something that is both heartwarming and heartbreaking about Caleb is the way he consistently continues to fight his fate, despite every sign he encounters pointing toward its inevitability:
it's in the way he defies the Toring Chip, and the meaning of 7%
When Caleb falls apart on the bench with MC and the chip resets in Farspace Bloomfall, 100% of his mind is supposed to reset.... and yet only 93% of the chip is integrated and able to do so.
We know Caleb is aware of this too, when he tells MC to tell him about her problems “while I can still respond.” Because he knows he'll inevitably lose some information once it happens, like the 'patrol data' Enforcer mentions.
This means it’s happened before, Caleb's mind had been reset before. Which means, he knows if the chip’s integrity ever gets to 100% and resets, anything he feels toward MC will also reset. And so..
“…he’s purposefully ‘sealed’ his brain rather than damaging it.”
So Caleb gathered up every emotion, every memory, and every impression of MC in his mind, wrapped it all together into one small piece, and has since, against all odds, continuously used his Evol to put a barrier around it, to protect it. To keep the chip from finding it and wiping it. And what is that piece? That 7%?
7% is MC. 7% is his memories of MC. 7% is his love for MC.
it's in the way he's turned himself from "perfect weapon to destroy each other" to "perfect weapon to destroy others"
I could be wrong (please correct me), but I'm pretty sure it's murky right now whether Caleb (subject 002?) knew MC during any of her 'incarnations' in the lab and/or their purposes to be a killswitch for each other. But if he does know or remember any of it, the protection of that 7% from the Toring Chip becomes even more vital and strategic as all hell.
Because that would mean Caleb orchestrated a situation where he's become the lab subject, a decoy in MC's place as they try and correct the chip within him.
And that would mean that Caleb planned for them to "sacrifice a great deal to obtain him," — apparently, so much that they're unwilling/unable to simply dispose of him when he's resisting the very thing that would seal his fate as "the key", as MC's killswitch.
and it's in the literal beat of his heart
when you lay your hand over caleb's heart to hear his heartbeat, no matter how fast that beat starts out, if you hold your hand there long enough, his heartbeat inevitably tapers into a calm 50-60.
Despite all he's doing to preserve that 7%, he can't fight the nature of the other 93%. The nature of the chip and it's purpose to keep him in an emotional stasis.
His excitement to see you, his happiness to have you there, the fluttering of his heart? Those are abnormalities to the chip, those aren't in line with what that stasis is supposed to be. And so... no matter how quickly his heart beats for you initially, it inevitably gets suppressed.
We see how it affects other members of the Fleet too. How all of them have accepted the inevitability of the chip. Tuum Officer No. 6025 and Liam in particular shows us exactly what it looks like to give in.
And yet, every time you come back, Caleb's still excited, Caleb still fights it. He's fighting it with only 7% of his memory, he's fighting it with every quickened beat of his heart.
If the chip is a tether, if his fate is a tether, Caleb will never stop sawing at the strings, and i am not okay about it.
blame for any and all crash outs can be directed to @solifloris and @starmocha, who have managed to make my "down bad" for caleb turn into "sick to my stomach with eternal devotion"
I'm working on creating a full timeline of events so far (in the story that I have reached) and adding to it as I go!
I may create a masterlist of it and split it up per love-interest in-game... And keep one master timeline that links back to the individual ones.
It'll be a lot of work, but I'm hopeful I can do it!
To cope with the way Caleb's third myth also sundered my heart I'm going to ramble about my thoughts, calebmc story parallels, and also some new (and recurring) themes I caught.
[Major spoilers below the cut]
My thoughts
I'm REALLY impressed by the entire myth overall, while it didn't leave me crying actual tears like Sylus' (his third myth and Caleb's Lucid Dream are still the only two that have ever gotten real tears from me), it did carve out a hollow, painful feeling in my chest that still hasn't gone away and had my eyes welling up a few times. The pacing felt perfect -- none of it dragged and the way it ended didn't feel rushed (like it usually does for me) -- the plot points felt cohesive, and we were fed a lot of great foreshadowing without it making the end obvious or the middle convoluted.
I feel like I really experienced the full spectrum of love in this story, from familial and platonic, to innocent and sensual, as well as all of its facets, the violent and the vulnerable, the scary and the beautiful. I've always said that Calebmc are everything to each other, they'd call each other mother, partner, brother, enemy, anything as long as saying that word means they can be permanently infused into each other's lives, and that was beautifully displayed here.
Actually, their intimacy and comfortability with each other was really heartwarming. In the current timeline, Caleb has a lot of shame around his love for MC, and he and MC are constantly trying to navigate the social taboo of their relationship, as well as their own personal hang ups. None of that was present here, and even when the story forces them to reckon with it in the form of the Ghosts at Hesperion Reach ribbing at them about kissing each other shamelessly--
--both of them were so secure and caught up in their love for each other, that it barely registered and it came across as a funny joke. (Even funnier when you take the CN translation into account, since the Ghost actually mentions the fact that they're siblings). Seeing them so free and unrestrained in their love and affection for each other made me long for it all the more for our current Calebmc.
As always, Calebmc know exactly how to simultaneously tear me apart and piece me back together with their soul-deep, DNA-ingrained, world-transcendent love for each other.
The biggest example of this, and one of the big things that devastated me, is how easy it is for both of them to make the toughest decision without a second thought when it comes to the safety and well-being of the other, to the point where it's actually quite self-destructive in my opinion (more on this in a few paragraphs): like Caleb running himself ragged to bend the rules of the world (taking up the mantle as Netherlord even though it was MC's role, creating the lotus pond, bringing the Ghosts to Dingxu) just to keep her comfortable and satiated. Or MC committing to an immortal life without him just to make sure he never dies to another calamity again.
Some other things I found both beautiful and devastating I've sorted into the following themes (because why not keep your depressing spirals organized :D ):
The womb, rebirth, and the cycle of life
I looooved all of the nurturing descriptions ('cultivating' and 'cradling' and 'taking root') when it came to calebmc and their lotuses, specifically when it came to the lotus pond that Caleb made for her and how it symbolizes a womb -- a place to gain strength, a place to seek protection while weak, to receive nourishment, and then be reborn anew into each other's arms.
The lotus pond Caleb creates is their shared 'source,' their shared womb, and it portrays what i said earlier about this story covering the familial aspect of love too. First, it's used for MC, it's where Caleb takes her when he finds her, when she's weak, and nurtures her until she's reborn. Until she comes back in a childlike state, trying to learn the way of the world (trying to learn his name). In fact, some of Caleb's actions could be seen as both maternal and that of a lover:
At the end, the lotus pond is for Caleb, where MC gathers the pieces of his scattered soul and nurtures him until he's reborn. She is just as maternal as him, if not a little more, because she's the Netherlord, the embodiment of death and destruction, and yet she cares for him with only the best, most pure and vibrant pieces of herself. And the way she talks to him throughout his ‘gestation’ like rebirth is reminiscent of a woman that's expecting, a future mother imbuing the new life growing 'inside' of her with warmth and vivacity and unconditional love.
Self-destruction and the Ourobouros (Dragon/Snake eating its tail)
This is probably just my personal fascination with this theme/symbol and not as obviously portrayed in the myth, but this is also THE single most devastating thing about the myth to me that is still making my heart hurt: their self-destructive love across all timelines.
In the story, by the time Caleb finds her, MC has reduced herself to an empty husk. She's a barbaric, snarling shell that has erased all of herself except for one word, one instinct: Caleb. She’s destroyed every other fragment of her soul so completely just to find him, that when "her Caleb" does appear, she can't even remember his face or even say his name.
When she's A-01, she's forcibly reset and erased by her minders/captors after each 'use' of her destructive abilities, and once again the only thing she knows when she awakens each time is: Caleb.
In Lucid Dream, she was prepared to do the same thing, and if Caleb hadn't intervened and removed the Toring Chip from MC's brain, she had every intention of this being her goal just so she could join him.
Across every death and rebirth, the only person or concept MC has ever kept with her is Caleb.
Caleb is exactly the same way in his self-destruction: from jumping out of the space craft as X-02, to being torn apart by Ghosts during a calamity, and to an even greater degree, to being okay with the Toring Chip erasing/destroying who he is (while only preserving the 7% of himself that embodies MC).
All of this calls to mind one of the most fascinating portrayals of self-destruction, the ourobouros (the dragon eating its own tail), which symbolizes eternity and rebirth, as well as the self-sufficient nature of the cosmos (which... as we've been told a few times, mc is the cosmos, so that’s a fun tidbit).
And I can't help but think how that fits so well into the dynamic of Calebmc. They're so inextricably linked, they are themselves as well as each other, and therefore, across lifetimes, for eternity, they are also destined to destroy each other every time they destroy themselves (with the karmic irony being that they only destroy themselves FOR each other), or in other words:
Except, for Caleb, there's guilt added to this inevitable cycle, because he is always the one who's aware of and/or perpetuating the cycle. MC does turn into a Ghost despite all his efforts to trade places and have her survive. MC jumps to her death with him as A-01 despite all his efforts to trade places and have her survive. And MC does inject herself with the Toring Chip and catch Ever’s eye despite all of Caleb's efforts... you guessed it, to trade places and have her survive.
And it makes me wonder if her inevitable death is Caleb's cosmic penance for constantly defying his own fate to ‘save’ her -- locked into an unsustainable cycle, unable to evolve... a self-pollinating flower that's doomed to wither and die.
WELL ... I'm not really sure how to end this lol, except to say my biggest takeaway or 'lesson' (for lack of better word) from this myth is that, by making calebmc who they were, I think I have just as deep of a love for MC now as I do Caleb. It sounds kind of silly since MC is "me" and that kind of self-reflection and self love is probably the entire point, but I don’t think I can feel the love I feel for Caleb's character without acknowledging, and loving, the pieces of him that are her reflections within him, now that I know there are so many.
Caleb is who he is because MC put him together, cared for him, and nurtured him to be that way. Likewise, Caleb did the same for MC. So, my love for her is now inextricably linked to my love for Caleb. Because he is her, and she is him.
How we feeling about the trailer, now that we've seen it? I'm curious your thoughts.
WAAAH KAITS!! Im soooo... im SOOOOO you know?!?! First, before i launch into my essay how are YOU feeling about it?!?!
Okay so there's going to be no coherence to this but right off the bat im comparing my favourite foils aka zayne and caleb and can't help but notice all the contrasts and parallels in this (ESPECIALLY god in the sky vs god of the underworld, while still both being harbingers of death/'annihilation' and yet caleb guides souls while zayne essentially would be the one to send them to caleb?)
then.. THEN aLL the yin and yang references?!?!
The mortality's tenderness reference?!?!
And AND from the same flower stem (source), the adam and eve/genesis vibes of 'the world we shall create is the only one you want to see'
OH THEN there's him not wanting ghosts to touch her and drinking from those cups!! That felt like X-02 when they traded roles and powers and because he's the one who walks into the light, it makes me wonder if MC is the one who does the bait and switch on him this time and HE is the one who ends up in that created world??
PLUS THE VISUALLLLLS GIMME ALL THE GRIMDARK GHOSTLY EMO VIBES PLEASE GODDDD
ALSO HIS EYES! the fact that they're wholly purple at the start of the PV and then when he uses his power they turn gold?!?!
OH OH AND THE LOTUS FLOWERS!! they're in almost every scene of this PV actually they are so heavily symbolized and at this point i would like to point out that not only do they represent rebirth and reincarnation the usual things like that BUT BUT BUT there's that whole 'rising from the mud' symbolism, where it submerges itself into the water each night and then reemerges anew the next time and who better to embody that than queen of death/rebirth mc herself and caleb who continues to defy that death in each timeline by re-emerging anew?! EH?!?!
What’s your theories about the 6th li? *insert eyes emoji*
HI HELLO!! Omg *sniffle sniffle* you really do read my rambly tags you're so sweet 🥹🥹 Okay more rambling ahead...
My logic/theorizing for the 6th LI stems from patterns and parallels that the other LI's have displayed in relation to each other, by which i mean that I've always seen the LIs as character/archetype foils of each other:
Our white/silver-haired men: Xavier is the hero/prince/knight of the same land (Philos) that Sylus is the villain/fiend of.
Our dark haired men: Zayne is the one you grow apart from in childhood and grow closer/unite with in adulthood, while Caleb is the one you're united/close with in childhood and you lose (literally)/grow apart from him in adulthood.
SO in theory the 6th LI would be the opposite side of the coin/foil (loosely) for Rafayel!
That's why I'm thinking a person who's more solemn/serious to Raf's playfulness. Maybe like the tsundere/shy guy that counter Raf's yandere tendencies.
In terms of evol, I feel like it would be really cool to see an electro/lightning one, kind of elemental but needing a specific reaction/condition for it to appear?
I know the common consensus is that he's associated more closely (or even within) Ever than any of the others and I do agree with this purely from a storytelling stand point since every LI we've met has gotten us closer and closer to the nucleus of that organization and what's going on. For this reason, I think he'll be the only LI to actually be mc's only 'enemy' (as in placed directly on the opposite side of her) despite them still being linked/intertwined in their fates.
What I personally just think would be cool (this doesn't fit into any evidence or logic just my personal preference for mc's growth), would be to have him have a weakness or illness that he's using Ever to treat or cure. This would give him and MC a really deep connection right off the bat bc she's also 'sick' (or as sick as an eldritch destructive being like her could be jksghskj) and part of her journey with him would be to convince him that HER side of the fight for a 'cure' is the better side.
AAAAND since im here laying it all out, for the 6th LI's myths/past lives I would love to see the reverse of what the other LI's have! Whereas they all started off in their pasts as enemies or on opposing sides and slowly fell in love (and that love is what is kept/found in modern day), for the 6th LI I could see them starting off as lovers or spouses but Something happens (that he remembers even now maybe?) and that's why he aligns himself with Ever's goals.
I've never coherently put these thoughts out into the world, so thanks for giving me a way to put it all out there! I can't wait to look back on it and see how wildly off I was :D
I’m honest, I don’t understand even half of what is going on there 😭
Did they marry? Is this why he needs to leave? What is this place even? Why is he shackled there? WHY DOES HE LEAVE HER???!!!
😭😭😭😭😭
I noticed the similarities to his Mortality’s Tenderness card, the flower drinking, and all. But most of the other stuff gets lost in different cultures, I’m afraid 😣
IRAAAAA!!!
IM FEELING SO HAPPY THE EMO GIRLIE IN ME IS IN LOVE WITH ALL THE DEATH 🖤 AND DECAY 🖤 AND DARKNESS 🖤 RAAAH 🖤
I feel like there's a lot of pieces floating around for this one and im not gonna lie im really happy about that as a person who likes to discover the details as i read thru the myth (like i purposefully dont watch the card showcases bc i want the first time i see the kindled to be within the story i read yk?).
ALSO DID ANYONE NOTICE THAT HIS RIGHT ARM IS WHOLE AND IT'S HIS LEFT ARM THAT HAS THE CLAW/DECAY ON IT?!??!
IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS
ANYWAYYYY there's definitely a lot of references going around and from what i can gather, similarly to X-02, mc and caleb are two lords of the Nether Realm that are linked together with each of them having different abilities (im assuming she attracts these ghosts/evil beings and he is the one who has to slay them?). And then the ritual boombayah aspect seems similar to the way that x-02 had to 'replenish' mc's power!
The marriage seems like it's initially caleb's solution to keep mc safe (maybe her darkness, the piece that attracts those evil ghosts is overpowering/killing her slowly?) by creating a 'new world' of sorts. Idk if this would be the earth as we know it or philos? OR if they're protecting the world and this marriage would make that protection land on only one of their shoulders instead of both!
HOWEVERRRR based on caleb's single tear (yum) and mc walking into the dark as he walks into the light, maybe she switches the cups (which im assuming have to do with oblivion or memory loss bc she passes him without a word and he never looks back after he starts walking) and SHE ends up being the one who stays in the Nether Realm while Caleb is sent to this 'new world' that they've created!
UM CALEB'S MYTH???? admittedly i've only seen the pics and gifs so far but from what i've seen? the imagery???? the colour scheme? 😩
how are you feeling about it? any initial thoughts? thank you for manifesting him today 🙂↕️
MY BEAUTIFUL AMAZING LOVELY BELOVED WIIIIIFE
It's making my emo lil heart SO DAMN HAPPY to see all the darkness and death references like YES gimme my lord of the underworld with long dark flowing locks and no shirt PLEEEASE
One thought i did have initially when Caleb was sounding all >:( angry angry in the beginning is that he and mc were on the outs?!? And i cant even lie i was lowkey sad that he was just being all >:( to the ghost he was killing lmaooo, but the way it is suits calebmc a lot better anyway.
i went into some other initial thoughts here, but since my brain is a Processor, I already have more to add oopsie and that's about the story itself?!? The very first sequence starts by saying "lords shall never part in the nether realm' followed immediately by 'honor one's name and live, defy it and die'
AND IF THAT'S NOT SOME CRAZT FORESHADOWINGGG idk what is
so im now WANTINGGG it to be that as long as both of them remain in the nether realm, the world is protected, but neither of them are? and so mc and caleb want to create 'a new world' together but one or the other finds out that they cant do it without sacrificing the other and there's that sort of bait and switch and fight to save/value the others life more in the end (the drinking from the cups was an indicator of that for me) and it seeeems that it's caleb who's tricked in the end to live (symbolized by him walking into the light as she passes him and goes into the dark?) in this new world without mc...
ALSO IT MUST BE SAID, THE FUXI/NUWA TIDBITS ARE MAKING ME SOOO HAPPY WE BOTH CALLED THOSE!!
i feel like we have some yapping to do about zayne's card for the upcoming event because that dialogue? about betrayal, and sense of duty, and sticking to some code. wanting to defy fate but always holding himself back.
like helloooo mentor/confidant zayne who has probably been by your side training you, then realizes as you ascend to throne that that's no longer something he should feel about you. he's betraying his own duty by wanting you???
asking for your beautiful brain thoughts 🥺
RAAAH WE 1000% have some yapping to do!
First of all there's the whole mc as an empress situation which, YOU TOTALLY MANIFESTED HELLO?! Instantly thought of you and had a little laugh when it was Zayne as the military official and Caleb as the other 'emperor' instead lol
Second, I think you and me and @blessdunrest all had simultaneous crash outs over Zayne's card lmao so here's my overall thoughts/impressions as well (LOVED reading yours too and 100% agree with all your takes as usual)
BUT YES the whole theme of duty vs desire and the trope of teacher/disciple being prevalent in this is SO delicious to me and it's so perfect for Zayne's character in relation to the current timeline where self sacrifice and holding oneself to impossible standards when it comes to mc are also common for him!
My overall impression/prediction is that this moment is a turning point for Zaynemc's relationship! That Zayne has come to her wanting to sever their ties for an act of betrayal he's committed (from his pov) that may keep her safe if he removes himself.
But we all know that Zayne's MC would fight back on that decision he so kindly likes to make for them both WHICH she does with a demonstration of her mastery in what he's taught her, in proving to him that she is now his equal, not his subordinate.
And the whole back and forth is Zayne making sure in his Zayne way that she either understand (or maybe that she doesn't understand?!) what the weight of that decision means.
That is why he tells her that she can't show mercy to a traitor (him).
That is why when she yields a little as she's standing over him (shows him mercy/feels like she's proven her point), he immediately presses his advantage and says:
Almost like a punishment? Almost like, "if you show mercy, empress, look at what people like ME might do to you, they might take advantage of you" as he kisses her (which of course only happens bc MC lets him and wants him to, not because she feels like she's lost, silly zayne)
Lastly, that is also why he says this after they kiss:
To me he says this after they kiss as a way to punctuate it. This interaction between them is his final lesson because he will not be teaching her anymore. That master/disciple relationship or any of the power imbalances of it don't exist anymore bc from there forward they are peers and equals.
ANYWAAAY im being very symbolic and figurative with my interpretation and it might very well be way more literal and not as deep as all that lol but i do really love to see the characteristics of dawnbreaker and master of fate more prevalently in Zayne in the previews so far!
PS!!!
THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AND GREEK INSPIRED ARCHITECTURE IN HIS CARD IS GIVING ME LIIIFE
