#luwuly talks

[luwulybear]

[luwulybear]

Idk how to reach out when I need to. Sometimes I wanna say what's in my heart and things ping into me like a lightning bolt that I am sometimes to doubtful of my own ability to translate it that I avoid it altogether.

I let people walk out thinking they didn't deserve me but the truth was far less personal.

It can be hard for me to hold onto any bond without immediately wanting to flee the moment I face the vulnerability of admitting there is something that will be off with me until I fully heal this somatic wound.

Even so, I make many bad decisions and hurt others in my own distortion I don't realize until the waves have settled and I have a very hard time tempering my emotions depending on what is coming up, I might not realize it affecting my perception. So doubting myself feels like second nature. To be expected.

I cannot change your mind, if I didn't intend to hurt you, but I can also accept that making errors and being accountable, is a skill i value, and seek to maintain.

I can reflect on where I made wrong decisions and I can decide to be better instead of resenting myself and projecting on others, I can respond by rising to that challenge.

Yet instead I just push everyone away for the fact I cannot be an ideal partner or friend sometimes, so long as my life is painted over by my trauma.

Even friendships and relationships seems so distorted at times I don't have the heart to relay what is going on. I hate not being able to navigate it, let alone explain it in detail.

I know recovery will be messy but it is worth it if I can grow and heal from it in the long run ..

[luwulybear]

🖤❤Dead☯Poole🖤❤

I don't even know how to lon bore though

The house was a mess that day too lol 🍂

[luwulybear]

My fit today .. 🧡🖤💛 ((@luwulybear)) via my twitter post .. 🥤🐌🍂 @uwugwy (ó㉨ò)

[luwulybear]

I don't know what to say yet but if u want me to post some things u can buy 4 me then heart this or something. Just wanted to say that Prince Sidon is hot fish ..

[luwulybear]

I was gonna listen a few things but now I really just want to disappear. When she's mad she stomps all around the house rearranging and cleaning everything.

Mind u- she knows how PTSD works, but if I even dared say her angrily slamming things around and stomping through the house made me anxious, it would swiftly be shot down because only she has ptsd in her world.

It would be unfathomable to suggest she could have been abusive or given me ptsd from all the times.

However, my family likes to pretend that never happened. Nothing I've accomplished has ever happened either to them really ..

[luwulybear]

Loomk it me ,, I smoke quite a lot ,, trying not to be dismcrespectful .. Spitfire doe .. 🐌

[luwulybear]

An uneventful summer but I always gotta explore the woods when I can ,, some lewks

Pretentious Goth worships the earth ,, 🐌