#lost without her

[sidetongue]

she’s forever my right hand man 

[gotskamstuff]

Shout out to their manager Marta just desperately reaching out for the earpieces in her handbag (at this point she’s basically their mama, been there since day 1)

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Lost Without Her: Journey Home (Last Part)

*Not My Gif*

Summary: It’s been 5 years since half the world was snapped away, 6 months since her mom, Natasha sacrificed herself and the world came back, but how does she handle it after her world flips upside down?

Post Date: 12-25-19

Paring: Peter Parker x Romanoff!Reader

Word Count: 3K

A/N: Ahh! It’s over! I’m sad now... also if you see editing mistakes, you know, oh well. I edited this at like 3 in the morning... 😂

~Master~

~Lost Without Her Master~

Previously...

“Peter.” You repeated once again as he looked towards you, his eyes riddled with sleep as you smiled. “I want to go home.”

Peter wasn’t sure if he heard you right as he looked at you, the small smile on your face being the only evidence that he was right. “What changed?” He asked, completely dumbfounded as you sighed, laying down on the roof. Peter, rather reluctantly, copied you and focused on the moving clouds in the sky.

“I think it’s time I faced reality. My mom wouldn’t have wanted this for me. She wanted me there, back with people who loved me.” You moved your head, locking eyes directly with Peter as his dumb grin spread across his lips. “Who care about me.”

He reached over to you, grabbing your hand and squeezing before pulling you off the ground. “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go back home.” Before you could protest, Peter already led you down the steps and standing in front of Clint.

He was fast asleep on the couch, holding the picture of you and your mom in one hand and his phone in the other. The screen lit up as a text from his wife, Laura came through.

Y/N will come back. She’s family, and you don’t give up on family.

You smiled at Peter with a warmth you hadn’t felt in a long time before nudging Clint awake, watching him rub his eyes before focusing on the two of you. His eyes darted back and forth as Peter nodded at him, grabbing your hand with a soft squeeze.

“Come on Uncle Clint. Time to get you back to your wife.” Clint looked like an idiot as he stood up, throwing his arms around you fast you staggered backward, thanking everyone that Peter was there.

“Let’s go home then.” He muttered and the next thing you knew, you were on a jet heading back to the compound. No one was around by the time you got back, everyone out on their own things as Peter took you up to your room.

“No one touched it. We all hoped you’d come back.” You threw yourself on the bed, missing the comfort it brought you as you patted for Peter to join you. He raised a brow at you as you laughed, throwing your head back into the myriad of pillows as he climbed onto the bed.

“Do you think I made the wrong choice?” You asked as you snuggled into his side, relaxing in his warmth as he sighed.

“No.” He answered truthfully and with such a conviction you dropped the conversation, knowing that Peter was someone who’s opinion you cared for dearly. The two of you drifted off in sleep after your long night and a few hours later you you found yourself awake before Peter, mesmerized in the rhythm of his breathing.

“FRIDAY?” You whispered into the air, missing the A.I as she spoke.

“Welcome back Ms. Romanoff. How can I help you?”

“Is anyone else in the tower?” FRIDAY told you it was clear as you pushed yourself off the bed, kissing Peters cheek before leaving the room. Your feet padded against the ground as you walked down the hall a little, standing outside the door that used to be your mothers. A small push of a door and you were in her room, all her memories, all the pain just came flooding back to you and you couldn’t tell if coming back really was the best choice before a pair of arms around your torso, bringing your back against his chest as you calmed down a little to turn around and see Peter in front of you.

“I thought I could handle this, but I couldn’t.” You whimpered, she’s moving around the room faster than Peter thought possible. He cupped your cheek, getting you to focus on him as you relaxed almost instantly.

“It’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” He promised as you nodded, being your hands up to hold his instead of having him hold your face. He reached over, grabbing something off the table next to you as you raised your eyes. “Here. Clint and I found this a while back. We thought, if you ever came back, we’d give it to you.” You looked at the silver bracelet in Peters hand. It was something your mom had done a few years after you were born. It was a simple silver band honestly, the only thing about it was she had your names imprinted on it. You lost all words when you saw it and let Peter put it on your wrist.

It was her. It was like she was still with you.

“Ms. Romanoff, Mr. Parker. Mr. Wilson and Ms. Danvers are requesting your presence.” FRIDAY said as you followed after Peter, entering a conference room. Everyone was there, all of them looking at you eagerly as you entered. Their family member came home. Thank god.

The ‘meeting’ didn’t last long, it was basically just to welcome you back and for everyone to know you were alright. You were a bit overwhelmed in all honesty that the moment you could, you pulled Peter out of there, heading back to your room.

“Y/N!” Scott called as you turned around to leave. Peter and you both turned back, seeing him pull out a red container from his jacket pocket. “Can we talk?” He asked, looking towards Peter before you again. You told Peter you’d meet up in a few as he nodded, kissing your head before leaving you and Scott to talk. “I’m sorry about your mom.” He told you as you took a deep breath, stretching your mouth into a line. “I saw how close you two were.” You were beginning to wonder why he pulled you aside when he opened his hand up, showing you the container he grabbed earlier.

“Pym Particles?” You mumbled, looking between the man and the vial. Scott just nodded with a happy smile as he put it your hand. “What am I doing with these?”

“You’re a good kid Y/N. You just went through a tough situation. Hank Pym made a few more particles after everything. I might’ve stolen a couple for you. Go see your mom.”

You didn’t know what to say. After everything that happened you could see your mom again. Scott patted your shoulder as you stared transfixed at the vial, your mouth dropped open as wide as it could go. Scott chuckled at your reaction before leaving you alone.

“Y/N? What’s that?” Peter asked as he jogged over to you. You handed him the container, bringing your hand up to rub your face as you look to where Scott left.

“They’re uh, Pym Particles. It’s what we used to go back in time and save everyone.” You told him as Peter furrowed his brow, getting a better look at them.

“But why did Mr. Lang give them to you?” He asked and handed the vial back to you. You took a deep breath, laughing a little in shock as your eyes opened wide.

“To go back in time and see my mom.” Peter’s smile fell a little as you spoke and it felt like someone punched him in the gut.

“You’re- Are you going back?” He stammered out, playing with his shoes against the ground.

You frowned, reaching out to grab his hand. “Peter...”

“I think you should do it.” He admitted, shocking you both but he stood straighter, nodding his head. “Y/N, your mom meant the world to you. This?” He held your wrist, bringing it up to show the particles wrapped around your fingers. “This is your one chance at seeing her again. I think you should do it.”

Everything happened so fast after that. Peter was the jumpstart you needed and now, here you were standing on the platform you last saw your mom in one of the suit. Your legs were bouncing as you stared into his eyes, biting your lip.

“Ok, everything’s ready.” Bruce said, finishing up the final necessity of your time travel. Scott gave you a thumbs up, winking when you took a deep breath. Clint and Peter stood next to him, both looking rather uneasy but knew there was nothing they could do about it.

“You ready Y/N?” Clint asked as Peter crossed his arms over his chest, bringing one of his hands up to bite his nails. You nodded your head, sending each person a smile before settling on Peter.

“See you in a minute.” You whispered to them all before your helmet covered your face. Peters eyes were the last thing you saw before the ground disappeared, blue surrounding you completely.

The feeling was familiar as you floated through time and space, but it didn’t make it any less nerve wrecking. Your watch directed you exactly where you needed to go.

New York City, 2012.

The moment your feet touched the ground you hid the suit, chancing back into your Black Tee and skinny jeans. It was quieter than you expected, the world having just survived Loki’s destruction thanks to the Avengers. You stood outside the Stark Tower as you heard faint giggles coming from around the corner, and letting your curiosity get the better of you, you rounded the building, freezing immediately as you caught sight of a head of curly red hair, sitting on the ground.

“Mom?” You blurted without thinking as she turned around to look at you. It was only then you saw the little girl on the ground in front of her laying on a picnic blanket.

“I’m sorry?” Your mom said as she looked you up and down. You remembered this moment, your mom had taken you out for a picnic after everything happened with the avengers. She was so worried about you and you had no idea anything was going on until years later. Realizing you had been staring for far to long you shook your head, biting your lip to keep from crying. “Sorry, It’s just, you look like someone.” You admitted sheepishly, never looking away from her face. She looked exactly as you remembered, only a little younger and her hair a lot shorter. But she was just as beautiful.

Natasha nodded her head, keeping one eye on her daughter as she watched the strange girl in front of her. “Your mother.” She stated rather than asked and you nodded your head fast, looking at little you playing without a care in the world.

You never would’ve guessed she’d turn out to be a killer.

She watched you, noting the way she felt attached to you as you played with your fingers, eyes moving from her to her daughter. “Where is your mother?”

Right in front of me, you wanted to say. But you couldn’t, if you tell her what happened there is no saying the damage it could do to the world. Hell, the universe.

“She’s dead.” You finally told her, your voice fading as you cleared your throat. Natasha felt her heart break a little for you as she glanced down to the 6 year old playing in front of her. Feeling the need to be closer to her, you moved a little gaining the attention of little you as you sucked in a breath.

“Hi!” Little You shouted as you chuckled, watching your mom wince from the noise. You always were a loud child. “I’m Y/N Romanoff.”

You gave her a small smile, meeting your mothers eyes before you crouched down to her level. “Hi, I’m...” you paused.

What were you supposed to say? You couldn’t tell her your name was also Y/N, your mom would get too suspicious.

You tried to come up with a name, an alias, something to call yourself before you remembered the little girl who sent you on the right path. “I’m Ana. Ana... Parker.”

Natasha looked between the two girls in front of her, finding the odd similarities between them. The way both of your smiles matched, or how you both threw your head back as you laughed, or the way you knew exactly how to talk to Y/N. But it wasn’t until Natasha saw the bracelet on your wrist before her breath caught in her throat.

“How old are you Ana?” She asked you as you swallowed, adverting your gaze.

“17.”

She nodded before turning to the girl who decided braiding your hair would be a good idea. “Hey Baby, why don’t you go get mommy some flowers over there.” She pointed to bush not far from you all and you watched yourself skip over to it. “She always was so trusting of strangers.” Your mom told you, making you giggle, shifting in your seat to look at her. “But You already know that, don’t you?” She asked as your whole body froze.

“I-I don’t- what do you mean?” You stammered out, trying to find any way other than admit the truth. Natasha grabbed your arm, pushing the sleeve of your jacket up to reveal the bracelet identical to the one she wore around her wrist.

“Tell me the truth.” She said.

So you told her.

Everything.

You were crying at the end, your hands keeping permanent residence in your palms as you told her about the snap, the 5 years, Vormir, and about everything afterwards. Your mom ran her hand up and down your back, telling you it’s going to be okay.

“But It’s not!” You stressed, falling into her lap. “I lost you, mom. I never even got to say goodbye. You were just gone.” Natasha tried to stay strong as long as she could, but seeing this girl, seeing you cry on her lap about not being able to say goodbye broke her. Tears fell onto your face from hers as you sat up, wrapping your arms around her neck. “I’m sorry mom. I’m sorry I turned out like this. You whispered in her ear as she pulled away, holding your face in her face.

“Don’t apologize. If that little girl over there turns out half as good as you had, then I’ll be happy.” You let out a strangled sob, curling up in her arms again as little footsteps came from next to you.

“What happened?” A small voice asked as you wept, burying your face in the crook of your moms neck as Nat shushed You.

“Everything’s fine Baby. Ana and I just needed to talk.” You didn’t hear any from either of them as a pair of small arms encircled the two of you, making you and Nat laugh as you clung to her as if your life depended on it.

You wanted to stay there forever, bask in the feeling of your mother’s arms wound around you but you knew you couldn’t.

“I’m going to miss you.” You whispered in her ear, feeling her hold loosen as you separated and your younger self went back to picking flowers.

“You’re leaving?” She asked almost surprised. Could you stay? Could you leave behind everyone? Clint and Scott, Bruce And Sam, Carol and Bucky? Peter?

No. You couldn’t leave him.

“I have someone waiting for me. Back... home.” Natasha caught the glint in your eye as you wore your sad smile, moving to hold your hand.

“I’m sorry Y/N. For everything.” She pressed as kiss to your temple as you wiped away a few more tears.

“I love you mom.”

She gave your hand a squeeze, “I love you too Y/N.” You both stood up, sharing one more hug as you left, turning around to see your mother standing in front of you in person for the very last time. Ever.

“Goodbye.” You whispered as your suit covered your body, the mask falling into place and hiding your freshly made tears as Nat watched you regretfully disappear.

The moment you were back in your time your suit was off and you were falling into Peters arms, his wrapping around your body as he held you.

“I thought you weren’t going to come back.” He was choked up as he spoke in your ear, making your stomach drop as he cried. You couldn’t say anything until he out you down, your feet hitting the ground as you pulled your lips to his, savoring the comfort he brought as you pulled back, gasping for a breath.

“Of course I would’ve. You guys are my home.” You pushed his wavy hair out of his face, looking directly in his eyes. “You’re my home.” The feeling couldn’t have been any more mutual for Peter. This girl he’s known for years and always been able to be himself around grew up right before his eyes and he couldn’t imagine a life without her.

“I’m really glad you came back.” He told you as you nodded, slightly giggling from the blush on his face as you pecked his cheek.

Clint came up behind you, tapping your shoulder and ripping your attention away from Peter. “Hey Kid. Can we talk?” You nodded, letting him lead you away from everyone. “You sure you made the right choice? You don’t want to stay with your mom? Pull a Rogers on us?” He joked as you smiled, appreciating the homeliness he provides you.

“My mom was hero. She died a hero. No matter how much I’m hurting, I can’t take that from her.” He nodded, knowing exactly what you meant.

“Are you going to be okay?” Honestly, who know if you were ever going to be okay. You just knew if you surrounded yourself with the right people, then maybe you’d have a chance. You glanced over at Peter, seeing him stand with Bruce and Scott as they try to teach him some time travel basics. He looked like a kid being reprimanded by his parents as you bursted out laughing, catching Peters attention as he looked up, seeing your dopey smile as blushed even harder.

“Yeah. Yeah Uncle Clint, I think I’m going to be fine.”

Feedback? Thoughts? Opinions?

All Taglists Open!

Permanent: @literal-fand0m-trash @just4muggles @saturn-aka-six @nathaliabakes @whyamihere-bro @colored-confetti @wiseeggspickleslime @sadn0va @btsiguess-kpop @galacticstxrdust @independentgirl @wellhellotherelovey @hollymac79 @delicately-important-trash @emcchi @rauwz

Peter: @laic2299 @danielabetancourth @darktwistydiamond @pastelsweaters-and-bubble-t @missmulti

Marvel: @hahaboop @laic2299

LWH: @autobotgirl15-blog @eridanuswave @irisv-x @animegirlgeeky @eternaleviee @marvels-exlol @falling-stars-never-cry @siriuslysirius1107 @lauren-100

[virtchandmoir]

elvisstojko: What an amazing tour with RTR. I can’t believe it’s over, so special to be a part of Tessa&Scott’s farewell show. The whole cast and crew have been such a joy to work with. I am very lucky to have been a part of it. Thank You Fans ❤️ for the incredible response @rocktherinktour

[rrecklesss]

Cause I've been strong for so long

That I never thought how much I love you

- Lost without you - Freya Ridings

[miss-me-today]

It's hard to move on

I miss you

I thought you might be the one

I compare everyone one to you

Now you are gone

And I'm lost without you

[wandrngrigori]

Her Smile

She had this smile about her. Not the one with her lips, that was often fake or impulse. This smile was in her eyes. It was amazing. Like looking into some other majestic world... I’d get lost in it.

It came only in flashes... when she forgot her inner pain and was truly happy... if only for a moment. Those moments though... Oh, for those moments... for just one... I’d trade away all my lifetimes ~B.W.S.F

[paiger1324]

Today

It’s hard to say that you’re gone Today.

My heart is shattered on the floor Today.

Three pieces are gone, never to be found.

All I wanted was your love Today.

It’s hard to breathe without you Today.

But you’re gone and I’m stuck in Today.

Can’t figure out this world Today.

It’s all jumbled in my head, lost on Today.

But I loved and lost you Today.

You were my Today.

Oh, how I wish I had you in my arms Today.