Loki and the strenght found in knowing you are loved
Everything started with this post I found on twitter:
translation: When Elena Ferrante wrote: "Perhaps, in the face of abandonment, we are all the same; perhaps not even a very disciplined mind can bear the discovery of not being loved."
Followed by this quote:
translation: As Freud said: "How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved."
And then someone wrote a thread about how that was the reason Thor was always so confident in himself while Loki was so insecure in contrast and let me tell you that's exactly it!!!
(This is going to be a loooong post so come with me for more)
Loki's doubts about Odin's love destroyed his self worth and by extension, his life. Growing up feeling like your own father doesn't love as much as he loves your brother messes with your head, I'm sure Loki always thought there was something wrong with him, that if he fixed some of his flaws and became more like Thor he'd be loved, but that never really happenned and he got consumed by bitterness and hatred.
Thanks to that he was "weak" while Thor was impressively strong, Thor never really doubted himself, at least not in the same way Loki did, even at his lowest when he was banished, he quickly picked himself up and realized that Odin was just trying to teach him a lesson, he didn't doubt his father's love for him, not even for a second, and thanks to Jane's love and everyone else's friendship he reclaimed his powers and became worthy again in a span of days.
Now imagine Loki in his place, banished from Asgard, stripped of his powers and completely alone, he'd never trust the first person that appeared in front of him like Thor did, he'd be boiling with rage and that would be the confirmation he needed that Odin never truly loved or wanted him, he'd be completely broken and lost, unable to trust the people around him and drowning in bitterness, self loathing and hatred, all because he didn't believe he was loved like Thor did.
Because if his own father wasn't able to love him he must be truly unlovable right?
But what about Frigga? You may ask. Well, while I do believe he felt loved by her, I also think he saw part of her affection as pity due to him being neglected by Odin, the person who wrote the thread even mentioned this, Loki thought that maybe she was just trying to compensate for his father's absence and, not to get on speculation territory here, but maybe she still encouraged Loki to turn himself into a warrior like his brother instead of focusing on his magic. Yes, she shared his magic with him to give him something to be good at, to give him "some sun for himself", but that doesn't mean she didn't have other expectations for him too.
I know I never shut up about this book but in Where Mischief Lies Loki talks about how Frigga encouraged him to hide his powers from the court and to try and be a warrior like his father and brother, he said she would advise him to keep his gifts for himself and that being a warrior would be best for his future, he also talks about how she made a constant effort to keep her own powers off radar, and imagine growing up like this? Being told over and over again that you should hide who you are because it would be better if you were something else? The book was written to show us a more innocent Loki before the events of the first Thor but I consider it to be its own universe, still, I think there's a chance that something like that happened with our Loki too.
And like, this is exactly how you destroy someone's self worth, telling them that they should hide parts of themselves, implying that they should be ashamed of who they are and that they should strive to become more like the norm, I won't really dig into this here and I apologize in advance if I'm being stupid or disrespectful but I think this is exactly like how some queer people believe that if they behave like a "good" queer they will be acepted by the homophobic straights while the "bad" queers will be the only ones to be affected by the bigotry, I bet WML!Frigga (And maybe MCU!Frigga) was like: "Son, I love you and I know I taught you your magic, but maybe if you just toned it down a little I think your father and the court would be more pleased with you, It's okay to flaunt your powers while there's just the two of us in the room, but stick with your weapons when you're out there with your brother and the warriors, I'm telling you this for your own good, it's what's best for your future"
And again, growing up like this basically destroyed any chance Loki had of accepting and loving himself fully, there's no way you can learn how to love yourself when someone tells you that some of the things that make you you are better off hidden from society.
But maybe you don't want to believe that this was how Frigga treated Loki and that's okay, still, we can't deny that Asgardians don't really value magic as much as they do fighting and being a warrior, the fact that Loki's abilities were frowned upon and viewed as lesser than by the entire society he was a part of is already proof that he wasn't really encouraged to lean into his magic, and even though he wanted to find pride and strenght in it, it's really hard to go against an entire planet full of people telling you that your talents are not something worth of notice.
So, back to my point of being sure one is loved: I don't think Loki ever really felt like he was entirely loved by his family, not that he thought they all hated him, but he thought that they lowkey wanted to change a few things about him so he would more "palatable" to them; Odin would erase the magic if he could, Frigga would make him less sharp-tongued and more tame and Thor would make him "less awkward", specially around "their" friends. Now, am I saying that this is the Truth? Not really (but I'm also not saying that it isn't lol), I can easily see Loki believing these things, his self esteem getting lower and lower thanks to these thoughts of inadequacy and his doubts towards his family's love for him.
Now let's talk about being loved, shall we? In his show Loki develops a friendship with Mobius, and that becomes what I think it's the most meaningful connection variant L1130 has in his life (yk, since his entire reality got pruned and he has no one else left). But his bond with Mobius isn't meaningful just because Loki has no family anymore, no, Mobius genuinely understands and cares for Loki, he shows him compassion and acceptance, and sure, their relationship didn't start exactly on the best of terms but they evolved with time and their connection only grew.
I swear this is not a lokius post btw, I really think their friendship became sort of an anchor for Loki, especially after the s1 finale, I also don't want to downplay the impact sylvie had on him or her importance in his life but I think they only got more and more distant after the citadel, every interaction they had after that was rocky and uncomfortable, Loki was clearly anxious and nervous around her in the McDonald's scene, and things didn't really get any better after that. The bar scene was one of the few (If not the only one!) where neither of them was really being combative or aggressive with the other, and they still called each other selfish, so that should tell you how great their relationship was after s1ep6.
His and Mobius' friendship on the other hand, only got stronger after that, when Loki arrives at the TVA and finally finds his Mobius he's so relieved, he went from having a panic attack to casually laughing, humoring Mobius' attempts at lying to OB in the R&A, all in a span of minutes
Loki felt comfortable with Mobius, he was the person he was after to start setting things right, Mobius showered Loki with patience and reassurance, doing everything to calm him down and to make him feel better about the situation and it worked! He had faith in Loki like no one else did, even when he was on the gangway, at the risk of having his skin peeled off of him, he plead with OB to wait a little more so Loki could make it back to them, he chose to stay out there and wait, knowing that it could mean his death, all because he believed that Loki would come back, and he did!
Loki felt accepted by him, loved without any changes required and that allowed him to bloom into the stronger, more confident version of himself that we saw throughout s2, he felt seen and validated and because of that he behaved in ways he never had before. Mobius showed him compassion and patience, so he did the same for his friend, when Mobius had an outburst Loki was quick to reassure him that there was no judgment on his part, only genuine concern and immediately tried to comfort Mobius with some pie and a story about that one time where he was so angry at his dad and at his brother that he decided to hold a city hostage with an alien army 😅, yk, just to let Mobius know that he shouldn't be ashamed for losing it, because Loki has done way worse than just slapping a guy when he lost his temper.
It's one of their sweetest moments because after that Mobius kinda praises Loki for being the god of mischief, using his title as something positive and that he should be proud of, and that gives us one of the most beautiful (if not the most) smile Loki has ever had onscreen, this picture literally warms my heart because of how sweet and lovely it is, finally someone is celebrating who he is, someone is proud of him and he never felt more accepted and loved
And that brings us back to the initial quote that inspired this whole post: "How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved", this is s2 Loki in a nutshell, he becomes bolder and stronger, not in a cocky or arrogant way, no, he's confident in himself but in a good, healthy way because he finally has a good self esteem, he has someone who he knows fully believes in him, unlike what he said about Frigga in s1ep3: "She was the kind of person you'd want to believe in you", implying that he really wanted her to believe in him but deep down wasn't so sure about her faith. He found a rock on Mobius and that prompted him to become the God the entire multiverse needed to thrive and prosper, all because he was sure of being loved, for the first time in his long, long life.
(And before someone brings this up: yes, I know his relationship with sylvie had a part in his character development too, but no one can tell me that Loki ever felt like she reciprocated his feelings, at least not on the same level, and as I already said: after the citadel they only got more and more distant and she made very clear that she did not want him around anymore, he accepted that and moved on, but there was no strenght to be found in her rejection, he grew and matured thanks to her too, but strenght in the knowledge of being loved? He didn't find those things in her I'm so sorry)
On my 93546956th re-read of WML and still in love with the way Loki was written in the book, it captures his personality so well imo. Him desperate to make his plan work so Odin would recognize and admire him, willing to do ANYTHING to make his father proud. Only for that to backfire and make Odin's opinion on him get even worse, It illustrates so well how he gradually became more bitter over time. It also shows us how he used to bottle up his emotions and never let anyone see how he was truly feeling, I think if he allowed himself to just feel his feelings and idk, break something, or scream or slam a door or whatever he would feel better, but no, he just surpresses everything and that's why he expoded the way he did in the first Thor, that was over a millenia of anger and frustration waiting to be released, no wonder it was so destructive
GIVE me your hcs about Theo and Loki, or just Theo. RANT about them, spoil the book, idc! I need more, I can't keep going over the same posts and rereading the same fics and staring at the same fanart, I need moreeeeee. I'm not asking.
