Right Now...
...it’s one of those nights where I just need to cry. I want to cry about the things I’ve lost & things I’ll never have, like my dog & how much I miss her, or the beautiful boy I like who doesn’t like me, and the boy I loved who used to like me but suddenly stopped one day, even the boy that I kind of like & who I sometimes think might like me but other times I don’t, thinking if he really did then he would have said something or made some move by now, but no, story of my life that we’re locked in this awkward dance, a give & take of weird vibes that never amounts to anything yet doesn’t let go. Then my mind wanders. Why can’t I have what I really want, just once? Why does no one ever seem interested in me? What’s wrong with me? Still, I refuse to settle, even if I will never have anyone to settle for. Then when I can no longer bear the ravings of my mind, I go searching for... distraction. It feels fantastic in the moment, but I’m left feeling three times as empty and unloveable. So here I am... crying, alone, right now.
