was a lovely little lady who would sing with him and she would start singing the moment she heard/saw him. They had a special song just for the two of them to sing.
Lance went viral, but not many recognize the twelve year old as him, especially because people stopped posting when it became clear he wasn’t going to stop and they got used to it.
Keith remembers the hippo video and wishes he could’ve joined that boy. When it is eventually revealed that Lance is the Animal Tamer, he promises to get Keith his own hippo (his uncle bought the zoo when it started to close down a few years back -same people work there, just different ownership. Lance knows his uncle won’t mind)
Keith is ecstatic and refuses to believe Lance is lying, and Shiro and Pidge worry and are shocked. Hunk knew.
Lance learned to hang upside down like a bat for long periods of time because his family had a huge vacation house with rafters but the house got crowded since everyone would come and Lance would stay in the rafters with Veronica to provide more room and both became known as the Bat Twins.
Lance uses this to scare the Blades by telling Keith to tell Kolivan about vampires and then hanging from the vents and hissing at people while wearing black and dark red and a cape that he made.
He also has fake fangs and red contacts so no one recognized him but the humans and now everyone is on the lookout for the vampire in the vents.
Keith and Shiro never leave the team or disappear. The Blades approach the Paladins seeking an alliance.
Hunk and Lance were pen pals at three because of Lance’s aunt who knows one of Hunk’s moms, and they met at five when the aunt brought him back.
He went every year for both short and long trips, and the island Hunk lived on accepted Lance into the community, so now he has traditional tattoos on his lower back and across his shoulders that meld with his previous tattoos easily.
He got the lower back one when he was thirteen and the shoulders when he was fourteen. The bands are a combo of Cuban and Samoan culture in their styling.
Lance had worked on some of his relatives’ farm after school since he was seven. He knows how to milk a cow, herd flocks, lasso (probably lassos a thief at some point), hogtie, farm (plants), make animal calls and whistles, get chickens to obey, ride a horse and a bull, use a scythe like a pro (and terrify Pidge and Shiro on their makeshift Halloween while Keith attempts to figure out how a cryptid, a quiznacking GRIM REAPER, got aboard. Hunk just stands back to watch the chaos), bargain/barter like a pro, withstand extremely strong winds and other storm conditions without falling over (he can walk, make himself heard, and even run and jump and climb like normal), tell when something is sick or ready to be harvested/milked, tend to many animals, speak in farmer slang, and has memorized the planting requirements for many crops.
Lance can stand off in a growl/roaring match (baring teeth and trying to seem bigger) against bears, Alli the sasquatch, wolves, and several Galra soldiers. He came across many Earth predators and knew that his logical mind could overcome his primal instincts that would make him give in to a wild animal.
Therefore, whenever Lance and co happened on one and needed to scare it off, he would do so by not giving in in the slightest, which eventually broke the other, especially since it was always obvious he was protecting his family.
If it was two ‘mamas’ (Lance is ‘mama’), then both seemed to feel it and would stand down and head their separate ways.
The Galra found out when Lance stood off against a commander in a ground base and got the enemy to give in. Once the commander was submissive, the others gave in and the base was converted (secretly) to the Blades.
After all, Lance didn’t try to hurt them, simply continued on his way. And he was heard getting the others to not destroy the base because “these soldiers aren’t with the Empire. At least, not because they want to be. They’re with the Empire because it’s all they know. Let’s leave them be now.”
The Blades found out as a whole when a Blade tried to tell Keith off of going on a small reconnaissance mission because he was too small.
Lance came to the defense, and unbeknownst to the Paladins, Lance was then on known as the Caretaker of the group, a type of alpha that doesn’t lead, but is very protective of their pack and is willing to do whatever necessary to protect them. Shiro is the alpha, but even he will give in to the Caretaker if faced off with the alpha side of it.
Lance then finds himself taking less fire during battle, which helped him focus better on protecting his team, because the word got out and the Galra don’t attack Caretakers or kits because they’re the most important. Together they are the future.
Lance is both a kit and a Caretaker, attempting to protect his fellow kits, and that means that they are very hesitant to attack. They have to rethink strategies to avoid lethal offenses due to Lance’s willingness to take the hits and the fact that they are all kits.
There is one adult in their group and it’s a crazy middle-aged Altean.
Kolivan sees the Caretaker up close and personal when he ‘loses’ Keith. Before Lance can do more than growl and prepare to shout and cuss out the Blade for losing his teammate, Keith comes busting out of the vents spouting off about how he was training and then he was asked to go find the vampire and even though he knows the truth it was too good an opportunity, and then he thinks the Blades lost track of him and then he heard the Paladins boarding and it wasn’t Kolivan’s fault, it was an accident.
Lance immediately backs off and tells Keith to use the Castle’s training room. He seriously just got back from the reconnaissance mission, take a break.
Lance can handle many different temperatures because of the weather back home and his siblings often taking him out camping.
Back home, everyone was family to Lance. On Hunk’s island home, everyone around them was family or friends.
Lance and Hunk can walk, talk, sing, dance, and overall move in unison to the point where they seem telepathic. They can do so for a long time.
Their record is three days, where they woke up and went to sleep at the same time and helped each other make food and overall astounded their fellow Garrison cadets. Pidge was there and can vouch that it was terrifying.
Lance will always rescue someone in need. It gains them many allies from Galra, Empire supporters who only support it because it’s all they know, pirates, fauna, some flora, a few allies who were going to discuss the alliance until Lance helped a kid up or saved an animal without any incentive. They all saw a caring nature in a vicious predator and decided that was the perfect ally.
Lance celebrates Hanukkah, Christmas, Días Des Les Muertos (check spelling), a bunch of other holidays and a lot of birthdays because of his large family. He keeps it up in space by either putting up decorations in a few rooms (sometimes rooms that no one visits so they won’t be taken down) or going around saying something like “Happy Marco’s birthday!”
Lance has an incredible sense of smell because of diapers, cooking, identifying nature and other things so he can tell what is in something rather easily and can even track down stronger smelling things with relative ease.
Lance is the flower crown making champ and can make all sorts of styles since his nieces and nephews always wanted them
Lance and Hunk have the worst dark humor and it’s a major surprise, but it comes from being exposed to other people a lot and Lance had social media.
His Instagram is of animals and nature, his Twitter is of weather and the beach and more nature, his Facebook is his crafts and art and occasionally some songs (just audio clips and you can’t really identify him with his voice, he even did opera once), Reddit has theories and he’s incredibly respected for his ideas and theories especially because it’s just for fun and he says that, Tumblr is random stuff and everyone loves him (both the fandoms and the hipsters).
None of his accounts have his face or information, so he’s completely anonymous. Hunk learned from Lance.
Lance has wonderful rhythm because he had to get thirty kids to sing Cotton Eye Joe and do the dances at the same time
Lance never took ice skating lessons but is really good and has had several people offer to teach him or ask him to join an event/team
