Do you know what is something that really, really fucking hurts as a MaDDer?
My longest standing/main paracosm is reaching its 10th anniversary today. I've been mentally preparing myself for this for a while now, choosing to celebrate by building up for one of the biggest climaxes in the story of said paracosm. Both these internal events, and the fact that it's been 10 (ten!!!) years, they mean a lot to me.
And there is absolutely no one I can share this excitement with.
I have no idea how to properly convey just how important all of this is to me. These people I've created in my head, who have been with me for years, whose internal struggles and emotions I'm more familiar with than my own. These stories, these worlds, that are so indescribably large it takes near a minute for the doc containing said description to just load. And all the emotions they spark, good or bad, so vivid that sometimes they feel more real than my emotions towards the real world.
To most people, daydreams are just "random ideas to toy around with for a few minutes to ease boredom", I suppose. Some people don't even daydream. To most people, the idea that your daydreams can be a part of a consistent, coherent internal world, one that holds significance to you - it is unimaginable. Foolish.
And even if they did try to understand, how the hell could I even convey the impact of what is happening internally? How could I just go "oh hey one of my oldest paras just killed one of the most powerful gods for the first time since existence began" in a way that it makes sense? How could I let them know just how deeply all of this affects me, how could I share these grandiose emotions I'm feeling?
I dunno. I guess I just really wish there was someone out there who understood - not just related, but with whom I could share, whose reaction would be more than just "oh that's cool I suppose"
