The Morning After, Sequel to First Times
I originally posted this on my main blog but can’t seem to find the particular drabble anywhere, so I’ve decided to instead freely post it here.
Killua was sore between his thighs.
He was actually pretty sure his skin was bruising, with how insistent Gon’s lips and tongue were last night. He had to take a deep breath, close his eyes and shake the image and sensation of Gon.
It had all happened so quickly. It was nothing the couple hadn’t done before, oral sex was something they equally enjoyed beyond wandering hands underneath clothes. But… but Killua was sore. Because last night they went further than they’d ever gone before.
Last night, they went all the way. Last night, Gon was inside of Killua.
And it wasn’t that it’s something Killua didn’t want to do, he did. He had thought about it before, he didn’t regret it one bit but…
Last night, he had sex with Gon and they didn’t use a fucking condom. It was unplanned and he followed his hormones instead of his head. He got lost in skin to skin contact and Gon’s lips trailing from his thighs, over his stomach, across his chest and to his lips.
“Are you sure, Killua?” Gon had asked, hands resting against either side of the boy’s hips.
Killua had taken one look into Gon’s eyes, glowing and full of lust and love and pulled them down, pressing mouths together. “Yes,” he replied.
But, fuck, he should have said “yes, under the condition we use protection before you’re inside of me!”
He hadn’t. And after pressing several placating kisses to Gon’s lips this morning and swearing everything was okay and he just had to go home, he was waiting two blocks down the road from Gon’s house and waiting for Lea and Kurapika to pick him up.
He chewed on his lip, nearly peeling all the skin off and bringing up blood. His palms were sweating and he just felt.. afraid.
He swallowed hard, feeling his heart in his throat and cursing his thoughtlessness. He was in high school, he took Sex Ed. He saw the pregnant teenagers around school, he knew.. that one time could make him one of them.
As if being a transgender man wasn’t difficult enough to explain, how could he be a pregnant transgender man? A pregnant teenage transgender man?! What would his family think? His mother… oh god, his mother would absolutely lose her fucking shit.
Killua’s life was planned out for him, already. Ace his AP classes with the highest grades so as to get college credit, finish high school and attend an Ivy League that would be chosen by his parents, attend an internship at his parents’ multimillion dollar company. Nowhere in this plan was there a damn baby!
A baby… that looked the perfect mix of Gon and Killua. Holy shit!
Killua thought he might vomit on the pavement if Kurapika and Lea didn’t get to him, soon.
“Killua!” Kurapika’s voice reached the teenage boy before he heard the crunch of gravel beneath tires. His head cocked up and then there were his saving graces, his best friends in an old station wagon pulling up to the the curb he stood at.
Kurapika was out of the car before Lea had even fully stopped, slamming the door closed and wrapping Killua in his embrace.
Killua shuddered against the warmth of Kurapika’s chest, the feeling of safety setting through his bones. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in, wrapping both arms around Kurapika and he dug his fingers in. Killua’s eyes closed for a moment, Kurapika giving him a reassuring squeeze. He pulled back, cradling Killua’s face in his hands and blue-green eyes examined him over.
“Are you okay?” Kurapika’s brows were furrowed, eyes roaming. He was incredibly worried and seeing Killua alone in this area was not reassuring in the least.
Killua nodded, “Yeah! I’m.–”
“Don’t say fine because you don’t look like you are,” Kurapika’s voice cracked halfway through the sentence, effect of the Testosterone showing. Killua swallowed.
“I’m just…,” he trailed off, trying to figure out exactly what he was. He was just what? How could he tell them? He hadn’t given Kurapika or Lea a reason as to why they had to pick him up so close to Gon’s, he just begged them to come get him and they obliged. He knew they must be so fucking confused.
“What happened? Did Gon do something? Did you guys break up?” Kurapika’s breaking voice was near rising several octaves and Killua pulled back, shaking his head fervently between Kurapika’s palms.
“N-no! It’s nothing, you know Gon–”
“I do. And I know he wouldn’t be okay with us picking you up two blocks from his house. Alone. And still in yesterday’s clothes!” Kurapika’s eyes trailed over Killua’s patterned leggings and oversized purple hoodie decorated in yellow stars. The same outfit he wore to school the day prior.
Killua blushed, felt slightly offended. He was so damn concerned with just getting out fast as possible, he hadn’t bothered changing into new clothes he always kept at Gon’s place since he was there so often. He had just left. “Can I-can we–I’ll tell you guys but can we please go to the nearest drugstore, jeez!” he groaned, pulling his heated face from Kurapika’s hands with a frown.
Kurapika blinked, seeing Killua more vulnerable than he’s ever been. No curse words or quick come back? The most unlike Killua he’s ever seen.
The two boys packed into Lea’s stationwagon, Kurapika riding shotgun and Killua in the seat behind him. He scooted towards the middle seat and tucked himself into the seat belt. Safety first, after all. Killua scowled.
Lea turned around in the driver’s seat, bangs flopping over her forehead. “Hey, Killua,” she smiled warmly as possible at the boy in her backseat. One look at him told her there was obviously something to tell, it made her worried.
“Hey, Lea,” Killua couldn’t look her in the eye, opting to pull the sleeves of his hoodie over his fingers in an attempt to hide. Maybe he should throw his hoodie over his head? No. Too obvious.
“You okay?” Lea pressed, but Killua stood quiet at the question. Lea decided to give him some time, and turned around with a frown, starting the car and pulling from the house they had stopped at.
Kurapika and Lea gave exchanged glances, speaking without word, and what flooded between them was their worry for their incredibly dear friend in the back seat. Kurapika rested his hand over Lea’s on the gear shift.
It wasn’t until they were pulling out of the residential area and turning onto the main streets that Killua finally spoke up.
He had to steel himself, gather the guts to admit to what happened. It was embarrassing and personal. But they were his closest friends and they kind of needed to know if he was going to get what he needed. He wondered if they could hear his heart pounding so loudly in his chest, it was threatening to jump out and abandon him. Killua took a deep breath, hands balling into his fists when he spoke between gritted teeth.
Both Lea and Kurapika froze for a moment, Lea accidentally break checking everyone in the car and they shifted forward quickly.
“Oh… Oh!” Lea blinked rapidly, attempting to shift the awkward away as the full weight of Killua’s words hit her. She shifted her glasses on her nose.
Kurapika whipped around quickly, leveling Killua with a worried look. “Wait, are you alright? Did Gon force–”
“No!,” Killua yelled, entire face on fire. “No, Gon would never do that! Holy fucking shit, Pika! I wanted it, he wanted it, he made sure to ask a million times if I was sure and I was.”
Why was he having this talk, why did he have to? God, sometimes being born with specific genitalia was a goddamn horror.
Lea’s forehead wrinkled, trying to piece together the whole story. Sex was natural, sure, she hadn’t expected to hear from Killua the confirmation of his sexual endeavors but why wouldn’t they have been proactive? “But.. you guys didn’t use protection?” She questioned, attention on the road and almost missing the near whispered words coming from Killua’s mouth.
“I–he–it was our.. first times.” Killua really did want his hoodie up, he could barely choke out the damn sentence. Oh my god, oh my god, this was so embarrassing!
Lea balked, “Oh, Jesus Christ! I feel like a mother hearing about her son’s escapades!”
“This feels like I’m getting grilled by my damn parents!” Killua agreed.
They had known each other for nearly two years, Lea and Kurapika were Killua’s close friends that he trusted with his life. Kurapika and Lea were always there for he and Gon and even his little sister, Alluka. They took care of him when things were rough and even when they weren’t, they really were more like parents than his own actual parents. What with an absent father and overly controlling mother.
“Except we’re better than them,” Kurapika commented, trying to make light of this situation and taking the admission of Killua’s first sexual experience better than Lea was. The woman freaking out and beginning to drive like a madwoman because she never had control of a car if emotions were running high.
“I don’t know, with this awful first time talk…,” Killua was beginning to feel queasy, half because of Lea’s driving and the other half because of this talk.
“Are you okay, though?” Kurapika asked, head nodding for emphasis at Killua.
Killua opened his mouth, then closed it, opened it again and stopped himself there. He wanted to say ‘I’m fine’ but Kurapika wouldn’t appreciate a lie. He spoke slowly. “I’m… scared. Nervous. I know that one time–”
“One time can still get you with a baby.” Lea finished for him, voice deepening around the words like they did when she was nervous or thinking hard on one thing. Her driving was back under control, chest tightening at the panic the boy must be feeling.
Killua thought he might cry.
Kurapika reached out, placing a comforting hand on his thigh. “Have you eaten today?”
Killua scoffed, “No, I all but ran the hell out of Gon’s place.”
“You didn’t tell him?!” Lea nearly yelled, eyes flashing to the rear view mirror to see Killua sneer.
“Of course I fucking didn’t! How could I?! ‘Oh excuse me, Gon, I need to go buy some Plan B to make sure your sperm isn’t going to fertilize my eggs!”
Lea groaned, “Please, I am begging you to never say that, again!”
Killua decided he didn’t want to be the only one in the hot seat. “Gon’s sperm is fertilizing–”
“Okay!” Kurapika interrupted, hands up between the two people he held immense love for. “I think.. today has enough excitement, you guys.” he sighed before turning back to Killua. “It’s gonna be okay, Killua. Me and Lea are going to walk inside with you and I’ll pay for the Plan B myself. After we’ll get some food in your belly and then after that, you’ll need to speak to Gon. You both were very careless.”
Kurapika was nothing if not overly sympathetic, he empathized with Killua and wanted to comfort him, greatly.
“Yeah, and after you speak to him, tell him to give me a call so I can yell at him until his ear drums burst.” Lea quipped, eyes on the road. How could two people who were so smart be so stupid?
Killua gasped,“Ohhh my fucking god!” he pulled his hoodie so far over his head that it covered down to his chin. “You guys really are like the weirdest parents!”
Even though the entire situation was arguably one of the most awkward, the tension had faded. Kurapika smiled, resting his hand on Lea’s shoulder.
“Lea, our son needs Plan B because our other son’s sperm is–”
“That’s fucking incest!” Killua’s shrill voice reached them from the backseat.
“Our kids are sex fiends, now! Innocence ruined!” Lea played along, choking on a fake sob and Kurapika patted her shoulder in mock comfort.
“We clearly weren’t good parents, we should have made sure to have 'the talk’ several times!”
“I… fucking hate the both of you.”
Killua sputtered, face cherry red. “That’s /so/ gay!”
“Pika..,” Killua called, panicked as the trio walked through sliding doors. He quickly reached a hand out, balling the sleeve of Kurapika’s shirt in his fingers.
Kurapika turned, putting on a small and reassuring smile for the slightly shorter teenage boy. “It’s okay. I’ll get it under my insurance and pay for it. You go with Lea.” He nodded his head towards his girlfriend and she walked over to Killua, wrapping an arm around his back and leading them opposite ways.
“Come on, sex fiend.” She joked and Killua bristled.
“Is that any way to speak to your mother?”
“Ah, fuck off!” Killua pushed Lea off, meandering the aisles together. The ache becoming more apparent not only between his thighs but in the muscles of his legs, too. “Where are we going, anyway?”
“The candy section!” Lea said, triumphantly, when they made it towards two rows worth of every kind of candy and chocolate.
Killua blinked, “It’s 9 a.m.”
Lea turned back to him, brows furrowing. “I didn’t know Killua Zoldyck put a time on candy.” She commented, reaching a hand to grab a random chocolate bar from one of numerous shelves. “Shut up and take a chocolate. Helps produce dopamine or something, right?”
Killua looked at the chocolate as if it offended him. “Are you implying I’m depressed?”
Also, it’s dark chocolate. Who the fuck ate dark chocolate? Not Killua. It’s like Lea didn’t know him, at all.
“I’m implying you need to cheer the fuck up, kid.”
“I’m not a kid. You’re only like 2 years older than me!” He sneered, turning down the chocolate and opting to walk past her and hunt down his own treats.
“You’re a kid. Adults usually have forethought about sexual intercourse. You didn’t even tell Gon what you were doing!”
Killua flinched at the comment.
That was low. It was true but it was low.
“I’m sorry, Killua. I’m just–”
“Disappointed.” Killua supplied and Lea sighed, shaking her head. She took several long strides towards him, resting a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention. Killua turned his head up to her, brown eyes imploring.
“Worried.” She corrected him, “what you did was okay, you know that, right? People have sex all of the time, for shit less than love. You both wanted it and I’m sure it was.. err.. Fun?” She stumbled at the ending, and Killua blinked, face turning an unhealthy shade of red within seconds and he made a sound with his mouth.
“Wow, you really are trying to win award for most humiliating conversation!” He waved a hand to push Lea off him.
“They don’t call me Lea the Embarrassing for nothing.”
“No one calls you that.” Killua deadpanned and Lea shrugged.
“Worth a try. Come on, get some candy. I won’t tell your father.”
Killua scoffed, feeling his face lose the heat it had and shaking his head once.
“You’re an idiot.” He insulted with no force behind his words and picked several of his favorite chocolates, he waved them to prove a point and Lea smirked in a ‘job well done’.
The pair trailed down the aisle together and Killua snorted.
“Lea, the Embarrassing.” He muttered under his breath and they laughed.
They paid for the candy and made their way back towards the car, opting to pick Kurapika up from the front of the store. He jogged in when they spotted him waiting out front and Killua thought his stomach was doing sickly flip flops inside of him when he saw a white bag in his friend’s hands.
“Okay, there were specific instructions for concerning this but you take it orally.” Kurapika started after getting back into the car, “If you throw up after, call me immediately because we need to get you another one. The pharmacist said you might experience…”
Kurapika rattled off a list of side effects that started off pretty simple but then raised in severity, and if Killua wasn’t terrified of the little pill earlier, he surely was then. He tried to take in as much of the information as he could but he was positive he was too stunned to recall any of it later.
They stopped off at one of Killua’s favorite Mom and Pop diners and Killua ordered scrambled eggs with cheese and pancakes even though he’s not sure he can keep it down, or take a first bite for that matter.
His palms have been sweating all morning, his nerves are fried, his heart hasn’t stopped pounding and his head hasn’t stopped racing with all of his too quick to catch thoughts.
“Do you want us to be there when you--” Kurapika starts when Killua snaps.
“I can handle taking a pill by myself!”
Kurapika sighed, “I’m sorry if I overwhelmed you in the car..”
“S’fine.. No big deal. Stuff I needed to know.” Killua shrugged, not looking up from his hands resting on their table.
“You don’t have to shoulder this alone. Even if you don’t want to talk to me and Kurapika about it, there’s one more person who’s very important to this conversation.” Lea spoke up, wanting to give the right words but still feeling as if she were falling woefully short.
“Gon loves you and they should know about this, Killua. Lea’s not wrong. If you tell them, I’m sure they’ll completely understand, they may even be upset they weren’t allowed to be here.”
“If they were, you would have told them.” Lea replied in the most blunt of ways.
Killua swallowed, hard and stayed silent after the chastising. They were right. He had not allowed Gon to know this part of it, had pushed him away.
He pushed away the one person who definitely should have known he was doing this and actually here with Kurapika and Lea. Especially because… It takes two to make a baby.
Killua grit his teeth against the thought. He would not think of what his and Gon’s perfect children would look like.
He forced himself to eat half his eggs and both pancakes.
“You’ll call or text to let us know you’re okay, right?” Kurapika called from the inside of Lea’s car when Killua stumbles out and onto Gon’s lawn.
”Yes, mom and dad!” Killua scoffed.
“Good. Love you, son!” Lea threw out.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
Killua scowled at Lea, brows scrunching together. “That leaves nothing!”
“Fair enough. Text us later!”
And the couple pull off, waving until they’ve hit the second house over and they make a quick right to get off the street.
“Fucking weirdos…,” Killua muttered under his breath after he turned away from their disappearing car and walked further up the sidewalk trail to Gon’s house. He paused and took a deep breath.
And then three more just for comfort’s sake.
He doesn’t know if he should knock or walk in when he gets to the door on wobbly legs. He hasn’t knocked in years, but it feels weird to walk in with a bag of contraceptive in one hand and candy in the other. Knock or walk in? Knock or walk in!? Fuck!
The difficult task is taken from him when the door swings open and Gon stands with wide eyes, their hair wet and they changed into a decent pair of clothing. Well, decent for them. A halter top and short shorts does not always an outfit make.
“Killua? What are you doing here? How did you get here?” Gon was confused, searching behind Killua for a car, his or his family’s. But Gon knew Killua hated driving. When their eyes trailed back to Killua, their heart sank. His head was downcast, bangs falling over his face and he was.. Shaking. “Killua what’s wrong? I know there’s something going on, you left so quickly--”
Killua shoved past Gon, making sure not to even glance at the living room as he walked through and sat down at the dining room table.
He was panicking, trembling and wondering how the hell to describe the ordeal he just went through and the next thing he had to do. How to explain it?
He went for the worst choice and blurted it ouy. “I could be pregnant!”
Gon paused, eyes going wider than Killua thinks he’s ever seen, their mouth opened and closed, opened and then closed one more time before producing a “Wh--”
“Shit-fuck!” Killua realized his absolute fuck up, seeing the absolute panic on Gon’s face, how pale they suddenly turned. He put his hands up, “Okay, wait, wait wait, no! Wait! Look, just… sit and listen, please?!” He begged.
Gon walked over on shaky legs, pulling a chair out right beside their lover and collapsing into it.
“Killua…,” Gon’s voice shook, searching for explanation but unable to even form coherent words at the moment.
Killua swallowed, his hands were cramping due to the grip he had on his bags. He opted for resting them on the table, tried to calm his breathing and flex his hands. “We… We didn’t use protection last night,” he started.
“Oh… Oh, no…”, Gon choked out, confused and terrified. They had made a major mistake.
“Yeah. And-and so this morning, I was just freaking out and then I had Lea and Kurapika pick me up two blocks down--”
Gon blinked, surprised and slightly upset with Killua’s next words but they didn’t stop coming. Killua rambled out of nervousness and anxiety, retelling this morning’s events at a rapid pace but Gon was experienced enough to follow along. By the end of it, their heart sank.
“The pill that Pika got me, uhm, it’s in this bag and.. All I have to do is take it and then.. It.. Stops everything from happening.” Killua stared at the ominous white bag with the medication and a bundle of papers with information Kurapika had summarized before.
When Gon was able to speak he couldn’t stop their hurt from showing through. “W-why didn’t you tell me?”
“I…,” He swallowed, and felt so angry that he couldn’t just hold Gon and they couldn’t just laugh like they always did. They were sitting right next to each other but they could have been oceans away with the distance he felt, emotionally. “I was embarrassed.” He whispered, staring down at his sleeve covered hands.
“But, why?,” Gon replied. “That’s something we should handle together, I would have taken you..”
“It’s fine! Doesn’t matter anyway! Everything has been so--”
“Unexpected?” They finished Killua’s thought with a gentle tone and they wanted to wrap Killua in their arms so badly. Their poor delicate boy, how could they have put him through so much turmoil?
“Killua,” Gon’s voice cracked, and they couldn’t stop themselves from doing what they wanted most. They pulled Killua into them, arms around his back and head in the crook of his neck. They took a deep breath of Killua’s scent. “I’m sorry you thought you had to do it alone. I’m sorry you were scared and I put you through that, I’m sorry I wasn’t more considerate! But I love you and I’m here for you, no matter what. And, and if there is a next time, we’ll be more careful. I can even go buy condoms!”
Killua balked, scoffing and sputtering with his words. “Wh-what?! Who even said I wanted to have sex with you, again!” He should have pulled away from Gon but he didn’t. He was too comfortable in warm arms.
“Well…,” Gon pulled back, only slightly so they could see each other’s faces. Their breath wafting over the loose hairs not in Killua’s ponytail. “Do you?”
Killua groaned, cheeks burning. “F-fuck off!”
Gon smiled, “we’ll buy protection. You talk to me and I’ll talk to you. Okay?”
It made their heart feel full, seeing Killua act more bashful than afraid and hesitant. This was their Killua.
“Okay…,” Killua said, resting his forehead against Gon’s and feeling that closeness he craved. He was here with Gon, he was speaking with Gon and they weren’t angry or panicked. They made everything make sense...
Killua thought he might combust. “God, you’re so gay!”
“You’re really cute when you’re flustered.” They laughed and Killua’s heart skipped a beat at the sound, they pressed warm lips to Killua’s cheek. “Stay here, I’ll get you some water. And we’ll take the pill together.”
“I’m the one who has to take it, Gon!” Killua yelled at Gon’s retreating form. He was worried but Gon was with him and that made it all the better.
“I know!” Gon replied from the kitchen before coming back with a cold bottle of water for their boyfriend. “But I want to be here for this part because I wasn’t for the other one.”
They even twist the cap off for him and Killua wants to complain that he can open his own damn bottle of water but Gon doting on him even in the simplest of ways makes him feel warmth spread throughout his chest.
They take a seat in the chair beside Killua, pushing it closer so they touch thighs and Killua takes a deep breath, hands shaking when he pulls the white bag open and brings out a package with a single pill inside. He sighs, wiping the palm of his hand on his leggings. Goddamn nervous sweating!
Gon reached over, fingers threading through Killua’s on his thigh and squeezed. They gazed warm and lovingly at Killua.
I’m here, they say without words.
